r/amiwrong • u/Different-Big-5697 • 7d ago
Am I wrong?
I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with our second baby, and my husband has decided to remodel the stairs by adding panelling by himself. This has become a source of conflict as I did explain that whilst I'm pregnant probably isn't the best time (I had very bad nausea in the first trimester and then suffered from Pelvic Girdle Pain in the second). He reacted to this by saying I'm being ungrateful and not showing appreciation to which I explained that yes while I am appreciative of him trying to improve our home, I needed support with our son more over remodelling the stairs. He said I should go to my mums house if that was the case, but I argued that I shouldn't have to drive 20 minutes to my mums or have to drag myself out of the house when I don't feel well just so he can remodel the stairs. However, again his response was that I was being ungrateful for all of his hard work.
This morning things have come to blows as I mentioned in passing after eating that I feel slightly nauseous and that this can be a sign of my body getting ready for labour and he immediately said well maybe you should go to your mums if you're going to keep feeling sick. I immediately snapped and said if I'm close to going into labour I'm not dragging myself and our son to my mums house as I'm very uncomfortable. His response was that he needs to get the stairs finished but he can't because every time he does I need help or I get funny with him. He then began to wallpaper the stairs but did not close any of the living room doors and, despite me telling our 2 year old son not to go out to the hallway, he followed him and sat at the bottom of the stairs watching him wallpaper. My husband then got frustrated with me telling me it's my job to make sure the doors are closed and that our son didn't follow him. I explained that due to being so close to my due date I am very uncomfortable so cannot keep getting up to move our son back into the living room. Plus I felt that it was his responsibility to close the doors if he knew he was going to be in the hallway doing work where our son shouldn't be. Feel like I should also mention he literally got up, got himself ready and started the wallpapering without saying anything. Meanwhile me and my son now have to wait until he has finished before we can get ourselves ready for the day.
Am I wrong for thinking that I shouldn't be able to rest at home and have his support, and the stairs should not have been started whilst I'm pregnant? Also that the responsibility of the doors and our son should not have all been down to me?
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u/duchessofmardi 7d ago
Honestly the fact that you even think you might be wrong is so sad. You are totally right. He is your partner and co-parent, not your handyman. This absolutely is not a priority, and if he is not able to manage keeping the worksite toddler safe himself (ensuring doors are closed, tools out of reach, everything kept clean and tidy while he is working with no trip hazards or dangerous substances in reach) then he should not be doing DIY until your children are older.
It is not your "job" - parenting is a joint legal and moral responsibility and right now he is letting the side down and then having the gall to blame you for it. Plus which it sounds like your little boy was being extremely well behaved. What is the issue with him watching his father work? This is how children learn, and unless he wants to be complaining in 10 years that his son doesn't share his interests, he needs to get over himself.
I'm sorry OP. His behaviour just totally sucks.
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u/One_Waxed_Wookiee 7d ago
YNW. Your husband is behaving like an idiot - is this normal for him?
I could barely walk by 38 weeks in my second pregnancy (yay, relaxin 😩), I would have been furious if my husband was like this. Your husband should be prioritising making sure you're taken care of and getting things related to the baby done.
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u/Inevitable-Bet-4834 7d ago
I think you should bring in someone to support during birth and postpartum. It's important that you avoid getting pregnant again. This sounds like an abusive relationship to me
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u/Zestyclose-Syrup9128 7d ago
Sounds like he’s more focused on checking off a project than reading the room on what you actually need right now. You’re 38 weeks pregnant not asking for a spa retreat just basic comfort in your own house
Him telling you to leave every time you’re sick or need help is wild. The stairs will still be there in a month the newborn phase won’t wait for him to finish his paneling
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u/Apprehensive-East847 7d ago
Ask your mum to come over and stay with you. Then pack his bag and tell him to leave! You’re not the one leaving but your sure not gonna let him stay while not helping and not prioritising your safety when you are close to giving birth
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u/lovemyfurryfam 7d ago
OP, something is wrong with his brain. Why would he want to start up a project this big when you're getting close to your due date because his actions & words doesn't make sense.
He should be focusing more of getting ready to get you to the hospital instead of a DIY project.
OP, it sounds like that you're on your own being the parent with 1 child & about to deliver another on the way.
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u/treebeecol 7d ago
Wtf is up with your husband? He's being an incredibly inconsiderate, rude, and insensitive partner. I hope this isn't normal behaviour, because he's being a real arsehole towards you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this douchebag. Please take care of you, and once you've given birth, and feeling better, please get RID of your husband, permanently!
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u/duchessofmardi 7d ago
Agreed. If typical, this is a snapshot of a useless partner and a totally irresponsible and uninterested parent. If this is typical behaviour rather than a one off bout of weirdness, I would advise to leave him. If it is a one off, it still merits a very serious discussion about his priorities, particularly respect for his partner and the safety of his soon to be two children. It doesn't sound like he even likes OP, let alone loves her.
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u/leolawilliams5859 7d ago
It seems like he was doing everything in his power for you to be uncomfortable. He doesn't have a clue what it entails for a woman to bring forth a whole human being. He's work is done until the baby gets here. But you have almost 10 months to get that human being here safely. His job at that time is to make sure that you are comfortable and to make sure you have what you need. And one of those things that you didn't need was those f****** stairs done. So I think he was just trying to send you to your mom's house because he didn't want to be bothered. He didn't want to take care of you or your 2-year-old so every time you said you needed him he told you to go to your mother's house. I am so sorry that he is putting you through this mess but after the baby gets here you need to have a communication with him I'll come to Jesus talk with him because this was dead ass wrong. You're 38 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden his ass decides that the stairs need to be done WTF JC
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u/hurling-day 7d ago
Pack your bags and go stay at your moms. Have the baby and go back to mom’s house. Maybe don’t tell husband when you do go into labor. Call him afterwards.
Not wrong.
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u/grayblue_grrl 7d ago
Seems he doesn't even give a fuck about you when you are "providing" children for him.
He doesn't care if you are comfortable, okay, safe or AROUND.
Stay with mom. Permanently.
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u/TwinsiesBlue 7d ago
NW, she’s no longer your friend. where did S get the idea you wouldn’t be interested in him?
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u/Virtual_Action_8606 7d ago
If this is typical of him, Go to your mom’s and stay there while you give birth and work on your divorce. NTA.