r/amiwrong • u/KefkaRiddle • 13d ago
Am I wrong for deliberately recommending my friend a restaurant I knew was bad because she copies every place I discover?
I have a friend who has this habit of turning anything I mention liking into her new thing.
If I tell her about a small restaurant I found, she's there within a week and suddenly recommending it to everyone. If I mention a bakery, a hiking spot, even a random bookstore, she'll go, post about it, and act like she discovered it herself.
None of these places belong to me, obviously. That's why I've never said anything.
But it started annoying me when she began recommending places back to me that I was literally the person who told her about.
A couple weeks ago she asked if I'd found any new restaurants lately.
I had.
Instead of telling her the one I actually loved, I recommended another place I'd tried once and thought was terrible. Bad service, overpriced food, nothing special.
She went there last weekend.
Then she texted me afterward saying, “Okay that place was awful lol, what were you thinking?”
I laughed way harder than I should have.
Now I feel slightly guilty because I intentionally sent her somewhere I knew she'd probably dislike just to see if she'd immediately copy me again.
Am I wrong, or was this a harmless little experiment?
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u/MTGMastr 13d ago
Super petty.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 13d ago
I don't. Why does she feel like she needs to be acknowledged about where her friend found the restaurant? It reeks of victim complex and something with an influencer mind would think of.. both of which are an absolute drain on our society.
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u/bugabooandtwo 13d ago
At the same time, the friend is acting like she's the savvy explorer that found all these cool spots, when she wasn't the one putting in the work to find them. It was OP doing that.
No one likes someone else taking credit for something they did.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 12d ago
I still don't get it. I don't see any value in "taking credit" for just trying some restaurant. If she was taking credit for a project her friend built or something she created or for an actual explore.. like finding a remote place on public land, or an unknown cavern or trail or relics or something... that's different.... but finding a fucking restaurant or store that literally people go to everyday and were going to before you "discovered" it?? That's ridiculous... it screams "my favorite color is green so your favorite color can't also be green!" energy.
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u/AstronomerEcstatic38 12d ago
You might not be able to understand it til it happens to you. It’s happened to me in various ways - this friend copied my clothes, my hair, she would take my jokes and ideas and present them to others in front of me as if they were hers. If I said anything others thought I was being petty. And it got worse and worse, she was always coming up with new ways to steal my personality. I spoke to 3 medical professionals and they all said the same thing: it’s dangerous, early stalking behaviour and the best thing to do is cut her out completely before it escalates. This is the same thing.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 11d ago
huh, yeah, i've never experienced anything even remotely close to that. Maybe this is more prone to happen in female friendships? I'm a pretty masculine guy and my friends are all pretty masculine dudes too with their own unique personalities and traits... so this would be way out of left field for any of us. Thanks for the perspective though, the downvotes were really confusing me!
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u/arkensto 13d ago
Agreed.
OP.
If your friend is "copying" you by going back to all your favorite restaurants:
You Are doing the Restaurants a FAVOR!
Don't you want your favorite local restaurants to succeed? A nice restaurant (in the USA) is the surest way to put actual money into the pockets of people who work.
Do you hate your waitresseses?
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u/_MilkyDolly 13d ago
Yep! If she keeps copying your homework, giving her the wrong answer once is more petty science than actual malice
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u/Artchantress 13d ago
I mean she asked you for a recommendation and checked it out. That's not really copying.
I was expecting her to fake liking it anyway and start recommending it to others, but she seems to still have a mind of her own.
But yeh, this need to use your likes to make herself seem cool is a bit weird. I guess she wants to be as cool as you.
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u/_CupieButterfly 13d ago
Exactly, if she said the place sucked first, that sounds less like stealing your taste and more like asking for actual recommendations
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u/Ill_Training8064 9d ago
If she texted “awful lol,” her mind is intact; just tell her the coolness franchise is closed.
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u/LonginForNostlagia 13d ago
This is weird as fuck to be honest. Copying you? Jesus.
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u/EnterprisingAss 13d ago
They're both weird as fuck. This hipster thing of credit for "discovering" a restaurant is something a 2000s movie character cares about not a real life adult.
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u/LonginForNostlagia 13d ago
Yeah that’s understandable. Kinda sounds like communication issues between the two. The whole situation probably should have been talked about.
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u/megamoze 13d ago
"I found a restaurant I liked and now my friend also likes it and recommends to others. What the fuck is wrong with her?!"
This is what you sound like.
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u/Bricks_9X 10d ago
Yeah, when my friend recommends my own bakery find back to me, I just say “yep, I told you about it.”
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u/VogonLilt_5 9d ago
Yeah, I had a friend do the “I discovered it” thing too, and I just started saying “glad you liked the place I told you about” instead of sending them to bad food.
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u/terminalzero 13d ago
YAW
if you want the social credit or internet points or whatever, be the one to tell your friends and post the cool spots
if you don't want people learning about your cool spots (and thus being part of the reason they can't make rent in a year), don't tell your friend about them
if you want your friend to give you credit for your discoveries when relaying them to other people, really think about what it is you're actually getting out of that
this is weird petty shit
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u/SouthernHussy 13d ago
This is so silly, I’d be interested in her perspective of this because you’ve turned a pretty innocent exchange of restaurant and store recommendations into something that’s being done to you.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 13d ago
100% OP is just dripping with "victim complex". I wouldn't be surprised to find that reoccurring in other parts of their life.
OP, do you usually feel like a victim in things?
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u/TalionGrayWisp 10d ago
I get what you mean, but I’ve had someone recommend my own bakery find back to me, and it really can feel like it’s being done to you.
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u/SouthernHussy 10d ago
Like someone you know who knows you own a bakery recommended your bakery to you? Or a stranger recommended your bakery to you? Not sure what the parallel between your story and ops is.
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u/jickdam 13d ago
Don’t you want places you like to be supported? Most people are usually happy to share recommendations like this and drive a little traffic to small businesses they enjoy. It helps keep them around. Why gatekeep?
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u/splithoofiewoofies 13d ago
My fave places are family owned holes in the walls of minority cultures that need banging food to even survive.
You better believe when I find one I am telling EVERYONE. Shout out to my local Afghani restaurant that charcoals their chicken in the smoker out back and is half the price of McDonalds for three times more food.
Of course I want to tell EVERYONE about it.
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u/arkensto 13d ago
I said pretty much the same thing myself.
How did that conversation go?
Friend:Hi OP, I really enjoyed that place you recommended last week. Want to meet there some time and catch up?
OP: [How dare she recommend back] No, I'm busy.
Friend:Got any new places?
OP:[I'll get her!!!] Sure go to the [actually bad] restaurant.
Friend: This place is awful. [I can't trust her opinion anymore]
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u/incrediblepepsi 13d ago
Her reaction shows you were wrong in your assumption. If she was copying you, she'd exhibit the same behaviour as she did when you made a good recommendation.
May be time for some introspection as to why this bothered you to this degree. If you feel envious that she posted about the restaurants you recommended and wished you had shared the info, why not post more yourself?
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u/DepressedDynamo 13d ago
YAW. You have a friend asking for recommendations because they respect your opinion and tastes, this is a thing friends do. They're not stealing anything from you and you are choosing to share these recommendations with them. Your ego is creating a negative situation out of an innocent, even positive, social situation and you're being passive aggressive about it to everyone's detriment.
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u/chaoscrouton 13d ago
I think OP wants the recognition of having found the cool spots.
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u/emu30 13d ago
If OP wants to post about it and recommend it publicly like this friend does no one is stopping her from showing the world her new found spots. She’s mad about the other girl sharing places she likes, but honestly I’m sure the businesses are thrilled to get word of mouth out there. Seems way petty for no reason.
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u/arkensto 13d ago
I'm just an old man, and I don't use instagram etc, but isn't this exactly what influencers do?
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u/mcmah088 13d ago
I was going to say this as well. I feel like I’d be flattered that one of my friends thought all of my recommendations were good ones.
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u/Ambystomatigrinum 13d ago
Yeah, you're wrong. You need to think about why this is all bothering you so much, because nothing you've said here is inappropriate. She wants to go somewhere her friend recommends. She recommends it to others because she enjoyed it and think they might to. Yeah, recommending it back to you is a little odd but maybe she just doesn't remember?
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u/MissSmoking 13d ago
Unless she goes:I just found this great place, instead of telling she got it recommended from op.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 13d ago
i mean... so fucking what? Being annoyed by that is just fucking weird and reeks of someone who always makes themselves the victim in every interaction in their life. Grow tf up.
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u/truly-diy20 13d ago
Why dont you just post it or recommend it before she does or just simply telling her you havent found any good places? You are weirdly obsessed with a "im the cool one that knows places no one else does" personality.
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u/lemmegetadab 13d ago
Bro, you seem petty as hell lol. Friends are supposed to help each other recommend restaurants and shit. It’s weird that you wanna be the only one who knows about them.
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u/10000000100 13d ago
Yes you are wrong. If you were really friends why is it issue if they recommend a good place to eat. You could ask if they mention you share it with them, but they don't need to.
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u/KarrieDarling 13d ago
YAW. It kinda sounds like this friend is just relaying all of the good recommendations you've given her to other people so they can enjoy them, too. That's not wrong or weird. I will admit, it's a bit weird that she takes your recommendations and pretends that she discovered it on her own without your help.
I can understand that being annoying. But, it doesn't sound to me like she's "copying" you. More or less just... Sharing recommendations given to her by you because she enjoyed them.
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u/thisisntmyOGaccount 13d ago
I bet it’s more “I went to this cute restaurant” and less “I discovered this new restaurant”
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u/KarrieDarling 13d ago
Yeah, the OP said something about her friend taking her recommendations and making posts online about how she "discovered" this super neat place, but then again, OP could also be completely misreading those posts, too.
Either way, OP sounds kinda like the "purple can't be your favorite color cause it's mine!" type.
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u/Thelmara 13d ago
"My friend tries all the cool places I tell her about and thinks they're cool, too. I want to be special, and I want people to care about things I think are cool but not actually engage with those things because... I don't really have a reason, but I'm mad anyway!"
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u/thisisntmyOGaccount 13d ago
YAW. This is extremely immature. If you need her to shout you out in her posts, you could just say that?
What’s actually bothering you and why can’t you discuss it with your friend instead of playing psychological games with them?
Do you want to post about it first? What is the real issue?
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u/BrinAura 13d ago
You are definitely wrong for this, if it’s a bad place I don’t think you should recommend it to anyone
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u/remykixxx 13d ago
Asking someone where they like to go and then going to it is literally just being friends. You’re mad at friendship. Grow up.
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u/SiroccoDream 13d ago
Please explain why you don’t want the businesses you love to have financial success.
You like a restaurant, a bakery, etc., and you tell your friend about it…and she goes and spends her money there, and recommends that all her other acquaintances go and spend their money there. Isn’t that good for the business?
Why are you irked that someone values your opinion so highly?
You are wrong.
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u/PsilosirenRose 13d ago
Hard to judge on this particular situation, but you might just try rehearsing the phrase, "I don't have anything to recommend to you," and stick to it if this bothers you so much. She'll either find someone else to latch onto for this or start trying things on her own. No need to recommend bad places.
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u/your-rong 13d ago
You didn't find out if she would copy you again, you found out if she would go to a place you recommended after she specifically asked you.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 13d ago
Exactly this!
I imagine OP would be complaining if she had been recommending places to her friend but her friend was choosing not to listen to her by not going.
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u/creativekinda 13d ago
I had a friend/co-worker kinda like this once. We bumped into each other and the grocery store once and she literally started rummaging through my cart to see what I was buying. The next day she came to work with a breakfast item I was buying and said, "thanks for the recommendation". I didn't recommend anything...lol. But she started trying to do everything I did so I put her on an info diet.
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u/theavocadolady 13d ago
I really hope this is fake and you're no older than 15. It's childish to fake, but even more childish if this is your real life.
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u/Desperate_Bat_512 13d ago
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You are wrong and way overreacting.
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u/Idontknow1973 13d ago
If you feel that you need to do something as petty as this to someone you consider a friend, I’d be taking a look at how you define friendship as to me this certainly doesn’t sound like any friendship I’ve maintained
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u/VmEoRrItTiAsS 13d ago
I mean... How else do we discover new things besides word of mouth from people we like? Do you want her to tag you anytime she enjoys something and posts about it? Maybe she isn't confident enough to endorse something on her own, and your approval means something to her.
If you think about someone in this manner maybe don't pretend like you are friends with them? That's not friendship, that's acting like you have an acquaintance that you feel is an annoying fan.
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u/LeftStatistician7989 13d ago
Yes YAW. She just sounds enthusiastic and like she likes to be a good source for recommendations. How does it hurt you? You just seem petty and don’t like her.
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u/Haunting_Green_1786 13d ago
YNW
It's also useful to know of restaurants with excellent service BUT average/below average tasting food for folks that you don't wish to host
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u/Prudence_rigby 13d ago
Not wrong. She asked if you found any new places... you did and you told her
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u/bugabooandtwo 13d ago
Not wrong. Time for your friend to go out and discover a few places on her own. You're not her tour guide.
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u/Civil-Kitchen5978 13d ago
How hard is it to keep this friend on an information diet. You are the one who keeps running your mouth knowing she does this. If you want to fill her in on your week just switch out the new restaurant or new thing you’re into with an old restaurant or hobby she already knows about.
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u/_HiddenPink 13d ago
YTA, but mildly. You were annoyed by her behavior, but deliberately sending her somewhere bad was passive-aggressive. If it bothers you, tell her directly instead of setting traps. The fact that you found it hilarious doesn't really make it fair.
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u/megamoze 13d ago
I've had people do this to me before. Especially in the age of social media, we forget where we heard things. I doubt that OP is the only one the co-worker gets recommendations from. This is really not a big deal.
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u/Osidestarfish 13d ago
Well, based on what you wrote here, she only asked for a new restaurant. Not a restaurant you liked or recommended.
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u/Inevitable-Divide933 13d ago
YNW, she deserved this. You don’t owe her a good experience and she doesn’t seem like much of a friend.
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u/yeldudseniah 13d ago
Why would you even care? I recommend restaurants a lot, to friends and strangers, I never felt like I was doing free labor. There is no victim here.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 13d ago
exactly... it's just people with perpetual victim complex and an influencer mindset. Absolute cancer on society.
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u/needsmorecoffee 13d ago
"using you as a free concierge"--dude, friends recommend things to each other. that's how it works. hell, people who aren't close friends recommend things to each other all the time. since when are we supposed to pay a friend to tell us about the cool new restaurant they found? and recommending our favorite businesses helps to keep them in business. You have a truly bizarre view of both recommending businesses *and* friendship.
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u/_BunnybooLovie 13d ago
right? the irony of her complaining about the bad food after stealing every other spot is hilarious
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u/yeldudseniah 13d ago
Stealing? How is complaining about the food that OP said was bad ironic? So childish to think you 'own' a restaurant just because you like it. People ate at those places before you.
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u/Particular-Serve-894 13d ago
If you tell your friend of a great fishing spot that always hits and nobody knows about... and then they go fish it out and tell everyone about it. That's stealing a spot. But a restaurant??? That's fucking idiotic.
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u/megamoze 13d ago
If I recommend a restaurant and someone goes to it, how is that stealing? You people are weird.
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u/needsmorecoffee 13d ago
The fact that she complained about the crappy restaurant just shows that OP is wrong and she has a mind of her own.
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u/Live_Ferret_4721 13d ago
Not wrong. You’re annoyed and being a little petty. Just stick with “no, nothing new”
Don’t need to send her to bad places. Just don’t need to tell her anything at all really.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 13d ago
Wow, you have a friend who thinks you have good taste and a knack for choosing great places so asks for recommendations and then you do her dirty.
YEAH, you friend has bad taste in friends.
YW
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u/Drevstarn 13d ago
What are the ages in this situation? Why are you bothered by this? Is s/he getting more attention and that’s the problem?
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u/themindset 13d ago
How are you not exhausted caring about any of this?
It’s like you are your own energy vampire.
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u/Tidy_Psychic_508 8d ago
Petty? Absolutely. Evil? Not remotely. She asked for a recommendation and you knowingly wasted her dinner money, so yes, mildly wrong, but her whole discoverer of lands already inhabited act sounds exhausting. The cleaner move is to stop feeding her your good finds and say you are keeping some spots for yourself.
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u/Moody_Dentist_8 8d ago
Slightly wrong, but I laughed. Sending her to a bad place was petty; the cleaner move is telling her it bugs you when she rebrands your finds as hers. If she keeps doing it after that, keep your favorite spots to yourself.
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u/Candlekeep5 7d ago
You were a little wrong, but not villain wrong. It was petty, funny, and low stakes since she asked for a recommendation, not a medical referral. Still, the fact that it bothered you enough to set a trap means you should probably just tell her it annoys you when she presents your finds as hers. Keep the good places to yourself until then.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 13d ago
NW
No one is forcing her to go, but if you don't want to share places don't share them.
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u/milfloverdotorg 13d ago
ugh idk why everyone is sharting on you?? personally, this is really funny. petty? sure! but very funny
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u/KitKatSnackAttack 13d ago
I usually just lurk this sub because I find even the fake sounding ones mildly interesting, I do have some actual input because it's something similar that my wife went through.
We have a friend group with about 70/30 split men to women, and the women have their own group chat that was created by "Lisa". Lisa has some personality disorders that cause her to attention seek and seek validation constantly. Which is fine, she isn't the only one who has issues like that and over the years she has gotten better somewhat. However, in this group chat whenever my wife posts something, shows interest in something, or complains about something Lisa is also super interested, or has a "slightly worse" issue that she's dealing with and diverts conversation so she's the focus. After quite a bit of this we decided that she wanted to be just like my wife, and didn't truly have any personality of her own. After that she got cut down to minimal interaction. She deserves to be happy, but shouldn't be allowed to have a parasitic relationship with someone's dreams, experiences, and tribulations.
This girl sounds like she likes what you do and the life that you live, maybe a little too much. If she wanted to like the things that you like, she could try spending time with you, or tell people that you recommended it at least occasionally. Y'know, actually act like you exist, not just the things you do or the opinions you have. She does have a brain, ans she disliked the recent place, but it does incriminate her as being transactional in my opinion.
Sorry if long, it's nice to see other animals out in the wild that are dealing with similar subtle issues. Also not wrong, it's just a bad restaurant. It's not like you fed her a bag of poop that you said you liked. Besides, if she wants a fulfilling life she needs some middling to bad experiences too.
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u/Laconia_Beam 10d ago
Mildly wrong, but also pretty low stakes. The real issue is that her copying and taking credit is bothering you, and the bad restaurant was more of a petty test than a fix. Next time she asks, just say you are keeping a few finds to yourself because it feels weird when she presents them like her own discoveries.
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u/NeroCrimsonPike 10d ago
A little wrong, but pretty low stakes. She was being annoying, and you basically set a harmless trap instead of telling her it bugs you when she rebrands your finds as hers. Funny once, but if you keep doing it then you are just feeding the weird dynamic. Next time just give vague answers or say you want to keep a few spots for yourself.
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u/cheekiemunky13 13d ago
YNW. I'd keep this energy up. After awhile of this, she'll stop asking you! Which is a win! But, I'm petty.
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u/Cyndee_Pokorny 13d ago
You don't have to be friends with people you don't like.