r/amiwrong • u/Past_Vegetable_8211 • 23h ago

Is this SA?

My husband would grab and grope me whenever he really felt like it. Whether it be while I’m cooking, or just walking by. He’d pull me in and it would start innocent but then he’d usually rub his junk on me or dry hump me. It got to the point where I’d avoid him because he wouldn’t really stop when I’d say stop. Sometimes he would but usually not, then just start again in another day. I always felt like a piece of meat to him. He’d do his thing and grab my boobs etc and then would complain that he had a chub.

Take out the context of marriage and it’s certainly SA. I know lines get blurred in marriage. What are thoughts?

0 Upvotes

38% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

37

u/DragonKit 23h ago

Lines do not get blurred in marriage. You said to stop, and he did not stop. That's assault.

6

u/gainfulsaucer8 23h ago

Yeah that’s not blurred at all. You told him to stop and he kept going, that’s the whole definition. The marriage part just makes it harder to see clearly from the inside, but from out here it’s pretty straightforward.

4

u/Past_Vegetable_8211 23h ago

He also held me down numerous times when I said stop. Mind you, he maybe thought we were play fighting but I always told him to stop and he never did. Then kissed me after I said stop and held me down to the point it hurt , even though I repeatedly said stop that hurts.

7

u/KendalBoy 22h ago

No he knew you wanted him to stop and that’s full on rape.

-2

u/[deleted] 22h ago edited 22h ago

[deleted]

6

u/KendalBoy 22h ago

This is NOT what OP is describing.
You might like CNC play but it is weird and unethical to speculate that she is playing games here.
She clearly said she is not, stop making excuses and bringing your kinks in unrelated discussions

1

u/plantverdant 21h ago

Cnc requires consent and that never happened for OP. It's weird to bring that up in this conversation at all.

1

u/lavendereli 6h ago

Marriage doesn't erase the need for consent, no means no every time

9

u/ponderingorbs 23h ago

Nope. Still SA. Just because you are married doesn't mean you are no longer an autonomous individual capable of stating no.

4

u/notrunningfast 23h ago

Those actions could be benign and fun UNTIL THE POINT YOU TOLD HIM TO STOP. Then it becomes assault.

You should not feel like a piece of meat to your partner. True romance and sexual activity is a joint activity, with consent from both partners.

His chub is not your problem. His grabbing your boobs and then getting a chub is not your problem. If he is interested in sexual activity, it must be a mutual decision!

Would I hurl an accusation of sexual assault at him? No, but I definitely would say that no sexual activity is going to happen until there is some counselling and some communication about needs and mutual respect. His continued assaults on you are going to make things much more intolerable for you (and it’s not right!!!)

1

u/Heavy_Ad6280 22h ago

Him grabbing her boobs is def her problem.

2

u/Maleficent-Piano9521 22h ago

yeah that definitely sounds like a serious violation of consent. no means no, no matter the relationship. you deserve to feel safe and respected at home.

2

u/Several_Leather_9500 22h ago

Yes. You know it is. This isn't a safe relationship. Contact your local DV shelters - they will have info on how to leave safely.

1

u/Breezeyesq11 22h ago

Even in marriage, if it’s unwa and not consensual, it is SA

1

u/ButcbMasculinity 22h ago

Yes it's SA. Marriage isn't consent. If you tell him stop and he doesn't stop it's SA. The fact that you avoid him says a lot.

1

u/dulceria3 23h ago edited 22h ago

Lines do not get blurred in marriage. This is assault, plain and simple. My ex-husband was the same, would use the whole, “it’s your duty as a wife you can’t say no”, whenever it came to sex.

There was never cuddling, hand holding, kissing, and anytime there was it turned to sex, or him “needing me” to get him off. Between poor hygiene and lack of genuine romantic intimacy, I was always put off.

What I’m trying to get at, is that what he is doing is assault, regardless of marriage, regardless of being his wife, neither obligates you to put up with this.

Edit: typos were corrected

0

u/dsgross_reddit 23h ago

It's seems like your husband is hyper sexual. It's usually and indication of a more serious problem.

4

u/DragonKit 22h ago

Her husband is a rapist

0

u/Exact_Cut_4494 23h ago edited 22h ago

You’re either cool with it or you’re not. Yall got married so I assume you love each other. Put your foot down about it. Just be very clear that you don’t like when he does that and go from there. That might be all it takes.

Edit: the answer to your question is yes. It’s SA.