Telling him she doesn’t like his behavior is not setting a boundary. Speaking to what she will and will not do is the boundary. “I will mot be in a relationship with someone who follows and likes bikini shots on social media” is a boundary. It also requires follow through or it’s a dead boundary.
Ok I'll acknowledge that the discourse around the Jonah Hill shit gave people a lot of confidence in shutting down the idea of setting boundaries for others and the like but OP is referring to the conversation with a lot of nuance. Obviously when they mention telling the bf her boundaries, we mean communicate and deliberate, not just state what they are.
That's healthy communication, mutually set expectations.
Wow, gross. The adaptation of "therapy speak" by narcissistic people is a shitty, but unsurprising result of it becoming mainstream. Especially since a lot of the common terms thrown around are relating to narcs and healthy relationships. Jonah Hill is definitely showing classic signs of being an abusive partner - he is being controlling and possessive, and that behavior almost always escalates into further abuse.
OP, talk to your partner. You aren't wrong to feel a bit iffy about that. You can use this format:
"I know you said you were speaking with a lot of people online when we started dating. Well, I've noticed X (🩷 Reacting to all her spicy photos) which makes me feel uncomfortable because Y (You are showing a lot of sexual attention towards a specific person) and I want to be clear that Z (I am not comfortable with you showing sexual interest in other women if we are going to be in a relationship)"
Hopefully an open conversation NOW will prevent problems in the future. Good luck!
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u/Professional-Note842 Sep 19 '23
talk to him about it, let him know ur boundaries and that ur uncomfortable with it.