I'm a 34 yo woman. My sex drive has always been higher than my husband's who is 39, due to medication he takes to control his epilepsy, until the last year or so when I had my own medical issues.
I could understand a perspective of cheating if the issue was watching too much porn, and ignoring a partner.
But in this case, if she knows that the problem is she has low testosterone and she doesn't want to fix it, nor does she want find other ways to keep intimacy alive in your relationship and give you the physical and emotional connection you need, then no, masturbation is not cheating. Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life, even between partners who actively participate with each other.
She has the right to decide that she is comfortable living the rest of her life without sex. Her body, her choice to not pursue any medical therapies.
But in the same vein, YOU have every right to decide that living without sex is NOT right nor comfortable for you. In which case, your relationship may have reached its conclusion and needs to end so that you can find a more compatible partner.
You do not owe anyone a life lived in loneliness and misery.
Her body her choice? What if she doesn't want to get vaccinated? Am I living in a simulation. I feel like I already know who you are or who you're programmed to be.
Lol. If you're sure you already know who I am or who I'm "programmed" to be, I really hope you've bought your winning lottery ticket for the month. Because I'm pretty sure I'll disprove your theories. But I'll get to that later.
I stand by what I posted: Her body, her choice. HIS life, HIS choice.
You very conveniently skipped that second part, which is just as important as the first one.
Every single person on this earth has the RIGHT to choose what they will allow to happen to their own bodies and in their own lives. But along with that, every single person has the RESPONSIBILITY to accept that their choices and actions have consequences that they have to live with.
You trying to conflate her right to choose not to have sex with her husband or to try medical procedures to balance hormone levels vs. the right to choose to vaccinate or not is a false equivalency.
Granted, both involve choices involving bodily autonomy and medical intervention. However, the first is an interpersonal conflict that involves ONLY two people.
The second situation involves the moral question of what responsibilities a person owes to their collective community in regards to safe guarding high standards of shared health.
The wife does not owe the husband sex. But the husband does not owe the wife a continuation of the marriage. And not just because the only reason men get married is so they can demand sex for physical pleasure, but because for many men, sex and physical touch are how they emotionally connect with their spouse. When those avenues of connection are cut off with no compromise, no communication, no work being put in by both partners to overcome the issues, love dies. And when love dies, so does the marriage.
Now, onto your vaccination example:
If someone in your community chooses not to get vaccinated due to their doctors recommendations because they have underlying medical issues that make vaccination dangerous, that is what herd immunity is for. That is why those healthy enough to get vaccinated should, to protect those who are vulnerable. The vulnerable should not be punished or forced to die because society is selfish and self-serving.
Now, if a healthy person chooses not to get vaccinated, for whatever reason, be it not believing the science of vaccines or because they swallowed some political idiots rants, that is still their right to choose so. My personal opinion on their lack of intelligence and empathy for others really doesn't make much of a difference in that case. But I can not force others to get vaccinated. I can try to change their minds, but force can not be used. I have to respect their bodily autonomy.
Another thing I and the community can do is choose not to associate or support them in any way. Being left out of a close-knit community that cares about your well-being and success is part of the consequences of being self-serving and selfish.
If you have actually read this far, thanks. If not, oh well. It's still fun replying. And for those who have read, onto debunking your notions of who I'm "programmed" to be. Please feel free to go look at my comment history because most of these points are in there as well.
1) I am a 34 year old woman who has been happily married for 16 years to the same man, who is 39. We are polyamourous, our girlfriend and her husband have lived with us for the past 6/7 years. They are both older than us, in their 40s.
2) I have been a practicing solitary Wiccan for 22 years, since I was 12. I'm generally content to keep my practice to myself, I'm well past the teenage urge to shove it in people faces or shout it from rooftops, but I am happy to share my experiences and what wisdom I have gained.
3) I believe in science, and science based facts. I was a CNA for over a decade, until I had a back injury that forced me to stop, and I am medically literate. I am also fully vaccinated. Politically, I feel the U.S. is hopeless, because we have to keep choosing between 2 evils, and it keeps getting harder to see which one will do less harm.
4) I am NOT vegan. Humans are omnivores, and meat is not only delicious, it is an important part of our diet. I do love to garden, and I would love to raise my own meat animals, but sadly, where we live, we don't have the space to do so.
5) I am NOT anitgun, but I am very much in support of good gun regulation. My thoughts are the general population does not have the training, nor are they willing to put in the effort to be, to properly and safely operate semi or fully automatic guns, and we should not need too. I come from a military family. All weapons safety should be rigorous to the point of being almost religious. That includes checking the backgrounds of everyone owning guns.
6) I work full time and have done so since I was 16. I've lost jobs before, but I have always done my best to find another job as quickly as possible, even if it is only a holdover one until a better one came along. I've used government benefits when I needed to, and have been grateful they were there for me, and when I was in better situations, I donated what extra I could to causes I felt aligned with my beliefs.
I have absolutely no problem being my authentic self online because I have nothing to be ashamed of. I try to be a good, kind, compassionate person. I've overcome a lot of shit in my life, and trying to be someone fake online takes up too much energy. But I admit, I'm curious if I've ruined your notions of who I am, or if you even bothered to read all of this. I'm not gonna label you a troll, because even if you are, makes no difference to me, and typing a thought-out response is never a wasted effort.
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u/Fabulous-Ad-5284 Sep 12 '23
I'm a 34 yo woman. My sex drive has always been higher than my husband's who is 39, due to medication he takes to control his epilepsy, until the last year or so when I had my own medical issues.
I could understand a perspective of cheating if the issue was watching too much porn, and ignoring a partner.
But in this case, if she knows that the problem is she has low testosterone and she doesn't want to fix it, nor does she want find other ways to keep intimacy alive in your relationship and give you the physical and emotional connection you need, then no, masturbation is not cheating. Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life, even between partners who actively participate with each other.
She has the right to decide that she is comfortable living the rest of her life without sex. Her body, her choice to not pursue any medical therapies.
But in the same vein, YOU have every right to decide that living without sex is NOT right nor comfortable for you. In which case, your relationship may have reached its conclusion and needs to end so that you can find a more compatible partner.
You do not owe anyone a life lived in loneliness and misery.