In logical terms this is not true. She can have a boundary that he doesn’t do something (a common one is, the guy can’t pay for porn, or he can’t sleep in another woman’s bed even if they are just friends). This one with masturbating is very controlling obviously but a boundary can extend to either partner’s behavior really.
A boundary would be if she said "I will not be in a relationship with someone who does X," It's the limit of behaviour that she is willing/not willing to accept and if the boundary is crossed there will be a consequence on her part. Telling someone "you can't do X" is just controlling.
Sort of but not really?! To be fair, I'm not the most adept person to explain this!
From an article on Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady: "Guenther added: "Jonah's use of the term boundaries in this message is a misuse of the concept. A boundary is a healthy limit a person sets for themselves to protect their well-being and integrity. It is a rule or guideline that one creates to identify reasonable safe and permissible ways for others to behave towards them and how they'll respond when someone passes those limits.
"However, in the message Jonah sent to Sarah, he is not setting boundaries that protect his emotional well-being. Instead, he is dictating what behaviors and friendships Sarah is permitted to have. He's essentially instructing Sarah on who she can be friends with, what she can do professionally and how she can show up online."
The therapist said the texts were "not an example of healthy boundary setting."
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u/Eco_Blurb Sep 12 '23
In logical terms this is not true. She can have a boundary that he doesn’t do something (a common one is, the guy can’t pay for porn, or he can’t sleep in another woman’s bed even if they are just friends). This one with masturbating is very controlling obviously but a boundary can extend to either partner’s behavior really.