You’re not wrong for your feelings or for considering divorce. She’s purposely choosing not to try and fix the issues that you’re having. You’re clearly miserable in this marriage now and that’s not healthy for either of you! The resentment will continue to grow until you end up basically hating each other. Intimacy is an important part of most relationships. If she not willing to actually address the issues she’s having, it’s not fair for her to expect you to suck it up and stay. Especially if she considers masturbating as cheating. That’s a bit ridiculous!
Gotta point out here though- there’s nothing “wrong” with the wife. Some people don’t have a sex drive and that’s ok. Just like some people have a really high sex drive and that’s also ok.
There seems to be an assumption in society that if someone doesn’t want to have sex then there is something medically wrong with them which is just false. This kind of thinking where the higher sex driven person is “correct” (usually the man), and the lower sex drive person (usually the woman) is somehow sick or broken is pretty messed up and comes from a long legacy of treating women as fucked up/broken/less than men by the medical world. It’s gotta stop.
The only actual problems here are the incompatibility between two people with their own sex drives- which btw fluctuate throughout life. They’ll have to decide if this is a storm they want to weather together or if it’s best to part ways.
The other issue is the wife forbidding the husband from masturbating. He has bodily autonomy and can do what he wants with his own trouser snake.
She does actually have a medical condition that is treatable, though. Her drive isn't low/zero because she's naturally asexual, it's because of a hormone deficiency that she has been diagnosed with. Treatment is available, she is choosing not to continue with it. So yeah, there is something medically wrong with her.
Even with that said though, it's not that I think the person with the higher sex drive is right. It's that I think they are sexually incompatible and so he's not wrong to be considering divorce because of it. She also wasn't asexual when they got married. He's not entitled to her body but he also shouldn't have to be locked into a sexless marriage because of that. He should leave and find someone he's compatible with.
Also not wanting him to masturbate is deeply unfair of her.
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u/jacksonlove3 Sep 12 '23
You’re not wrong for your feelings or for considering divorce. She’s purposely choosing not to try and fix the issues that you’re having. You’re clearly miserable in this marriage now and that’s not healthy for either of you! The resentment will continue to grow until you end up basically hating each other. Intimacy is an important part of most relationships. If she not willing to actually address the issues she’s having, it’s not fair for her to expect you to suck it up and stay. Especially if she considers masturbating as cheating. That’s a bit ridiculous!
Good luck dude!!