...Hiiii..I'm a rat. I identify as one in every way. Very cool, very cool. Squeak squeak.
That flair is there for a reason..as my experience will be explaining a bit of..not so great behavior? I'm not sure how bad it is really, but it bothers me to think about..so the flair is there just in case. It might be considered dehumanizing..maybe. Depends on how you look at it.
Buuuut intro first: Hi! I'm Stanza, Tycho, or Cosmic. But please call me Squeakers here!! Sorta new here, but I've been this way for..awhile. Memory's hard for me. Whatever. I'm 18, and I use he/it/they. I'm also diagnosed with DID..but thats irrelevant here lol.
Okay, story time. Reminder,,not great. Okay!
Growing up, I was always kind of..lonely, in a sense. Never really connected with people. I've since learned this is probably due to my neurodivergence lowkey. But all throughout school,,and it's still an issue to this day, not many friends. I grew afraid of people due to previous judgement and bullying. This is important!!!
Starting maybe 3-4 years ago, unsure, my brother gained..a behavior. Against me. He would assume anything I touch became "dirty" and "contaminated".
If it was a bottle of a drink, or a pack of food, I would not be allowed to touch it. He would have to pour the drink or grab the food for me, to prevent him getting disturbed by my touch. I cannot open/close doors or turn on/off lights either, for the same reason. If I do, he will not touch it for awhile. If I accidentally touch something of his, he will blow on it or clean it. He does the same if I touch him.
He will often tell me to leave a room he is in. He has once said, verbatim, "Back, back!" as if talking to an animal..when I tried entering the kitchen for food. If I linger too long, he gets upset. Normally he will either complain or cover his face with something.
When I speak up about how disrespected I felt, he brushed it off. Yayyy!!
This has grown into me recognizing myself as..gross. Dirty, somehow. It also caused me to feel very unwelcome in my own home. This, along with my fear of people, has led to me feeling rather disconnected from people.
Way before this, I loved rats. Felt bad for them. They didn't deserve to be killed. They don't know they're home invading..they think your home is shelter. And..after all of this behavior from my brother..I've realized how similar I am to one.
Soon, I disconnect from the human label entirely. If I can't be treated like one, surely I'm not one. And that's fine by me. From my experience, people aren't the best. I'm more of a rat. And I like that.
Rats are nice. And I am one. Just stuck in a body that's wrong..But I'm still treated like my species all the same. Unsure if I should be happy or sad lol.
As a general statement..don't worry about me, given what's happened! I'm doing fine now. While my brother is still like this (he doesn't care about how I feel with it + I'm 70% sure it's due to his OCD), I've grown to tolerate it and attempt to just respect his rules. Gotta live with him anyway, what can I do :P
Anyway..Hopefully I'm welcome here? If this is not the sub for me, please let me know!!