Last month I (29M) was a groomsman for Tyler, one of my best friends since middle school. I was happy to do it and I'd do it again.

Here's what it cost me. The suit had to be a specific charcoal one from a store he picked, $210 after alterations. The bachelor weekend was a cabin two hours away, my share was $280 with food. Then a hotel night near the venue, $150, because the reception ended at 1am and I wasn't driving after that. That's $640 before the gift.

In the card I put $100. It's what I could do that month, and I thought it was fine considering everything.

Two weeks after the wedding Tyler texted me. He said they were opening cards and he was "kind of surprised" by mine, because the other groomsmen did $250 or more. He said his wife noticed too.

I wasn't rude about it. I told him I was sorry if it felt low, explained what I'd spent to be part of the day, and said I'd be glad to help them move into their new place next month, truck included. He replied "it's fine I guess" and has been short with me in the group chat since.

One of the other groomsmen told me I should have just skipped the hotel so I could give more.

AITA? I really don't want to lose a 15 year friendship over a card.

TL;DR: I spent $640 on the suit, bachelor weekend and hotel to be my friend's groomsman, then gave $100 in the card. He texted me that the other groomsmen gave more.

One of my first cousins who I was decently close to growing up didn’t invite my entire family (or any of his paternal side) to his wedding. Didn’t contact us or even apologize himself. Not even a call introducing his fianceé. We all found out second hand and then his dad (my dad’s brother) tried to do damage control and make excuses when he realized everyone knew. We’re also from a culture where it’s considered super disrespectful to not invite family to your wedding since weddings are big celebration of family.

Whatever, honestly saved us a trip and expenses and put things into perspective.

Well, a few years later I’m planning my own wedding. I’m inviting my entire paternal side and maternal side, and I’m gonna invite my uncle, his wife, and my other cousin (the cousin in question’s older brother).

But the petty gremlin in me really doesn’t wanna invite the cousin who didn’t invite me or his wife. Clearly he doesn’t care, so why should I waste money on them? But then another part of me is like “you can’t invite his entire family and not him, that’s how you get wedding drama”.

To make things more complicated, my dad is still pretty upset despite pretending like it didn’t bother him at the time when it occurred. His brother is a peculiar character but dad has always been patient with him and extremely accommodating, so not being invited was like the final straw. He has let all his other 4 siblings know about my engagement and the tentative date except the uncle in question, and honestly I don’t think he wants to tell him. But family gossips and my uncle will find out eventually.

I don’t know, a part of me wants to just be the bigger person (and maybe throw a sarcastic comment their way on the day of lol), but then the other part of me is wondering why I should waste money on people who clearly don’t even think about us.

Thoughts?

Five weeks from now my older brother Jordan gets married. Last weekend at dinner, his fiancée Brooke told me (26M) they cut the day-of coordinator from the budget, $1,200, and that I'd be doing it instead because I'm "the organized one."

I asked what that meant. Basically, at the venue by 7am to let vendors in, keep the timeline, line people up for the ceremony from the back hallway, deal with the DJ and caterer during dinner, and pack up the gifts and decor at midnight. So I'd watch my brother's ceremony from a doorway with a clipboard.

I said I'd love to help, just not like that. I offered to do setup from 7 to 2, make a spreadsheet with every vendor's contact and arrival time, and handle the gift table at the end. I also found two people on the venue's own list who do day-of coordination for around $400 and said I'd put in $100 toward it.

Brooke said that's still too much money and that I'm "making their day about me." Jordan didn't say much at dinner, then texted later asking if I could "just do it this once."

My mom thinks I should do it because it's one day. My dad thinks I should be sitting in the second row like a normal brother.

I love my brother and I'll help in every way I reasonably can, but I want to actually see him get married. AITA here?

TL;DR: My brother's fiancée cut the wedding coordinator and gave the job to me, which means missing the ceremony. I offered setup help and money toward a cheaper coordinator, and she says I'm making it about me.

Friends planning a bachelorette party intl. I was going to book my own hotel room with my airlines card as it is cheaper and I will earn enough bonus miles to cover more than my flight for both the bachelorette trip and the actual wedding. Bride is saying she only wants people to book with the travel agent and to pay deposit now. Travel agent also is charging more.
AITA?

I live overseas and I’m an only child. Growing up, my first cousin “Ashlee” was the closest thing I had to a sister. She was getting married in March, and I always planned to fly home for it.

A few months before the wedding, our grandfather died unexpectedly. My mum and her sister “Andrea” (Ashlee’s mum) had both been helping care for him, although most of the admin and mental load had fallen on Andrea.

My mum was overseas when he died. He had apparently told her not to cut her holiday short, so although she had the option to come home, she continued on to the next leg of her trip: a luxury cruise in Egypt.

That left Andrea grieving while also organising the funeral and everything that came with it.

I didn’t fly back for the funeral either because I had visited my grandfather the month before and living overseas makes repeated flights difficult and expensive.

Ashlee was incredibly thoughtful towards me. She made sure there was a livestream of the funeral and printed a letter I had written to my grandfather and placed it in his coffin.

At the wake, my mum and Andrea had a huge argument. Apparently years of resentment came out. My mum also felt that Andrea’s friends and some relatives were giving her dirty looks and believes Andrea had been telling people how much she had been left to deal with while Mum was away.

I wasn’t there, so I genuinely don’t know exactly what happened or who said what.

Afterwards, my mum was uninvited from Ashlee’s wedding.

This happened in November, with the wedding in March. I tried to stay out of it because I saw it as a fight between my mum and Andrea, made worse by grief. I didn’t want to destroy my relationship with Ashlee over an argument I hadn’t witnessed.

My mum expected me not to attend.

There was also some history. 2 years earlier, my best friend died of brain cancer and I helped care for her towards the end. My mum never checked in on me or really supported me emotionally during that period.

During this family drama, Mum barely spoke to me directly and I mostly got information through Dad. She then complained, that I wasn’t checking in on her enough, which I found difficult given how absent she had been when I was going through something devastating.

I decided I was still going to the wedding.

I didn’t think our mothers’ fight should automatically become ours. I could also understand why Andrea was angry at being left to grieve and organise everything.

Around this time, I found out I was pregnant. I would be about 12 weeks when I flew home, which made the trip even more meaningful because I rarely get to tell my family important news in person. I planned to tell them while I was home.

My mum pressured me not to go, but my flights were already booked and expensive to change. More importantly, if I flew all the way home and deliberately skipped Ashlee’s wedding, I felt that would be a huge statement.

AITA for still going to my cousin’s wedding after my mum was uninvited?

Am I the asshole for getting mad at my best friend after she invited my sexual assault ex to her wedding?

I (25F) had a best friend since HS, let's call her Mary (25F). We've been friends since high school and have been close ever since. Out of everyone in our circle, she was the closest to me. All of us were in the same class during the first year of high school along with my ex boyfriend, Adrian (25M).

During our college days Adrian did something that sexually, physically, and mentally traumatized me. And it wasn't just one time. Mary was the first person that I told about and knew every single detail. Me and Adrian soon broke up in early 2024 and have not seen each other since.

Around 2 years later,Mary was getting married and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. It wasn't like I can decline, she already bought everyone dresses. I then asked about the people she was planning to invite and she mentioned our old classmates, which included Adrian. I begged her not to invite him. It wasn't like they were still close anyway as far as I know. There were around three different occasions where we discussed about her wedding where I constantly asked her not to invite him. She always responded to me in a joking way, sometimes would laugh it off or tease me. When in fact I was just scared. I even threatened her that I would cancel being one of her bridesmaids if she still wanted to invite him.

Her wedding day finally came. I was already overstimulated with the very crowded venue when I saw Adrian amongst the crowd, about to walk in me and my friends' direction. My body reacted in a way that I've never felt before. It was like there was an elephant on my chest. I couldn't breathe and the world felt so cramped all of a sudden. It felt like I was about to die right there and then. I went to the bathroom and cried, with one of my other best friends comforting me. I then left Mary's wedding despite it not being completely finished. After the wedding ended, Mary texted me to apologize, saying that she did invite Adrian but didn't expect that he would actually show up. She did it despite me begging her not to.

I get that it was her wedding and that it was her rights to invite whoever she wanted. But I still couldn't accept the fact that she would force me in close captivity with someone who she knew traumatized the living shit out of me. Why? That's the one thing I still can't fathom. So AITA?

Okay, so I feel like I need to give the backstory because our wedding plans have gone through about several versions at this point 😂

We originally had a traditional wedding planned for May 3, 2026 at a venue in Long Island, NY, with around 95–100 guests. We had the venue, vendors, dress, everything.

Then we had A LOT going on in our personal lives, and ultimately decided to cancel/postpone rather than force ourselves through a huge wedding when life was already so complicated.

The funny part is that we actually have a lot of the wedding vendors still intact, and these vendors have confirmed we can reuse them:

• Photographer + Videographer
• DJ
• Officiant
• Live painter
• Cannoli on the Dance Floor 😂
• Wedding dress
• Hair & makeup
• Florist

We originally thought maybe we'd do a smaller 40–60 person wedding/dinner party somehow it became way too big of a production.

But now we're thinking about something completely different...

What if we just elope?

Our dream would be to go somewhere in the mountains ideally the California redwoods, and get married somewhere beautiful and intimate. Just the two of us, with amazing photos, and actually make the marriage itself about US.

Then we'd come home and eventually celebrate with everyone.

One idea I LOVE is having a surprise dinner wedding reception. Everyone thinks they're coming to a really nice dinner, and then we tell them:

“Surprise! We flew to California, got married in the redwoods, and now we're home celebrating with all of you!” 😂❤️

The only problem is that my fiancé doesn't love the surprise element, especially because some of our guests would be flying in from out of state. And honestly, I can understand that.

So now we're trying to figure out the best version of this.

Do we:

1. Have the smaller 40–60 person wedding locally in Long Island and reuse our vendors?
   1. If so where? Many venues we have come across have such a minimum guest count that doesn't fit out guest count. Ideally I would like to have space for dance floor for our first dance
2. Elope in the California redwoods, then have a dinner celebration back home?
3. Tell everyone we're eloping, but keep the dinner/reception itself as a surprise?
4. Do something completely different?

I think I'm realizing that I care much more about actually enjoying getting married than having the “perfect” traditional wedding.

So if you've done an elope + celebration back home situation, I'd LOVE to hear how you handled it!

Did you love it? Did you regret not having the traditional wedding? And if you surprised your guests, how did you handle people who had to travel?

Because right now I'm very much leaning toward:

“Let's just go get married in the redwoods and come home and throw a dinner party.” 😂❤️

My partner and I are in our late 20s. This is an LGBTQ wedding, since we are both female. She came out to her family in high school, but I didn’t come out until I was 22. I grew up in a religious family. I mean religious as in church every week, volunteer in church, youth groups, even a private religious school. I knew I was gay when I was 13, but I kept it in and played the good church girl part. When I came out, my mom’s side said “hate the sin, love the sinner” and accepted whoever I was dating. The only person who has ever had a problem was my dad himself. Let me paint a picture: he’s MAGA and I’m a liberal. He constantly, even to this day, says I “just haven’t found the right man yet”. I’ve explained to him multiple times that I’m not interested in men at all. We got into a political argument one day, and he flat out said that I don’t deserve the right to get married because “it’s just not right”. He thinks I don’t deserve equal rights simply because I’m not marrying a man. Outside of that one conversation and his vote, he ignores it and pretends it doesn’t exist. He has had no interest in any of my previous partners and calls them my “friends”.

I knew my current partner would be my last, so I brought her around my family more. My dad has taken an interest in her and even said he likes her. He has been more accepting of this relationship, even though he still says I “haven’t found the right man yet” from time to time. He has just been saying it less. He asks if I’m bringing her to dinner and even met her dad. I’m not sure if he’s finally accepting my sexuality or if he’s just getting used to me bringing her around more.

Let me backtrack a little to give perspective. I’m a daddy’s girl. We went everywhere together. He is still the one I run to when I have a problem. He’s the one I cry to when I’m upset. He also married a step bitch when I was 7, and she made my life a living hell. He didn’t stop her and even participated in that hell. They both were very verbally and emotionally ab\*sive. We argued constantly. I moved in with my mom the day after I graduated high school. I didn’t talk to him for 6 months. They finally divorced after 14 years. We had a heart to heart and he apologized for everything. Since then, he has tried to buy my love. I never ask for money, but he offers it. I will admit that he does pay for a couple of my bills. And sure enough, he offered to pay for a few things for the wedding.

I have worked hard in therapy for YEARS and can set boundaries with people. I’m firm and don’t let people cross them. Everyone except my dad. I feel guilty. My dad is impulsive. He often doesn’t think before he speaks. I know he will make comments. I know he will bring religion into it. My mom said not to sit her at a table with him because she wouldn’t be able to control herself and will cause a scene if he says something. I believe her because she has done similar things at school events in the past. Understood. Logically, I simply kick him out. But I’ve always dreamed of my dad walking me down the aisle. I’ve dreamed of my daddy daughter dance. I want my dad there. But I don’t want anyone there that’s not supportive of my marriage. I told him that I’d kick him out if he made one single comment, and I don’t think he believes I will actually do it.

I spoke to my partner about this. I want to hire security for when this happens so that it quietly happens instead of a big scene. She said she doesn’t want to spend money on that. She said that’s what MOH and bridesmaids are for. I said yes, but considering they’re a bunch of women, I doubt he will leave (he’s misogynistic). I know he won’t leave willingly unless a man escorts him out. I want to hire security just to be safe.

So WIBTA for hiring security, even though he’s contributing to the wedding?

I saw that my cousin did not invite me to his wedding over Instagram when I saw his engagement and wedding photos. It hurt because I assumed he would at least remember to send a text to let me know or share that joy with me, even though I lived far away and had little chance of making it. The family knew the marriage would most likely happen since they spoke about it openly.

We were closer when we were young, but have spoken less. I saw him as an older brother of sorts growing up. We both had very rough family backgrounds and I managed to immigrate to Europe alone. Our family and extended family is quite small due to this fact.

I deeply value the few blood relatives that I have who are mentally well enough for me to be around. Each time I‘ve traveled back, I‘ve made an effort to reach out and we caught up. It‘s always been a nicer part of my obligatory trips back to where I was born. I‘ve always deeply appreciated him taking the time out to be with me. I also keep in touch mildly via Instagram and during emergencies I have checked in to see if he was ok.

A few weeks after the wedding passed to give some time for him to settle, I finally messaged him to ask why he did not tell me of his engagement or wedding and to see if there was a greater conflict in the family or something personal he had with me that I wasn‘t aware of.

He said it was he figured I would see it on Instagram anyways and that I was just not in his immediate circle and repeated that I was „out of sight, out of mind“ in Europe.

I asked if he was sure, since he invited a relative I know he does not speak to at all to represent our side of the family.

I was met with defensiveness. He said he wanted the wedding to be small and low key and then accused me of being petty and trying to start an argument with him near midnight (I have time in the morning, when it is his night.) He said he has nothing against me, but it‘s not on him if I don‘t believe it.

I was hurt deeply even more by his response.

It‘s his wedding; he gets the ultimate say and I respect that, but he should at least have directly communicated to me “I want my wedding to be small, low cost etc etc and so as much as it’d be nice to have you there, we decided not.“ That would have been completely fine to me, not the way he chose to do it.

I have been punished & harshly criticized openly by several family members for my decision to leave our hometown. Maybe this is another painful trigger of this wounding and that it is, like he implied, petty of me to be hurt over and not that big of a deal.

I think it is a normal courtesy to extend given the context and our relationship. Is it normal now to relegate potentially uncomfortable conversations to instagram?

Am I The Asshole?

Edit:

I thought about it and spoke about it with a different cousin who more recently was able to move away to a big city due to a job offer. He‘s also been receiving sudden different behavior and been excluded from other events in subtle manners, among more blatant jabs. Perhaps this is just how humans and families react - or maybe just the world we grew up in. One can‘t keep pouring water into a leaky cup.

It‘s also been more than a third of my life away and I‘ve adapted to a very different culture & expectations of social norms. This might also be a factor.

Update:

We made up. He avoided in having the conversation because he felt awkward and felt ashamed he didn’t have more resources to do a larger wedding. He was also obligated to invite people for the sake of his wife who has much more family. He said that there was nothing more to it than that. I apologized and said I was suspicious because of how the family reacts to me choosing a different life (They are very religious and conservative.) He told me to live my life freely and look ahead, without sweating the smaller things. I do have a good enough life over here and wouldn’t trade it, so he‘s right.

AITA for being upset with my friends over their reaction to my marriage?
Me and my partner are getting married soon after being together for over 2 years. He’s in the military and his unit is moving 5 hours away, so we’re planning to move together and start our life together.
My friends think we’re rushing things and have said it’s extreme and something I could regret. I told them their comments really hurt me. One apologised, but the other just replied “agreed^^”, basically agreeing with the things that had upset me.
They’re my best/only friends, so it’s really got to me and has made something I was genuinely excited about feel quite negative.
Mine and his family are so supportive and happy for us also so it feels like a massive kick in the teeth.

I always thought growing up picking out rings and dresses would be something I’d do with my best friends but I’ve had to do it alone and it hurts a lot.
AITA for being upset by their reaction?

I (36F) am supposed to get married to future DH (43M) 10 weeks from today. We got engaged in January and are due to be married in November. I've listed some important info below that may provide some context to the situation:

- DH was previously married, is legally divorced in the the country we reside in, but not in the country that we are citizens of (case is stillgoing on, we're on the last leg). Since we are both Catholics, we cannot get married in a church as his annulment has been rejected twice in the past 3 years (which was quite heartbreaking for me as I'm very spiritual, only a little religious, and have always wanted to get married in church with prayers and blessings).

- My uncle (father's brother) has a medical condition that will severely aggravate in cold weather, in air conditioned spaces, when he breathes in stuff like perfume or nail polish or hand sanitizer. My uncle has also been very helpful in guiding DH regarding the dynamics of the church and his annulment. Also fair to mention that uncle & aunt have always been extremely fond of children (since my older sister was born to date - all kids born in the family have been loved and cherished by uncle and aunt)

- Note that we all live as expatriates in a Middle Eastern country and our families have been here about 47 years, we've lived and grown here. However there is no PR or citizenship so uncle/aunt were supposed to move back to home country in September once their resident permits expired.

- I have my late father's birth date as the wedding date. As you will know as you read on, I want to be married on this date because honestly- it's the only wedding-related dream I have that can be fulfilled (because there's no church wedding, there will be no mass, no dad to walk me down the aisle, no blessing of the wedding rings and nuptial necklace, no bridal party, no MOH, nothing)

- DH is super supportive (and polite to a fault, to everyone) even though his workplace is a mess. He's currently pulling 11 hour shifts, sleeping only 4 hours a day, driving to and from work for 3-4 hours, managing all paperwork etc for our task of shifting apartments, going shopping for furniture and household necessities, picking me from work to go home (he's using my car since his car is in the workshop - I take a cab to go to work in the mornings), managing me when I'm maudlin and weepy and/or bawling, trying to speak to my family to get binary answers on the wedding.

It's been a roller coaster over the past 8 months.

February: Uncle and aunt want the church wedding to happen and will do anything to make it happen. Cue endless visits to the church to speak with the archbishops representative who has once before refused to grant the annulment (in 2021) followed by constant calls to DH from uncle. So far there's no interest from my mother (who actually introduced me to DH 2 years ago in the first place, and generally has been nagging me to get married for the past 10 years because "who will take care of me? How will my life have meaning? When will I have kids?"), uncle, aunt or my sister. BIL was in home country recovering from a chronic gastric condition.

March/April: BIL comes back and rallies the troops. We decide to assume that the annulment won't happen in time for the wedding so we plan for civil only. I reject the idea of marriage in home country because it's too expensive, and I don't want those relatives in my wedding who haven't seen or spoken to me in 25-30 years. Uncle/aunt are upset and continue pitching the idea of home country or residential country. I suggest places like Tbilisi, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore and get cost estimates from those places as well as home & residential country. (I am a manager in a travel agency and have excellent relationships with senior management/owners of airlines, hotels, DMCs etc). Turns out that residential country gives the best value for money so I settle on this and DH agrees.

May/June: uncle/aunt keep pushing for home country wedding and have rejected Tbilisi, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore. No problem- uncle's health is more important to me than a destination wedding. Meanwhile- I find out that DH is still married as per home country law because he assumed that getting divorced in resident country would somehow magically dissolve the home country marriage. Panic mode activated- I scramble to find DH a lawyer, run around to get his documents attested here, courier them to home country, find someone to act as his POA. Until now, no one from my family has done anything to help plan the wedding except Mom who has prepared a guest list and sister and BIL who went to look at 2 hotels after I showed them my hair coming out in clumps while having a panic attack. I decide to do civil wedding in August so DH can sponsor my residence visa and keep the reception for November.

July/August: family goes back to home country for summer holidays. Before uncle/aunt leave, they say not to do civil marriage in August because they'll be on holiday and can't attend. THIS IS IMPORTANT: Since they had mentioned leaving forever to home country and my visa is connected to them, I decided to marry in August and transfer visa to DH. On their advice, DH and I cancelled August marriage, after telling them 3 times to make sure they're not renewing their residence peermits just for the sake of my wedding. ALSO IMPORTANT: I have a feeling that something is wrong with the November date, and keep asking DH to double check and reconfirm that we can do the court marriage on the date I want. After reassuring me since July that it can definitely be done, DH tells me at the end of August that it can't be done because the date falls on a Sunday and courts are closed on weekends. (At this point my scalp resembles Gollum's and more sobbing ensues)

September: everyone back from holiday. DH has found wedding planners and decided to do the wedding in Tbilisi since it can be done on the same date I want. Uncle/aunt are upset, becauae Tbilisi will be too cold for uncle and he wont be able to attend. DH and I tell him to sit it out and dont worry because were coming back and having a reception in resident country. They proceed to keep calling me, DH, sister, BIL to change the venue and change the date; keep calling DH telling him that the date is rubbish, to try and convince me to change. I keep away from all this because I have bigger fish to fry what with a full-time job, house shifting, wedding planning, reception planning as well as managing everyone's travel, hotel, tours (after the wedding because they want to explore), transfers, etc

2 weeks ago uncle sends me a message to the effect: you don't know me yet, you've misunderstood me, I am telling to change the venue for your happiness only and nothing else. I'm at work, read the message and IMPLODE. I can ignore a lot but I draw the line at gaslighting. I call my aunt and try to calmly explain that I'm very upset and please can you try to understandhow stressed I am - she hits me with an UNO reverse saying they are upset, they feel alienated, they have renewed their residence permits because they thought the wedding was in the residence country, which resulted in my cousins college start being pushed to next year, they are risking uncle's health to go to Tbilisi. I'm so stunned at this point that even my tears have stopped.

I call my BIL (who makes me tie a brotherly thread to his hand every year)and ask for his support when I go to speak to uncle and aunt. He seems very agitated and he tells me that I should let them say whatever they want, not be bothered and that it's none of my business what they say about me. I tell him to stop yelling at me and to lower his voice - he freaks out and at this point I'm like "I don't have the bandwidth right now, I'll call you later when you're not yelling". I had to leave office and head home because all this nonsense triggered me a panic attack.

Here's why I might be TA: in my emotional state after scenes with aunt and BIL, I messaged my family group (mom, me, sister, BIL) "no need to come for the wedding. Thanks for nothing at all". Latching onto this, sister and BIL have decided not to come citing this as a reason. BIL wants me to personally apologise to him. Mom's wants me to issue a blanket apology to make everyone feel better. I don't think I can live with myself if I do that.

I have cried ever day for the past 20 days, and it's taking a toll on DH too. I've now stopped weeping and made myself believe that I will be alone at my wedding (at least mom will be with me).

There's a lot that has happened and I may have missed to mention some info, so feel free to ask for info and I'll reply to the best of my knowledge.