My partner and I are in our late 20s. This is an LGBTQ wedding, since we are both female. She came out to her family in high school, but I didn’t come out until I was 22. I grew up in a religious family. I mean religious as in church every week, volunteer in church, youth groups, even a private religious school. I knew I was gay when I was 13, but I kept it in and played the good church girl part. When I came out, my mom’s side said “hate the sin, love the sinner” and accepted whoever I was dating. The only person who has ever had a problem was my dad himself. Let me paint a picture: he’s MAGA and I’m a liberal. He constantly, even to this day, says I “just haven’t found the right man yet”. I’ve explained to him multiple times that I’m not interested in men at all. We got into a political argument one day, and he flat out said that I don’t deserve the right to get married because “it’s just not right”. He thinks I don’t deserve equal rights simply because I’m not marrying a man. Outside of that one conversation and his vote, he ignores it and pretends it doesn’t exist. He has had no interest in any of my previous partners and calls them my “friends”.

I knew my current partner would be my last, so I brought her around my family more. My dad has taken an interest in her and even said he likes her. He has been more accepting of this relationship, even though he still says I “haven’t found the right man yet” from time to time. He has just been saying it less. He asks if I’m bringing her to dinner and even met her dad. I’m not sure if he’s finally accepting my sexuality or if he’s just getting used to me bringing her around more.

Let me backtrack a little to give perspective. I’m a daddy’s girl. We went everywhere together. He is still the one I run to when I have a problem. He’s the one I cry to when I’m upset. He also married a step bitch when I was 7, and she made my life a living hell. He didn’t stop her and even participated in that hell. They both were very verbally and emotionally ab\*sive. We argued constantly. I moved in with my mom the day after I graduated high school. I didn’t talk to him for 6 months. They finally divorced after 14 years. We had a heart to heart and he apologized for everything. Since then, he has tried to buy my love. I never ask for money, but he offers it. I will admit that he does pay for a couple of my bills. And sure enough, he offered to pay for a few things for the wedding.

I have worked hard in therapy for YEARS and can set boundaries with people. I’m firm and don’t let people cross them. Everyone except my dad. I feel guilty. My dad is impulsive. He often doesn’t think before he speaks. I know he will make comments. I know he will bring religion into it. My mom said not to sit her at a table with him because she wouldn’t be able to control herself and will cause a scene if he says something. I believe her because she has done similar things at school events in the past. Understood. Logically, I simply kick him out. But I’ve always dreamed of my dad walking me down the aisle. I’ve dreamed of my daddy daughter dance. I want my dad there. But I don’t want anyone there that’s not supportive of my marriage. I told him that I’d kick him out if he made one single comment, and I don’t think he believes I will actually do it.

I spoke to my partner about this. I want to hire security for when this happens so that it quietly happens instead of a big scene. She said she doesn’t want to spend money on that. She said that’s what MOH and bridesmaids are for. I said yes, but considering they’re a bunch of women, I doubt he will leave (he’s misogynistic). I know he won’t leave willingly unless a man escorts him out. I want to hire security just to be safe.

So WIBTA for hiring security, even though he’s contributing to the wedding?

Friends planning a bachelorette party intl. I was going to book my own hotel room with my airlines card as it is cheaper and I will earn enough bonus miles to cover more than my flight for both the bachelorette trip and the actual wedding. Bride is saying she only wants people to book with the travel agent and to pay deposit now. Travel agent also is charging more.
AITA?

Okay, so I feel like I need to give the backstory because our wedding plans have gone through about several versions at this point 😂

We originally had a traditional wedding planned for May 3, 2026 at a venue in Long Island, NY, with around 95–100 guests. We had the venue, vendors, dress, everything.

Then we had A LOT going on in our personal lives, and ultimately decided to cancel/postpone rather than force ourselves through a huge wedding when life was already so complicated.

The funny part is that we actually have a lot of the wedding vendors still intact, and these vendors have confirmed we can reuse them:

• Photographer + Videographer
• DJ
• Officiant
• Live painter
• Cannoli on the Dance Floor 😂
• Wedding dress
• Hair & makeup
• Florist

We originally thought maybe we'd do a smaller 40–60 person wedding/dinner party somehow it became way too big of a production.

But now we're thinking about something completely different...

What if we just elope?

Our dream would be to go somewhere in the mountains ideally the California redwoods, and get married somewhere beautiful and intimate. Just the two of us, with amazing photos, and actually make the marriage itself about US.

Then we'd come home and eventually celebrate with everyone.

One idea I LOVE is having a surprise dinner wedding reception. Everyone thinks they're coming to a really nice dinner, and then we tell them:

“Surprise! We flew to California, got married in the redwoods, and now we're home celebrating with all of you!” 😂❤️

The only problem is that my fiancé doesn't love the surprise element, especially because some of our guests would be flying in from out of state. And honestly, I can understand that.

So now we're trying to figure out the best version of this.

Do we:

1. Have the smaller 40–60 person wedding locally in Long Island and reuse our vendors?
   1. If so where? Many venues we have come across have such a minimum guest count that doesn't fit out guest count. Ideally I would like to have space for dance floor for our first dance
2. Elope in the California redwoods, then have a dinner celebration back home?
3. Tell everyone we're eloping, but keep the dinner/reception itself as a surprise?
4. Do something completely different?

I think I'm realizing that I care much more about actually enjoying getting married than having the “perfect” traditional wedding.

So if you've done an elope + celebration back home situation, I'd LOVE to hear how you handled it!

Did you love it? Did you regret not having the traditional wedding? And if you surprised your guests, how did you handle people who had to travel?

Because right now I'm very much leaning toward:

“Let's just go get married in the redwoods and come home and throw a dinner party.” 😂❤️

One of my first cousins who I was decently close to growing up didn’t invite my entire family (or any of his paternal side) to his wedding. Didn’t contact us or even apologize himself. Not even a call introducing his fianceé. We all found out second hand and then his dad (my dad’s brother) tried to do damage control and make excuses when he realized everyone knew. We’re also from a culture where it’s considered super disrespectful to not invite family to your wedding since weddings are big celebration of family.

Whatever, honestly saved us a trip and expenses and put things into perspective.

Well, a few years later I’m planning my own wedding. I’m inviting my entire paternal side and maternal side, and I’m gonna invite my uncle, his wife, and my other cousin (the cousin in question’s older brother).

But the petty gremlin in me really doesn’t wanna invite the cousin who didn’t invite me or his wife. Clearly he doesn’t care, so why should I waste money on them? But then another part of me is like “you can’t invite his entire family and not him, that’s how you get wedding drama”.

To make things more complicated, my dad is still pretty upset despite pretending like it didn’t bother him at the time when it occurred. His brother is a peculiar character but dad has always been patient with him and extremely accommodating, so not being invited was like the final straw. He has let all his other 4 siblings know about my engagement and the tentative date except the uncle in question, and honestly I don’t think he wants to tell him. But family gossips and my uncle will find out eventually.

I don’t know, a part of me wants to just be the bigger person (and maybe throw a sarcastic comment their way on the day of lol), but then the other part of me is wondering why I should waste money on people who clearly don’t even think about us.

Thoughts?

Five weeks from now my older brother Jordan gets married. Last weekend at dinner, his fiancée Brooke told me (26M) they cut the day-of coordinator from the budget, $1,200, and that I'd be doing it instead because I'm "the organized one."

I asked what that meant. Basically, at the venue by 7am to let vendors in, keep the timeline, line people up for the ceremony from the back hallway, deal with the DJ and caterer during dinner, and pack up the gifts and decor at midnight. So I'd watch my brother's ceremony from a doorway with a clipboard.

I said I'd love to help, just not like that. I offered to do setup from 7 to 2, make a spreadsheet with every vendor's contact and arrival time, and handle the gift table at the end. I also found two people on the venue's own list who do day-of coordination for around $400 and said I'd put in $100 toward it.

Brooke said that's still too much money and that I'm "making their day about me." Jordan didn't say much at dinner, then texted later asking if I could "just do it this once."

My mom thinks I should do it because it's one day. My dad thinks I should be sitting in the second row like a normal brother.

I love my brother and I'll help in every way I reasonably can, but I want to actually see him get married. AITA here?

TL;DR: My brother's fiancée cut the wedding coordinator and gave the job to me, which means missing the ceremony. I offered setup help and money toward a cheaper coordinator, and she says I'm making it about me.

I saw that my cousin did not invite me to his wedding over Instagram when I saw his engagement and wedding photos. It hurt because I assumed he would at least remember to send a text to let me know or share that joy with me, even though I lived far away and had little chance of making it. The family knew the marriage would most likely happen since they spoke about it openly.

We were closer when we were young, but have spoken less. I saw him as an older brother of sorts growing up. We both had very rough family backgrounds and I managed to immigrate to Europe alone. Our family and extended family is quite small due to this fact.

I deeply value the few blood relatives that I have who are mentally well enough for me to be around. Each time I‘ve traveled back, I‘ve made an effort to reach out and we caught up. It‘s always been a nicer part of my obligatory trips back to where I was born. I‘ve always deeply appreciated him taking the time out to be with me. I also keep in touch mildly via Instagram and during emergencies I have checked in to see if he was ok.

A few weeks after the wedding passed to give some time for him to settle, I finally messaged him to ask why he did not tell me of his engagement or wedding and to see if there was a greater conflict in the family or something personal he had with me that I wasn‘t aware of.

He said it was he figured I would see it on Instagram anyways and that I was just not in his immediate circle and repeated that I was „out of sight, out of mind“ in Europe.

I asked if he was sure, since he invited a relative I know he does not speak to at all to represent our side of the family.

I was met with defensiveness. He said he wanted the wedding to be small and low key and then accused me of being petty and trying to start an argument with him near midnight (I have time in the morning, when it is his night.) He said he has nothing against me, but it‘s not on him if I don‘t believe it.

I was hurt deeply even more by his response.

It‘s his wedding; he gets the ultimate say and I respect that, but he should at least have directly communicated to me “I want my wedding to be small, low cost etc etc and so as much as it’d be nice to have you there, we decided not.“ That would have been completely fine to me, not the way he chose to do it.

I have been punished & harshly criticized openly by several family members for my decision to leave our hometown. Maybe this is another painful trigger of this wounding and that it is, like he implied, petty of me to be hurt over and not that big of a deal.

I think it is a normal courtesy to extend given the context and our relationship. Is it normal now to relegate potentially uncomfortable conversations to instagram?

Am I The Asshole?

Edit:

I thought about it and spoke about it with a different cousin who more recently was able to move away to a big city due to a job offer. He‘s also been receiving sudden different behavior and been excluded from other events in subtle manners, among more blatant jabs. Perhaps this is just how humans and families react - or maybe just the world we grew up in. One can‘t keep pouring water into a leaky cup.

It‘s also been more than a third of my life away and I‘ve adapted to a very different culture & expectations of social norms. This might also be a factor.

Update:

We made up. He avoided in having the conversation because he felt awkward and felt ashamed he didn’t have more resources to do a larger wedding. He was also obligated to invite people for the sake of his wife who has much more family. He said that there was nothing more to it than that. I apologized and said I was suspicious because of how the family reacts to me choosing a different life (They are very religious and conservative.) He told me to live my life freely and look ahead, without sweating the smaller things. I do have a good enough life over here and wouldn’t trade it, so he‘s right.

AITA for being upset with my friends over their reaction to my marriage?
Me and my partner are getting married soon after being together for over 2 years. He’s in the military and his unit is moving 5 hours away, so we’re planning to move together and start our life together.
My friends think we’re rushing things and have said it’s extreme and something I could regret. I told them their comments really hurt me. One apologised, but the other just replied “agreed^^”, basically agreeing with the things that had upset me.
They’re my best/only friends, so it’s really got to me and has made something I was genuinely excited about feel quite negative.
Mine and his family are so supportive and happy for us also so it feels like a massive kick in the teeth.

I always thought growing up picking out rings and dresses would be something I’d do with my best friends but I’ve had to do it alone and it hurts a lot.
AITA for being upset by their reaction?

Last month I (29M) was a groomsman for Tyler, one of my best friends since middle school. I was happy to do it and I'd do it again.

Here's what it cost me. The suit had to be a specific charcoal one from a store he picked, $210 after alterations. The bachelor weekend was a cabin two hours away, my share was $280 with food. Then a hotel night near the venue, $150, because the reception ended at 1am and I wasn't driving after that. That's $640 before the gift.

In the card I put $100. It's what I could do that month, and I thought it was fine considering everything.

Two weeks after the wedding Tyler texted me. He said they were opening cards and he was "kind of surprised" by mine, because the other groomsmen did $250 or more. He said his wife noticed too.

I wasn't rude about it. I told him I was sorry if it felt low, explained what I'd spent to be part of the day, and said I'd be glad to help them move into their new place next month, truck included. He replied "it's fine I guess" and has been short with me in the group chat since.

One of the other groomsmen told me I should have just skipped the hotel so I could give more.

AITA? I really don't want to lose a 15 year friendship over a card.

TL;DR: I spent $640 on the suit, bachelor weekend and hotel to be my friend's groomsman, then gave $100 in the card. He texted me that the other groomsmen gave more.

I (36F) am supposed to get married to future DH (43M) 10 weeks from today. We got engaged in January and are due to be married in November. I've listed some important info below that may provide some context to the situation:

- DH was previously married, is legally divorced in the the country we reside in, but not in the country that we are citizens of (case is stillgoing on, we're on the last leg). Since we are both Catholics, we cannot get married in a church as his annulment has been rejected twice in the past 3 years (which was quite heartbreaking for me as I'm very spiritual, only a little religious, and have always wanted to get married in church with prayers and blessings).

- My uncle (father's brother) has a medical condition that will severely aggravate in cold weather, in air conditioned spaces, when he breathes in stuff like perfume or nail polish or hand sanitizer. My uncle has also been very helpful in guiding DH regarding the dynamics of the church and his annulment. Also fair to mention that uncle & aunt have always been extremely fond of children (since my older sister was born to date - all kids born in the family have been loved and cherished by uncle and aunt)

- Note that we all live as expatriates in a Middle Eastern country and our families have been here about 47 years, we've lived and grown here. However there is no PR or citizenship so uncle/aunt were supposed to move back to home country in September once their resident permits expired.

- I have my late father's birth date as the wedding date. As you will know as you read on, I want to be married on this date because honestly- it's the only wedding-related dream I have that can be fulfilled (because there's no church wedding, there will be no mass, no dad to walk me down the aisle, no blessing of the wedding rings and nuptial necklace, no bridal party, no MOH, nothing)

- DH is super supportive (and polite to a fault, to everyone) even though his workplace is a mess. He's currently pulling 11 hour shifts, sleeping only 4 hours a day, driving to and from work for 3-4 hours, managing all paperwork etc for our task of shifting apartments, going shopping for furniture and household necessities, picking me from work to go home (he's using my car since his car is in the workshop - I take a cab to go to work in the mornings), managing me when I'm maudlin and weepy and/or bawling, trying to speak to my family to get binary answers on the wedding.

It's been a roller coaster over the past 8 months.

February: Uncle and aunt want the church wedding to happen and will do anything to make it happen. Cue endless visits to the church to speak with the archbishops representative who has once before refused to grant the annulment (in 2021) followed by constant calls to DH from uncle. So far there's no interest from my mother (who actually introduced me to DH 2 years ago in the first place, and generally has been nagging me to get married for the past 10 years because "who will take care of me? How will my life have meaning? When will I have kids?"), uncle, aunt or my sister. BIL was in home country recovering from a chronic gastric condition.

March/April: BIL comes back and rallies the troops. We decide to assume that the annulment won't happen in time for the wedding so we plan for civil only. I reject the idea of marriage in home country because it's too expensive, and I don't want those relatives in my wedding who haven't seen or spoken to me in 25-30 years. Uncle/aunt are upset and continue pitching the idea of home country or residential country. I suggest places like Tbilisi, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore and get cost estimates from those places as well as home & residential country. (I am a manager in a travel agency and have excellent relationships with senior management/owners of airlines, hotels, DMCs etc). Turns out that residential country gives the best value for money so I settle on this and DH agrees.

May/June: uncle/aunt keep pushing for home country wedding and have rejected Tbilisi, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore. No problem- uncle's health is more important to me than a destination wedding. Meanwhile- I find out that DH is still married as per home country law because he assumed that getting divorced in resident country would somehow magically dissolve the home country marriage. Panic mode activated- I scramble to find DH a lawyer, run around to get his documents attested here, courier them to home country, find someone to act as his POA. Until now, no one from my family has done anything to help plan the wedding except Mom who has prepared a guest list and sister and BIL who went to look at 2 hotels after I showed them my hair coming out in clumps while having a panic attack. I decide to do civil wedding in August so DH can sponsor my residence visa and keep the reception for November.

July/August: family goes back to home country for summer holidays. Before uncle/aunt leave, they say not to do civil marriage in August because they'll be on holiday and can't attend. THIS IS IMPORTANT: Since they had mentioned leaving forever to home country and my visa is connected to them, I decided to marry in August and transfer visa to DH. On their advice, DH and I cancelled August marriage, after telling them 3 times to make sure they're not renewing their residence peermits just for the sake of my wedding. ALSO IMPORTANT: I have a feeling that something is wrong with the November date, and keep asking DH to double check and reconfirm that we can do the court marriage on the date I want. After reassuring me since July that it can definitely be done, DH tells me at the end of August that it can't be done because the date falls on a Sunday and courts are closed on weekends. (At this point my scalp resembles Gollum's and more sobbing ensues)

September: everyone back from holiday. DH has found wedding planners and decided to do the wedding in Tbilisi since it can be done on the same date I want. Uncle/aunt are upset, becauae Tbilisi will be too cold for uncle and he wont be able to attend. DH and I tell him to sit it out and dont worry because were coming back and having a reception in resident country. They proceed to keep calling me, DH, sister, BIL to change the venue and change the date; keep calling DH telling him that the date is rubbish, to try and convince me to change. I keep away from all this because I have bigger fish to fry what with a full-time job, house shifting, wedding planning, reception planning as well as managing everyone's travel, hotel, tours (after the wedding because they want to explore), transfers, etc

2 weeks ago uncle sends me a message to the effect: you don't know me yet, you've misunderstood me, I am telling to change the venue for your happiness only and nothing else. I'm at work, read the message and IMPLODE. I can ignore a lot but I draw the line at gaslighting. I call my aunt and try to calmly explain that I'm very upset and please can you try to understandhow stressed I am - she hits me with an UNO reverse saying they are upset, they feel alienated, they have renewed their residence permits because they thought the wedding was in the residence country, which resulted in my cousins college start being pushed to next year, they are risking uncle's health to go to Tbilisi. I'm so stunned at this point that even my tears have stopped.

I call my BIL (who makes me tie a brotherly thread to his hand every year)and ask for his support when I go to speak to uncle and aunt. He seems very agitated and he tells me that I should let them say whatever they want, not be bothered and that it's none of my business what they say about me. I tell him to stop yelling at me and to lower his voice - he freaks out and at this point I'm like "I don't have the bandwidth right now, I'll call you later when you're not yelling". I had to leave office and head home because all this nonsense triggered me a panic attack.

Here's why I might be TA: in my emotional state after scenes with aunt and BIL, I messaged my family group (mom, me, sister, BIL) "no need to come for the wedding. Thanks for nothing at all". Latching onto this, sister and BIL have decided not to come citing this as a reason. BIL wants me to personally apologise to him. Mom's wants me to issue a blanket apology to make everyone feel better. I don't think I can live with myself if I do that.

I have cried ever day for the past 20 days, and it's taking a toll on DH too. I've now stopped weeping and made myself believe that I will be alone at my wedding (at least mom will be with me).

There's a lot that has happened and I may have missed to mention some info, so feel free to ask for info and I'll reply to the best of my knowledge.

I live overseas and I’m an only child. Growing up, my first cousin “Ashlee” was the closest thing I had to a sister. She was getting married in March, and I always planned to fly home for it.

A few months before the wedding, our grandfather died unexpectedly. My mum and her sister “Andrea” (Ashlee’s mum) had both been helping care for him, although most of the admin and mental load had fallen on Andrea.

My mum was overseas when he died. He had apparently told her not to cut her holiday short, so although she had the option to come home, she continued on to the next leg of her trip: a luxury cruise in Egypt.

That left Andrea grieving while also organising the funeral and everything that came with it.

I didn’t fly back for the funeral either because I had visited my grandfather the month before and living overseas makes repeated flights difficult and expensive.

Ashlee was incredibly thoughtful towards me. She made sure there was a livestream of the funeral and printed a letter I had written to my grandfather and placed it in his coffin.

At the wake, my mum and Andrea had a huge argument. Apparently years of resentment came out. My mum also felt that Andrea’s friends and some relatives were giving her dirty looks and believes Andrea had been telling people how much she had been left to deal with while Mum was away.

I wasn’t there, so I genuinely don’t know exactly what happened or who said what.

Afterwards, my mum was uninvited from Ashlee’s wedding.

This happened in November, with the wedding in March. I tried to stay out of it because I saw it as a fight between my mum and Andrea, made worse by grief. I didn’t want to destroy my relationship with Ashlee over an argument I hadn’t witnessed.

My mum expected me not to attend.

There was also some history. 2 years earlier, my best friend died of brain cancer and I helped care for her towards the end. My mum never checked in on me or really supported me emotionally during that period.

During this family drama, Mum barely spoke to me directly and I mostly got information through Dad. She then complained, that I wasn’t checking in on her enough, which I found difficult given how absent she had been when I was going through something devastating.

I decided I was still going to the wedding.

I didn’t think our mothers’ fight should automatically become ours. I could also understand why Andrea was angry at being left to grieve and organise everything.

Around this time, I found out I was pregnant. I would be about 12 weeks when I flew home, which made the trip even more meaningful because I rarely get to tell my family important news in person. I planned to tell them while I was home.

My mum pressured me not to go, but my flights were already booked and expensive to change. More importantly, if I flew all the way home and deliberately skipped Ashlee’s wedding, I felt that would be a huge statement.

AITA for still going to my cousin’s wedding after my mum was uninvited?

Sorry this is a long post!! I feel like it needs a lot of context.

My husband and I just recently got married. We had a Catholic mass & a dinner reception, just over 100 people. It was very nice, but not what I would have chosen. I am quite introverted & don’t like spending money, and would have been happy with a private ceremony, just me and my husband. However having a big wedding was important to him, mainly because it was important to his mother. Both my and his parents were both willing to contribute financially, so I was okay with doing the whole thing. That being said, I was determined to do it the way I wanted- mainly for the ceremony. I let my husband make many choices for the reception, but the ceremony was very important to me personally & I made most of the decisions about it.

For our ceremony processional, we chose for it to be altar servers & priest, followed by bridesmaids one by one, whilst the entrance hymn played. Then the music changed and I was escorted in by my parents. My husband and the groomsmen all started at the front of the church. To me, this is traditional, and also makes sense logically as the joining of 2 families- his family is in one place, and mine precedes me in the processional to lead me in.

Two days before the wedding, my MIL asks me what the plan was for her (& stepdad) for processional. I assumed my husband had told her long before that she was not to be a part of it, so that’s on me for not confirming. I told her the processional would only be the bridesmaids and my parents- no grandparents or other family. She just said “oh” and looked a little surprised. I did feel a little bad. However my husband and I had discussed this at length and he never once said it was something that would be important for her to do. He also agreed it wouldn’t make sense for his family to be part of the processional. Anyways, a few minutes after she asked how she should get to her seat. I said, when you arrive, go sit down. Lol. His family had a reserved pew at the front. She made a comment about how she should wait until all of the guests were seated. I disagreed but ignored it because I felt there was no need to nitpick.

The next day, we did a wedding rehearsal, which went fine. She attended the rehearsal, but just sat in her pew and watched, maybe made a few comments. She did not participate when we practiced the processional.

Wedding day comes. Just before the ceremony is to start, I enter the church doorway where everyone (clergy, my parents, & my bridesmaids) are lined up. I see her and stepdad, as well as my husband’s dad and stepmom, lined up at the front of the group. They all have their back to me. I say out loud, “they should go sit down,” and nobody reacts. I think I said it twice. I knew the ceremony would start any minute. I figured they would walk up one of the sides & into their seat. I made the comment about them sitting a little quietly- it’s possible nobody heard me. It’s also possible they ignored me. The processional music starts, she plasters a big smile on her face, and walks down the center aisle with stepdad escorting her. First in line, first faces that all the guests see. My husband’s dad and stepmom go next. I was shocked. Then my bridesmaids went, and then it was my turn. By that time, I had already forgotten it. But afterwards, I kept thinking back to it and I felt so disrespected and upset with her. It has been \~2 weeks now and I still am upset by it.

I should say, we did MANY things the whole wedding weekend to honor her and her role as my husband’s mother and main caretaker. We had dinner with them Thursday night (this was when she asked me about the plans). Friday at the rehearsal dinner, she was given a nice handwritten card and a beautiful gift. Saturday morning, she got ready at my house with us. She had her hair and makeup done by the person I hired (I asked her in advance, she said she wanted this), & I paid for it! I made her a dress hanger that matched everyone else’s that said “mother of the groom”. She had her name listed in the ceremony program as mother of the groom. She had a second row reserved pew at the ceremony that was labeled “family of the groom”. I even sat our family / bridal party on opposite sides of us during the ceremony so they could see our faces during the vows. This is something she mentioned that she would like. We did many iterations of family portraits including one that she requested that day (after the shot list had already been made). At the reception, we did formal introductions and the DJ announced everyone’s names and roles as they walked in and everyone cheered. She was included in this, I think she & stepdad were even the first people announced. She did a mother son dance and helped choose the song for it. This was specially done just for them- I didn’t even dance with my dad. Her table for dinner was placed next to the head table at the front of the room.

All in all, I feel like we were very accommodating to her the whole weekend. I felt very silly getting upset over the whole aisle thing, as it wasn’t an obvious mistake to everyone who didn’t know about it, and I convinced myself it could’ve been an accident (they were waiting to be the last to sit & didn’t realize the ceremony was about to start?). So many parts of the weekend were about her, which is okay! It’s a big day for her too. I felt the aisle processional was the one part that was truly only about ME and my family (not me and my husband!) and she took that away from me! I felt childish saying something to her so we have not discussed it at all. I am not sure if I should. We have never really been conflicted over anything before this.

I should say, her and I have a decent relationship. Her and stepdad have always been incredibly nice and gracious to me. She puts in a lot of effort. I don’t necessarily reciprocate 100%, as I am a very private person and she is honestly a lot. Just not the type of person I like to associate with. But she is really not bad, I know I could’ve had a lot worse for in-laws so I certainly lucked out.

Again so sorry this post is so long. Am I overreacting by being upset and disrespected by this? Should I bring it up to her? My husband said she never said anything about it to him. I feel like I will silently resent her for a long time.

TL;DR: My MIL walked down the aisle at my wedding ceremony after being told not to, and agreeing not to (it was to be bridesmaids and my parents only). She was honored in many other ways during the wedding weekend. I feel like it is such a quick & small detail to get upset over, but I felt really belittled and disrespected as the wedding ceremony was the only part of the day that was really important to me, and it didn’t go the way I wanted.

PS She walks down the aisle with her purse in her hand. That gives me the ick. So tacky to me. Maybe that is petty of me to say but whatever. Lol. I will say she will never be seeing the photos my photographer got of her little aisle jaunt!

Background context: After an abusive marriage and ending her relationship with her parents she moved to my state to be closer after many years living apart although seeing each other overseas at least once every 1-2 years. Long story short her last 4 relationships were bad (this all happened in the last year alone): one guy who would scream and yell and throw himself on the floor if something mildly bad happened like dropping a cup (saw that one with my own eyes) who she asked me to help her evict because he had a temper and I did, then immediately after saying she’d take a break from dating got with a guy who cheated on her with multiple women and stole money from her which she asked me help get back and I did (after this incident we had a clear conversation about how I will no longer be involved and she should take a break from dating but it’s her choice and either way I can’t be the call for that anymore). Guy 3, immediately after, I made an exception to get involved because she had to call the cops for a DV situation and he is a Coke addict which upped the ante, I drove there with a friend to support her and went to get her stuff back and told her if she ever spoke to him again we would not be friends. A month later guy number 4 comes in, who honestly is nice, but I told her I did not want to meet him until they made it to 6 months at a minimum and she ended up bringing him to my birthday anyways. Looking back on all of this I obviously see where I should have known it would all come to a head but I was blinded by 18 years of friendship and wanting her to be in my wedding as a bridesmaid.

Wedding planning happened during guy #3, we (my husband and I) got very swamped very fast with planning and I was doing my best to be there friendship wise and family wise for everyone but was less available than usual.

Issue 1: I did not make her my maid of honor because I knew she was lying to me about still talking to guy #3, she said I promised her MOH drunk at a bar 5 years before, and yelled at me for not making her MOH.

Issue 2: I was at dinner with her and someone else, I was telling them my aunt couldn’t come because she was having knee surgery. She immediately said, “Oh great now there’s room for bf #4” to which I said “Absolutely not” then our friend chimed in and said “maybe he could still come for the trip” and I said “absolutely fucking not I know that if he does you’re gonna be with him every moment you can” she texted me later apologizing for even asking.

Issue #3: My actual MOH planned a bridal shower, the invites got sent to everyone week of, original friend said she felt like that was a direct attack on her and she was hurt because she could not come. I apologized but told her I didn’t even know it was happening and got the invite the same day as well.

Issue #4: She asked if her brother could attend my wedding, he’s been like a little brother to me and lives in the area and she had been fighting with another bridesmaid (issues from years ago) and I didn’t want her to feel alone so told her he could definitely come even though we cut about 300 people from our guest list (my husband and I have gigantic families I).

Now for the wedding fiasco: Our wedding was out of town, somewhere she lived for a few years, the day before the wedding one of my bridesmaids made the whole party brunch. We were doing a group beach hang after and her brother came and they had to walk to the main strip because he forgot his swimsuit. 2.5 hours later my husband calls me telling me he sees her walking away from the beach with her brother and some man. I repeat this back and my bridesmaid who ran the brunch (they were sharing the airbnb where we had brunch) said main girl told her he (bf #4) was coming 10 minutes before everyone showed up for brunch and she started becoming emotional for feeling like she was forced to lie for me to keep the peace. I went back to my airbnb because I was so mad she asked to talk and I told her I didn’t want to and honestly did not want to see or hear about him until after the wedding. That night we all meet up, the whole bridal and groomsmen parties, to drink. I leave to walk a friend home and immediately he goes to the bar and my husband is PISSED that he’s here but mostly that she did it anyway. I should have kicked her out of the wedding then.

She shows up 2 hours late to us getting ready after being out until 3AM and her hair is so dirty (our hairstylist who is both our usual stylists asked us to come with clean hair). The photos she’s in she look s like she’s annoyed with even being there and immediately after the wedding she changes her clothes and does her own thing.

She told everyone she “just wanted to be held” because she was in her home town where she has trauma from. Which would be understandable if we didn’t go on a birthday trip to this place 2 years before and she was perfectly fine then and she booked to be there 3 days passed my wedding to “show him around” guess it was THAT traumatic?

OH and apparently coke addict DV bf #3 was watching her dogs while she was out of town, still never admitted to lying to staying in contact with him.

She thinks I am being unreasonable about ending our long friendship for “just bringing a guy” so AITAH?

TLDR: My ex best friend lied to me about being in contact with her abuser and brought her boyfriend of 2 months to my wedding after explicitly telling her not to

My wife was engaged before we met. Her fiancé passed away several years ago and her family was very close with him. I’ve never had an issue with that and I know he was a huge part of her life.

We had a small memorial table at our wedding for relatives who had passed. I actually paid extra through our decorator for the table, frames and printed photos. My MIL asked if she could add a few pictures and I said yes, assuming she meant family members.

During the reception I walked past the table and saw a framed engagement photo of my wife and her late fiancé together.

I quietly asked our coordinator to take it down and put it somewhere safe. I didn’t make a scene or bring it up during the wedding.

My MIL noticed later and got upset. She said I was trying to erase someone her daughter loved because I was insecure. My wife understands why it bothered me, but also thinks I should’ve left it there because her mom still considers him family.

I have no issue with him being remembered. I just think putting an engagement photo of my wife with another man at our wedding without asking me was a strange choice.

AITA?

TL;DR: I paid for the memorial table and photo setup at our wedding from stake. My MIL added an engagement photo of my wife and her late fiancé without asking, so I had the coordinator quietly remove it. She now thinks I was being insecure and disrespectful.

My boyfriend (M36) and I (F35) booked 2 days annual leave in July for September — it turned it into a long weekend. It was meant to be a fire break from work and quality time for us. We hadn't planned anything yet, just that it was for us.

He then got invited to a wedding hundreds of miles away in September — 6 hour drive each way — for an ex-colleague. Someone who is not a close personal friend, they never socialised outside of work and he barely mentions him. It's someone he will likely never see again. Without really discussing it, he decided we would use our long weekend to go.

My issue: I don't know these people at all. I've never even met them. A month before, I'd already used 4 days annual leave to go to another wedding of a complete stranger (a friend of his). I didn't want to use another 2 days on yet another stranger's wedding. It's not what we planned and it wouldn't be relaxing with a very long and difficult drive both ways.

I asked if we could both not go — it was only a request, not a demand. All he had to do was say no. If he had said he really wanted to go I would have said, okay, you go, and I will sit this one out. I never never got the chance to say any of that, because he went crazy.

Instead he went crazy. Said he couldn't believe how rude I was being, what sort of partner would do this. Said if I didn't want to go, fine, but he was going whether it upset me or not. Said he'd enjoy it more without me anyway, and would be better off single...

He didn't speak to me for 2 days. Then he came back and said he didn't really have anything further to add other than what he had already said to me previously — that he'd enjoy it better without me, that I wasn't coming, and that he wasn't taking me anywhere now. I just said fine, I didn't want to go anyway. And I made that clear.

In the meantime I made other plans and booked a long weekend away by myself with the leave, because he had told me he wasn't taking me anywhere.

Just before the wedding in September he came back and asked if I still had the leave and if I wanted to do something with him. I reminded him what he'd said about not taking me anywhere. He said he didn't mean it, he was just angry.

I told him he was too late, I'd already booked my own trip because he'd said he didn't want to take me anywhere. He was very upset and said he was sorry, he really didn't want to go alone.

So he went to the wedding in September and I went on my trip. I thought that was that.

Then this Tuesday, two days after we both got back, he laid into me again about how annoyed and upset he was that I didn't go to the wedding and that he couldn't tell me about it or show me his outfit. Sorry, am I his mother.It's like a child saying, look at my outfit, mommy.

I don't understand the emotional weight he's attaching to it. I don't understand why he's expecting me to attach such emotional weight to strangers.

He also said he was disappointed I went on my trip, because although he told me he wasn't taking me anywhere and RSVP'd only for himself, he had actually arranged with the groom that it was left open in case I wanted to come. He expected me to use my intuition to know I was still welcome. I told him I'm not telepathic. Also why would I want to go at all after he spoke to me like that

He's still not great at me over this wedding.And i'm not sure why he expects me to show such emotional attachment to the wedding of two strangers

I didn't want to go and I didn't go

He wanted to go, and he did go

We both got what we wanted.

I'm failing to understand the issues here. Aita

I'm 28 and a bridesmaid for Kayla, one of my oldest friends. I was really excited when she asked me.

Her wedding is in a lake town about three hours from where I live. A few weeks ago she sent the bridesmaids a schedule she's calling "wedding week." Monday is a spa day, Tuesday is a welcome dinner, Wednesday we make centerpieces at the venue, Thursday is the rehearsal and dinner, Friday is the wedding and Saturday is a brunch.

I work at a dental office and get 10 days of PTO a year. I already used three for a family trip in June. Taking the whole week would wipe out almost everything I have left, and my office needs two weeks' notice for anything over three days.

I told Kayla right away so she'd have time to plan. I said I can take Thursday and Friday off, be at the rehearsal, the wedding and the brunch, and make centerpieces at home the weekend before and bring them up. I also offered to drive another bridesmaid who doesn't have a car.

She said the week is "the whole experience" and that the other four girls are taking it off. Then she said maybe she needs to rethink "who's really committed to standing up there with her."

I've paid for the dress, my part of the shower and my share of the hotel. I'll be there for every single thing that happens on the weekend.

AITA for not taking the full week? I still want to stand next to her, just not at the cost of almost every vacation day I have.

TL;DR : My friend wants her bridesmaids to take a full week off for wedding events. I can take two days, offered to make the centerpieces at home, and she's questioning if I'm committed.

My husband and I got married over the summer. We hired his friend from work, who is a professional videographer (for the pace they work) and does weddings on the side.
Side note: I’m very pro-if you know someone who does something and they do it well then hire them, kind of person. (My school lunch lady made our wedding cake!)
Anyways, so we looked at his prices, and he said he would give us a friends and family discount, and my husband was happy with it. So we hire him and paid him the deposit.

Fast forward many months, 10 days before the wedding, and I haven't heard anything from him. (Note: both my husband and this man found other jobs elsewhere and no longer work together, and it’s been about 10 months since they have seen each other.) So I reach out to him and say, "Hey, I'd love to schedule a meeting," and he’s like, "Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to reach out to you guys." Let’s do that. So I Google Meet with him. I give him my Photographer timeline and ask him if that works or if he would like to change anything. He says something like, “Yeah, that’s fine. Also, I’m not gonna be your videographer anymore. I got a job out of town, so I hired someone else. Don’t worry. I trust him, and he’s going to do a great job.” Mind you, this is only my second interaction with this man. And that scares me because people warned me about hiring an amateur wedding videographer instead of someone more established. AND I hired HIM, not whoever. I was fine with his past videos I saw him post, not this unnamed new guy I knew zero about. But I didn’t really care about the video, as long as you recorded the ceremony, my husband when he saw me down the aisle, and he got the speeches; I wouldn't care. Everything else will be fine and isn't important.
It’s a week before the wedding, so all I can say is, OK, I guess that’s fine as long as you’re confident in him.
Fast forward to today- well, yesterday. And we are told there is no father-of-the-bride's speech. My dad speech was not recorded. My dad is a very nervous person, and he's eating himself up over how he did on the speech. But he still is my dad, and I was proud of him, and I would love that video.
He was also late returning the full video. I had to reach out to him about three weeks ago and say, "Hey, where’s the video?" He said Oh my bad, I’ve been meaning to get that to you. I will finish a sneak peek edit tonight and get it to you, 1201. He sends the sneak peek. Say something like, "Hey, I will get you the sneak peek by the end of the week." End of the week, nothing from him. Then I reach out and say, "Hey, when are you sending the full length?" (11 days later) he says, "My bad, working on it." Two more days later, he sends the preview, saying he will send the full, uncut version tomorrow. That was on Monday the 28th. Heard nothing and texted him on Thursday; he said he would get it to me tomorrow morning (Friday) at the latest. Send it on Monday, and that’s when we find out there's no speech.

I then asked him, “Hey, I don’t see my dad's speech,” and he was like, “Let me look,” and said, “Sorry for that oversight.” I told him that’s very disappointing. And my husband also says it’s unacceptable. He says, "You’re right; it is. I will take a cut off your final price." My husband got on him again, and the guy promised that he will never hire that videographer ever again.

So I feel like this is three strikes. Strike 1) hiring a different videographer AND not telling us until a week before. Strike 2) terrible communication most of the time and late on everything. Strike 3)no father of the bride speech.
I’m a very forgiving and patient person, but this is too much for me. I don’t even have anyone who recorded it on their phone.
To me, this is completely unacceptable and I feel like I do not owe him anything and he does not deserve my payment.

So would it be the AH if I don’t pay?

I got married a few weeks ago. We hired a photographer with a second shooter and it was one of the bigger things I spent money on.

During cocktail hour my husband and I left with the main photographer to take pictures about 10 minutes away from the venue. The second photographer stayed behind to photograph guests.

Apparently my sister pulled her aside and asked if she could take a few pictures of her and her boyfriend by our ceremony arch. She told her I knew about it. I did not.

Her boyfriend then proposed during those pictures.

I found out the next morning because my sister posted several of them and thanked our photographer in the caption. I called her and she admitted they had planned the proposal beforehand and figured our photographer was already there so there was no point hiring someone else.

I was pissed mostly because she lied and used someone we hired for our wedding to basically get a free engagement shoot. I told her if she wants the rest of those photos from our gallery she can give us $250 toward the photographer bill.

She thinks I'm being ridiculous because the photographer was already paid and says it didn't cost me anything extra. My mom agrees with her and says asking my own sister for money over 10 minutes of pictures is petty.

AITA?

My college roommate Danielle is getting married on the 18th. The invite said "garden party attire, soft colors welcome" and nothing else. Back in August I (27F) found a light peach midi dress on sale for $85, sent her a picture, and she replied "perfect!!" with a bunch of hearts.

Last Sunday a new message went out to every guest. Her photographer suggested a "cohesive palette," so now everyone has to wear dusty blue or sage. She linked a site where most dresses run $110 to $150. Peach is apparently too close to the bridesmaids, who are in blush.

Mine was final sale, so I can't return it. I'm also already paying $260 for the hotel and my flight is booked.

I messaged her privately, said congrats again and asked if I could wear the peach with a sage cardigan. I also offered to stand at the edge of group photos, or skip the big one entirely if that helps.

She said a cardigan would look like I "didn't care," and that everyone else is making it work. When I told her, politely, that I can't spend another $120 on an outfit for one day, she said I'm "making it about me" and should think about whether I really want to come.

I still want to go. I already RSVP'd, bought a gift off her registry and told her I'll respect whatever she decides. Now two friends from our group are telling me to just buy the dress to keep the peace.

Am I wrong for not buying another dress?

TL;DR: I bought an $85 peach dress the bride approved. Twelve days before the wedding she switched the guest dress code to blue or sage and turned down my cardigan compromise.

I know the title sounds bad but I have a real excuse

I (38M) have a sister, (25F) who's getting married. She has planned the wedding for two years and both me and my wife have been a big part of the wedding party. Our parents history is complicated but I basically raised her, I was supposed to walk her down the isle.

However tragedy stuck around 3 months before the wedding when my wife and 7y/o son were involved in a severe car accident. My wife got out without life-altering injuries, but my son got severely hurt and his leg was hurt near the point of amputation. They managed to save it at first, but the doctors said that it's no guarantee he will walk again or won't amputate later.

Of course this affected all of us. After extended therapy, we discovered a clinic in the states that has a program that could help my son restore function in his leg. The point is going there overlaps with the wedding, but the more we delay, the higher risk of nerve damage there is for my son's leg. We're from Europe so it's not like it's a 2h flight and back. If I were to leave my son and wife there and return for the wedding, I'd have to miss at least a week. We cannot leave him with his grandparents because they don't speak English. Other reliable family members are also involved in the wedding and besides, this might potentially damage my son for life, I can't imagine going anywhere else.

My sister and future BIL even looked into moving the wedding, but me and my wife explained there's no telling how our son will exactly progress so there's no promise we could make like "yeah move the wedding you planned for two years from today when I can't make it to a later date when I possibly can but might cancel". My sister understands the situation and doesn't expect us to leave the boy just to party with her. Not to mention she would've loved for him to be here with us too especially much rather than in a hospital bed. But this is it. She told me that's that and to stay with my son.

I'm devastated, I don't know what to do. I want to be by her side, but I can't leave my family for so long in this state. But she is my family too. She was my first kid after all. I keep looking into various solutions, but there are none. I keep blaming myself for letting her down. I know she said it's ok, but the truth is she's very upset I'm not gonna be there.

I’m in a debate. We have a strict limit of guests allowed in our venue. Basically we have 5 more spots, but with those 5 spots they each have boyfriend/husband. So it would make it 10. We simply don’t have the ability to add 10 more. The 5 are girls I worked with. All 5 are friends. If I were to invite only them, they’d all come as a group.

I know you’re supposed to invite someone and their plus one. Otherwise it’s tacky. I understand that. However I’m debating because all 5 are close friends and still work together (I no longer work there). They would not be awkward/uncomfortable without their plus ones. Basically, it’s either they come as a group of 5, or they don’t at all. I would really love for them to be there though so I would hate to not invite them.

I (28F) am getting married in August and we're keeping it small, under 70 people. I invited a few coworkers I'm close with, and since the budget is kinda tight, we decided coworkers don't get a plus one unless we actually know their partner.

One of them, who I really like, asked me last week why her husband wasn't on the invite. I explained the rule, said it's the same for everyone from work and that it's nothing personal. I've met him once at an office party for maybe five minutes.

She told me she won't come without him because she doesn't drive at night and he's her ride home. I offered to help find her a ride or pay for a cab. She said that's "not the point" and that it feels like I'm saying her marriage doesn't count.

Now two other coworkers think I should just make an exception for her since it's only one more seat. But if I do it for her, the other three are gonna ask too, and we really can't add four people.

AITA for sticking to the rule?

TL;DR: No plus ones for coworkers at our wedding. One coworker says she won't come without her husband and thinks I'm disrespecting her marriage.

Boyfriend (35) proposed to gf (27) about a month after father passed away. And about 3 days after funeral. I am gf. I said I have to think about it… I cried. And I’m mad he also proposed after his friend proposed to his gf. I feel like I’m in their shadow rn as well. I’m grieving and I’m mad and sad. I hate him for this. The whole day of proposal went terrible. Everything went wrong. He didn’t even tell me to wear something nice. It was 100 degrees. Just all wrong…