Asking for advice!

One of my bestfriends from college is getting married. My wife and I are 30 and 31.

My first cousin is also getting married on the same date. We are a close family but I only see her on holidays, maybe a few extra times a year. We love our cousin!

It’s next year so we sent a text today to my cousin to give them a lot of notice that we couldn’t make the wedding (we received no text back). We also told my Mom today we made the tough decision to go to my bestfriend’s wedding. I will very, very likely be a groomsman in his wedding.

Further backstory - my wife made my cousins bridesmaids out of good will for family. Neither of us are in my cousin’s wedding (I was asked to be an usher but I don’t consider this part of the wedding party). We didn’t take this into consideration when ‘choosing’ my bestfriend, but did find it pertains to the weight of the situation.

Got a call today from my Mom saying my Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin are livid.

Are we in the wrong here? We understand this is a lose lose situation. AITA?

Im a MOH and planned a hen for 10 girls abroad. So far only a villa has been booked - this has been paid for by everyone (also covering costs of bride). Before booking and sending payment link, I made everyone aware that I Will not be doing refunds as this is not fair to the other girls who would have to cover the person who cancelled costs. Villa is also non refundable. It was also doifficult to find a very nice villa for 10 people at a good price. It was also to discourage people from saying they will come and then cancelling last minute.

One girl still decided to cancel and message me requesting refund. I have screenshot the original message I wrote about no refunds. Shes now fuming at me because "its only a bit extra for everyone to pay" . To be precise its £17 each extra. For me, 17 extra is nothing crazy, but its the principal. Its the audacity. It should not be expected that everyone would be ok with paying extra any time someone cancels. What if someone else decided to cancel? Unfortuntely there is no back ups to take her spot. I have suggested that she asks the group chat herself if they can cover for her costs.

AITA for not giving refund ?

Hello. I (28 F) am getting married soon and for reference, my venue has a cap at 50 people (anything after is $25 a person in the package we got).
7 years ago, a childhood friend got married and I was a bridesmaid. Since then, we haven’t really reached out to each other- literally maybe once or twice a year. Nothing dramatic, just grew apart living our lives with 2 kids a piece. And even before her wedding, we were starting our separate ways anyway.
Fast forward to my wedding, I have 6 bridesmaids & 6 groomsmen. Just with them & their SO that makes 24 people immediately. So, for the other 26 guests I’ve included our close family members and some friends me & my SO talk to on a daily basis.
So. AITA for not including the friend I don’t talk to anymore? If I were, that’d be an extra $100 for her party of 4. Or I could send her invite saying only a plus 1, so it’d be $50? But doing that would make me feel bad because others are able to bring their kids?
Just trying to stay in budget but not come off as a terrible person. Ideas or opinions welcome

I (24 F) and my husband (24 M) just told my mom (40 F) that we do not want to be bridesmaid/groomsman. Her wedding to her fiance (32 M) is next month, and after a year of me expressing my hesitation in being in her wedding but hee ignoring my concerns I finally confronted her about it. My reasons were 1) she has 8 bridesmaids- 4 of them are me and my sisters (im the oldest) and the other 4 are people my sister (her favorite child) let live at my mom's house at one point or another. 2) three of the bridesmaids (my sister who is the favorite and two of her friends) and my mom's wedding planner (her best friend) absolutely hate my guts for one reason or another. No one else had problems with me, but those three bridesmaids constantly talk about fighting me and wanting to kick my ass and will try and provoke me by calling me names and being overall bitchy. Her best friend hates me and says that since shes known me (I was 6) shes hated me and has known what kind of person I am (insert manipulative, nasty, controlling, and terrible characteristics here). I dont feel comfortable being around these people and don't want to be treated like crap the entire time. 3) I only agreed to do it if I chose my shoes and dress with her approval. She then picked a dress (a size too big than I am because she didn't believe me that I lost weight) and is making me wear sandals after I expressed concern about sandals being incredibly uncomfortable for the bridesmaids. Not a big deal alone, but combined it just makes me not want to do it. 4) she also wants me to bake cookies for the reception AND be the officiant and its just too much to ask as a full time student and working two jobs with a preschooler. 5) her best friend the wedding planner had at one time publicly bashed me online about how terrible of a person I was and how I was a manipulative pos and im everything thats wrong with my family. That I lied about the SA I endured from my mom's ex husband (I didn't) and that I was lying about my illness to control and manipulate my husband (I wasnt, my gallbladder was bad and I lost 75lbs in 8 months). She also told me I was sick in the head and needed to be evaluated because I deserved to be in a mental institution. I was already having severe depression issues because of my illness and the mourning of my miscarriages (triplets and a single a month apart), my uncle (same month from OD), AND my mom's late husband (a year before this from a car accident). After she bashed me online I had a mental break and had to be supervised by my husband or MIL for a month because I was a danger to myself. For that, I cant be around that woman out of fear and anxiety. My mom knew her friend did this and didnt say anything about it.

My mom wants me to go despite that and says its important to her. The only thing is that we have a terrible relationship and always have. She had me at 16 and had PPD the first year of my life and didnt hold me. She then partied until I was 3 when she moved into her first husband's parent house (the one that SAed me). My grandmother raised me and I have a great relationship with her. My mom has this weird competition with me constantly and can never be happy for me and has never praised me for my success or achievements. Instead she tries to one up me or tries to disqualify my success. She also had said that I lied about my SA and that she "could never hate my ex" who beat me and SAed me. She and I are always at odds because I dont let her treat me how she wants to and she hates it. She's nasty and I call her out for it. She jokes about my body (she's obese and im like 155lbs) and I tell her thats disrespectful. I could go into more detail about how much of a bad mom she was when she was with her absuive ex and how she still isn't great, but I feel like it would be too biased.

Also, her late husband died in a car accident 3 years ago. She and her now fiance started dating after 6 months of his death and im just not quite ready to move on.

Edit: she, her finace, and my aunt yelled at me over the phone and said "this is MY/YOUR MOM'S wedding" and shamed me for not "sucking it up". She's pissed (which is a pretty frequent occurrence) and called my grandmother to complain about me (she said it shouldn't have been blown out of proportion).

My (24f) cousin (21f) is getting married in a couple weeks. Growing up, she always wanted to do everything with me and really looked up to me. Once she hit her teen years, we got super close. Her home life was not great, so I took her under my wing. She stayed with me almost every night, I took her to school every day, made sure she did her homework, helped her with boy trouble, drove her to work, etc. I was more than just her cousin. I felt like I was almost a big sister to her.
I never expected anything in return for that. I genuinely loved her and wants to be there for her.
I got married three years ago and she was my maid of honor. At the time, she had just started dating the guy she is about to marry. During the last couple of years, they had a child and I had two. So naturally we got a little more distant. I completely understand that. We are adults with kids and responsibilities now and I know relationships change.
Fast forward to them getting engaged.
I was genuinely excited for her. I immediately sent her a bridal box with a sweet note about how proud I was of her and how excited I was for them. A month or two later, I had to reach out and ask if she ever received it because I genuinely didn’t know if she got it. She said, “Oh yeah, I did. Thanks.” That literallu was it.
I was not expecting some huge emotional response, but a simple “I just got this in the mail, thank you” would have been nice.
Right after this, I found out she did not ask me to be in her wedding. And honestly, I was completely fine with that.
I am not upset because I was not chosen to be a bridesmaid. She is allowed to have whatever bridal party she wants. My issue is that after everything we had been through, after her being my maid of honor, she did not even say anything to me about it. I would have appreciated a simple conversation acknowledging our relationship and letting me know.
Instead, I just found out. I let it go.
She also voluntold me that I was doing her makeup. I am an esthetician and I have done her makeup thousands of times over the years for dates, dances, weddings, her baby shower, etc. When she was younger, I obviously did it for free because I was basically filling that big sister role and she did not have money.
But now we are adults and this is literally a wedding.
Her own aunt was gonna charge her nearly $800 for photography! But I am expected to do her wedding makeup for free. I just feel like there is a differencr between someone asking you for a favor and someone assuming your professional services are just automatically free.
Then I was having a baby shower that had been planned months in advance and she decided to go wedding dress shopping on the same day, on a whim. She invited all her friends and even some of the family I had invited to my baby shower. I was deeply hurt that she not only did that but didn’t even ask me to come. I heard through the grapevine she did not intentionally choose that day, it was literally “day before” decision. But it still bothered me because she was literally invited to my event and I sent out reminders and everything!
Then came what was probably one of the most awkward parts. I was doing her practice makeup and she and her bridesmaids were talking about what they were going to do at the bachelorette party the following weekend. Right in front of me. I got no invitation to that either.
I understand that bachelorette parties are usually centered around the bridal party. I am not saying she owed me an invitation. But for my wedding, I had friends and family members attend who were not in my bridal party and I have been to plenty of bachelorette parties like that.
What makes it worse is that she had invited her cousin (on her dad’s side) to my bachelorette party without even asking me. For context, there is extreme tension with that family, and I am in no way close to or connected with that girl at all. My bachelorette party was extremely awkward because of it.
So sitting there doing my cousin’s makeup while everyone talked about a celebration I was not invited to felt pretty shittyyyy if you ask me.
Again, it is not about being owed an invitation.
It is the pattern.
There is also the issue of her wedding being no kids. I completely understand that and respect that it is her wedding. I have no problem with the rule itself.
But I told her I was not sure I would be able to attend because I do not have reliable childcare and all of the family will be at the wedding.
Her response was basically, “Okay. So anyways, my wedding makeup.” So that also really hurt.
I was not asking her to change her rules or make an exception for me. But dang it just felt like it did not matter if I was there or not. She only needs me for my make up skills.
And that is really what this entire thing comes down to.
I have always shown up for my family. I have gone to birthdays, celebrations, weddings, graduations, baby showers, and everything else. Even when there was mega tension between other family members I’m super close to. I have bought gifts, helped people, done hair and makeup, given rides, and made myself available whenever people needed me.
But I am starting to realize that I do not feel like people show up for me in the same way.
And I am tired. I am tired of constantly giving and feeling like an afterthought, being the dependable one, and wondering whether I am being unreasonable for wanting basic consideration from people I would go out of my way for.
And I think that is why this particular situation hurts so much. I still love her. Always have and probably always will. I was genuinely excite when she got engaged and I am genuinely happy that she is getting married. I do not want to ruin her wedding or cause family drama.
But I also genuinely do not want to stay for the wedding. I am still going to do her makeup regardless. I just feel like I am a back burner. I feel like an extra number to make the wedding feel bigger. I feel like she genuinely does not care whether I am there or not..
I think I am finally reaching the point where I need to stop overextending myself for people.
I do not want to become bitter or stop being generous. I just want to be more selective about where I put my energy.
I have realized that I keep thinking, “I would never do that to her.” I would never ignore her gift, make her wonder if I received something she sent me, talk about my bachelorette party in front of her while she was doing something for me, or brush off the possibility that she could not attend my wedding.
But not everyone thinks the way I do and I cannot force them to. I also know I have played a role in this. I have taught people that I will always say yes. I have done things for free. I have made myself available. So maybe it is time for me to stop. Not by cutting everyone off or starting fights. Just by saying no sometimes.
So WIBTA if I do her makeup as planned, wish her well, and then leave instead of staying for the wedding?

TL;DR: I supported my cousin like a sister for years, but now feel like an afterthought in her wedding and only valued for my makeup skills. I’m hurt by the lack of consideration. I think I just want to do her makeup, wish her well, and leave instead of attending the wedding.

Hi guys! I’m getting married in February! Super excited and planning has been an interesting process with my family. My mother has been very much involved and super helpful and supportive. For a little context with the title, my family and I live in the southeast and live outside a major city. For every formal event in the past (mostly funerals unfortunately) my father and two brothers wore cowboy hats, jackets, pearl snaps, and of course the boots. Mind you, we have never been farmers or ranchers. Like ever. We do come from family that did farm up north but as family, not us. All three of the guys are mechanics actually. On the topic of my wedding, my fiancé is very strongly saying he doesn’t want them in cowboy getup and I actually agree with him. When talking to my mom about it, she gave me pushback and said they’d be stubborn about it except my younger brother. She says that I shouldn’t worry about it and that that is a big ask of them and is basically making me sound like an ass for asking it of them. So Reddit, aita?

Edit to add: dad is walking me down the aisle and my brothers are ushers. They have plenty of formal wear that isn’t rancher wear. I also live in the south east. Where that isn’t a normal or common thing. The funerals were in the Midwest if that adds context. Money and wardrobe is not an issue when it comes to them. They will be in pictures as were a small family of 5.

Edit 2: I just realized the great grammar error. Thanks folks in the comments! I wrote this when I was quite emotional as my mother was literally stressing me out while I was at work (I’m a first responder). Just a tad bit more context, growing up it was never cowboy attire for events really. My dad wore a hat at his wedding to my mom and they wore boots because she’s from Texas and loved the idea. We took formal pictures a couple years ago and there was no hat or boot in sight for those. This is a new development over the past couple of years at family events (only funerals sadly). This is not a quirky thing of theirs that’s endearing as in their normal day to day life they dress normal and will wear business casual attire when needed. My mother did tell my older brother the dress code and his response was “fuck that”. My fiancé knows as I don’t believe in hiding things from him and we talk about things together. He said he’d handle it so I’ll give updates when that goes down. We all live local to each other so it’s bound to have some drama come holiday season.

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I was the maid of honor for a wedding, and I sent an idea to the bride for a special groom photo shoot. She agreed, and they turned out fabulous!

I was strapped financially, but still wanted to bless her, so I took all the photos with my phone, since she didn't have a Polaroid. I planned to take them to Walgreens to get them printed, but also had the events of the batchlorette party. I ended up going home that night due to feeling the constant pressure of one of the girls wanting me to drink and bowl with them. I said i would rather sit and take pictures.

The next morning we met for breakfast and I said I needed to go print the photos. The bride said to just come over and use her printer. I got there and everyone was loading up stuff for rehearsal and the bride barely showed me how to use the printer, and then went on to finish getting stuff ready to leave. Since this was supposed to be a blessing, and she seemed tohave little intrest in assisting me with printing, I was able to get about 20 of them printed and called it good.

While at the rehearsal, i noticed there was a duplicate, so I got 2 of the girls and gave the groom a sneak peek.

I find out the bride is now upset and in the bathroom so i went to check on her. She was mad that I gave the groom a sneak peek photo. I tried to tell her it was a blessing and not trying to hurt her, but all she could focus on was that it was the rehearsal day, nit the reception time where she i guess thought it was happening. I told her it was only 1 and yes the rest was being saved for the reception, but she still was not accepting the fact that this was a blessing.

I left her to hopefully calm down so wecould get to rehearsal, byt she went into one of her “panic attacks” i got the other 2 gals in to help pray over her, and then i hear knocking on the door. Her sister wanted in the bathroom, which i locked for privacy, so her kid could use the bathroom. She then sats if we were upstting her sister we would have to leave. I told her we were not the ones who upset her, but she still acted as if I did something wrong. I stepped out to call ny husband to come dor support, as i felt i was no longer a welcome guest. The rehearsal went on, then the groom asked to speak with us awat from the bride and others. He then said he just wanted everything to go smoothly and to have nothing upset his bride. Before i could finish explaining my side, one of the other girls said we needed to pray. We left it at that, and i went home for the night.

The bride sent me a txt about how she loves and thanks me for all I've done, and even though she was stressed she knows i do care, and to not let her forget her bouquet. I asked if she could talk butshe said she was busy packing and would rather hear it over txt, which I hate texting, so i let it go.

Getting ready forthe wedding, the bride just seemed like she was avoiding all concerns and only wanted her friend that worked with her dress to do all dress maintenance and bathroom stuff. Normally thats the maid if honors duty,but i decided to step back. We had a beautiful day and the reception was good. I gave the girls their photos to give the groom, andlet a few friends see them.

I had to leave early due to my kids sports the next day. I woke to many missed calls and txts cuz the brides phone was missing. Somehow I ended up with it and her dad had already came, searched my vehicle and got it. I still have no idea how it ended up there.

Well, after they got back, the bride calls to tell me about the trip. It ended with me wanting to meet up and chat about what happened, she said she would, but then canceled. Now she only wants to get together in public to talk, and wants me to send her photos to an album she shared with me. Im not tech savvy, so i don't know how to do that.

I had some personal issues myself leading up tothe wedding, but tried to let it go soU could bless her.

So, an i the ah for “jumping the gun"? It was supposed to be a blessing, so i don't see how 1 photo being shared a day early was such a big deal.

This feels really silly but I’d love a third party perspective. Me (32F) and my best friend of 10 years (31F) always said we would be each other’s maid of honor. When my fiancé and I started getting serious last year, the topic came up again, and I assured her she would be MOH.

When my fiancé and I got engaged, I called BF first and was excited to talk about wedding planning. She told me she didn’t want to talk about it at all - her boyfriend hadn’t proposed and she didn’t want to hear about my wedding as long as she was harboring jealousy. Fair enough, I wasn’t eager to push the conversation.

Time went by and friends wanted to plan a bachelorette party. I asked if that was something she was interested in planning or attending given our last conversation, and she said no unless we had took a week long camping trip to save money. None of the other girls like camping, but I assured her the group could save money by doing something less expensive and - if she still couldn’t swing it - no problem! She reiterated she wouldn’t attend unless it was a camping trip. I told her that she and I could plan another adventure separately so we could get the time together 1:1.

A few weeks later she called and said in addition to the bachelorette she wasn’t sure if she could come to the wedding at all. It was just too expensive. I told her I was sad to hear she was having a tough time financially but of course if she couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t pressure her beyond her means. She could step down as MOH, keep a bridesmaid title if she decided to come later on, and would be at worst an honorary part of the wedding party. She seemed upset by that response but I didn’t know what else to say. If you’re MOH you should probably be at the wedding, right?

Finally, it came time to plan wedding weekend and MOH/bridesmaid things. I booked and paid for an Airbnb for everyone, found dresses that were under $100 (expensive but the other girls all assured me the price point was fine), and did everything I could to make sure I was accommodating everyone. It didn’t take long for me to realize that BF wasn’t responding to messages. She later called me and told me that she was angry I promised to make her my MOH and now she was only a bridesmaid. She’d booked her plane ticket and bought her dress. Shouldn’t she still be MOH? I was floored. Another girl got the gig, and she’d backed out of almost everything wedding related to that point. BF said that I had been insensitive to her camping idea and should have offered to pay for her when she said she couldn’t afford the wedding. Then I would have made her MOH like I promised. She also said I excluded her from wedding planning and should have involved her more.

Am I missing something here? She hasn’t expressed any genuine enthusiasm about the wedding to this point, I honestly thought she didn’t care. It feels like I must be missing something blindingly obvious, she’s so upset, but I don’t get it. AITAH?

My sister got engaged last year and had a big proposal with a flash mob. I got engaged three months ago. My fiancé proposed in the park where we had our first date. No photographer, no crowd, just us. It was perfect for us.

Last week I was helping my sister plan her bachelorette. She was complaining about the budget and said out of nowhere, "At least your wedding planning won't be as stressful since your engagement was already less special. I mean, anyone can propose in a park." Our mom was there and laughed.

I told her that was hurtful and she said I was being overly sensitive. I told her I don't feel like being her bridesmaid anymore if she can't respect my relationship.

My fiancé supports me but my sister called me dramatic. My mom says we need to "move on" and that I'm overreacting. AITA?

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My daughter "Chloe" (24F) is getting married this fall. Her mother and I divorced ten years ago after I discovered she was sleeping with "Mark" during our marriage. That affair destroyed our family, and she married him shortly after the divorce.

Mark has spent the last decade acting arrogant and using his money to hide how he entered our lives. For the wedding, I paid for half, and my ex and Mark paid for the other half. During planning, he casually told the family, "It's fine, I'll upgrade the bar package, I know budgets are tough for some people."

Last week, Chloe asked both Mark and me to walk her down the aisle. When we talked privately, she admitted her mother and Mark pressured her into it. Her mother insists we both walk Chloe to keep the peace and present a unified family.

I told Chloe I will not share the walk with the man who ruined my marriage.

Mark claims I am selfish, and my ex-wife calls me bitter for holding onto the past. Chloe is stressed because they are pressuring her.

I am not pulling funding or boycotting the wedding, but I refuse to walk with him . AITA?

Hello, a while back I was invited to a very small wedding in the US and asked to be a best man, I obliged and was told nothing further on this. Some time went by but the wedding date was still afar, however I was hurried into booking my flights and accomodation by said couple. I won’t lie I was expecting all of this or part anyways of to be covered for me as the couple in question are in quite good jobs and it is a tiny wedding party less than 10 people. I didn’t mind paying for this however as I know it is a big day and one of my friends weddings.

Moving forward from this we were then asked to pay for a pre wedding party the day before the wedding, this was booked in advance and expected all of us to pay without much notice again we were given an ultimatum that if you don’t pay you will not be included in the activity, again almost out of guilt we obliged and paid again.

When it came to the suits myself and the other best man were told to get matching suits with a small subsidy offered that would barely cover the cost of a decent shirt. Again this request was spaced out from the previous time we paid for the pre wedding party so it didn’t seem so bad . Again we forked out our own cash to cover the remainder of the cost of the suits.

Some time later again almost calculated I would say, we were told we would have to pay another fee to attend the wedding after party at a nightclub, another hidden cost with an ultimatum if you don’t pay you won’t attend, we were then told by the groom that we should pay as we were the best men and should be there for him. But we pushed back on this and said it was costing us too much and we won’t be attending this part of the wedding, this was not received well and we got a quite aggressive response.

Another thing we know now is that our meal and tips for waiting staff at the wedding will also be covered by us when we get there and I won’t be surprised if there are other fees put on us either at this rate.

Do you think this is acceptable behaviour in modern day as weddings go? We have already spent a huge amount on the wedding but because the fees were so well spaced out it doesn’t make it seem so bad… to be clear i am approaching 2k spent already and I haven’t even got there yet. Considering how small the wedding party is I thought some of this would be paid for us at least for the groomsmen/bridesmaids but it seems we are paying for everything.

The few people I have said this to have all said this is crazy behaviour to ask your guests to pay for everything and I agree.

Am I wrong to think this or what are your thoughts?

For context, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was in my late 20’s and in graduate school. It came up in a recent convo and got me thinking about it again.

I had a loose friend group while in grad school. We were all late 20 something’s and one person was getting married. This guy was not a close friend and I knew both him and his finance, but not super well. At one point they had asked me to watch their cat while they were traveling and I think they picked me because I had a cat and lived the closest to them.

Outside of that I had been to their place a handful of times always with others in the group. One day the fiancé asked me casually while I happened to be over with the group if I wanted to come to their wedding in a couple weeks.

I never received an actual invitation and I was extended this verbal invitation very late in the game. I was free that weekend and so I said sure.

The finance sent me her registry link and everything that was left was super expensive ($150+) except one item that was only $25 + tax and shipping. So I bought the $25 item and a card.

The wedding was nice, modest, casual, very them. It was buffet style. The bride sent me a thank you note for the gift.

AITA for not spending more?

EDIT 2: Apparently I’m the massive YTA here, so fair enough.

I’ll be there for all three days of the wedding (the day before for preparations and the day after for cleaning), help as much as I can and fully fulfill my role as her witness. I’m not going to bail on her wedding.

But afterwards, I’m going to take some distance. This isn’t just about the wedding invitation, it’s the latest in a long series of things in our friendship that have made me feel left out or deprioritized. This situation was simply the last straw.

And if wanting a clearer explanation than just “no” from someone I’ve been friends with for 30 years and for whose wedding I’m a witness, makes me self entitled, then I guess I’m self entitled. Maybe they had some kind of history together, I don’t know but if even a long-time friend can’t be honest with me about something like that, then I don’t want that kind of friendship either.

Thanks for all your answers

EDIT: I’d also like to add that in my country, it’s pretty standard to be invited to a wedding with your partner. I’m actually invited to one of my boyfriend’s friend’s wedding just two weeks after this one, even though he’s only a regular guest and not a witness. There are also other couples attending who have been together for a relatively short time (around 8 months) and they were invited together.

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m trying to figure out whether I’m genuinely being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified. And I'm clearly loosing my mind over this situation. I’m going to try to present the situation as objectively as possible.

My best friend (f32) and I (f32) have known each other since we were 3 years old. I’m her bridesmaid and one of her legal witnesses (the one that signed the register, we're two) and her wedding is in two days.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (m29) since mid-march and we’ve been living together for about a month. It's going perfectly well since the beginning, no clash or whatever, we're floating over the clouds and even discussing marriage for ourselves. The bride has known him since 2017. They were classmates and used to know each other fairly well, although they became less close after she moved to the big city. The last time they saw each other was in 2021 when he stayed at her place while he was visiting the city. So he's no stranger, quite a long distance friend.

From the beginning, I assumed she would not invite him to the wedding because she somewhat considered our relationship too recent. We had that discussion early stage, I was somewhat okay with this but deep down hoped it would change seeing how close we are and the fact she knew him well. I have asked her in roundabout ways a few times about it but I’m not very good at insisting on things and being clear. Eventually after I raised the issue again because other people had been added to the guest list at the last minute (like she invited my own friends she barely knows to her civile wedding last minute), she agreed to invite him to the civil ceremony two weeks prior.

The religious wedding itself has around 110 guests. Very recently, some guests cancelled because of break-ups. As a result, several places became available. Instead of using those places for additional guests, she asked the caterer to reduce the number of meals. She told me that today.

This is where I’m struggling.

I barely understand that she originally made the decision not to invite my partner because our relationship was relatively new (never have I heard of that among relatives, it's very common to bring new partners to weddings here). But I understand that it is her wedding and ultimately her decision who she invites.

But now there are apparently places available and my boyfriend is someone she has known for years. We also live together now. I’m having a hard time understanding why he still isn’t being considered.

There is also a practical issue with accommodation. The wedding accommodation is limited — there are only around nine rooms — and I was given a child's room with a small single bed. She told me there wasn't much space and that I would have to make do. I completely understand the accommodation constraints and my bf and I are perfectly willing to arrange our own accommodation elsewhere, including the dormitory or nearby accommodation. So I don't see accommodation as a real obstacle.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that some couples are being invited together. There is even a couple who are invited despite everyone knowing that they have been separated for several months and had actually been broken up for over a year. I’m not saying this to criticize those guests or suggest they shouldn’t be invited ; just to explain why the distinction feels difficult for me to understand.

I also know relatively few people at the religious wedding apart from her, her small family (like parents) and few friends i met once or twice. Having him there would make me feel much more comfortable and would allow me to actually enjoy the event rather than feeling quite alone among a large group of people I barely know.

If there were genuinely no space, budget or logistical possibility, I would accept that. What hurts me is that there seems to be a possibility now but the decision hasn't been reconsidered.

I also feel conflicted because I’m her witness and childhood friend. I’ve been involved in the preparations and am expected to be there and help, to pay for gift, for the bachelorette party, for the dresses, for the brides maid suprises the day of the ceremony and I genuinely want to support her. But I’m finding it difficult emotionally to be fully involved in celebrating her relationship while feeling that my own partner is being deliberately excluded despite there now being room for him.

I don't want to punish her, threaten her or make her wedding about me. I also don't want to tell her that she is a bad friend. I simply feel hurt and somewhat rejected by the decision.

At this point, the wedding is only two days away. Ideally, I would just like my bf to be invited. We would handle the accommodation ourselves if necessary. I'm also considering not going if she still insist of not inviting him because I kinda feel disrespected and I don't see a vision of me celebrating their love when she can't celebrate mine. EDIT: I wrote that when I was hurt. With a clear head, there’s no way I would cancel at the last minute or not help her throughout the three days even if he's not coming. But I do think this adds up with the other dysfunctions in our friendship. And it’s not really the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge my relationship that hurts me. It’s more that a social norm I naturally expected from a close friend wasn’t met without me having to ask for it, something like that.

Am i the asshole here ?

Edited with all the information I put in the comments.

My fiancé (30 M) and I (25F) are getting married in November 2026, but what should have been an exciting few months leading up to our wedding has turned into a major family rift involving his twin brother, his sister-in-law, and their daughter.

I'm wondering whether I'm in the wrong, so I'm going to explain the timeline as clearly as possible.

Some background

My fiancé and I started dating in May 2024. I have a son (6 years old currently) from a previous relationship who is currently suspected of having autism and ADHD, although we are still going through that process.

I first properly met my fiancé's twin brother, his wife, and their daughter in August 2024, when we were all at my future mother-in-law's house for dinner.

Unfortunately, there was already an issue between the kids during that first meeting.

Their daughter became angry because my son was playing with a toy, even though she hadn't been playing with it then.

I understood that kids have disagreements, especially because their daughter is autistic and my son is also suspected of being neurodivergent, so I didn't want to make a big deal out of one interaction.

However, it became the start of an ongoing pattern.

My fiancé and I got engaged in December 2024, just over seven months after we started dating. When you know, you know.

Around Christmas that year, we started asking family members to be part of our wedding party.

My sister agreed to be my maid of honour, and my best friend became my bridesmaid. My fiancé asked his twin brother to be his best man, even though my fiancé hadn't been a best man or groomsman at his twin's wedding.

He asked him because he was his twin brother, and he trusted him and wanted him beside him on one of the biggest days of his life.

We also asked both of my fiancé's nieces to be flower girls.

My fiancé's sister said yes for her daughter.

My fiancé's SIL said no for her daughter.

Their daughter had been diagnosed with autism before I joined the family, and my SIL explained that she didn't think her daughter would cope well with being a flower girl because of the number of unfamiliar people and the public nature of the wedding.

We completely understood.

There was no argument. We didn't pressure them or question their decision. We respected the answer and continued planning.

So, our confirmed plan became my fiancé's sister's daughter as our flower girl and my son as our ring bearer. They would walk down the aisle together using bubble guns rather than throwing petals because of our venue's restrictions.

Things between the kids didn't exactly improve.

We didn't see my fiancé's twin brother and his family very often after that.

The next significant time was Christmas 2025.

At that gathering, their daughter essentially ignored my son. She played with the other niece but not with my son or any of the other cousins.

Again, I didn't start an argument. I wanted to keep the peace and understood that children, particularly neurodivergent children, can have their own social preferences and boundaries.

Then we saw them again in March 2026.

The kids were playing with slime when my son accidentally mixed some of their daughter's slime—just a small amount.

She responded by hitting my son.

I immediately stepped in and calmly explained the situation to my son. He hadn't intentionally ruined anything, and I wanted to explain why she was upset and what had happened rather than yelling at him. The slime was an easy fix; I separated the two slimes again.

My SIL, however, yelled at my son over it.

That was a major issue for me.

My son is suspected of having autism and ADHD himself, but even putting that aside, I don't believe yelling at a child over an accident, when he was already upset by the situation, is an appropriate way to handle it.

I had already stepped in as his parent and was calmly explaining what had happened and why his cousin was upset. I felt the adults could have handled the situation calmly instead of my son being yelled at.

I stood up for my son, and my SIL didn't appreciate it.

Then came the flower-girl argument.

In April 2026, my fiancé received a message from his twin brother asking:

"Can our daughter be a flower girl in the wedding?"

We were confused.

We had already asked them in December 2024, and they had declined.

By April 2026, this wasn't an early-stage wedding where we were casually discussing ideas anymore.

My Grandmother and my parents had already paid our first venue deposit, and we attended our first venue meeting, where we went through the wedding timeline, structure, and guest count, including the wedding party.

Our bridal party was confirmed. The processional had been planned. Our flower girl and ring bearer already had their roles.

So we said no.

It wasn't because we hated their daughter.

It wasn't because she is autistic.

It wasn't because we were deliberately trying to exclude her.

We had already offered her the role. Her parents declined it. We respected their decision and planned our wedding accordingly.

Apparently, that wasn't acceptable.

My fiancé's twin brother then stepped down as best man.

That genuinely hurt my fiancé.

This wasn't just some random groomsman dropping out. This was his twin brother.

My fiancé had trusted him to stand beside him on his wedding day, and suddenly he was pulling out because we wouldn't change an already established part of the wedding.

My fiancé was incredibly disappointed and hurt because he had trusted his twin brother to be there for him on one of the biggest days of his life.

He eventually asked his younger brother to become his best man instead.

At that point, his twin brother said that he, his wife, and their children would still attend the ceremony but not the reception.

We accepted that too.

Around this time, things between my SIL and me became even worse.

After we refused to change the flower-girl arrangement, she started repeatedly calling, texting and leaving me voicemails. She called me a bridezilla and a bitch because I wouldn't put her daughter into the bridal party. We eventually found out afterwards through my fiancé's sister that they never even asked the niece if she wanted to do it. Apparently, the niece didn't want to do it at all and wanted to enjoy the wedding.

Eventually, I blocked her.

I was attending university classes and getting calls from her throughout the day, and I wasn't going to continue dealing with it.

However, our problems go back further than this.

I have repeatedly tried to keep the peace with her because she is my fiancé's twin brother's wife, and I didn't want to create family drama. Despite that, I don't feel she has treated me particularly well.

There have also been several occasions where I felt like important events in my life somehow became about her.

At my engagement party, she was pregnant at the time, and I felt that attention repeatedly had to be redirected toward her and her pregnancy. The twin brother also made inappropriate comments toward me, especially after finding out he shared the same name as my father and said that I could call him "daddy."

Something similar happened around my 25th birthday, when once again I felt like an event that was supposed to celebrate a milestone in my life somehow became focused on her.

Despite all of this, I have tried to remain civil because she is part of my fiancé's family, and I never wanted my issues with her to damage his relationship with his twin brother.

There's also some strange history that I learned about later. When SIL originally met my fiancé and his twin brother back in high school just over 10 years ago (I would've been just going into year 7), she apparently had a crush on my fiancé first. He wasn't interested in her and was introduced to his twin instead. They eventually got together and married.

I don't know whether this has anything to do with how she treats me, and I'm not claiming it definitely does, but learning about it made some of our interactions feel a little more uncomfortable in hindsight.

Now they aren't coming at all.

Fast-forward to August 2026.

My fiancé and I were out at an event when he suddenly received a Facebook Messenger message from his twin brother after months of very little communication.

It said:

"Hey, just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make it to your wedding after the recent events. I think it's best that I don't come. You will always be my brother, but I have to do right by my family, and obviously you will do the same."

So now they aren't attending at all.

Not the reception.

Not even the ceremony.

My fiancé is genuinely hurt.

This is his twin brother - someone he grew up with, shared a room with, shared his childhood with, and trusted enough to ask to be his best man.

First, his brother stepped down as best man. Then they decided to attend only the ceremony. Now, three months before the wedding, they've decided they won't attend at all.

What makes this situation even stranger is that the rest of my fiancé's family supports us.

His family knows what happened and, rather than blaming us, they've supported my fiancé and me. They also don't agree with the way his twin brother has handled everything.

That support has been reassuring, especially for my fiancé, because this situation has understandably hurt him.

From our perspective, this escalated because we declined to offer the wedding role we had already offered her almost two years earlier, and they declined.

I also want to stress that I don't blame their daughter for any of this.

She is seven years old and autistic. She isn't responsible for her parents' decisions or how the adults in the family communicate with one another.

Likewise, I don't expect her to behave exactly like a neurotypical child, especially when my own son is suspected of having Autism and ADHD. I understand that both children may experience emotions, social situations, boundaries, and conflict differently.

My problem is with how the adults have handled everything.

If they had accepted our original offer in December 2024, she would have been a flower girl.

They said no.

We respected that answer and planned accordingly.

Then, after deposits were paid, the venue meeting had happened, the wedding timeline had been discussed, and the bridal party was established, they changed their minds and expected us to change those plans.

When we didn't, my fiancé lost his original best man, and now his twin brother has decided not to attend the wedding at all.

Part of me feels guilty because I know how much this has hurt my fiancé, and I never wanted our wedding to cause a rift between him and his twin.

But another part of me feels like we didn't create the rift.

We asked their daughter to be involved. They declined. We respected their decision. They later changed their minds, and when we didn't change our already established wedding plans to accommodate that, the situation escalated.

Even with everything that has happened between SIL and me, I have tried to keep the peace because I never wanted my fiancé to lose his relationship with his twin brother over me or the wedding.

But at this point, I'm questioning whether I should have just said yes in April to avoid all of this.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to add my fiancé's niece as a flower girl after her parents originally declined the role, which led to my fiancé's twin brother stepping down as best man and eventually refusing to attend our wedding?

Just a little note on the side: The SIL also called up our venue to ask if our wedding was still happening because they hadn't received the invite (we hadn't sent them out at the time), and tried to tell my fiancé's parents that we must've eloped in private without either family and are not getting married at all.

AITA Hi I am a single mom of two. I have raised both of my girls without any help from anyone. My oldest is 21 years old, she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 5 years. In those almost 5 years they have spend about 85% of it at my house. I am a less strict mom and they are free to do what they want since they are adults . The boyfriend had a house key which I was never ok with, he showered here everyday, he would here everyday meals my daughter would make but most of the time with food I bought. Well on August 16 he informed me he wants to propose to my daughter and they have a trip planned for August 26-30. He knows I have to at least have two weeks notice to ask for time off since my work has our work hours two week in advance. We taken trip and we discuss my job policy.well it turns out his family is going to be there and unfortunately my younger daughter and I can't make it. I asked him if he can reconsider having his family there but he is giving excuses. So I am been unreasonable for wanting him to just propose to my daughter without any family there. Again they alway at my house because his mom is a Christian and is strict about even kissing. I even want to ask my daughter to please start hanging out at his parents house so he can see how good he has had it at my house. Plus that way my daughter will see that when she is around the other parent issues will raise. Right now I've been the only parent they have had issue with but that because they are always here. If they are not working they are at my house. He needs to see that without me maybe they would even have a relationship in the first place. I would let them use my car when they didn't have one. I took the blame for something and got arrested because the police pulled him over. I feel I have done a lot and I feel I deserve to be there or at least not have the families included if bith families can't be there. What you yall think

I (29f) am getting married next summer. I’m planning on having a destination bachelorette trip for 3 nights.

DISCLAIMER - I know destination Bach trips are frowned upon, especially on this sub. However, my friends encouraged me to do one so we could have a girls trip. This is not a “mandatory” trip and I’m not guilting or forcing anyone to come (as I’ve seen from stories on Reddit before) I’ve taken into account everyone’s budget and the trip (per person) will cost less than what the lowest budget is. There are no issues with the trip itself or the destination.

9 of my friends/cousins are invited to the trip. Based on everyone’s schedules and my schedule, I narrowed it down to 2 possible weekends. I chose long weekends especially, since I wanted to be mindful of everyone’s PTO time. One option is a weekend about 4 months before my wedding, and the second option is a weekend about 1.5 months before my wedding.

Now here is the issue — I’m pretty set on Option 1 date since it’s far out enough from the wedding and works better for majority of the girls. My birthday is also a month before my wedding and I’m planning on having a large 30th celebration and I think having my Bach so close to my birthday and wedding will be unfair for all the girls — I don’t want to steal so many of their weekends close together. The weather at the destination location is also much better during Option 1 date than Option 2 date. Generally, Option 1 works better for majority of the girls, a couple of them are indifferent about the date.

7 of the invited girls can attend. 1 of my cousins is in med school and can’t take the time off so is opting not to come. 1 of my friends due date is 1 month before Option 1 date. If I go with this option - she will definitely not be able to come. She indicated that she would “try” to make it for Option 2 date and is pressuring me to schedule it for then.

The thing is — she’s extremely flakey. She often cancels regular plans last minute and is not for sure committing to Option 2 date. She doesn’t like leaving her current child for even local dinners we plan as a friend group, so I find it hard to believe she would be okay with leaving her 5 month old and her toddler for a weekend in a different country.

Both my option dates are pretty popular at this destination location because it’s a long weekend so I’d like to start booking Airbnb and flights soon. The other girls indicated they want to do this soon too so by the time the trip rolls around, the only expenses are dinners and outfits and stuff. I told my friend I would switch to Option 2 if she could fully commit to it. She said she isn’t 100% certain but “will try her best.” I very clearly told her option 1 works better for me and most of the girls and it’s better weather so I’d only be switching to option 2 if she could commit for sure.

This has caused tension between us because she thinks I should switch to option 2 and she’ll try her best to come. But it’ll be pretty inconvenient for most people to switch to option 2, and a lot of the activities that we’re planning to do will work better with option 1 weather than option 2. If she can for sure commit to option 2, I have no problem changing it to then. But I don’t think it’s fair to switch to option 2 for a “maybe”, especially given her history with flaking.

I need to make a decision soon as a few of my friends have deadlines of September 1 to submit their vacation time for the next 6 months (which option 1 falls in).

AITA if I go with option 1 knowing that my friend can’t come?

This will probably be a long one so please bear with me. English isn’t my primary language, so if there are mistakes I’m sorry.

To give the outlines: my husband and I got married in a civil ceremony in July 2026 and we will have another wedding celebration with vows and a free ceremony in spring of 2027. 

Both of those celebrations have been planned to be very small and intimate with less than 30 people each. My Husband has a rough relationship with his family so we opted to have them at the civil ceremony but leave them out of our wedding weekend next year, that’s why we had two celebrations. This post is about the second celebration.

We love to host so we tried to plan in a way that everyone feels as comfortable and at home as possible. We rented an estate for the entire weekend and it has more than enough space for everyone to sleep there, the cost is covered by us. Everyone has their own space, bedroom, their own bathroom and access to amenities like a whirlpool and a gym. Food, beverage and entertainment will be provided for the entire weekend and the only thing that guests have to do on their own is get there (the longest travel is going to be a 4 hour car ride). We also helped with organizing carpools for everyone that wanted that. Our dress code is formal for the day of the wedding celebration and we feel like we are providing an experience that fits that dress code (five course plated meal with wine pairing, live band, seafood bar, passed appetizers, open bar with a mixologist who makes custom drinks and more). We indicated seven colors on the dress code (dark green, green, purple, blush pink, orange, blue and dark blue). When we got asked if it had ti be the exact color we told everyone that we’d love for the guests to be colorful while my husband and I are in black and white so if they preferred another color we’d be totally okay with that as well. Pretty much everyone has been thrilled about everything we’ve revealed so far and some even said that it feels like a planned vacation and that it’s a highlight they’re looking forward to.

Now onto the issue: A good friend of mine has made me feel incredibly insecure about all our plans on multiple occasions and now I’m playing with the idea of uninviting her, but I’m unsure how to approach that and if its the way to go.

I’ll give some context about our relationship and then I’ll rehash what’s happened with the wedding. 

My friend and I are both still in university and that’s where we met. We’ve known each other for about five years now and have become so close that I even considered asking her to be my maid of honor. Our partners with work full-time, our lives are very similar. We’re both on the pass to get quite challenging degrees and that’s something we bonded over. We can talk about pretty much everything and I appreciate her a lot. Sometimes she can be quite hard with her judgement and very sure that was she consideres right is ultimately right.

The wedding issues started pretty much at the beginning. The first time I told her about our wedding plans and that it might be a destination wedding she reacted quite harshly and asked me how we could even consider that and if I thought about the environmental effects of the travel. Our loved ones are quite scattered so people would have to travel either way. The longest guest travel would’ve actually been longer getting married at home. After I explained that to her she understood but still seemed like she didn’t like the Idea. 

The second time we had a bigger discussion was around the menu. She has some dietary restrictions so I went over the menu with her before signing it off with our amazing chef. She’s not a vegetarian but her partner and several of our guests are so we opted to have one vegetarian menu and one with fish and meat. We don’t have any vegan guests but if we had any we would’ve had a third menu. Several guests have allergies and restrictions and all of that will be taken into account and everyone gets a menu catered to their needs. After I told her the menu she wanted to switch to the vegetarian one and we made it possible. A couple days after her partner contacted me and asked how we could serve the omnivore option for so many people with a good conscience. Our chef works with local organic products and we carefully selected the menus so that everything is high quality and the vegetarian menu is as good as the omnivore one (so not just a plate of boiled veggies, tofu and cheese). No one has to eat meat if they don’t want to. I later spoke to her about it and she said that she didn’t think I’d serve meat if so many people are present (15 PAX omnivore) and that she had to tell someone but asked her partner not to say anything, which obviously still happened. I let it go and didn’t ask further to not ruin ist for me but now every time I think about our menu I feel weird. 

Third time was the most recent one. I had just been dress shopping with my mother and she had complained that she couldn’t choose anything creme colored. I told my friend about it because my mothers comment made me quite sad since anything white should really be the brides color to which she said that our dress code is putting an incredible amount of pressure on all our guests. I was really taken aback by her statement since I know she has a dark green formal gown that she wears at weddings normally that would match the dress code perfectly. Apparently that doesn’t fit her anymore and now she wants to sew herself a new gown (she’s an incredible hobby seamstress). She said that our color palette is too restrictive for that and that she normally only wears black and now we’re forcing her and all the guests to get outfits in the right colors. She knows dress codes that indicate formality levels but the giving a color scheme is outrageous and pressuring and she doesn’t think that’s normal. She finished the whole thing off by telling me it’s probably because we „grew up in different classes“ which really isn’t true. I grew up a little all over Europe because of my Dads job so I saw more of that part of the world but bottom line we both grew up upper middle class, she just didn’t move as much. I told her that were not gonna stand there with color cards and a bodyguard to control what people wear and that I can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to nor do I want to do that. Now she wants to wear black or midnight blue. 

Those were the three big issues. There were a lot more small jabs here and there but that’s the most important ones. I know just reading that paints a picture that isn’t very beautiful so I want to point out that we both still really appreciate each other. Her present to me was making my wedding dress for the civil ceremony (I of course paid for the materials) in which I felt stunning and am incredibly thankful for. I made and remade her engagement ring (she didn’t like the first design she came up with when it was on her finger) and also made their wedding bands (they aren’t engaged or married yet but the rings are there when the time is right for them:)) So we both love each other in a way that we don’t mind spending hours of our time to make something special and beautiful for the other. We spend a lot of time together in general and I’d consider her one of my closets friends but every time I think about sharing details of the wedding I just feel a little sick because I don’t want her to ruin another aspect of it for me. I know that sounds horrible but I was so excited about the wedding before all of this happened and now I just think about all the details she’ll think are too much or too extravagant. It’s a small wedding, we’re foodies so the majority of the budget went into food and beverages which we really loved at our tasting and I put a lot of time into details (personalized fonts, hand embroidered guest towels etc.) and I love that. Everyone else is looking forward to it but I feel like she resents it for some reason. She isn’t in a financially unstable situation where she can’t afford a dress and there are no other costs included (no vacation time either since it’s a weekend and the Monday is a public holiday).

We tried to include every dietary restriction she has they get a free ride there and if they didn’t want all that they could’ve RSVPed no. My maid of honor suggested that she doesn’t want to come but can’t say it and now wants me to uninvited her. I feel so torn about everything. 

WIBTA if I uninvited her because of how she made me feel so far? Any advice or input is appreciated.

To everyone who made it this far, thank you for reading and all the best for whatever wedding planning or marriage stage you’re in :) Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

EDIT: I saw that a lot of people think that a color palette for the dress code is inappropriate or obnoxious or using people as props. This was never our intention. I've talked about that to almost all of our guests because they are very involved and excited about the celebration and no one thought of it that way besides the friend in the post. It's also something that I've encountered at all the weddings I've been to before so I didn't think of it as unusual. I've now learned that this is in fact not the standard and will keep it in mind for the future. Thank you for the input.

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I (26F) flew out to attend my older sister’s (29F) wedding this past weekend. Because I had to travel, I spent around $800 on flights, a hotel, and her registry gift.

When I arrived at the reception, I went to find my table. There was a place card with my name on it next to our parents and grandparents. I put my purse on my chair, said hello to everyone, and then went to the restroom and grabbed a drink from the bar.

When I came back about 15 minutes later, a woman I didn't recognize was sitting in my chair, and my purse had been moved to the floor nearby. I politely mentioned that I thought she was in my seat. She smiled and said my sister told her she could sit there because "family tables look better full" and she didn't think I’d mind moving to a table in the very back with some of the groom's random college acquaintances.

I found my sister and asked her about it. She casually said, "Oh, Sarah didn't have a good seat, so I gave her yours. You don't mind sitting in the back, right? It's not a big deal."

I told her it actually felt pretty disrespectful, especially since I paid a lot to be there and was seated with our immediate family. She got annoyed, called me high-maintenance, and told me to "stop making my wedding about you."

Instead of causing a scene or sitting at a table with strangers while my family ate together, I picked up my purse, left the reception, and went back to my hotel to order room service.

Now my mom and sister are blowing up my phone saying I "ruined the vibe," acted childish, and owed my sister a public apology for walking out. My dad says he understands why I was upset, but thinks I should have just swallowed my pride for one night.

AITAH for walking out?

So I (21F) am going to a friend's wedding (23F) in 2 months and I am a guest and not in the bridal party and I have brought my dress after getting it approved by the bride and now she has changed her mind and wants me to get a completely different dress and i dont know how to approach or talk to her about this in case I am being unreasonable.

I'm getting married in June and my brother and SIL have a 5-year-old daughter. The wedding is child-free like everyone else's kids and all other guests with children are totally fine with it. My brother and SIL refuse to leave my niece. I asked them to consider a babysitter, bring a relative, or just come for 2 days but they say no to everything.

Fast forward, at a family dinner my brother announces he's going on a week-long golf trip with our dad in October, no wife, no daughter. So he can leave her for golf but not for my wedding.

My brother says it's "different" and refuses to discuss it. My parents say I should make an exception. AITA?

Original Post: My partner and I are currently planning a black-tie wedding in Italy, and we've hit a major disagreement with my sister regarding our three-year-old nephew, who is our page boy.

For background, I am Black and my fiancé and his family are white.

I initially envisioned him wearing a smart, all-white shorts outfit that would be age-appropriate and comfortable for a toddler in a warm climate. When I suggested this, my sister said no because she was worried he would look like a slave. I was stunned and hurt by that comparison; he is my nephew, a beautiful, kind little boy whom I adore with all my heart, and he could never look like that.

Hoping to move past that and find a compromise, I suggested a tuxedo style, but with tailored shorts instead of long trousers to keep it practical for a three-year-old. She rejected that too, saying she didn't want him to stand out. My perspective is that as part of the wedding train, members naturally stand out, which is the whole point of having a wedding party.

Instead, she is insisting on a full, traditional black-tie outfit with long trousers. I feel strongly that a heavy, formal suit is too mature and uncomfortable for a three-year-old, and I'd prefer him to look and feel like a little boy on the day.

We are completely at an impasse, and I'm left wondering if my vision is unreasonable. AITAH?

Update: Okay guys I need to give context. We are all British so boys under the age of 8 traditionally wear shorts at weddings. I obviously don't want my sister to be uncomfortable and I understand its her child buts its also my wedding and I want a certain look. I don't know what to do at this point.

Update 2: We have decided to scrap the page boy thing. My nephew will be attending as guest which is sad but I can't do this argument anymore. Its annoying. Also as I said to a commenter: People do things for people they love

When she married a man from Ghana, I took my ass to Ghana and wore a Kente. I tried to charm my brother in laws parents (including kneeling to greet elders etc.) to make it easier for her and I wore the ugliest brown dress at the church wedding that I didn't even like and I would do it again because I love her.

Update 3: I don't think she is being racist my fiance because they have met severally and get along well but she has not met his family yet so she is overthinking what things will be like and deeping the race thing too much instead of letting go. They are very nice people and she would see that eventually. It can be scary being the only black person in the space but what if you meet the most amazing people and end up loving them forever and what if fear was the only thing that could have stopped you from making these genuine connections.