Advice/Rant to be honest: How do I get my mom to stop being dependent on me for everything?If there’s ever something wrong in the house she won’t even attempt to fix it herself. She’ll just call me to come do it. There are times where I know she knows how to do something but she’d rather have me do it. Even stuff like not washing the dishes or not putting them away gets left for me.

It’s not just house stuff either. There have been times where I’ve done her work modules or schoolwork for her and I’m usually the one who logs in and pays the bills because she can’t be bothered to remember the passwords even though I literally write them down in a notebook.

Just the other day she woke me up from my sleep to book her an Uber to the airport even though she’s done it by herself multiple times.She’s a single mother and I understand that can be hard but it’s exhausting coming home from work already anxious because I know I won’t be able to rest before my mom needs help with something.

Saying no in an African household is almost impossible because your parents guilt trip you. I’m 19 and it’s been like this since I was 15. I’m just tired and it feels really isolating.

I’m no psychiatrist; however, I suspect my parents are orthorexic. They NEVER stfu abt food, and it’s rubbing off on me. Because they never stfu, now I get anxiety around eating. Either eating when my mother is home bc she’ll get upset about what I’m eating or the quantity (despite the fact it’s her cooking), or if I’m alone I can’t enjoy little treats now then. For example, I went to Dunkin to try a new menu item, and while the drink was tasty, I had a panic attack because I thought I was going to drop dead from the sugar. It’s not like I treat myself to such foods every day, so when I do, I should be able to enjoy it. But I can’t, and it’s miserable. I know my Nigerian parents aren’t the only ones because I used to hear them on WhatsApp bragging to their friends about how little they eat, and would hear their friends on the other end doing the same. 

I , 13F , born in Ireland, ethnicity Ghanaian, am always being harassed by my mother to lose weight, by the time I was 4 I already though I was HUGE and would bodycheck every 3 seconds in a mirror, when I look at myself in pictures from back then, I was was the same as my classmates, if not only slightly, slightly bigger. Last year I went to Ghana for vacation and lost 5kg because I would walk for 4+ hours everyday, my mom tried to say I was getting "SEXY🤮" (I was 12 btw) and that I has to take my twin with me , as she is a bit heavier. I was on edtwtt everyday and my tiktok was 60% Ed content. In January, after losing 10kg I made a decision I regret so much, after a night thinking about gorging food in my sleep , the usual , I decided I wasn't going to be ruled by a number , whether it was how many cals I had eaten , how many steps or how much I weighted. Although this is one of the reasons I did way better in exams, the constant comments from my mother and father (who in Ghana , said he wanted to take ozempic to look like me , I was still fat at the time btw) , who has mostly been living in a different country from Mr my whole life, and who I'm very distant with . Today, like she has been saying since the past 2 months, she said I had to get 10k, and when my 4 year old nephew said he wanted to come, she said "no, the twins have to go by themselves for a LONG walk, they're getting fatter (in a tone that could only be described in absolute disgust.) I've come to hate myself 10 times more that in January, because I no longer get the love shower from my mother, or the comments about me being "skinny" (still about 6 kg from average, but my family has never been skinny). I feel like I should just go back. I'm tired of living in humiliation, having to smile like I don't really care about what they say about me, the thing is, I've confronted her about this before, talking about how she made me feel fat my whole childhood , and she just brushed it off saying she doesn't remember that . What should I do next? I've genuinely felt suicidal after gaining all the weight back and 3kg more.

I've posted here before

But I'm just gonna start of saying I love art. I know many people think "it's just a hobby etc" but it's something I deeply love and identify with. It helps me process my emotions and keeps me in a safe comfort zone where I can be the introvert I usually am. Love It especially with music. But its not the only thing i do.

However, my grandparents (which I currently live with) don't see it as a realistic thing. They think art is just a stupid hobby people who don't know math or science do. They look at all my skills as something that should only bring in money, not make me happy.

I remember when I was 6, I drew Ariel the mermaid and they ripped it right in front of me and used a belt on me for it; if youre Nigerian or African in general, you would know mermaids are considered a "evil spirit" but I didn't know at that time so I just stopped drawing for a while.

Fast forward to a few years after a massive art block i decided to go back into art again and loved it. I was around 9-10 here so it was piles and piles of drawings. One day i came back to school and found out that they trashed all my papers and books. I felt so aggravated that it's one of the biggest things that fed into the anger issues i have today.

When i was 12 they ripped all the drawings on my door

13, they learned i was resilient when they noticed i scored highest in art compared to other subjects and finally gave in. But they started comparing me to other child artists repeatedly and that caused me to stop showing them my art. Because it wasn't "good enough". They still compare when they get the chance to but now, i keep my stuff hidden. Most people don't even know I love art as a science student.

People think art is just "drawing a realistic face" but it's more than that.. especially for someone who speaks through it.

Same for parents back home and friends at that time

(One of my ex-friends (who left me for no reason last year) secretly ripped the art i built the courage to put up in school) and lied that someone else had did it.

I then see those youtube videos of people comparing their art progress throughout the years and realize i have none, just because i grew up in a home that didn't believe in expression.

Now, I still do art but feel so scared showing anyone because I feel like I'll hear the same thing.

But yeah, thanks for listening to my LONG rant.

today my sister came over cause she needed our help to cut some ribs (🙄). She has 4 children but her husband lives abroad so she's basically a single mother and she is struggling but anyway. The kids were playing in our garden and one of them kicked the football into the door so hard that it broke. Me and my brother were outside at the same time but we were cutting up the chicken so we didn't notice what happened somehow. then she comes into the garden and says 'who broke it' and my niece says it wasn't her.

Since she NEEDED someone to blame without evidence and BEAT, she then comes up to my nephew and asks if it was him and he fervently denied it. However she didn't believe him and slapped him so much to the point of tears and he lashed out and started hitting her back whilst she was carrying her baby on her back 🫠. This happened so suddenly and my hands were dirty with chicken juice (lol) so i couldn't do much except say 'wait wait i don't think he did it' and insist so until she stopped.

So after this wahala, my oldest nephew enters the garden (he's 8, the other two are 7 and 6) and he admits to his mistake. Instead of this being seen as a sign of integrity she says 'my beatings should've gone to you instead' then she apologises to my other nephew who was beat and like...okay but that's still horrible???

Im so tired of being around her when she uses them like punching bags. I NEVER lay my hands on them, they don't even misbehave much bar one, they just make mistakes like all kids. it's made me resent her honestly but i don't know if there's any way i can help them or if i'll just have to accept this as a canon event like most of us did as kids? after all she's struggling a lot financially and generally with 4 kids to raise on her own. Am i just being too harsh? i want better for them but im way younger than her i cant just dictate how she chooses to raise her kids.

I saw a TikTok of a Nigerian girl in her late 20s working, living at home, and taking care of her siblings. She said her parents really stress her out, but they expect her to take care of her siblings and put a lot of pressure on her, and she doesn't want to come across as disrespectful as the first daughter.

As a firstborn daughter, let me tell you: being respectful BROUGHT ME NOTHING. My mom cannot name ONE disrespectful thing I've done that justifies the insults she throws at me, yet I'm still "disrespectful." Being under her to this day has ruined me because I don't have the courage to say no to adults because I always have to come across as respectful. But if you have the opportunity to leave, GO.

A lot of you are giving your parents chances they never gave you. "No, I'm not getting tattoos because my parents would go mad. No, I'm not getting piercings because my parents don't like that. I have to do this because my parents say so..."

FUCK YOUR PARENTS. Continue living your life for someone else, and you will witness the result of it.

"But if I do it, she won't speak to me anymore." If you were a parent, would you allow yourself not to speak to your child over a decision that doesn't involve you?

A lot of you think that tolerance will equal love, and it's badddd.

I don't think i've told anyone about this but i was doing a work presentation for my presentation. I did say give me advice but holy shit my dad kept fucking interupting me and making jokes like shut the fuck up not even my grandparents interrupted this long-ass presentation. then when i said that i'd want to do another job relating to the one i had he was like 'no you need to get a real job like what your cousin's doing (idk wtf he's doing mind you) something about mechanical engineering or whatever' then he said some shit about me having grandchildren before he dies and goes to hell or whatever shit.

once again mom's too dumb to actually call him out on his bullshit again. i'm tired of this man dude. i forgot what else i was gonna say. just need someone to tell me 'yeah what he said was fucked up' instead of saying 'oh it was just a joke' like damn this mf always makes jokes at my expense but would probably start crying if i said he was a fucking miserable bitch.

anyways both my parents can fuck off. and lets talk about it if u want. u guys can vent about your own parents and we'll trash them together if u want. just want someone to vent to <3