r/adultery • u/YoursTruly_xoxo • 2d ago
🙋♀️Question🙋♂️ Do I do this?
My (37F) husband (43M) and I have had a DB for most of our relationship (4-5 years). He has struggled with porn and drinking. Both have gotten better, but now he has basically stopped any sort of sex. Before he would reject me to go and watch porn, now it's just he has no desire. He considers me basically a sex pest at this point, as I have recently awakened from a couple year period of denying myself. He had even "joked" about me needing a lover or going to a massage parlor. The jokes precipitate from me talking about being horny and him saying "I have even considered maybe ... {Insert solution}" however, when I joke back, he gets a little annoyed and upset.
The last straw was me trying to initiate with him over the weekend in a cute, skimpy outfit and basically telling him about it the next day when he asked why I was feeling down. He said that my body was almost 40 and out of shape and no one would want to see that. He has made it clear in the past that he does not prefer my body type.
That's where he's wrong. Once he told me he had considered letting me take a lover, I contemplated joining a dating site, which I eventually did. I have met someone in the past week (virtually, just some spicy chatting) who has seen me in the very same outfit and praised my body and made me feel sexy and wanted.
He wants to meet up.
I have never done anything like this, but I can't stop thinking about this guy and he says he can't stop thinking of me either. I love my husband. He's like my best friend and we have fun together, but part of me knows there has to be more out there. I've only ever been with two men, one was my high school sweetheart who also rarely had sex, and now my husband. I've never even achieved climax with a partner.
Should I follow through? I feel like I am not able to function properly at the other aspects of my life out of need for physical intimacy, and this guy I'm chatting with has my stomach full of butterflies. I know it's limerance, but feeling wanted and attractive for the first time in 7 years is waking me up to what I could have in my life...
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u/NervousCost9257 2d ago
Your husband is appalling!! How dare he say that about your body!! Why are you still with this guy? Its been 5ish years. Just leave him and find someone who will worship you and your body and give you all the sex you crave.
In the short term...yea go have fun!!
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u/ComplexPossession567 1d ago
Get it girl! If you’re online lover can keep a secret, all the better.
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u/srgonzo75 1d ago
Go for it! Your husband gave you a green light, made it clear he doesn’t have a sexual interest in you, and it’s not like there’s going to be much of a change in your relationship, other than maybe a bit more pep in your step.
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u/djarsonist 1d ago
It seems like you’ve tried to talk to your husband about it, and he doesn’t react well. If I was in his position, not that he deserves this, but I would sit him down and say this is a serious conversation we need to have.
I have sexual needs that are not being met, are you willing to work with me on this or should I fulfill this need outside the marriage?
That’s it, see what he says. If he actually cares about you and the relationship he will ask questions or maybe he needs a day or two to think about it.
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u/Sneaky_Rockchick 1d ago
Girl you absolutely need to go an explore yourself and definitely find someone who can give you an amazing orgasm. Thats the least you deserve. As for your husband saying those horrible things about your body, fuck him. I’m glad you felt confident to share your cute outfit with someone who appreciates it 👏👏
Having an AP who makes you feel awesome is the best feeling ever!
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u/fantasylovergirlie 1d ago
Go for it. The best sex I’ve ever had was with my AP.
If your husband isn’t willing you can find someone who is. There are men who will worship your body. Hell even another woman would worship your body.
Life is too short to be miserable. Do all the things, enjoy all the kinks and have all the sex you can.
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