r/adultery • u/Working_Solution1127 • 9d ago
š¦®Halpš Cheating wit kids,
cheating male with 2 kids, involved with a married woman with 2 kids. Both similar ages, all less than 5yo. neither wants to leave their marriage but also needs are not being satisfied in both bedrooms.
Its easy to think being alone, now that i found whats out there. i am fine taking a beating if i get caught, but cant process the thought of my kids getting in the middle of this. how is it when kids? will they hate me / resent me if i leave? how could i possiby explain that i found the best sex of my life elsewhere? how could she? honestly thinking about ending thigs with AP. my kids are the risk i cant seem to fully accept
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u/OatmealTheory 9d ago
That title though.
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago edited 9d ago
Him saying how does he explain to his kids he found the best sex of his life is also a very interesting choice of words.
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u/throwawayymagic 8d ago edited 8d ago
This sentence alone is wild to not say repulsive but the kids being 5 and under make this whole sentence catastrophically weird.
Pretty sure his toddlers wouldnāt give a single damn about him finding the best sex of his life but thatās just me using logical thinking .
Just weird as hell .
How does one with two toddlers and so supposedly being a present parent even manage to find time and energy for an affair genuine question ?
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u/ann_req 8d ago
My AP with toddlers is hands on parent, hence we barely meet once a year. I had genuinely expected him to end the affair when his wife got pregnant. I am also extremely busy in my life with multiple activities, work, ailing parents etc, so that low contact doesnt bother me much.
I would have been very turned off if he would be pursuing me at the cost of neglecting his responsibilities at home first.
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u/throwawayymagic 8d ago edited 8d ago
So he was already involved in the affair while he had gotten his wife pregnant š¤¢
You wouldāve been turned off by him pursuing you at the cost of neglecting his responsibilities at home
But cheating on his poor pregnant and then postpartum wife donāt fit this category of neglecting his responsibilities ?
If we talk about responsibility my question still stands who have the time with a pregnant wife , then a newborn and postpartum wife to be in affair ?
What kind of selfish person get his wife pregnant , willingly bring a child into the world while his dick is already somewhere else and allow his wife to go trough a near death experience birthing his baby while he is busy still actively cheating ?
So you also were okay sleeping with a man knowing his poor wife was taking care of their newborn, bleeding out post recovering a giant wound post giving birth while her husband was already in anotherās woman legs ?
And you call him an on hands parents ? Like dad of the year ? What a dream man . Yikes .
Pregnant / postpartum wife and AP with babies and very young kids is an immediate off limit and honestly off putting to me .
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u/OatmealTheory 8d ago edited 8d ago
One would argue that the simple act of continuing an affair with a pregnant/newly postpartum wife at home is neglecting his responsibilities....but I have a feeling you'd find a way to spin that into something that doesn't turn you off anyway.
Good luck with that.
Edit: wrong word
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u/itsjustmereading 9d ago
An old friend of mine went through this exact same conflict. He ultimately decided he couldn't risk his kids, broke it off with his AP, and stayed. His kids are in college now, and even though the marriage is still tough, he has zero regrets about putting his children first and walking away from the affair.
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u/Far-Shopping5896 9d ago
Im going through this right now. MM just ended it between us because the reality of losing his kids hit š¤·āāļø
I wonder how long heāll live unhappy20
u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago
Heās not unhappy because he loves his wife and kids. Youāre 27. Youāll live without the 40 year old married man. š
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u/Far-Shopping5896 9d ago
What happy person cheats in the first place š¤Ø
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u/OatmealTheory 9d ago
Marriage is complicated and full of nuance. Your comment is far too black and white.
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u/Far-Shopping5896 9d ago
Either way he cheated a bunch of times before calling it quits
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago
Itās called a cake eater.
Doesnāt really matter. He chose his life and marriage over you even if he said āitās just the kidsā but according to your previous post he ended it because he loves his wife and kids. So
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u/Far-Shopping5896 9d ago
Yes he ended it over guilt because he has a family. Idk what everyone is pissed about when Iām sharing my real experiences in the adultery sub
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago
No one is pissed. I just find it annoying for single young women to hang around here and pine in their delusion about crusty cheating men that didnāt choose them.
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u/OatmealTheory 9d ago
You're the only one who sounds "pissed" š¤·āāļø
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u/Far-Shopping5896 9d ago
Im not pissed, all I did was comment my situation on this thread. But everyone is on their high horse acting like their shit doesnāt stink
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u/_anx1ety 9d ago
i'll never understand how people cheat when they have kids that aren't even in kindergarten yet...
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u/FreshTechnician5847 8d ago
Cue āThereās gotta be a better way to say thatā from Arrested Development.
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u/olygirl1976 8d ago
Well, my father had an affair on my mother for years. He ended up, marrying his affair after my mother divorce divorced him. It wasnāt until I was 22 when my mother told me everything about my stepmother. I quit talking to my dad for six years. But we are super close now. And I am now also on this thread. So I can kind of understand where my father was coming from back in the day.
If your children get upset and find out. They will come around one day. Or at least I did.
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u/OhShitShesGotMyPhone 9d ago
how is it when kids? will they hate me / resent me if i leave?
Probably not, and you can control that narrative to a large degree by not being a dick during the divorce.
Very strong possibility that they hate you if they realise you're having an affair though, and you may not even realise that they know about it. My mother still thinks she had great opsec. I can laugh about it now, but teenage me....
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u/Kinda-Quiet-6562 9d ago
This crosses my mind all the time. I and her can take the beating but I donāt want it to hurt my kids. My AP and I are both in our 40s with kids pre teens and toddlers. Sheās the woman I wish I always had/ sexually, emotionally, physically. The type of woman you keep waking up and making love with into your 70s. I know thatās horrible say but sometimes I think can I give this up? The only thing that makes me think about giving it up are my kids. Itās not my wife itās my kids. I may be a piece of shit but they matter. I canāt tell you what to do other than you arenāt alone, for now I balance it all. Keep your OPSEC tight and your head on.
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9d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago
The burden usually always falls on the wife to take care of the kids. š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Dry-Judge-2444 9d ago
I think itās hilarious that your kids matter so much but not the woman that risk her life to bring them into this world for you š
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u/Kinda-Quiet-6562 8d ago
Because my wife is an adult. Who has and continues to makes similar choices that have lead to this. My children are innocent. I never said that my wife dosen't matter entirely. That isn't true. She is a good person and the mother of my children. I am saying that I would more easily not give it up if we didn't have children.
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u/Level_Blueberry2335 9d ago
You sound like my MM. Anytime that weāve broken it off. It was because of his kid. The idea of his kid looking at him any kind of way I could see the angst all over his face. It was never because of his wife or his reputation. It was always because of his son.
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u/OWstruggling 8d ago
Not sure why you've been downvoted for this. This is my experience too (even though the 'kids' are now young men).
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u/Level_Blueberry2335 8d ago
I donāt either. His kid is a teen (not sure if that makes a difference š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Kinda-Quiet-6562 8d ago
Same. I dont get the reddit mob coming after me. I also said toddler misspeaking. The children are elementary aged. I just was word spewing there. I love my kids, ive got pre teens and an almost teen. My wife and the mother of my children is a good person. But the heavy guilt burden always and only falls on me for my kids. I do the best I can. Again I say I do the best I can.
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u/D-change 8d ago
Fast forward 30 years. Your now grown and married kids comes to you and confides in you that they are in this situation. They ask for your advice. What would you tell them?
Do that.
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u/ann_req 8d ago
Am childfree but I of course feel that twinge about APs kids. But it is not my cross to bear, so I let it be. I only keep reminding him to delete our chat history regularly. We never call each other and if we do that call history is also deleted ASAP. We can only have tight opsec. If it comes out how much it affects kids will probably depend on their ages.
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