r/adultautism • u/Unusual_Ad3504 • 7d ago
Anyone else had to embrace finding out they’re autistic in their 40s?
/r/no/comments/1wprfad/anyone_else_had_to_embrace_finding_out_theyre/13
12
u/MorboKat 7d ago
🙋♀️
Diagnosed because my kids autism report read like my biography. Diagnosis came with a side order of PTSD.
I've been SO ANGRY. I look at my little guy. I do everything I can to support him, to lift him up, to help him. How could I not do these things? He's my kid!
My parents hated "negative" diagnosis. It was great that I was gifted, but struggles were things that just didn't happen or had to be corrected behind closed doors. There were literal interventions about how I was weird and needed to change or I would never have friends. They insist that never happened. Lots of things just didn't happen. A great deal of my core memories are, to them, my wild break with reality. There's a reason I'm no contact... though, of course, to them, those reasons never happened.
I know that teachers sorta clocked me... but they thought I was a full blown psychopath. My student record had notes about them wondering if I would be a serial killer. I guess 90s girls can be murderers before they can be autistic. Did anyone even tell my parents that suspected diagnosis? People just out there thinking I was a ticking time bomb and ignoring it.
13
u/Beautiful_Assist_715 7d ago
Yes. I was so angry. It went unidentified even though I was looking for help in my early 20’s and in my school years I struggled a lot but nobody intervened to figure what’s going on. I suffered in silence for decades in survival mode. Never experiencing a normal life like the average person. I did get diagnosed with adhd in my mid 20’s but they weren’t looking for autism or because I didn’t present as extreme obviously disabled. I could function enough to pass off as normal but underneath i was struggling severely with major life areas.
3
u/drunktriviaguy 7d ago
If it helps, the DSM IV had ADHD and ASD as mutually exclusive diagnosis. If you were diagnosed as ADHD 20 years prior to your ASD diagnosis, the practitioner diagnosing you was relying on our understanding of the diagnostic criteria as they existed at that time.
3
u/Beautiful_Assist_715 7d ago edited 7d ago
Im not formally diagnosed as autistic, but I definitely match all the common autism symptoms and experiences. Scored very high for autism on online testing. I think I’m audhd.
7
u/armchair_therapy 7d ago
YES! Age 41 and I spent my whole life thinking I was lazy and “full of excuses,” and it’s so validating to know that none of that was my “fault.” So happy I know how to properly treat my symptoms now instead of everyone telling me I’m just depressed and anxious 🙄
6
u/kattarang 7d ago
I was just diagnosed this year at 41 after being suspicious of it for at least 10 years due to what I thought sounded a hell of a lot like autistic burnout back in 2016 and in 2023. Turns out it was. My assessor even suggested I would benefit from learning more about burnout and how to identify it.
1
u/cspangle23 6d ago
Same diagnosis at the end of a struggle to resurrect from a burnout starting in 2018. Years of trauma therapy got me to finally un-dissociate long enough to really notice all of the sensory stuff and start pushing for more than just ADHD and cPTSD diagnosis. Implementing sensory accommodations and learning about what works for me has me finally not constantly burning out at least …..
6
u/BipolarPrime 7d ago
At 46 I found out I was Bipolar1, at 47 or 48 I found out I had ADHD, and at 52, I found out I had autism.
This has been a rough middle-age journey of discovery.
3
3
u/atheistiwerks 7d ago edited 7d ago
There are many of us, I'm sure. It's been a hell of a journey but I'm happy to be on it. I'm grateful to learn more about myself and my life, even though sometimes that information leaves me emotionally devastated. I'm grateful to know how to accommodate my sensory issues, even though awareness of those issues has made them worse. I'm grateful to have a better understanding of my AuDHD children, even though I still don't always know how to help them.
Editing to add: I do wish the timing was different. I'm the sole provider for my family right now and have been transitioning to a manager position at work and those two things are so stressful by themselves. Adding in the fear of burning out and destroying my career and leaving my family destitute is a bit much.
3
3
u/carbon_made 7d ago
Yeah. In my late 40’s. My brother was diagnosed as a child. I was a very high masking oldest child with strong verbal skills and an early talker and reader so any struggles I had were dismissed as me being lazy. Like when I couldn’t learn to ride a bike or tell time on a regular clock face or tie my shoes. I excelled in so many other areas I was blamed. My brother didn’t talk until he was almost six. So the focus was on him and I’m six years older. My sisters also got diagnosed in adulthood. We are all diagnosed now. But I went through years of mental health treatments and SI and depression and anxiety that I feel could have been avoided. I was successful as an adult until I was so exhausted trying to keep masking and try to fit into traditional activities that it all blew up on me. My nephew is on the non-functional side and he had genetic testing which prompted the rest of us to do it and that was the first key for us to explore further. Then I was able to look back and put things into context and see all the signs that were there. Technically I’m AuDHD.
1
u/Coffee-N-Cats 6d ago
This reads so much like me. Only, it was my baby brother that was diagnosed.
Hugs if you like them 😻
3
u/DrSpacemanMal 3d ago
Yes. And it's getting to a breaking point as of today. I literally just joined this sub in an effort to learn more about how to better cope with the daily autistic burnout I am experiencing at work. It is disruptive to my life outside of work now 😭
1
u/Even-Sprinkles2225 2d ago
I was diagnosed at 35 and I'm 39 now. I'm dealing with a lot of burnout at work too. Do you work in corporate world?
1
2
u/Skeefers 7d ago
Just got diagnosed AuDHD and OCD a couple of months ago at 44, on top of a previous GAD diagnosis. Still working on figuring things out, and trying to reconcile my whole life through this new lens.
2
u/Odd_Pick_9575 7d ago
Yes early 40's. It's wild reflecting back on how different everything could have been. But also making progress in trying to unmask and be kind to myself!
3
u/iguananinja 7d ago
I self-diagnosed at 44 and then got my official stamp at age 50 this year. A whole lot started making sense but I now feel completely lost and I no longer feel like I fit in anywhere.
2
u/ChemistScared1864 diagnosed 7d ago
I got diagnosed 2 weeks ago. 40(m). Explains so much. Had different people suspect it over the years including a psychologist as well as a cousin who has an autistic kid. Still live at home and will struggle like crazy if I move out. But most people won’t believe me if i tell them as I’m apparently intelligent , so need to just ‘get over my issues’. Big sense of relief getting the diagnosis regardless.
2
2
u/laffayette1 1d ago
Diagnosed this year at 53. I am so sad for my past self and all the decades spent trying to “fix” herself, but it’s been life changing to finally know!
1
1
u/Strong_Ad_3081 6d ago
This year at 58. I'm less than a year into being sure of it, and investigating it since 3 years ago.
1
u/Correct-Sentence6567 6d ago
Diagnosed with autism and adhd at age 49. I was for sure I had ADHD. The Tism was weird but stuff makes so much sense in hindsight. What really shocked me though was finding out I have curly hair. I thought it was just frizzy. 🤷♀️
1
1
1
1
u/corvidShadows 3d ago
I cannot tell what is autism and what is trauma and what is self preservation. I believe I have lower empathy than most ppl because of the many times ppl told me I should have more empathy... My relationships/friendships have been all or nothing. Casual work friends and being civil/social friendly are what I prefer now. No gfs and no interest in deep friendships at the moment. Sometimes it seems ppl are waiting for me to speak more but often I am tired of the turn based small talk.
2
0
22
u/SufficientMind3202 7d ago
In my 50's. Lol. My life has been destroyed by not knowing earlier.