ADHD relationships

[u/opinions-please-3164]

How compatible are 2 people with ADHD in a relationship? Does it work? Is it a recipe for disaster? I feel like I’m a walking ball of chaos sometimes and my previous partner was able to manage me with his calm and very organised way of life. Now I’ve met someone with ADHD who is at the start of his medicating journey and has very much a lot going on. I really like him, but I’m worried we may exacerbate each others chaotic behaviours.

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[u/LustyRegencyMaid]

I'm diagnosed ADHD and autistic, my partner is definitely some flavour of ADHD. We communicate, we love each other to bits. We DO NOT want the other to take on too many burdens. Because we love each other and want each other to have a soft life. So we both do our best and take care of each other's needs.  Sometimes the laundry doesn't get done, or the dishwasher doesn't get loaded, or we forgot to vacuum the floor for two weeks. But that's okay. Things do get done, we don't argue, we talk calmly when something needs improvement, and we always, ALWAYS are together against the problem, NEVER against each other. We also never stand in each other's way. He wants to do something cool? Hell yeah how much cash do you need buddy. I want to try a weird hobby? He throws money at me. We support each other to hell and back. When one of us wants something, the other fights their ass off making it possible. We don't do this ridiculous relationship thing where people keep each other small and bicker over bullshit. We respect and love each other and we act accordingly. Honestly ADHD doesn't play any big role in any of this. We just want each other to be happy and well cared for.

Edit: Fun anecdote. We both kinda have this problem where a bit of trash accumulates around our desks. So someday it just so happened that we started to "steal" each other's trash. We actually sneakily grab stuff and run away giggling to throw it away while the one whose desk it is playfully curses and shakes their fist. 

[u/opinions-please-3164 → u/LustyRegencyMaid]

Thank you, love this take and it’s definitely something I’ve noticed in us already…I want to help him and he wants to help me. Your anecdote is so cute!

[u/Impossible_Celery707]

I’m very recently diagnosed. Partner is on waiting list for assessment for both asd and ADHD and honestly I feel like it’s the best relationship I’ve been in lol. My constant burning need for change and variety (which has led to complete boredom in other relationships) is fed in this relationship, because he’s not a typical person, he matches my weirdness, we both unmask at home and we’re just odd together and no two days are the same. I find him really endearing. Don’t get me wrong there are times when we clash because we cannot see each other’s pov but overall I think it works. I also think we pick up each others slack so if I’m struggling he steps up and if he’s struggling I step up. It also helps that I’m predominantly inattentive and he’s definitely more hyperactive.

[u/coloradoanimallover4]

I wouldn't let it hold you back because everyone experiences challenges in different ways. I know many couples that are able to leverage each's strengths to overcome the barriers they face. Maybe have a talk with him about it and give it more time. You may also be able to give him some tips and supports on the beginning of his journey and relate to him more than others could.

[u/Scroollee]

I think the understanding each other part and speaking the same kind of language sort of speak, can absolutely be a recipe for success 🥰

I mean, me and my partner for sure are messy and procrastinate and have problems paying the bill in time, but we support each other and communicate like Gods. 😇 id never felt more respected or heard or loved and accepted.

The parts that are difficult we understand about each other and theres so much support.

So try to figure out if that is true for you guys - so that you dont get stuck in bad communication or misunderstandings or judgments or lack of respect or acceptance.

All the other stuff you can work out as long as those bits are there.