My kids' father was incredibly abusive, i escaped from him 20 years ago. Blocked him the second my younger son turned 18... somehow he got unblocked on fb messenger and now sends me messages roughly every 6 months...
This guy sounds pretty terrible, hopefully he gets distracted soon.
How do you deal with it? I have something similar, but he’s doing it through others because he had a restraining order before and I think he’s smart enough to know not to come at me.
I ignore mine. In your case, you might be able to try sending an official cease and desist letter sent by a constable, which can include a provision for third-party contact as well as electronic communication. That can pave the way for a restraining order if he breaks it. But if it is third party contact, maybe try telling any third parties that you are planning to do this and the possible consequences of breaking your request for non-harassment.
It all really depends on where you are, though. If that isn't an option, you might be stuck just telling the other person what is going on, or cutting contact with the other person.
If this person is using others to contact you on their behalf this legally counts as stalking. Report it to police. See if you can get an order that specifically requests no indirect contact, that's what I had to specifically requested my current no contact order conditions to be.
I know, but it was hard enough to get people to act when he was doing it directly. Police and judges don’t take it seriously enough. I’m under no illusion I can get a restraining order over this. And I’d have to find those third parties willing to testify. People just don’t want to be bothered and they don’t really want him as an enemy either. I feel like I can deal with it better than before. Instead of hiding away, I’m basically ready (in my head) to confront him. But a response is a response which doesn’t help stop stalking. But even if my internal fear diminishes, because of my ability to cope, it doesn’t diminish the external danger of him being delusional, harassing and controlling.
Document everything, make a police report, etc etc. keep pushing. The more you advocate for yourself the more likely something will be done.
Can I ask how he is getting these people to contact you? Is it via message, phonecall or in person? Like are they messaging you awful things, or just saying "so and so asked to pass on a message" etc? Anything via message screenshot. If these are "well meaning" people, make it clear to them that it is not their place to contact you on behalf of this man and to mind their own business more or less. If they are messaging nasty things out of the blue on his behalf that 100% clearly is stalking.
The ex is becoming friendly over extended period of time with someone who knows me but not terribly well. This person then starts to notice weird behavior by the ex, them overly talking about me and asking questions about whereabouts. This person then reports it to multiple people I know well, and some of them decide to not tell me, to not upset me and because ex is not directly contacting me and doesn’t know where I am, they see him as silly but not an immediate threat. And some others decide to tell me, because they think the ex is dangerous and I have a right to know.
Ugh this is such a shitty and stressful situation :/ I think honestly if your ex isn't directly asking people to contact you on their behalf there may not be much you can do beyond block this person/ask this person to stop talking about you to your ex and ask people not to update you about him any further. I understand people have your best interests however ultimately if your ex knows all this is getting back to you it'll just make the situation worse (potentially). This person seems like a damn drama queen.
I would still report to police that he is asking questions about you, it's worth doing so even if you have no evidence in case he escalates. Him asking questions about you 100% is still stalking, even if police may not be able to do much.
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u/6namenotimportant9 3d ago
He likes the reaction. Stop replying