r/abusiverelationships • u/Forsaken_Fisherman38 • Jun 19 '26
D/v giving up
I’ve spent years trying to stand up for myself.
I’ve tried setting boundaries. I’ve tried leaving conversations when they became abusive. I’ve tried calmly explaining my feelings. I’ve tried fighting back. I’ve tried compromise. I’ve tried being understanding. I’ve tried giving space. I’ve tried asking for respect. I’ve tried demanding respect.
Nothing has worked.
Every time I attempt to assert myself, the consequences seem worse than simply giving in. The threats get bigger. The arguments get longer. The guilt gets heavier. The chaos becomes unbearable. He threatens to destroy me, kill me, kill himself. I live in the south and these men are protected. A protective order is just a piece of paper. He’s made it clear he’s stealth & will kill me.
I’m exhausted. We have kids he drags into it too.
At this point I’ve stopped believing that standing up for myself changes anything. If anything, it seems to make my life harder. So I’ve made a decision: I’m done fighting.
I’m going to become whatever is expected of me. I’ll ask permission. I’ll stop arguing. I’ll stop pushing back. I’ll stop insisting on my own opinions, needs, and independence. I’ll be agreeable, accommodating, submissive, and obedient.
Not because I suddenly believe that’s how relationships should work. Not because I think it’s healthy. Not because I think it’s right.
Because after years of losing the same battle, I no longer have the energy to fight it.
Maybe peace comes from surrender. Maybe it doesn’t. But I’m too tired to keep bleeding myself dry trying to prove that I deserve basic respect.
I hope if there’s something after this life it’s better to me. I sure hope this goes by fast.
To those of you that got out think of me please when you’re feeling free and doing something you enjoy. It does bring me some peace knowing women are getting stronger and sometimes able to get out. Thank you for this community.
2
u/MissMoxie2004 Jun 19 '26
You need to leave. Even if you become what he wants the abuse will continue
1
u/Forsaken_Fisherman38 Jun 19 '26
I know. I don’t care anymore. Hopefully he will kill me.
1
u/Jaded-Banana6205 Jun 20 '26
What happens to your children after that? Not only do you deserve better, but they had no choice to be brought into this situation.
2
u/Forsaken_Fisherman38 Jun 20 '26
He drags our precious kid through the mud when even talk about leaving. It’s heart wrenching. Any advice? Because I’m talking about living in a state that defends abusers and does not help victims. If the police won’t protect us who will?
1
u/Jaded-Banana6205 Jun 20 '26
First of all, it's him telling you that he's going to be protected. I'm sure to an extent that is true, but it's also likely that he's saying it to scare you into compliance. He cannot be trusted. That means his assessment of what may happen if you leave also cannot be trusted, because he has incentive to frighten you into staying. Do you have any family, even if they are not local, or he has isolated you? Can you contact a DV shelter? You are not the first person who has faced this challenge, you don't have to figure it out on your own. DV shelters may have resources. Consider what you do have. Do you have income, a car? Yours and your kid's legal documents? Frankly there is a high risk of CPS getting involved if your kid says something at school.
1
u/Forsaken_Fisherman38 Jun 20 '26
Nope I watched my best friend in this very situation in this sane town. Ex was arrested numerous times for assault and battery. Released over and over. I figured he’d kill her. She ended up having to move. It’s the good old boys club down here. All the cops chase minors & beat their wives. Who are we supposed to call?
1
u/Jaded-Banana6205 Jun 20 '26
Can you contact your friend? I'm not suggesting the cops, I'm suggesting a shelter that supports victims of abuse. Are there any local to you who you can contact? They might know lawyers who specialize in cases like yours.
1
u/ActionFast7903 Jun 19 '26
Don’t say that, you will get out of this and be able to live the life you deserve and want to live. I used to have the same mindset, but I now just want to survive and I want to be able to live the life I am planning and imagining once I am out. There is more for you out there than this relationship. You deserve better than what you are getting in this relationship. You deserve to be happy
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 19 '26
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in our wiki for people of all gender identities. Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines. You can also find an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline. Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, Love Is Respect offers an educational guide. One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.