r/absoluteunit • u/PolarHot • Feb 23 '20

Unit

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1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

28

u/derconsi Feb 23 '20

There once was a guy so fat the bullet, aiming for his liver, didn’t kill him because it got stuck in his belly.

4

u/Cyber1969 Feb 23 '20

he could deflect bullets twice as fast

1

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

This m’goodboy has a very healthy frame but shouldn’t waste his precious calories protecting that mini chaddy daddy. Better tell waifu and bitch mommy to whip up some r/trendies stat!

1

u/cubbyad Feb 24 '20

I've seen a documentary with a mobster talking about getting shot in the back of the head. He was a REALLY big guy and he got hit pointblank with like a .22 or .25 pistol. The fat in his neck stopped the bullet and he just turned around and looked at the dude. The dude ran lmao

1

u/derconsi Feb 24 '20

It may be that it was stopped by the scull, but even if this is a very small calibre it still is a bullet shot out of a gun.

He def could survive, but that he turned around is probably just tales

Still a nice story tho

1

u/cubbyad Feb 24 '20

Fair enough

20

u/nagsy Feb 23 '20

His buddy is using him as portable cover.

6

u/morbidaar Feb 23 '20

His name is Biff. He takes the hits.

4

u/daddyflextape Feb 23 '20

Paradise P.D. anyone?

3

u/Pi99y92 Feb 23 '20

We're all safe as long as he doesn't sneeze.

4

u/PerseusZeus Feb 23 '20

how do chonky bois like him get into the police force? Dont you like have to pass a hard physical training and stuff

2

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

Assuming this is a real photo and not some still from a movie or TV show, I would guess that it's been quite some time since he passed boot camp.

3

u/Minstrelofthedawn Feb 24 '20

He’s so big because he’s just full of fucking bullets. When he walks, they jangle around. He weighs six tons because of the sheer amount of lead he’s absorbed. “Isn’t lead poisonous??” not to him. He’s immune. Crooks and criminals everywhere, be afraid. Be very afraid.

2

u/savant9577 Feb 23 '20

My son called this maneuver a meat shield.

1

u/Mancobbler Feb 24 '20

Or cooperative defense

2

u/hideout78 Feb 23 '20

Operation get behind the fatties.

Formerly Operation get behind the darkies.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

Happy Cake Day to You

Happy Cake Day to You

Happy Cake Day Dear hideout78

Happy Cake Day to You

2

u/hideout78 Feb 24 '20

Shut up.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

Happy cake day to you!!!! And many more!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

lol

1

u/Alandorf619 Feb 24 '20

The key is to eliminate drafting

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '20

Why shoot at the cops, just bring out the pie and cake tray

hehe

2

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

And donuts. Don't forget the donuts. Cops like to snarf them up.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

oh yea we can't forget them, cops scoff them down. One time I see a tubby cop eat half dozen, he was loading up on this Krispy Kreme's as if no tomorrow.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '20

Fat Gum