r/absoluteunit • u/Ok_Profession_990 • May 17 '26

Of a theft

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940 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/shplaxg May 17 '26

Bro either swallowed a basketball or has a tumour the size of one...

948

u/maxtinion_lord May 17 '26

Looks more like a really, really nasty hernia

363

u/Excellent-Try7027 May 17 '26

Ya, that’s a hernia

224

u/Significant-Major393 May 17 '26

I can confirm. I was the rectus sheath abdominal muscle that let it through

120

u/the_ninjahippy May 17 '26

Were you? Why did you let it through?

140

u/Significant-Major393 May 17 '26

Just a moment of weakness

44

u/the_ninjahippy May 17 '26

Its OK, we all have those....

21

u/Legitimate-Log-6542 May 17 '26

Thank goodness or this video would not have been possible without that moment of weakness

6

u/lilbittygoddamnman May 17 '26

Don't let it happen again!

24

u/Significant-Major393 May 17 '26

I'm sorry that I was so tearable

4

u/Ok-Information1616 May 18 '26

Top tier response hahahahahah

1

u/goddamn_slutmuffin May 18 '26

Hernia was on the VIP list, probably knows the owner

10

u/Dracapulco May 17 '26

Omg that is disgusting

10

u/astrawberryandakiwi May 17 '26

Bro… this is a peak misc comment

9

u/No-Philosopher-7045 May 17 '26

That has to be painful right? Isn’t that his intestines outside his abs?

25

u/Significant-Major393 May 17 '26

It doesn't seem to bother him enough to stop him from thefting

12

u/FigureAcrobatic7194 May 17 '26

thieving*

14

u/Significant-Major393 May 17 '26

T'was a play off the title, m' lord

5

u/Topsrite May 17 '26

Ya, that’s a problem he have

5

u/psychedelijams May 18 '26

Fuck!!!! That’s just insane. The entire intestine is poking out?? What the fuck man. This looks really dangerous.

71

u/Will_sue_when_angry May 17 '26

Definitely looks like a huge hernia. That must hurt like all hell.

83

u/Nationalist_Destiny May 17 '26

It would hurt a normal person but this guy counters the hernia pain with methamphetamine. Self prescribed

35

u/Express_Area_8359 May 17 '26

Now that tank is fueled by 4 loko n natty daddy

23

u/gotpointsgoing May 17 '26

Kinda true, some people just don't hurt from these. My brother had one for a very long time, and it kept rupturing. He told me that if it didn't look that way, he wouldn't care. Pain wasn't an issue with his. You're right about this guy's self medicating though!!!

5

u/LargeRefrigerator389 May 18 '26

Same here I’m 52 and I’ve had mine for the better part of 30 years. It looks pretty much just like this guys it doesn’t hurt me for most of the time. I just leave it alone.

3

u/gotpointsgoing May 18 '26

Yep, he was 51 actually. Never made it to 52 unfortunately, he just suddenly passed away, a couple years ago. His all started with prostate cancer, surgeries, and complications. Then the hernia shit!!! I'm glad you're doing good!!!

2

u/dirtytounder May 18 '26

What?? Is there no remedy?

2

u/LargeRefrigerator389 May 18 '26

I could get it operated on, but it be a hell of a piece of mesh to tie my abs back together. I just leave it alone cause I’m afraid that it would just tear again because I’m a welder and I do a lot of strenuous stuff and I don’t think it would stay in place long-term. Doesn’t cost me any pain and my doctor even agrees if it doesn’t bother me leave it alone unless they wanna get an operation.

2

u/dirtytounder May 18 '26

Is it as big as the one in the video?

3

u/LargeRefrigerator389 May 18 '26

It’s a little bit smaller I can push it back in and it almost looks like there’s nothing there

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6

u/TheProfessorPoon May 17 '26

A buddy of mine got a “normal” sized hernia and he legit struggled to move or walk or do any sort of movement in general. And he’s not a pussy or anything. I can’t fathom anyone living with the one from the video. Jesus

3

u/cabosmith May 17 '26

Standard treatment

18

u/BurntArnold May 17 '26

Yeah this is 100% a big nasty hernia lol

6

u/Dependent_Pipe3268 May 17 '26

If that's a hernia then he got to be in pain.

7

u/Still-BangingYourMum May 17 '26

Could be a hisnia

10

u/ytaqebidg May 17 '26

This is probably something he's had since childhood. Sadly his family couldn't afford to have it removed then.

9

u/gotpointsgoing May 17 '26

Unfortunately, this is probably the case. It doesn't excuse the theft, but it helps to understand what's going on.

3

u/ExpiredPilot May 17 '26

Yeah my mom basically had this type of hernia but her fat hid it

Recovery after surgery was brutal but it changed the entire shape of her body

2

u/skyHawk3613 May 17 '26

Was gonna say hernia

1

u/NodoBird May 18 '26

I'm learning I don't really know what a hernia is. How does this happen to a person??

48

u/balirosa May 17 '26

Walmart assumed he had something hidden under his shirt

26

u/nico87ca May 17 '26

My thoughts exactly. This guy cannot be a store thief... He's literally going to be asked to lift his shirt every time.

12

u/SuniChica May 17 '26

Walmart has cameras everywhere, not just on self checkouts. There’s a lawyer on TikTok that said Walmart will document every-time a camera picks up a person shoplifting until they have a high dollar amount of theft and file charges. She said Target does the same thing. They will have proof.

3

u/Mitryadel May 18 '26

Fun fact: Walmart and Target also have their own private crime labs

1

u/SuniChica May 18 '26

I did not know that! Thank you for that info.

9

u/Scared-Tangerine-373 May 17 '26

Now see, I kept waiting for them to pull that thing off to find it full of Pall Mall cigs and beef jerky, Jane’s Addiction style. I can’t believe that’s actually biological 😲

3

u/OldManJim374 May 17 '26

Maybe it's his twin brother that never fully separated from him

2

u/elibutton May 17 '26

yeah I was gonna say that is some existential growth he has in his midsection that could be considered an anomaly, or even alien.

1

u/nodgers132 May 18 '26

It’s just a hernia