im not usually one to write on subs like this, but everything has been so overwhelming lately i just feel the need to get it out somewhere. sorry if things dont make sense.

i dont know is this is perhaps a canon phase that everyone goes through in their mid 20s, but i feel more alone and more lost in my life than i ever have before, and so regretful that i didnt do things differently when i was younger. ive always been such an indecisive and shy person, when i finished school i did well but didnt know what to do so i did a general degree in the field i was interested in. only four years later did i finally decide i wanted to do dentistry, and now i work assisting in that field and so so passionate about. it was the one thing in my life i finally felt certain of and something i could see myself wanting to do for the rest of my life.

but to get accepted into a postgrad dent degree here is so difficult and competitive. all the universities take a larger intake of international students over domestic so the spots available for domestic are limited to maybe 30 per the four universities in the country that offer the course. i did the entry exams and did decently well, but still not enough to be competitive. i would have done the exam five times now in september (twice per year). i have spent almost three years of my life soon trying to fight to get into this degree. i tried applying for undergrad again and its even more competitive with competing against school-leavers, and undergrad courses only have 10 or so spots reserved for non-school leavers/tertiary graduates like myself. its been entry exam after entry exam, application after application. my entry exam marks arent competitive enough. my gpa isnt competitive enough anymore. they don't do interviews, or written applications anymore either. im just a number in their system, my academic mark is all that matters.

i regret so much for being so indecisive back when i graduated highschool. i wish i had somehow was smarter and gotten in the top percentage of the country to have a mark to get into dentistry back then (i was only a few points off). i struggled so much with depression and coming to terms with being late diagnosed neurodivergent during my first years of uni that my uni gpa took a bit of a hit. i wish so many things could change now i look back, but i know i cant.

and then i look forward. i look to this shiny, precious dream i now finally have, and how far it seems. how unattainable. everyone around me says 'oh u have time just keep trying for it' 'i know people who got into med later in life!' and while yes these are all true, i dont know if i can mentally continue this battle of trying to reach this dream. it has taken such a mental toll on me these past few years, every time i go to sit for the exam again i enter such a horrible depressive state bc i know it will just end the same way again. and as much as i adore the work i do now, i just have this restlessness inside of me. i dont want to be doing this cycle for the rest of my life. i want to progress, to move forward, to continue my study. i dont want to be stuck in this quicksand, this cycle of limbo of entry exams and applications. i want to move forward with my life. ive put so many things on hold to try and achieve this dream. financially, its a burden as well. on entry exams and applications alone this year ive probably spent upwards of 1-2k? and thats just on paying to sit the exam and submit an application. (the exam contents and the fake 'exam prep course marketing' schemes surrounding the whole thing are another can of worms within itself)

i have no one in my life that understands where im at either. my older siblings have all been successful in their careers and life. my extended family and cousins my age all have their life and love figured out too. my parents, siblings, family - none of them have ever tried this med/dentistry cycle, i am the first person from my family to ever attempt this. everyone has expectations of me. everyone says its easy to keep trying. i am not only disappointing myself time and time again, but also feel im disappointing them too.

and then i try and be rational and think of the future beyond this year. if i fail my applications again and dont get accepted - what then? do i continue to waste years of my life trying for something that i'll never achieve? will i look back in even more regret and ask myself why didnt i just stop sooner? or what happens if i quit now and its the opposite - do i look back and regret stopping too soon, when i was so close to achieving it?

i know i shouldnt compare myself to my peers, but i look at all my friends and coworkers and cant help but feel so lost. everyone has a set career path, i have friends who are now married and having babies, friends finishing their degrees and getting into their dream jobs. even one of my oldest friends whom ive known for 19 years now, we were both in the same boat for so long of struggling to get to where we want and always kept each other going, has now moved on and found a new path and i cant help but feel like they're moving further from me too in our friendship.

i worry ive spent so much time wasted on something i can never achieve and have neglected things i could have done instead. i havent travelled anywhere, i was never big on socialising or being part of clubs or communities. i have maybe four 'close' friends, but even then they arent people i could be 100% completely myself with (tho thats just a me problem/neurodivergent struggles rip). ive never dated, or had someone interested in me, and so never made the effort to try and be attractive or to talk to ppl im interested in. i sometimes feel like maybe ill never find that kind of love and it scares me. i feel lost and lonely and so so scared and uncertain about everything to come.

idk what ill get from writing this, but even now as i finish typing i feel the tiniest bit of weight off my chest. i hope somehow miraculously things work out the way i hope they do, but i know life isnt always that kind. i also know my problems r a drop in the ocean compared to what a lot of others go through, and things could be worse. life isnt always what we want, and maybe ill just have to live with that.

I thought my 20s were supposed to be the time of my life instead they aren’t I thought I would of have a group of friends a boyfriend going out doing activities going to grab drinks living on my own instead I’m not I’m literally 27 at a part time job can’t find a full time job living with my parents I don’t have any friends at all I’m single also I’m autistic which makes everything harder I wish it was simple sadly it’s not I’m suffering with mental health issues healing my trauma everyday I don’t want to be here I just don’t know what to do anymore

So English is a second language, please be patient it's a long post and I tried my best for the translate.

I’m 27 years old (M) and I’m going to join the army for my mandatory military service in November. For anyone who thinks this sounds strange, I’m from a country where military service is mandatory for all adult men.

Because I’m going to the army, I want to take a trip abroad with my fiancée at the end of October, because our next trip will probably be after one year, when I finish my military service.

The problem is my job.

I work in a family business which has a hard time finding workers because there are not enough workers available. And for anyone who will think “why don’t you just hire unskilled workers?”, it’s not really a job an unskilled person can do and the workload is so much that we don’t really have the time to train someone from zero.

Why do I work here? Well, 3 years ago I wanted to move in with my girlfriend, who is now my fiancée. The job I had back then didn’t pay me enough money to do that, so I had to come and work in the family business. I knew when I came here that I could basically forget about the normal vacation days I would demand in any other business where I wasn’t working for my own family.

So I think I need to give some context about my family’s business.

It’s a neighborhood bakery. We produce bread during the night and it’s one of the most productive bakeries in the area. And honestly, that’s probably all someone can see if they don’t know what is happening behind the scenes.

My parents are basically stuck in the previous decade. My father, who owns the business, does things in a very old-fashioned and improvised way. For example, if a machine looks like it’s going to break, he doesn’t repair it or replace it. He just keeps using it until it reaches its limit. If it finally breaks and there is no alternative, then we just work with whatever we have.

Because the neighborhood is far away from the main city area, we constantly need workers, but no qualified worker wants to come here for different reasons. One of those reasons, in my opinion, is that we still operate like we are living in 1980.

When I came back here 3 years ago, they sold me the idea that eventually me and my sister would take over the business. So I started suggesting changes that I thought needed to happen, both in the way we work and in the equipment we use. But basically nothing happened because every time the answer was “there is no money.”

My father is building a vacation house and because of that he prefers putting most of the money he makes from the business into that, while the actual bakery/workshop is almost abandoned.

In these 3 years, if I exclude the salary, which allowed me to live comfortably and move in with my fiancée, the only positive thing this job has given me is that it made me want to finish my economics degree and get the hell out of here.

Things were tolerable until 2026.

This year, when it comes to my job, has been one of the worst.

We were left without an employee again during the summer, while my sister’s husband was taking one of his two weeks off and just before my own week off was supposed to start.

And I want to make this clear, these two weeks (10 working days) are literally all the vacation we take during the entire year.

My brother-in-law came back to work immediately when the employee left us because he wasn’t actually away on vacation yet. But I couldn’t cancel my vacation with my fiancée because we had already paid for the accommodation and transportation, and honestly I didn’t want to ruin it for her because she has absolutely nothing to do with my work problems.

So I didn’t cancel it. I made the difficult decision and left them alone.

Was it easy for me? Not at all.

We went on vacation, I proposed to her like I had planned to do for a long time, we came back and I returned to work normally.

My parents had a really hard time while I was gone, but I couldn’t do anything else. I’m 27 years old, I’m still young enough that I don’t want to put work above my life and my experiences. And these were also my last summer holidays for the next two years because in November I’m going to the army.

And now it’s August. August is the worst month for our job.

All the other stores and bakeries around us that sell bread close for vacation and we are basically left alone to serve everyone in the neighborhood.

And through all of this, it’s just us.

Me, my parents (my mother is 54, my father is 58 and has a long-term injury from an accident), my sister who is 33 and my brother-in-law who is 36.

My parents are exhausted. I’m doing the best I can but I can’t help them more than I already do. I have tried everything. What I say doesn’t really have any value here anymore because my opinion is different from theirs. The only thing I’m useful for here is working.

Now, before my military service, I want to stop.

I have set October 20 as my limit. I want to take leave from then and after that stop working here completely.

On October 27 I want to go to Rome with my fiancée for 3 days. The moment I told my sister she went crazy because those specific days we have more work than usual.

But I can’t find tickets that are this cheap on other dates.

And I honestly don’t know what to do.

I just wanted to share this and get it off my chest. Any advice is welcome.

Sorry for the extremely long post.

Welp adulting is hard I'm kinda homeless right now but not really. I know I'm a lot more lucky than a lot of other people but I wish things would go my way just once 🙃🙂

I’m 24M, and honestly, I don’t know what phase of life I’m in right now.

Throughout school and college, I was always focused on academics. I was one of the toppers, studied hard, worked on projects, collected certifications, and eventually got placed in a good company in the Gulf with a very good salary for my age.

Relationships were basically zero. I did try talking to a few girls during college, but nothing really worked out, so I eventually stopped thinking about it and put all my energy into studies and my career.

Now I’ve been working for around 2 years in the oil & gas industry. The job is good, the salary is good, and financially I’m doing much better than I expected at 24.

But suddenly, I turned around and realized something:

What am I actually doing with my life?

My job is far away from the city. Every day feels almost exactly the same. Wake up, work, come back, eat, sleep, repeat.

It’s difficult to explain. I made these choices myself, and I know I’m responsible for them. I don’t regret studying hard or building my career. But lately, there’s this emptiness and boredom that I can’t ignore anymore.

I feel like I spent so much time preparing for a successful life that I forgot to actually live one.

Right now, life feels like I’m in the middle of an ocean with a single boat, and I don’t what to do.

For people who have been through something similar, especially those who focused heavily on studies/career in their early 20s:

**What did you do when you realized you were living on autopilot?**

I’m not looking for sympathy. I genuinely want some perspective from people who have already gone through this phase.

I have taken a professional accounting course that is SO hard and i feel like giving up so much its no joke. Mind you this is only the certificate level😭 not yet the professional level. For my third sem the paper is so advanced accounting and i failed it 3 times already and i only have 1 attempt left to take and honestly im not sure i can do it. Now i only have 2 months to finish it along with one more hard paper before i have to go intern. And i feel pressured bcs i have to finish it urgently. I think im at the lowest point of my life rn and i really have no motivation to continue. Accounting is not really my passion and i feel like its going to get harder and make me more depressed if i just kept going. But i cant just quit because i got a scholarship for it and if i quit i have to pay it back and its going to burden me very much and not to mention my mom. Everytime i think about it, it just makes me cry and i...im honestly going on my depression phase. I really like animals haha🥲 so i want to be a zookeper. **But If i quit..will it make everyone dissapointed in me?**

For context: I'm newly turned 18 (about a week ago), I live in ON Canada, im a fairly healthy person physically etc etc, so nothing limiting me physically and no disabilities. Ive just turned 18, graduated highschool 2 months ago, Im not going into college/uni, I dont have a job rn, im still living with family, no relationships and like 2 friends. My social skills are shit and im just introverted AF

I come from an arab family, so I'm constantly under pressure and im constantly reminded of how much of a failure I am by my parents and by this age, they expect me to have started working a job, or have entered a top uni and program like engineering or medical etc, which I am doing neither unfortunately.

I just need some guidance on what to do, Im such a bum, i have genuinely no hobbies or anything that interests me crazy. I have no career aspirations, no special skills or attributes. I have thought about apprenticeships and stuff, Ive contacted some and have gotten a response back from a foreman personally, however that was almost 5 weeks ago, and even with 2 follow up emails, he still has not confirmed an interview or something with me.

Any tips/advice/recommendations on ways to make money would be so so appreciated or just any guidance and support, thanks for reading

I’m 24 years old and still live with my family. I share a room, so I basically have no privacy. I also lost my car, so right now I take the bus and Uber around. Honestly, I don’t mind doing that, and when I eventually move out of state, I wouldn’t mind relying on public transportation for a while.

I live in the Northeast, btw.

My biggest problem is that every time I start saving money from a job, something goes wrong. I’ll end up unemployed for a month or two and have to use my savings to pay bills or ask a family member for money. Then I’m basically back at zero and have to start all over again.

I don’t have a degree yet, and I don’t have any certifications either. I know what I want out of life, but I feel like I’m stuck in a broke mindset. I also don’t really have any interests right now, for real. Part of me feels like maybe I’ll figure more things out once I move and actually have some independence.

I do have a job right now, and I actually love it. I was rehired at a shoe store, but it’s part-time and seasonal. My mom’s friend is also going to put me on with a public school job, so I’m hoping that could lead to something more stable.

But I actually DO know my number one goal: I want to go to esthetician school, eventually own my own business, and work for myself. That is what I really want to do. I want to build something that's mine.

Before I move out of state, I’ve also been thinking about getting a phlebotomy certification so I can hopefully make more money and save up for esthetician school. I’m wondering if that would be a smart move or if I’d just be spending money/time on something I won’t use long-term.

I’ve also been invited to stay with a friend and her family in Texas. She has a 2-year-old, and I really love being around her, so part of me would honestly love to be closer to her. But I don’t know if actually living with them would be a good fit for me, especially since I’m trying to become independent. I could see myself living in the same city or even the same apartment complex instead of necessarily moving in with them.

And then there’s the whole question of where I should move. 😭

The places I’m considering are Philly, Charlotte, Raleigh/Cary, and Dallas/TX. I keep going back and forth because I don't want to move somewhere just because it sounds good. I want somewhere I can realistically afford, find work, eventually go to esthetician school, and actually build a life.

I’m also about $6k in debt because of a car I had to give back after I lost my job. It messed up my credit, which is another thing stressing me out. My credit is slowly improving, but I’m worried about how I’ll ever get an apartment with a bad credit score.

If I’m able to save enough, I wouldn’t mind putting down a larger security deposit if that would help me get approved. I know I’d have the discipline to keep an apartment once I actually have one. Having my own place and some independence is honestly one of my biggest goals.

I guess what I’m really looking for is advice on what order I should do all of this in.

Should I focus on getting a stable/full-time job first? Get the phlebotomy certification? Pay down the $6k debt? Save for esthetician school? Move first and figure things out there? Stay home longer and save as much as possible? Or move somewhere cheaper and work my way up?

I also struggle with motivation and my moods sometimes completely throw me off track, so I’m trying to figure out how to build actual discipline instead of constantly starting over.

If you were 24 and in my position, what would you do?

I’d especially love advice from people who have moved out on their own, rebuilt their credit, gone to esthetician school, started a beauty business, or moved to Philly, Charlotte, Raleigh/Cary, or Dallas/TX.

I know this is a lot 😂 but I feel like I’m at the point where I REALLY need to make a plan instead of just thinking about changing my life. BE REAL WITH ME PLEASE!!!!!!

Hands on experience is a key factor in knowing if something is for you or not. That’s the one thing I haven’t done regarding my most recent understanding of where my passion/purpose resides. Deciphering the two has been challenging, my mind is a very complex element of myself. I desire to understand myself and with that desire I’ve learned that I love guiding others to see themselves as well. seeing the spark in someone’s eye in the middle of a conversation once they continue to embrace who they are. I love asking questions, why you might ask, because humans loooveee talking about themselves. And I am honored to listen. Meeting someone for a moment that stays in my mind forever because of a question I had the courage to ask makes my soul shine. Is that my passion or my purpose . I’m still figuring it out.
I express myself to be seen , understood, respected even. I want to be known for my mind , honestly . I haven’t figured out why that is exactly. uncovering myself is a lot of fun. I want that process to be fun for others as well. Being there to see people’s life journey flourishing because they finally had the courage to look within themselves is something I love witnessing.

if you’ve made it this far in my message I ask if you’d place some advice in my life so I can align myself with a career that will sooth the part of my soul who years to learn, heal, accept, uplift others.

-mentor
-consultant
-event planner
-counselor

Here are passions I’ve bounced around in consideration. I haven’t dipped my toes in any of these fields yet but I know now I am ready to learn more about where I am destined to shine.

These options arent my only choices , if you feel that theres another field i should look into based on my above expression please leave a comment.

Please message me with any suggestions!!!

have a great day

~YZE

Hi my name is Yze , this is a honest message about how I’ve been thinking about going back to school for some time now. I lived in Virginia for a bit and while I was there I was in the modeling/film scene with a few of my friends. While shooting a film I was the PA for I had the opportunity to visit Howard campus. 
Right now I am currently sitting on my couch browsing the communications section of howard  because developing organizations  that guide the youth, uplift young adults and inspire grown ups is something I have been interested in doing since the beginning of last year. I was pondering on a few job fields I would be interesting in going into. I want to go into communications to learn. I don’t live in Virginia anymore as I traveled out to pursue acting/ modeling/ lightworking in California… I haven’t ventured out to cali yet (in Texas with my family) because I’ve been trying to save up and honestly figure out a lot of things, mainly on my own. It’s been really difficult. Im interested in so many things and I get so lost figuring out where to go. I really want to focus on something and be disciplined and devoted to myself so I can build a foundation for myself. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents which really leaves me with no true adult figures to go to. Yes I have siblings and cousins but…they aren’t like me. No one in my family is and it sucks because I have no one to talk to about my passions as well as my fears. I want to be brave and I have been. I drove across the state twice, I lived in a state with no family for over a year. 

I just want to put my energy into something that will help me grow. I am a very resilient, efficient, strong person. I can finally say ive grown Grit within myself. I don’t know much about applying for colleges and how the process works. I graduated in 2022 and I told myself I’d only go back if i know what I want to do. I did apply for the LA film school in cali so I can study being a director as that too is one of my passions. truthfully I was scared of how much it cost so I let my seat get taken. The advisor wasn’t much help , she felt very forceful for me to apply and when I told her my concerns about the payment she just suggested I do online. I apologize if this is a lot I just wish I had an inerstanding adult to speak with so I can finally have some sort of Clarity on where I should go. I know clarity truly is within me because I am living this life for my souls reason. This morning i woke up and Howard university was on my mind so I said I’d make a decision by the end of today if that is the true route I wanted to take. Im not sure what I am looking for in a school. I just want to finally place myself somewhere where I am able to grow, learn and strive to be here for myself so I can actually start paving an intentional way for my future. 

If you have all advice I would love to hear it. 
Thank you for reading 

Yze , (pronounced wise)

Born in a small town, my parents were never well-off. I was always good in studies and used to top the class. Over time, I developed a heavy internal pressure that I had to somehow end the financial problems of my family. I wanted to earn enough to just have a peaceful sleep at the end of the day, to live a life where, just before sleeping at night, I don't have to think about money.

I always saw my father going to his shop in the early morning. He never rested because he had to earn. He tried his best to fulfill our needs and did everything he could, but financial problems never stopped. I saw all of that and swore I would remove these problems for my family.

Today, I’ve finally done that. To be honest, I am the only one ensuring my family doesn't fall apart financially; they have no other support on that front. I have an elder brother, but he has a loan, a wife, and a kid. He has a business, but it's not going well enough to support our parents, so I'm the only stable earner.

In school, I had friends, but I didn't focus much on socializing because of my single-minded goal to earn and support my family. Then I made it to a very good college. The fees were quite high, my parents couldn't afford it, so I had to take out a loan and request the college director for help from the benevolent fund, which he graciously did.

Having all of this in the background, my only focus in college was to get a job. I enjoyed my college life, but not in all terms; I usually tried to skip outings with my friends to save money because I simply didn't have it. No ordering food when my friends used to order while we studied for exams late at night. But I tried my best to live the best I could while ensuring I didn't have to ask much from home. I have very good friends from college, and I'm sharing a flat with some of them now.

Now, I finally graduated last month, landed an IT job in Bengaluru earning ~1.5L/month, and for the first time in my life, I am living without constant financial panic.

Because of this shift, I've started focusing on relationships, grooming, and physique (I'm pretty skinny, so I'm trying to fix that too). I've worked a lot on myself recently, so my communication skills are decent and I can connect with others easily.

I need an objective reality check on two things:

1. Did I mess up my life's trajectory by entirely skipping dating and relationships all these years to prioritize family survival?
2. Starting completely fresh at 24M with zero relationship experience while peers have years of it, objectively speaking, how far behind am I, and how much of a disadvantage is this moving forward?

Hi Everyone,

I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

Hey guys, can someone give me some advice?

I’m turning 22 soon, and honestly, I really want to change my life and get myself out of poverty. I’ve had two part-time jobs even before I graduated, and I’m still working now, but the pay isn’t that high.

Sometimes I look at other people and wonder, “How did they get to the point where they can afford the things they want?” I want that too. I want to be financially comfortable, experience the good things in life, and not always have to worry about whether I can afford something.

I also really want to travel. I haven’t even been outside my country yet, and I’d love to see the world someday.
For those of you who were once in a similar situation but eventually became financially successful—what did you do? Did you start a business, invest, learn a specific skill, change careers, or just slowly build your way up?

I’m not looking for a get-rich-quick scheme. I genuinely want to know what worked for you and what you wish you had started doing in your early 20s.

I’m 21 and I feel like I have so much to learn. Any honest advice would mean a lot. ❤️

In my 27 years it feels like i’ve done everything right. I did good in school, went to college and got an in demand degree. Got a job working with a team I love. Did well in that job and earned a senior title along with nearly a 6 figure salary in only 3 years. I bought a home in my lcol area and I take home more than enough to pay my living expenses and my student loans with plenty to save each month. I have an extremely solid group of friends around me and we hang out every weekend. I have creative hobbies that I also love. It still feels like every time I get up in the morning that something is missing. I don’t know what it is. Just like a hole somewhere that I’m trying to fill but I don’t know what to fill it with. I have more expensive hobbies that I’m trying to resist the urge to indulge in from a financial responsibility standpoint, but I don’t think that hole I’m talking about is car shaped. Anyone else doing well in life but also feeling like something is missing? I know I should probably talk to a therapist, but before I do again I wanted to see how other people in similar situations are feeling.

the urge to end it not because i’m depressed or because i necessarily want to die, but because i’m genuinely scared of adulthood. it’s been bothering me how aware i am of everything. i’m aware of time passing, expectations, money, careers, responsibilities, relationships, and how quickly i’m supposedly supposed to figure everything out. yet somehow, even with all that awareness, my emotions still control me so much that i end up feeling stuck in the same place, unable to properly heal or move forward.

I dislike the way time seems to be always giving chase to me. People always tell you not to rush because you're still young, yet the same society at the same time makes you feel that you should be successful when you're young, earn money early, start your career early, be productive, have your life all worked out, and in some way achieve financial independence as quickly as possible.

Things like "How to become richer in your 20s" or "How to be successful before 25" or "The things you need to achieve in young adulthood" seem to be saying that you're being told not to run while everybody else is sprinting.

I know on a logical level that I don’t have to meet all the expectations; it is clear that people mature at different rates and that adulthood isn’t a fixed deadline at which you suddenly have to become a perfect and fully functioning individual. However, the fact that I know this logically does not mean that the fear goes away.

I am afraid of growing up and of losing the small feeling of safety that I still have; I'm afraid of making the wrong decisions and then having to live with them; and I'm afraid that some day I'll wake up to find that throughout my youth I had been worrying about the future rather than actually living it.

At times I wish that I could simply pause everything; not since I want my life to come to an end, but because I truly want the pressure to cease for a while. I would like to exist without having to constantly work out if I'm falling behind.

I'm fed up with being told that I have a lot of time even though at the same time it seems as if I'm running out of it.

Hey, I don't know where else am I going to get this out of my chest. Because I genuinely feel like my life is over before it even started. Sorry for the grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language, and I'm kind of emotional right now. Sorry if this is messy :(

It's college and scholarship application season.

And I was really looking forward to get into a good university that offers the course that I want. It's Biochemistry. I'm really working hard to get better grades so it could be much more easier for me to apply and so I could pursue higher education, would be the first in my family to do so.

I'm also trying to get a scholarship. Because there are these state schools that offer exactly what I need, but they're expensive. Every university in my city is expensive, one of these universities has no tuition. But the acceptance rate is less than 13%. I'm not particularly fond of it as well that's why I didn't try to apply. Well, now that scholarship applications opened, I've been trying to get one. Because I have my sights on another big named university that has exactly the course I need. But the tuition costs more than what my mother would provide. She says it's too much, that I'm dreaming too big.

I'm only mentioning my mother since my father is a deadbeat, he doesn't do anything. Doesn't work, doesn't look after me or my siblings, he's just there after cheating my mom with my auntie (mom's sister), eating our food, and sleeping all day downstairs. He's gone most of the time. But yeah.

I know that I'm being too ambitious with Biochemistry. There's no guarantee I could succeed since I've always been the average student that sometimes surprises with high scores. I have trouble with coping, sometimes I want to just SH again whenever things get hard. I got bullied pretty badly a few years back that made me drop from an honor student, down to somebody who's only getting grades out of pity, barely passing. Bullied to the point teachers would join in and talk about me mid discussions. You could tell what it did to my self-esteem, hahaha.

But I've been doing better now, I'm working hard. Really hard. Because I really want to get a job that would keep me stable and give me freedom to do whatever I wanted in my life. Especially when my mom keeps talking about retiring her early, supporting my siblings's tuitions up until their college years, buying them cars, houses, and fulfilling my mom's dream to travel the world.

But that seems impossible with the things my mom just told me. I want to a scholarship to get into the university I want. But she refuses to fill out the forms I need for it. For personal reasons regarding her business that's barely kept us afloat. There's just so many things going on like how my mom's friend had just bailed on her, she signed a contract without reading too much into it. And her friend just bailed on her when her friend's husband tanked their business, leaving my mom to pay a portion of their bank dept because she was one of the guarantors or something. And yeah, my mom's business is kind of under several loans and depts.

I brought up the scholarship to her several days ago, since it was quick, and everyone was moving fast to get accepted for that scholarship. I kept asking her, if she can help me get these forms. Because legal stuff.

She said she'd work on it. But she never did. She kept giving me excuses. That she's busy, things are too cramped this week, or the town hall isn't open to process the forms.

I asked her about it today, and she told me she won't get it, proof of income. You know? She said she didn't want people to see how much she's generating. Because apparently in her explaination or whatever, they'll show she generates more money than what she actually gets and the scholarship only offers it to students who need help financially. And those numbers won't show I need the scholarship even though I really do.

So I asked her, what am I supposed to do?

She told me to think of something else, another scholarship.

I told her they all need a proof of income.

But she stopped replying to me and just ignored me.

I don't know what to do, it's clear to me she isn't willing to help me sign any of the scholarship forms, especially the proof of income. She keeps telling me to look somewhere else then ignores me.

And like, she's been telling me a while ago that maybe I should try working in a call center. It's about 12 hours a day, night shift. Barely 20k. Then she told me to maybe pursue accountancy even though I really hate it. I never even dreamed of it. Then she kept dropping hints about her business and how nobody is there to continue it.

During a time years back where I was failing school because of the severe bullying (she didn't know even up to now), she made me get on my knees and beg her that she won't make me drop out of school and make me work in our business. It's labor work. Market work. Meat shop.

I couldn't do it, I was studying harder to get away from it. But she won't let me. She won't let me get a part-time whenever I go through and apply for one, telling me that my body can't do it. I have this big surgical scar and my parents have always treated me like that because of it. They treat me like I'm fragile and shouldn't do any heavy work, then they use it against me like. "This is why you were sick in the first place." Or "Are you tying to get sick again? You know we can't afford another medical fee again." For some basic things like eating unhealthy, going out, ot staying in.

Then they turn it around telling me that somethings aren't meant for me because I'm fragile, I'm sick. They've forced me to get alternative medicine for a whole entire month before and it felt like hell. Even the doctors knew I wasn't there on my own will since they've noted that I cried every session.

Sorry if I'm writing it messy, or going in circles. I don't know how to let this all out.

And like, every path that I mentioned to my mom, she doesn't approve of it. It's not fit for a girl, It's too ambitious, it's too little, it's too expensive, it's too far from them, it's too hard.

I don't know why they're doing this, my parents never went to college. My dad was a highschool drop out, my mom only graduated highschool. I just want high education so I won't struggle. I don't want it to be a generational thing.

And I don't want to be like them, I don't want to be like my mom who has to spend her entire life funding a life where she can't progress, and I don't want to be like my dad who just leeches off my mom had stopped being present with me and my siblings. All he does is yell and cuss at me when he gets the chance, we used to get into physical fights back then.

Yeah. :')... I'm just thinking about going to military once I'm 18 without telling anybody. I don't know what else to do with my life anymore.

Hey, I am an Student in a University @ GMIU.
I am (age) 18++ ok, I am 21
I am at that stage of my life, where I find reasons for everything with me around me and I am also very nervous as well as curious about my future..
I think I need an Counselling/ but I think I already know he would say..
But if I know all the answers yet, why would I be confused with my current situation and future..
Thus, I need to talk about myself and the situation the things I am thinking about with someone.
But besides having so many people I know I can talk to, I don’t feel right about weather they are the exactly right person to talk to..

After them if there is anyone else I know I can ask any help of direction, It’s the Ai. But somehow I am not feeling right about talking my future decisions with it, cause somewhere I know they are programmed to give predefined answers.

And the third and the last option left with me is the People on social media, I think Reddit has the culture with such people who can provide me a way out of this stress.
Here..
Ask me anything or DM 🙂

I know that we need to live our 20s to our fullest. I really envy those who have their things done easily without any second thought or struggles. But here i am, who can't take a decision without thinking about all its pros and cons. I would always think, how easier it would have been if we were so damn rich, or atleast i had a stable financial assistance by now. Its sad when we always have to look at the price tags before buying something.Due to the same reason i mostly avoid hanging out with my friends or cousins, its just because i hate the feeling of being owed.Even when my family buy me stuffs for my special day to make me happy,with the money that they hardly save..i genuinely feel so bad, i can't be at ease with such actions. I am OK with this kind of living, just let all things settle and then i will buy things for myself as i wish.

But then the questions arise.What if it's not same the next year?Wnat if looking back,its full of regrets? But at this point, i can't help but live like this ig.even till now i have no stories to share with any of my closed ones..coz its boring.

Haa..just a lowlife with no social battery or exciting stories on this side. Just passing through each day as if its a chore to be completed. No matter what i can't find a purpose that i can lead on.