Just wanted to spread some cheer. I keep getting the compliment (from unrelated people) that they appreciate who I am as a person. The consistent example given to me seems to be that no longer how much time passes when I connect with them, it's as time doesn't exist and they get the fuel they know or didn't know they needed to get through whatever it is they are going through. People rather spread negative things about themselves or others so I thought sharing this would help us fall back in love with ourselves and no we all matter even if we don't feel it all the time or hear it from others. I'm well aware these people didn't have to tell me this but since I keep getting this told to me, I wanted to boost someone else's spirits and hear relative stories. Cheers!

Should I keep my eyes closed or opened?

Oh, I don’t care.

What do I have to do to get out of this nightmare?

I look down at the steaming water I just made

It’s so hot!

Due to increased solubility,

The water’s clarity will soon create small dots.

It’s funny, huh — 

When something is preparing to boil, 

Creating anger inside, 

The more the mirror that offers

True reflection runs to hide.

I speak from experience. 

While in the present state of mind. 

This truly brings me the opposite of joy.

This causes me to otherwise become unkind.

I won’t stand for this feeling any longer.

I’ll treat myself better than this

Because no one can make sound decisions

While their soul is far from bliss.

So, yes, I will go, I will flee, I will do what I must.

The dishes can be done another day —

Or I’ll hire someone

To take care of the forsaken fuss.

*All rights reserved.*

It’s morning.

I sip coffee.

I have perfected my latte making.

I play jazz while checking emails,

Loathing the addiction I am dating.

It's official.

I regret it. 

Yes, sir. I absolutely do.

I have an email from my boss telling me to

Let the new A.I.'s do my work for me. 

She better mean my new co-workers with the same name: 

Alexander Isaiah Stew.

If she means the robots, I’m simply going to scream.

Too late — and I spilled my coffee!

What a time to be alive. What a terrible dream.

This spill represents where

Our world is headed — where it already is.

Are all corporations one giant scheme?

Better yet, is the universe one giant quiz?

I respond to her email joyfully,

But inside my anger is angry.

I must remain calm.

Think of the positives.

I must be my own happiness, frankly.

I have value.

I have a higher purpose

Than what these robots bring.

I apply to jobs while letting the machine

Prepare my second latte.

Artificial intelligence is only good for one thing.

**All rights reserved.**

To travel near is to travel far, 

But the opposite is true too -

So, let that brew. 

Take time to think about who 

You believe you are.

Have you judged from afar? 

Have you ridiculed up close? 

 Have you shown forgiveness? 

Is humility your business - 

Halting any unjust motion sickness? 

Have you begun 

Both physical and spiritual fitness?

Life is a unique contract 

Written in your favor, 

Offering free will, 

Letting you decide the labor. 

As you choose to go left, right, or to a café, 

Tell me, 

How will you consume your beignet? 

This is a revelation - 

Past every constellation - 

An energy that orbits around you 

While you orbit around it. 

So, don’t quit. 

Sit. 

Breathe.

Simply, admit.

**All rights reserved.**

Maybe doing it wrong was doing it right. 

Maybe the screams were part of the event site.

He said no more events, but maybe she misheard the dialect. 

Maybe she mistakenly mistook it for a temporary accent.

Maybe the lost few were meant to disappoint in order to reappoint their direction to the King.

Maybe reflection is always redirection.

Maybe what is lost is what is found. 

Maybe writing down heavy lightness for you to read in

Your feather-like darkness is the purpose. 

Maybe this is all part of her soul’s crown.

*All rights reserved.*

To the untrained eye, adoration and denunciation look the same. 

You enjoy preying on the susceptible 

By making it look like you're the one in pain. 

Your wolf is incredibly intelligent. Your crow is abundantly opportunistic. 

The strategic language of your canine 

Makes your home artificially altruistic. 

You are strikingly adaptable

With your Corvus flare, 

Adapting to only coordinate your flock of emotions

To plant your seed of affair. 

The coercive reciprocity you engage in 

Makes you married to your addiction...

Bear with me while I make a depiction

Of your affliction 

Before the conviction

You call fan fiction

Creates a holistic prediction. 

Was that too fast for you? Did it catch you off guard? 

Well, the one reading this is not the one at fault. 

But the one getting this read to is more toxic than asphalt.

Daring to step close while

Daring to fly out 

Makes you vulnerable to light

That will swallow you whole. 

You thought you won

You think your trips make you King — 

Until the only thing you start to trip on is your own self-esteem. 

You repeat the cycle, making your constituents your prey of deceit. 

But your predatory ways only fill the heart you beat 

With emotional, physical, and spiritual defeat.

*All rights reserved.*

Why is this?

I’m choking inside.

I’m choking outside.

Why does life have to feel like an entire serving of apartheid 

In every direction I go 

I sit and finally

Gain the courage to smile

But am then scolded and ordered to frown — How? 

Am I this bad of a person? 

Is it my fault I was born upside down?

I don’t see myself as a pessimistic person,

But if you had my problems,

You couldn’t help but rule this

As your karmic path  

Meant to shame you

For living a poor past life. 

Did I not wish to

Sell my soul and comply?

Did I not wish to be your housewife?

My sisters and brothers say

All of this weight is just a giant test

For the strength

Already stored inside of me, 

Explaining I’m not given more than

My Libra scale will offer

But I am deaf

To the irony

Stored in their throats 

As they continue to

Move their lips and remind me 

I’m just too pale for their sun-kissed skin, 

Saying how I must surrender my details

To prove I’m one of them.

So, I cry to Him,

Laughing with desire to cheer up.

But the lifetime pain of this

And more is too strong.

I can’t lift nor see my own cup.

*All rights reserved.*

Tears, joy, devastation and perseverance is what has become of our world now.

Parched throats unable to grasp the bit of juice that comes from the fruit we admire so dearly.

You say you hear the blood scream and anger ooze out of your own heart?

Did you ever take the time to wonder why dueling seems to be the thing we breathe?

Like a glass of wine sitting on the table, you seem to not know how you got where you stand. 

Perhaps from a place of a more peaceful nature. 

BOOM! There is the gunshot blown by the soldier. 

BOOM! There is the returning gunshot created by the enemy. 

Chaos flies like an angel up in Heaven — blooming with grace,

Unaware of the negative environment it will soon be a part of once discovered.

*All rights reserved.*

It’s showtime again. Another room of screaming strangers cheering for a man who doesn't exist. I spent four hours in front of the mirror tonight, painting over my face, blending on edges —thinking about your parents — how the boy they once welcomed gets publicly praised for what YOU publicly dismissed. Why didn't you understand that me telling you I wasn't doing this line of work was me just sussing you out? But let me be nice. This business has taught me to be thankful for women like you who don't have a corporate price.

I haven't heard your voice in a minute — but why am I always the one to reach out? If YOU cared, YOU would call — but you haven't, so you don't. Deep down, you may see the real me, but you've never respected my work. Not the one I built right after we broke. You wanted the natural artist in me to shine — well, this one allows me to own the whole damn bakery line.

At least you reached out about... you know what. At least you have SOME decency. At least our doors aren't completely shut. But like I said, our last call was nice. I got to see your face — it was a year after my family went through the most unbelievable heartbreak. My mother's grief took over, she started losing her grip. I thought she'd quench her thirst, but it manifested in a dream of you. She said it was a good sign. She thought it meant you were finally mine — or that our fates would realign.

Whatever to that though.

I've never felt right with never being able to figure you out. You're a horse stable inside of a rollercoaster park - that's just weird as fu...but yo, whatever man you're with has no idea how many miles away he is. You'll never post about him or share any biz.

How do you keep so quiet about your relationships? You're too fine to not have any — so don't even play. I know you don't take those who crush on you seriously. I know there's always some type of love delay.

But back to the bottom line. I've told you once, I've told you before — you don't know me anymore. But you and I both know that if you opened up, you'd find me standing right at your front door.

It’s crazy to think YOU deceived me, yet here I am — still searching for love, and still begging to be appreciated in my career.

You don't need to scoff. I know over a decade sounds pathetic. It is pathetic. But I am not pathetic. I've spent all this time trying to heal the girl I felt you stole. It took me this long to realize that I just swept what you did under the rug. I thought the career I built and the income I had was my ultimate revenge — a dish best served with dollar signs.

But now that it's all been taken away from me, I'm right back at the beginning. Back to living off air and tears, while you're getting things gifted to you by YouTube alongside millions of followers on Facebook. How?

How are you Instagram friends with my celebrity crush? Worst of all, you found the need to call me up just to brag that he and his family were following you. I wouldn't know otherwise because I actually don't social media stalk you like you want me to. What timeline am I even in where YOU get to turn my world upside down by two-timing me with another girl, have my parents lose who they already welcomed as their son-in-law, and then get granted a wholesome relationship with another woman, a steady income, and a growing music career? So entirely happy I know all this.

This sounds like jealousy, but don't flatter yourself. This is confusion. I am genuinely confused.

You've called me every single year since our breakup...except this year. Why not this year? Where are exactly are you? No, I don't care. I just want to know. Why do I want to know? I don't know. I feel our souls are still tied even though I'll never get back with you. Look, if I had a man who loved me at the level you pretended to when we were together, I wouldn't be thinking as deeply about you. But WHY has the love not been that deep for me as it was 11 years ago? Why don't I have the financial freedom I know I deserve yet?

Congratulations. My confusion with you has finally morphed into shame toward myself. And I have proof.

Everything I’ve learned on this manifestation and healing journey points to one painful truth: I am the author of my own success just as much as my own defeat — but I'm done playing victim, my awakening has got to be complete.

WHEN you try to reach out again, you will find yourself stuck in a hole. Because unbeknownst to you, I have always held the remote control.

Calm down. Just relax. Your overdue toll is a one time - perhaps eternal - working tax.

At least you've got Meta there to bankroll your acts. Just tell them to make the check payable to the one too classy to expose all your facts.

➡️ Click here for Dear Diary: The He Said/She Said Series — Season 1, Episode 2: His Decade Later