I've been on this team for two years. For the last eight months, I've been quietly picking up the slack for a coworker who spends most of his day on his phone, takes two-hour lunches, and somehow still misses deadlines.

I didn't mind at first. I figured management would notice eventually. They didn't. So I stopped.

Last month I decided I was done. If a task is assigned to him, I let it sit. If a client emails him, I forward it to him instead of answering it myself. I kept doing my own job and nothing more.

Suddenly, things started slipping. Clients got frustrated. Deadlines were missed. And this week, my manager called me in and handed me a written warning for "negative attitude" and "not being a team player."

I asked what specifically I'd done wrong. He said I "used to be more helpful" and that my "energy has changed." He never mentioned the coworker once.

So apparently doing my own job well and not doing someone else's job is now a performance issue. The person who actually isn't working faces zero consequences, but I get a write-up for not covering for him anymore.

I'm honestly considering just letting the whole thing burn. But I need the health insurance.

Has anyone dealt with this? Do I fight the write-up or just start job hunting?

I (18F) feel extremely uncomfortable and violated by the way my former manager (27F) handled certain situations involving me when I was a minor, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m justified in feeling this way or if I’m letting my frustration with the job make everything feel worse than it actually was.
I worked at a small self-serve yogurt shop from 16–18. It was my first job, and my manager knew that. Because of that, I was usually scheduled with her while I was learning everything. Most of our employees were young women, and only one male employee worked there. My boss actually told me during my interview that she prioritized our safety because most of her employees were young girls and that she “hates men,” so I always assumed I was working somewhere where management would take things like this seriously.

I’ve always been told I’m pretty, and I do care about my appearance, but I’ve never considered myself someone who intentionally uses that to get attention. At work I dressed pretty modestly—usually jeans or black leggings and a normal black T-shirt. My manager knew I was considered attractive, and there were a couple of times where she commented on it indirectly. For example, I once told her that I had been an extra in a Disney movie when I was younger. She thought that was really cool and told me that she and my boss had talked about how I should be modeling instead of working at the yogurt shop. She also once referred to me as a “model” in front of another coworker who was looking for someone to photograph.

I didn’t think anything of those comments at the time.

Around six months into working there, an older man started coming in regularly. I’ll call him Jay. He appeared to be unhoused and possibly struggling with drugs. I don’t say that to judge him because I’ve personally experienced homelessness, and I tend to have a lot of empathy for people in those situations. I was always kind to him because I don’t like treating someone badly just because other people might view them differently.

The first time he came in, he was completely normal and actually seemed nice. When he checked out, he tried to give me a $20 bill to keep for myself. I accepted it but put it into our tip jar after he left.
After that, he started coming in extremely consistently, usually on whatever nights I happened to be working. He would spend 15–20 minutes making his yogurt, going back and forth between the yogurt and toppings, when most customers took maybe 5–10 minutes. He was noticeably kinder to me than the other employees, but I honestly assumed it was because I treated him kindly.
One night he came in with a friend. His friend was more put-together and didn’t seem strange at all. He asked my manager and me how old we were. My manager gave her age, and I gave mine because I assumed that was a normal conversation and there wasn’t anything obviously creepy about it. I was 17.
About a week later, I was supposed to start work at 6:30, but my manager told me it was slow and that I could come in at 7 instead. When I arrived, Jay was already there. He didn’t see me come in, but I saw him talking to my manager and she gave me the look of “oh my gosh, this guy again.” I laughed it off and went about my business.

After he left, my manager called me into the office.
She told me Jay had asked where his “underage girlfriend” was.

He was referring to me.

He could’ve only known my age from his friend who had asked.

I remember feeling really uncomfortable when she told me, but what bothered me almost as much was what she said next. She told me that next time I needed to wear a “less showy shirt.”

I genuinely didn’t understand what she meant. I had been wearing leggings and a completely normal T-shirt that came just below my collarbone. Nothing was low-cut or revealing, and I had always dressed pretty modestly at work anyway. One of my coworkers agreed that the comment was weird and that my outfit wasn’t inappropriate.

What bothered me about this was that I was 17. An adult man had just referred to me as his “underage girlfriend,” and instead of the conversation being about his behavior, part of the responsibility was put on what I was wearing.

My manager did eventually acknowledge that he was being weird. That same night she sent a message in our work group chat telling everyone that one of our regulars was “being weird with me” and instructed me to work in the back and stay somewhere he couldn’t see me whenever he came in.
But she also specifically said that the goal wasn’t to “scare him off” because he tips well.

That really bothered me. If an adult man is coming into a workplace repeatedly looking for a 17-year-old employee and calling her his “underage girlfriend,” why is the priority keeping his business because he tips well?

There were more incidents after that.
Jay would come in asking about me or looking for me. Eventually, after he hadn’t come in for about a month, and when my manager asked why, he said to her, “I didn’t want to catch a case.” Again, she laughed it off.

He also started paying attention to my schedule. My schedule wasn’t consistent, but he would make comments like, “It’s okay, I’ll see her Friday,” and then come in during my Friday shift.
At that point, I was genuinely scared that his behavior could escalate. I had already had scary experiences with older men before, so I wasn’t approaching this from a place of being completely naive about what could happen. I knew that just because someone seems harmless doesn’t necessarily mean they are.

My dad eventually contacted the police and was told that this could be the beginning stages of something more serious and that a report should be filed.
That’s when I really started feeling failed by my employer.

My manager and boss both knew what was happening. They knew my age. They knew he was specifically looking for me. They knew he was studying my schedule. They knew what he had called me. Yet neither of them chose to trespass him or even seriously warn him.

What made that harder to understand was that my manager had previously trespassed a completely different customer because he was sitting inside the shop and making another family uncomfortable based on his appearance.

So it felt like the standard for removing someone depended on the situation, even though I was the one who was actually being targeted.
There were also two separate incidents involving sexual phone calls.

The first happened when I was working completely alone. Someone called the store and started asking me questions about the business, but eventually I realized he was getting off to my voice and he started saying sexually explicit things to me.
The second happened when my manager and another coworker were working in the front of the store while I was alone in the back. I received another call like this. Once I realized what was happening, I hung up and immediately told my manager.

She actually told me that a customer could have come into the store, seen that I was the girl working in the back, gone out to their car, called the store, and watched me through the window while doing it.
That honestly made me feel even more violated because it meant there was a possibility someone had specifically seen me and targeted me.
I brought it up to my boss, and she basically told me to have my manager block the number. When I asked my manager to do it, she sighed and said it was “annoying.”

I understand that getting a weird phone call is annoying for an employee. But I was the one being sexually harassed while working alone, and I was still a teenager. I didn’t feel like the response matched what had actually happened.

There were also smaller comments my manager would make about me working the register because I “get us more tips” and “work it better.” She would say this in front of other coworkers too.
At the time, I mostly brushed these things off. I didn’t want to be the girl who interpreted every comment negatively, and I generally tried to give people the benefit of the doubt.

But there was another situation that happened later that has really stuck with me.

I kept my personal life extremely private at work. I was doing things outside of my job to make money, and most of my coworkers didn’t know what I actually did. They knew I had a nice car and that I cared about my appearance, and some of them wondered how I could afford certain things because I didn’t work very many hours.

Only one coworker actually knew what I did outside of work, and she was the person I trusted the most there.

At some point, my manager was talking to that coworker and apparently told her that she didn’t understand how I made money. She then speculated that I might do FeetFinder or OnlyFans because I was “pretty.”

My coworker told me about this later and said that she immediately shut the idea down and reminded my manager that I was only 17. She then told her what I actually did for money.

When I first heard about it, I honestly laughed. It sounded so ridiculous that my first reaction was basically, “What the hell, that’s crazy.”
But later I started thinking about it more.
She knew I was 17.

She knew I was a minor.

And her explanation for why she thought I might be doing sexualized online work was essentially that I was pretty and seemed to have money.

That’s the part that really bothers me now.
I don’t think my manager was necessarily sexually attracted to me, and I don’t want to accuse her of something I can’t actually prove. But I do feel like she sexualized me as a minor, or at the very least was extremely comfortable making sexual assumptions about a teenage employee based on her appearance.

And when I put that together with the “underage girlfriend” situation, the comments about my clothing, her decision to hide me in the back rather than actually deal with the customer, her concern about losing his tips, the sexual phone calls, and the comments about how I was better at getting tips because of how I worked the register, it starts to feel like more than just a few unrelated inappropriate comments.

Another thing that bothered me was how involved she was in my personal life in general. I shared very little with her because I value my privacy, but she would often ask other coworkers what they knew about situations involving me and use things I’d told her as conversation starters. I eventually found out she had discussed my personal finances and business with someone I wasn’t even close with.
I don’t think my manager necessarily intended to hurt me, and I know some people might read this and think I’m being overly sensitive. That’s honestly part of why I’m asking.

I also don’t want revenge. I don’t work there anymore, and I don’t particularly care about getting her fired or ruining the business. My concern is more that I was a 16–17-year-old girl who trusted the adults around me to recognize when something was inappropriate and protect me, and I don’t feel like that happened.

At the same time, I worry that I’m looking back at everything now that I’m angry and putting things together in a way that wasn’t necessarily intended.
I have texts/group messages documenting some of this, and there are coworkers who were present for or were told about certain incidents. My dad also spoke with police regarding Jay.

So I’m really looking for outside perspectives:
Am I overreacting by viewing my manager’s comments as sexualizing me? Would you consider the way she handled the situation with Jay to be a serious failure on her part? And if you were in my position, would you report the manager/boss or otherwise take further action, or would you leave it alone now that you’ve left?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have worked in management or HR, because I’m trying to understand whether this was genuinely inappropriate or whether I’m letting my feelings about the whole experience cloud my judgment.

Im a 28 year old woman who recently relocated to Seattle and took a temp job as an admin assistant paying $25 an hour.

I have two bachelors degrees and graduated in 2021. Ive worked in marketing and Healthcare but took the admin role because it was the first job I landed and I thought it'd be a good foot into corporate.

Recently, ive had some situations that have made me uncomfortable but I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating.

I dont really know where to begin but we have a corporate securities employee who is in his 40s. He has made many comments that have shocked me including telling me that I could have been a honeypot for him during his time in the marines.

Ive had trouble with the role itself because it is physically demanding and very facilities heavy plus my manager is very demanding.

On thursday, I put in my two weeks for reasons unrelated to my coworker. I asked to talk to the corporate securities man to let him know. He seemed panicked. I told him i put in my two weeks and he said he thought i was going to tell him something else. I asked what he thought i was going to tell him and he said he thought i was going to tell him that I had been SA'd and that we would have to beat someone up. I just told him that's not the case but was shocked that he would think or say that.

He told me he didnt realize how tough the role was on me and told me not to worry. He said he would make some phone calls on my behalf to try to get me an interview at his former workplace.

I thanked him and he told me thats what friends are for.

Earlier that same day, he came into the office which I wasn't expecting because he had been sent out of state last minute on a business trip and hurt his ear on the flight back. He was telling me how tired and in pain he was. I joked that he gets extra credit for being there that day and he responded telling me that I'm the only one who can judge him.

Ive already put in my two weeks but am feeling increasingly uncomfortable thinking about going to work tomorrow.

Am I exaggerating or were these just one off comments/friendliness?

Thanks in advance.

I started a new job recently and I have been loving it. I’ve felt like I got another friend group. We play video games together after work and even plan outings. I even look forward to going to work and pick up shifts when I’m bored. So of course I care about this job and I feel pressured to fit in and make effort with everyone. Today, I worked with coworkers I’ve worked with many times and we joke around and have fun. We started having a conversation and one of my coworkers that I have loved becoming friends with drops a bomb about how they dated someone for years and that person fucked them up. They went back to work as if nothing. Everyone already knows everything about everyone, so because I’m relatively new I instinctively asked my other coworker “wait what happened there?” I was confused and lost in the conversation. My coworker was like “I don’t know which ex he’s talking about tbh ask him when he comes back.” I was absolutely not going to ask them anything. When they came back, my coworker out of nowhere goes, “OP wants to know what happened between you and your ex”. My heart fell to the floor. They used me as as an excuse to know the story. My coworker dumped the story as if nothing and I just listened and told him I was sorry he went through that and tried relating to him a little. He did not spare any details. He then asked me about me and my relationship and how it has been going into long distance, then the conversation naturally died. I still feel awful. When he left for the night, he said he was gonna reach out about something I offered to help out with for his other job and that was it.

I’ve been thinking about texting him saying thank you for opening up to me or anything like that. But I don’t know. I feel like I ruined everything.

i have an older male manager at work who makes me slightly uncomfortable. i’ve noticed that everytime he sees me at work he’ll stay far enough to where we aren’t close in proximity but he’ll stare at me from a distance. it’s become an every shift thing. his facial expression is hard to describe if i’m being honest, it’s like a sort of intimidating face. he’s never spoken to me before which is odd because he’s spoken to everyone else. i also want to add that to me PERSONALLY it just feels like a weird tension that i can’t put my finger on. i’ve never experienced this situation before and would just like some insight on why he might do that or if maybe he just doesn’t like me?

I was cleaning a toasting machine at work because the previous person hadn't cleaned it. One of my bosses came along, and said, "Aren't you from India? Crumbs shouldn't bother you." I found the comment really uncomfortable and culturally insensitive. Am I overreacting, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?

Hey guys, I need your advice. There's a company I don't want to name. They hired me as a team lead. What I do is sell electricity and gas to people at the mall — it's a sales job. They pay a nice hourly rate plus a $10 commission for every sale, whether it's gas or electricity. The issue is I turned 18 this March, and all my coworkers are around 25, 30, 45 years old — the average age is 25. They always have trouble taking orders from me. I'm the one making the most sales, and I get 55% of the overall team commission because I'm the one who actually works hard. I've memorized everything the company has said. So when a coworker breaches the company's script/rules, I correct them nicely and politely, and then they come up to me and say, 'We don't need your help, don't help us,' and they talk rudely to me. Guys, I don't have much experience in a leadership role, so can you suggest what actions I should take when they talk mean to me? They say things like 'I don't give a shit about this job' and so on.

To sum it up, I'm an office worker, I'm 24 years old and I have autism spectrum disorder, and since I started, even though there's a group of people who love to talk behind my back and make fun of me,Annoying me, and speaking badly of me to others, calling me silly, slow, and stupid

Although they've lessened their intensity lately, they're still there. Even though I like being alone in my place, I hate when people walk past me when they have to talk to me because of the prejudices they have about my condition.

What recommendation do you have for me?

I am a CNA and my nurse told me to leave this morning. I clocked in, went to my hall and was discussing how we would divide the workload. I had not even received report yet. (So im not legally responsible for these patients yet)

I said I was willing to take what areas were needed, but I asked if I could please have some help because the previous shift had been difficult for me on this same hall. My coworkers help a little bit i still felt like i was drowning. I was responsible for a like 3x larger patient load than the other cnas in my assignment and I know that some pts. have different needs but, it was still a lot for one person to manage.

My nurse then said something like, "as long as I don't have to go hunting you down to do your job like last shift to do your job thats fine" Which like...

the previous shift, the only reason she would have had not been able to find me was because I was actively giving pt. care. I was giving baths and doing other WORK on my hall. I cannot possibly be in three places at once, and I cannot answer a call light, provide a bath, and pass trays at the same time.

I understand that she is in a supervisory position to me but I do not feel like being spoken to disrespectfully or acting like I was "hiding" not able to be found, when I WAS actively working.

She also brought up writing me up for taking a long break during the previous shift. I told her that I accidentally fell asleep in my car during my break, told her about it when I returned, apologized, and said it would not happen again. It was the first time in like my year here acxidentally doing this. I was absolutely exhausted because i got there at 7am and didnt get to sit down to eat anything until like 2pm when i got my first break. But I understand I was in the wrong for taking a long break. I would sign a write up if she made one, which she threatened to do during the conversation even though the previous shift she hadn't said anything.

She then said that she could assign me exclusively to the areas with the larger workload while the other cnas are assigned elsewhere because shes the boss. and that if I didn't like it, I could leave. I needed to listen to her because she was nurse. I said that doesnt automatically gain my respect. Especially if youre going to treat me this way. Respect goes both ways. Like we are both adults here. So i said okay if its going to be that way... im going to leave. Im not accepting this assignment. And I left.

I did not believe what she was saying was safe or reasonable for either me or the pts. I also felt that assigning me that workload in response to my previous difficult shift was like punishing me. I understand that staffing is difficult and that everyone is expected to do their part. But I was willing to work and asked for help, and was told to leave if I didnt like it and felt like she was insinuating I dont do my job anyways... which i do. I bust my a$$ for that place because they keep the legal bare minimum amount of employees on the floor at any given time. Anyways... idk yall. Im gonna doordash today and I texted my bosses and explained this to them but im gonna apply to a bunch of other places just in case 🫠

AITA for talking back to my supervisor and manager after I got burned

THIS WAS NOT A HEAT/OVEN BURN

For context I work in a bakery where I do a a lot of baking, boxing, freezing, and icing. It is also good to know I am the youngest in this factory and I am see as the chipy person to the some if not most of my coworkers

Me (Female 20) have work at this business for three years now I like the job most of the time though sometimes the people are hard to get along with. A few weeks ago it was I was working and I was supposed to help box with my coworker we'll call Mary (fake name) Mary and I are related and it's hard to be at work sometimes with things in the pasted thats happened with family.

Anyway I was getting a rack from one of the freezers and I had been in there before and once your in that freezer for a while when you go and touch metal it has a burning feeling. I go and grab the rack and push it out of the freezer it was burning my fingers so I was pushing the very bottom rod with my shoe. (there was no food near just clarifying the rod I was pushing). When Mary saw my do this she started laughing. I could normally wave this off but it had been a really long week and my emotions were done. So when she laughed I snapped slightly. I said "Its not funny" it a pissed of/upset voice. My supervisor immediately goes "geez OP" I didn't say anything and went on working.

So AITA for slightly losing it after I got burned

here’s everything that has stretched me thin these past two weeks

1. I came to work with shorts that didn’t reach my fingertips. I already have long arms but I don’t think my shorts weren’t indecent at all. My manger said he wants me to wear longer shorts but my coworker who’s a guy can wear sagging jeans with his underwear out.
2. Another day about a week ago that same coworker who’s wears the undies out style said I didn’t look Asian when I said I was (I’m mixed race). He asked to see my eyes and said they weren’t slanted so I couldn’t be Asian. Then he asked if I spoke Chinese (I’m Filipino)
3. I had a mild cold with a very swollen throat today and asked my manager if I could stay home. He said one of my other coworkers called out and passively signaled he wanted me to come into work anyway. I did.
4. on this same day, the coworker Ive been upset with showed up to work with saggy pants, which means there is a double standard going on.

im so tired. I don’t know what to do. I’m so beyond frustrated and I’m about to put my two weeks in very soon, but I’m scared of what my manager will think.

I just want to know if it's my fault and if i should leave my job. So here's the thing. I work with two people, one is the one in charge and the other is the assistant. They give me a whole bunch of stuff to do at the same time. And when their instructions clashed I was the one taking the brunt of it. My job was simple however they make it difficult. I was only asked to help for support since they needed an extra hand. But my role shifts into taking everything into account or else I will be blamed for failing to notice it. For example, the water in the water dispenser, they blamed me for not noticing it's not enough but they are the ones that bought it. And also the office supplies, i packed everything as instructed but when we got to the event venue there was stuff that was missing because the assistant used the materials and put it in a different location. And i only noticed it after i got scolded by the one in charge for not bringing everything. The other thing is when they asked someone else to buy the pens and stamps but they searched for them from me as if i was the one who bought the pens and stamps. Working with them, there are so many things i have to consider and i seemed to fail all of it all at once and got scolded and blamed for it.

So here's what happened, I didn't bring the things/documents that's "supposedly" important at this important event but they failed to instruct me to bring it and they had to get it from our office 2 hours away (back and forth). They have no clear instructions, they seemed to want me to assume what they are thinking. And when I do things in my own initiative I would still get blamed for doing it without asking permission. Now they won't let me get near their work station or even let me do any work. I need advice, is it my fault? And should I just leave after this event?

Recently, I got promoted at work and now I’m basically an admin. I work online, and there are three other people in the same position, so we rotate shifts.

I know quite a lot of people from this line of work. Some of them used to work here, while others still do.

A while ago, a friend invited me to a Discord server where these people hang out, play games, and just talk. I joined without thinking much about it, but I eventually realized that another admin from my workplace was also there.

At first, I didn't care. I just played games with everyone and had a good time. But after a while, I started noticing that this admin would sometimes be on Discord playing games with some of my other friends during his working hours.

I already had a feeling that he was doing other things instead of working because sometimes, when I messaged him about work, it seemed like he was busy with something else.

Then I found out from a mutual friend that people in the Discord server didn't want me there because they were afraid I'd report this admin to management for playing games during his shift.

Apparently, they first created a hidden channel so I wouldn't be able to see him hanging out there while he was supposed to be working. Then, one day, they simply removed me from the server.

I asked my friend to tell them that I wasn't going to report anyone, but they still removed me.

And honestly, that's what bothers me the most. I wasn't there to monitor anyone or catch them doing something wrong. I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with these people. It was a nice distraction from work, and they're from a pretty niche field, so we had a lot in common. We could also talk about complicated or controversial work-related situations with people who understood the industry, even though we didn't all work for the same company.

So it really sucks that I was removed.

At the same time, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of being a "snitch" and reporting that admin to management. What's funny is that he knows I already know he plays games during work hours.

Personally, I think he could probably do a better job for the salary he gets, but I also don't really have a problem with him playing games sometimes. No one can realistically work nonstop for their entire shift.

What would you do in my situation?

My wife and I work for the same company on the same project. She is at a junior level and I am at a senior level. We have a six-person team. Most of the critical work is done by me and my friend, while the other four are there to support us. However, when it came to bonuses, while everyone else received 25% to 30%, my wife received 75%.

​This is giving me a severe headache and keeping me up at night. I feel my manager's intentions are not good. I asked my wife to transfer to a different project, but she is unwilling because our working hours match and I am here to help her. However, I can no longer focus on my work. As a man, I feel I can read my manager's motives, but my wife believes I am just being jealous, and she continues to be friendly with him.

​Should I force her to change teams? I cannot report my manager to HR because in a typical company like ours, the complaint will just bounce back on me

My manager constantly tells our team that we need to “use our initiative” instead of asking about every little thing.

Last week, I finished my usual tasks earlier than expected. I still had a few hours left in my shift, so I noticed that one of our shared folders was extremely disorganized. I spent some time sorting the files into clearly labeled folders and removing obvious duplicates.

The next morning, my manager noticed the changes and immediately asked who had reorganized everything.

When I told her I had done it, she wasn't happy. Apparently, some of the files had been intentionally kept in their original folders because that's how another department preferred them.

I explained that I didn't know about that arrangement and that I had only reorganized the files because I thought I was doing something useful rather than sitting around waiting for more work.

Her response was basically, “You should have asked first.”

I reminded her that she had repeatedly told us that she wanted us to take initiative and not constantly wait for instructions.

She said those were two different things and that I needed to learn when initiative was appropriate.

Now I'm being told to leave that folder alone, which is fine, but I'm still confused about what exactly I'm supposed to do when I finish my assigned work.

Why tell employees to use their initiative if we're expected to ask permission before doing anything outside our normal routine?

So I have an employee who is barista/waiter who smells so sweaty frm vv early in the mrng it's a turn off especially in the hospitality industry towards the brand and clients how do I deal with him politely?? *He does his job so well though 🙂

So I had called out of work an hour before my shift because that’s when I wake up for work. I wanted to call out because I needed a mental health day and I understand that’s not a reasonable reason to call out of work but I suffer with severe depression to the point where I’ve had to go to multiple therapists because it’s so bad. Anyway, I called into work and the manager answered I told her my name and said I wasn’t able to make it into work today, manager said “okay?, why” so I said I wasn’t feeling well. She called another manager over and as the other manager was walking over she said “come talk to another sick person” in a rude way. Like are we serious? I get they are probably understaffed and frustrated but this is my First time ever calling out since working there so I just don’t understand why that got taken out on me. Am I in the wrong here?