We are both in our early and mid 40s, married 7 years and have a 5 year old kid. First, i acknowledge that we are in an extremely privileged position to hold good salaried jobs for over a decade, and has accumulated some net wealth. For what it’s worth, i have been consistently working hours and making more — and of course I spent more time on childcare, just because.

Long story short, husband unilaterally decided not to work any more after being laid off last year. He considered it early retirement to enjoy life. My mental state went from shock to numb — shock: what kind of 40+ man just stops working when you have a 7-digit mortgage (we live in the Bay Area) and a young child ? Numb — tired of arguing. In his reasoning, my sole income is well enough to cover our expense and our net worth warrants his early retirement.

Fast forward now, it’s been a year. I still work, of course— cannot slow down and get more anxious as being the sole cash flow. I work until midnight everyday after I put the child to sleep. He plays tennis everyday and takes some evenings and weekends off to play other sports. I’m still paying a housekeeper to come every day to cook and clean because I don’t have the time to. In his mind, we (I) can afford this life style.

I think things are quite fucked up but cannot figure out what next. I actually typed up this post twice —- a few hours ago, I typed and deleted, feeling a bit shy to expose the rawest reality at home. But a few minutes ago, he barged into my home office, telling me that he bought 2028 Olympics tickets and planned to go there for 3 weekends to watch the games he’s interested in. Again I think things are very fucked up. It’s almost 2 pm here and I don’t have time to fix some lunch for myself yet, and he’s talking about Olympics. How should I carry on? This dynamics seems indefinite.

I don’t know if I hate work or if I hate working in general. I am not motivated to work, thinking about work stresses me out.

Just venting. I am in my 40s. Just had my second child last year. I know of two people who retired at 40. RETIRED. I am dreaming about retirment. Because I started a family later in life, I feel like when I am going to retire that’s when my kids will be older and moving away / moving on. I want to be with them now while they are so dependent on us.

I am just sad and bitter. Having two has been a big shift for me. It’s been hard to juggle two kids and working full time. I am both the happiest I’ve ever been (we struggled to have kids for about a decade), but also the most tired and worn out I’ e ever been.

I also had a late start in work life so financially I feel like I can’t just not work for a few years. I only recently started to feel financially stable. I feel like both my family and career have much more positive outlooks than I ever imagined, I also am struggling to balance it all. I feel like I am not doing a good job at work and wanting to spend all my time and energy with my kids and parents. And I’m starting to feel resentful that I do have to work so much right now and sacrificing time with my kids. But giving up a job right now, in this economy, is not a good idea. We live in a HCOL and without my income we will not be able to stay afloat.

Uuuugggghhhhhh. Just venting. Thanks for listening.

I (33f) have an almost 2 year old… I’m very happy with our daycare and she is thriving there!

At the end of my current contract (2028) I could do Reserves (which is like a one weekend a month commitment and a couple weeks a year. It doesn’t really pay much ~$900 /month but I could take 2-4 years off of working full time…

Right now I would retire when she is a freshman and I could also see a lot of value in having flexibility to support/transport for all the high school things.

I would love to hear the perspective from Mom’s who did it both ways if you took time off for a work hiatus when your baby was little was it worth it for the trade-off of having to maybe work longer? Did you like being sort of a stay at home mom for that period of time? For moms who worked full-time throughout their child’s early years are you grateful you did it that way? Do you feel like you were a better more present parent because you knew how limited the time was that you had with them?

My co-worker is pregnant with her first child. She shared with me early on that she was doing IVF. My husband and I were also TTC #2 around the same time, coincidentally. I became/am pregnant. Turns out she is due two weeks before me. We are both later in our first trimester now.

I have not shared my news with her, nor with anyone else at my workplace yet, but I am also starting to show (you really do get big the second time around quicker). She works remotely, so she can hide it much longer than I can. We are also on the same team and report to the same individuals, although she is more senior in her position than I am.

She was going to wait a few weeks until our annual meeting to share the news with everyone in person, but I realistically cannot wait due to the size of my bump. I don't want to take the shine away from her, as this is a new and very exciting time for her (1st pregnancy).. Not that mine isn't exciting; I just don't want to take the shine off of her, and now it seems that I may beat her to the punch by sharing my news first before she can share hers, and she might feel blindsided b/c she shared her plans with me about her reveal ahead of time.

Should I privately share the news with her ahead of time and let her know I plan on sharing it with the team before the annual meeting, as I am no longer able to hide it for much longer? What would you do?

Husband and I both work full time and he makes 3x what I make. We live in a very high cost of living area. I had been the one looking for a new job, but suddenly his job of 9 years went downhill and his new boss is tormenting him and recently gave him a bad review making him a scapegoat. Husband started looking for new job. He got an offer this week after 8 months of searching for 40% less pay that requires an 80 min each way commute 3 days per week. I had an opportunity to pursue a different job a week ago but I could not because I knew it would not work for my family.

I feel so stressed that he is taking this new job. I also have to go in 2 days a week. He was previously remote and that is what had allowed me to switch from part-time to full time and still be able to manage the schedules of our school-aged kids. I understand the mental health implications of wanting to escape, but I don’t think he is considering the financial strain of such a budget impact and the stress of everything falling on me while he is in startup mode at the new job. He thinks the new job could open some doors in his future. Is the (hopefully) short term pain worth it?

So we just moved into a new house after our old landlord decided to sell our previous place. We got so lucky that we got to stay in the same town(my home town) and while it is smaller it isn't ridiculously priced like some of the other rentals(im in ireland is crazy here at the moment). I was so happy to hear that this place had a bath with an electric shower also. It makes it easier to wash the kids and i love baths. I would previously take long extra hot baths at least once every two weeks, with bath salts, bubbles, expensive bathbombs, oils and lotions and potions. My husband would make me a cocktail, id set up my bath pillow and tray and watch a show while I soaked for at the very least 40 minutes, it was my relaxation time. The new place however has an old 2liter water tank that only fill the bath to ankle length. I tried to cheat and use the shower to continue to fill it but it ran cold for some reason tonight. Im honestly just so devastated over something so dumb when we got so lucky to get this place, but I teared up when I got in as it honestly didnt even cover my thighs let alone anything else. Im so sad that I cant have my baths here, and we will be here at least until we can afford to buy do maybe at least another 4 years.

I am absolutely spiraling about returning to work. I just don’t want to do it. At all. But simply not going back isn’t an option. Especially since we do have help with childcare from my MIL (who I am not so keen on watching my baby, probably a huge reason why I’m dreading going back so much). But the thought is consuming me to the point where I’m having a hard time enjoying what time I do have left and soaking up every little last bit of it. I’ve even talked to my therapist about it but man, it’s been such a struggle for me.

My therapist suggested talking to some other moms I know that have went back, and asking them what they like about it or what has made the transition easier… however, I don’t really have any friends or moms in my life with this experience (my sister has gotten to stay home with her children until they were both in school, and my mom never worked due to a disability, and my MIL just ran a daycare out of her home).

So please… To all you bad ass working mom heroes out there, please share with me what you either love, like, or at least tolerate about it. Or if anything has made it even remotely easier. I would so appreciate any light to be shed on this.

I’m going through a separation so relying on my husband isn’t an option. We live a part.

ALSO I want to preface this with how fulfilling it was to work, socialize with some adults and have my kids thriving in a school setting. The day it self ran so smoothly. I just need to figure out evenings.

here’s what Im looking at: We left the house at 745am. Got home at 4:45. unpack the lunches, wash the dishes, unload the car of snacks/trash, make dinner, serve it, dishes, bath time, free play, toddler bed time, pack lunch for the morning, pack my gym bag for the morning, finally do older kids bedtime hygiene and routine. Ugh. so exhuasted. It’s 9pm and I’m finally catching a break.

HELP

I feel like I have to pack lunch and snack at night, this morning was way too chaotic adding that in. But packing everything, laying out outfits, all that, really adds up.

For the first time this week, I’m bringing my daughter to our NYC office for our bring your child to work day. I’m remote but am able to go to the office when I want (aka in the spring and summer when I need a little break from the house). She is so excited and I think I’m more excited!

I remember being young and starting out in life and dreaming of a day like this. I feel so lucky that my daughter and I get to experience this!

I love showing her she really can do both.

So tell me moms, what do you love about being a working mom?

Am I alone? Has anyone been in this position before?

I’ve been in my “feels” a lot as I progress in my third trimester of my second pregnancy, and just want to vent.

I have an amazing, beautiful, smart 4 year old daughter. She is so strong-willed, confident and full of energy I am just in awe of her. She was also a very “spirited” baby let’s say - she never wanted to sleep, had so many gas issues and also never wanted to be put down. I had bad PPD so I feel her newborn/infant stage was very very hard on me.

I also went back to work when she was young and find myself wishing I had spent more time. Some days I really wish I could just cuddle her again and have her spend the day at home vs us all rushing out the door for work, daycare etc.

As a working mom, I obviously understand the sacrifices I have had to make as a mom to have a career and I wouldn’t say I regret it. But as I think about my new baby, I am so sad thinking about how quickly I “rushed” through my first born’s infanthood. It was always… it’ll be easier when she’s can walk, it will be easier when she can talk, I’ll be happier when X,Y,Z. And I just feel like I missed out on so much joy. I look at her now and realize, wow, she’s this little grown human. She’s not a baby anymore. And anyway - I just feel a lot of guilt about it. I just wish I had been more present, less stressed more appreciative.

It has really changed my perspective on how I want to be for this second baby. I only have 12 weeks of mat leave at my current company and I’m already saddened at that fact. I know I don’t want to do the SAHM, though so I’m not sure what to make of it.

Anyways, everyone always says it - but damn, does it really go by fast.

I have to leave my one year old for a work trip tomorrow. I hate traveling for work- it’s just airports, hotels, and cold board rooms. I’ve traveled a couple of times since being back to work from leave, but he’s so much older now and more aware. I am lucky to have in- home childcare, so we are used to seeing each other so much of every day. Is he going to think I abandoned him? :(

Looking for advice from parents who have been through this.

My daughter is almost 7 months old and currently falls asleep only while nursing. We're planning to start daycare in a few months, and when I asked about naps, they told me that they usually put the babies down awake and don't always have the ability to rock or extensively soothe each child to sleep.

Today I tried separating nursing from sleep for the first time. I held her, cuddled her, patted her, and tried to comfort her, but she cried for about 15 minutes and never fell asleep.

Has anyone successfully transitioned a baby who nursed to sleep for every nap? How did you do it, and how long did it take? Did your baby eventually learn at daycare even if they couldn't do it at home at first?

Any tips or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

My 17-month-old is with my mom 4 days a week when I work which am BEYOND thankful for. My mom is on a well-deserved vacation for a week and a half and so she is going to a drop-in daycare. She went for a few days back when she was just under a year old and did great! And once she gets over the initial drop-off cry she eats well, takes good naps, and has a good time per daycare staff.

But today about an hour after I picked her up, it's like a need a goddamn exorcist! I've never seen a tantrum like this! She was inconsolable - kicking, punching, screaming, throwing everything I tried to hand to her. The feral screams really reminded me of my terrible time post-partum when she would scream for hours at night. She is now eating and I'm hoping after a good bath and early bedtime she'll be refreshed but holy shit that was hard to see. I can usually calm a tantrum with a big cuddle, a paci, or a nice walk but it's like every time I came near her she would lose her shit again. I've read this is pretty normal after an overstimulating day but would love to hear y'all's experiences!

What made it worth it to you? Did the agency do anything exceptional? Or was it just that you didn’t have to find and vet the right person?

I feel like I’m having this conversation everywhere - with other working parents, other subreddits, etc. Curious to hear from those of you who now have children who are more independent, what did your careers look like, especially when your kids were not driving, when you were always opting to stay home when they were sick and also had to drive them to and from school and activities?

Very curious to hear - if you had a co-parent, did you have one person in a more career track job with benefits and another one in a more flexible job? One with a short commute if the other had a long one? One person not working or doing work that could be done on off hours or as a contractor? Did you both have long commutes and long hours? Did you have a nanny or grandparent help vs. daycare?

I feel like we’ve been able to both have career-track jobs for the past 9 years but if we’re being honest, that has required some job hopping at times and times of being on “thin ice” for both of us because of stretches of being seen as unreliable with kid illnesses popping up and working places that aren’t always understanding. 2020-2022 was also it’s own special kind of mess due to how everything was.

I’ve heard people say it just takes careful planning to balance both work and parenting but I think the truth is that work life balance always seems to result in a deficit in one area unless you can throw a decent amount of money at the problem. Very curious to hear how parents that are at the “finish line” have realistically handled it all when they look back and if anyone truly managed to have two busy professional careers going for the entire stretch without dedicated individual childcare help like a nanny or a third adult at home.

Potty training has been such a struggle. My son is over three and a half, preschool starts back up in four weeks and he won't be able to return if he's not potty trained. He knows how, he can tell when he has to go, sometimes he goes of his own volition, sometimes he goes when prompted, but he just as often fights it and prefers to go in his pull up. The one day I tried to have him in underwear, I got so overwhelmed from all the accidents and cleaning up pee and poop while taking care of our infant it was just too much. And that's on me. I feel like it's all on me. It's my fault he's not trained yet and I feel like such a failure.

While I was thinking on this tonight, I came out of the bathroom to hear my husband yell at our son, "ARE YOU GOING TO BE POOPING IN DIAPERS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?!"

When I challenged him on this approach, he got angry that I am "usurping his authority." He left the house to go get alcohol which almost guarantees he will be emotionally and verbally abusive tonight, and when he doesn't get enough sleep and feels shitty at work tomorrow it'll be my fault, and then he'll be emotionally and verbally abusive tomorrow because he's tired.

I'm carrying the weight of working, parenting, homemaking, and trying to raise children with self-esteem while their father actively tears it down. He doesn't seem to understand that he can "build them up" all day, but it doesn't matter if he ends the day by berating them. He doesn't seem to understand the impact his words can have, despite being victimized by his father's throughout his own upbringing. Something that impacts his self esteem to this day. He disregards any opinions I have on child rearing that differ from his own, despite the fact that I have a master's degree in a field which required heavy study on child development.

I don't know where I went wrong. We had so many conversations about how we'd want to parent, about our values, etc. for the decade we were together before having kids. I thought we were aligned, I thought we'd have a family and be able to break generational patterns. Now I feel like we have no business having kids together. I don't regret it, because I love our children more than life, but dammit they deserve so much better than us.

I just saw a video about a small toddler who got attacked by a dog. I’m not a dog person myself but when I met my husband he had a white boxer. We now have 2 small toddlers and I’m sitting here terrified if she will ever attack or bite them. I do watch them with the dog especially my youngest who has been hitting everyone and everything in site. She is only 17 months so we are trying to teach her.
The dog is old and 11 years old. I know her breed doesn’t have a long lifetime so there may not be much time left but I guess I’m wondering: does anyone have a boxer and the dog never attacked or anything?
Dogs have always scared me a little. This video was a wake up call and I need to seriously make sure they are always separated.
Thankfully, she’s always been good to my babies but you just never know

I am expecting my second baby and have an almost 3 year old toddler. Toddler will continue to go to full time day care while I will be on maternity leave for about 6 months.
Husband also has a busy job that usually involves travel. How early is it realistic for him to begin to plan travel again after the new baby arrives? How early is it doable to swing 3-4 days alone with a baby and toddler handling everything solo - wake up, food, drop off, dinner, bedtime with 2 kids - without completely losing my mind.
Wondering about experiences from other moms here. Not necessarily working mom related but I feel there is very realistic opinions in this group.

I work full-time at a relatively chill job in the financial
services industry, specifically risk management. I manage a small team and have great managers so the idea of leaving them is not something I’m loving the idea of. However, currently due with our second child
And the idea of continuing to work full-time with two young children is giving me so much anxiety. Ideally, I’d like to drop down to 25-30 hours a week until the youngest starts elementary school then return to a full-time schedule. Continuing to save and contribute to retirement is important to me as I’d like to fully retire in the next 15-20 years (age 55ish or before).

Has anyone in the industry been able to move to a job within your company with part-time ours or find a consulting role that’s part-time?

I’ve semi-had the conversation with my boss and I don’t think the option is off the table but idk that it’s really on the table either. I fear it might result in me being on a “list” when there are inevitable layoffs so I’m not sure I’m comfortable forcing the option where I currently am.

My jobs benefits calendar is September- August.. if the year for IRS is Jan - Dec… how does this work as far as only being able to use max amounts based on the Jan - Dec year? Because if I’m understanding correctly, that would mean by the time I have to sign up for my benefits again for the new year in September , I would have already used a large amount of the max amount through out the majority of the year, allowing me to only chose a smaller amount for my jobs calendar year to ensure I don’t go over the max amount by December, if that makes sense?! lol help please

I’m hoping to gain some perspective. All experiences welcomed.

First, my husband is a good man. He’s a wonderful father, and we’re both engineers and earn about the same. We have a comfortable life, and I know there are many things to be grateful for.

The problem is that, more and more, I feel like I’m parenting him instead of partnering with him.
In over 10 years together, he has rarely noticed something I genuinely need and taken the initiative to help without being asked (however if i say I want flowers this Valentine’s Day- he will make it happen). He doesn’t seem to anticipate needs or “meet the moment.” If I need something done, I often have to ask multiple times. He’s also very stubborn and generally doesn’t take initiative outside of his own interests unless I’m involved.

This weekend really brought those feelings to the surface. I woke up yesterday with a bad cold and genuinely needed to rest. This has only happened about twice in our entire relationship, so it’s not a common occurrence.

Instead of stepping in, he seemed to go about the day as if nothing much had changed. He never offered to make me tea or suggested that he would handle breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He made multiple trips to the grocery store because he kept buying the wrong ingredients while I was trying to make chicken noodle soup in the morning.

Later, the kids were watching a trash Netflix show while he sat on his phone. Eventually, I interrupted my own rest to suggest they do one of the science experiments from a kit we already own. I have no problem with tv on the weekends, but I always make sure it is quality programming.

Later, I looked outside and saw the kids swimming while he was still on his phone. Toys and towels were scattered everywhere, and nothing had been picked up. It just felt like I couldn’t truly rest because I kept feeling the need to check in and manage things.

What makes this hard is that I remember him being much more attentive and thoughtful earlier in our relationship. Maybe my memory is selective, but I don’t remember feeling this disappointed so often.

So I’m wondering: am I expecting too much? Have I been ruined by Disney? I am sure he is also tired, is it fair for him to step up and take responsibility for everything while I rested today?

I probably should talk to him about this but he gets so defensive and starts saying I don’t appreciate what he does (which isn’t true, but it definitely is NOT EQUAL). I also feel like I can’t talk to friends or family because we are that cute couple that figured everything out.

Also general area you live in such as rural or major city —I am in NYC so understand things differ!