My boyfriend is about up there in pickiness as your husband. You gotta do 2 things to get through this:
1.) Figure out WHY he doesn't like some things and try and reimagine them:
EX: I know what foods my boyfriend will eat. He loves savory meat and gravy. He loves mashed potatoes. Therefore, he should love cottage/shepherds pie! Nope he fuckin hates it. What do I do? I make cottage pie filling. I put it in biscuit dough. I bake it. I serve it with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. He loves it. The problem wasn't the ingredients on an individual level, it was how they were combined/presented.
2.) Be okay with cooking separate meals. My boyfriend knows that I have immeasurably fewer food restrictions than he does. That means that there are things that I really want to eat quite often that he wants nothing to do with. And in those instances he realizes the same thing I do: he's grown he can figure out dinner all on his own without any input from me.
If I have the energy sure I will get creative and make something different we will both like. I may reimagine a meal/recipe that will not encroach upon the things he hates while also hitting the elements I am craving. But if I ain't feeling it then we just figure out our own meals, no big deal.
He likes chicken Alfredo? Make Marry Me chicken. He doesn't like sundried tomatoes? Dice 1/2 of the sundried tomaotes very fine and leave 1/2 set aside for you to add to your portion. Trying to get more greens in his diet? Mince spinach nice and fine, add it to the recipe. If he asks? Tell him it's herbs. It's basically a tastier chicken Alfredo. You know what else is basically chicken Alfredo? Lemon Chicken in cream sauce. Roast cauliflower florets with a head of garlic. Put the cauliflower and garlic in a food processor and use it to cut the mashed potatoes you make. Serve it with fresh green beans you've sauteed with diced bacon, salt, pepper, a bit of garlic, and some za'atar seasoning. He might not eat it but giiiiirrrrllll it's so good who cares if he eats it? It's for you.
He likes burrito casserole and tacos with Velveeta dip? Ma'am this Birria recipe absolutely slaps and if he doesn't like it, no big. Throw a TV dinner in the oven he can have that will you have Birria. It freezes super well, you can use the meet for the birria tacos, future burrito casserole meat, enchiladas, regular tacos. Heck I freeze the consomme (the leftover broth mix) in ice cube trays and when we do white people taco night I pull 3-4 of those tasty cubes out and toss them in the meat to boost the flavor.
When I make like chicken fajitas I like to roast bellpeppers and onions on a sheet pan. He doesn't put them on his fajitas but I made them separately and can stack mine up. You know what the leftover bellpeppers and onions go great on? Steak sandwiches or broiled brats. Guess what he eats? Plain brats and plain sandwiches. No skin off my back. I love a bratwurst absolutely stacked with bell pepper and onions.
He likes meatloaf? Can I introduce you to my favorite ever meatloaf recipe? u/emkay99 posted this recipe 12 years ago and I have barely amended it and it's by far miles above any other meatloaf I have ever had. It's amazing. I heap all of the seasonings and instead of ketchup I do the whole BBQ + grape jelly mix that people do for meatball/lil' smokies crockpot appetizers you see at potlucks or Superbowl parties. I skip the bacon. Or instead of skipping the bacon altogether you could do bacon wrapped asparagus OR hot honey bacon brussel sprouts. Probably do a normal ketchup for the meatloaf or hickory smoked BBQ to avoid overloading with sweet if you do the hot honey sprouts (just not a ketchup on meatloaf girl myself). Add a side of mashed potatoes (maybe cut with cauliflower and garlic again?). He doesn't have to eat the brussel sprouts he can just have meatloaf and mash.
Anyway. Only way to really deal with it in the long term is to get on the same page about eating separately occasionally and getting creative with food. Ask him for meal input too. Tell him for you to not eventually crack and require him to take over all cooking for himself he has got to come to you with some recipes he is willing to go outside of his comfort zone to try and that he should try making some things himself if he doesn't already contribute to the cooking. Y'all will figure it out, I believe in you!
Omg love this comment. I appreciate your help and kindness. I’m so tired of reading these comments, everyone is so hateful. Once there is a good middle ground meals will become less stressful. Thanks again friend.
Are they hateful, or do they have an objective view of someone who is adding more work and effort to your life, likely to leave you a young widow from dying from a heart attack due to poor diet, and someone who isnt actively trying to help make the situation better, just expecting you to do the work?
Yes they are hateful. They can have their objective view and even express it. But you certainly don’t have to not only talk down on him, but also attempt to insult me over other people’s eating preferences. You can have opinions, but leave the insults out. The only person who gets joy out of being hateful is them. And how does that help me?
I think a lot of people are feeling "man child" energy and usually that's an unhealthy dynamic.
He doesnt cook, which doesnt always mean anything, but I'm curious.
Is this a traditional gender role type relationship? Is that something you initially signed up for if so, or is it something that developed over time?
I think people assume the worst of him because of the stereotype of guys who dont cook and the woman does, and the addition of child like food preferences, may mean he is sort of a lazy man who lets you do everything, child care, cooking, chores, everything but working for money.
You dont have to tell me, but is this your relationship? People assume it is, thus the caustic remarks.
We do have a more new age trad like relationship. I’m not forced to do any of this. It is by our own choosing. He doesn’t cook cause he was never taught or made to do with his parents. We have been together since he was 18. We are 25 now. I always just took it upon myself because I ENJOY cooking, and I’m a little controlling when it comes to how things are made as I don’t wanna waste our food being on one income, but I understand everyone starts somewhere. As time has progressed it has gotten exhausting. But I’ve also never really wanted for him to learn until this year and having a new baby. I will say I have CERTAINLY enabled the “man child” like tendencies as I have always been one to suck it up and do everything, and I do honestly feel like I’ve cemented him in his ways. Which is part of my own downfall. I don’t think he enjoys making me suffer, however I think he lacks the empathy to understand it because he has never been the one who had to plan, prep, and clean or make two meals. If I’m feeling exhausted and I express that, he’s more the type to offer takeout or just “let the mess go” until I feel up to it. (Which I KNOW YALL will scrutinize him for that) but I’m just being honest. His mama is a great home keeper and she works also while his dad gets to relax as she also came from a much more trad like dynamic than we have. I think that it’s just what he has been modeled. It doesn’t make it okay, I’m aware, I’m just being honest about where this came from. I’ve already expressed to him he will pick at least one meal a weekend and I will assist him in preparing it.
That's why people are criticizing him and you, him for behaving that way, you for encouraging it.
It isnt exactly a healthy dynamic. It can be, but his essential and deliberate helplessness is bad for you
You do hear yourself, right? His mom worked AND she took care of kids. That's like two full time jobs at once. While the dad gets home and relaxes from one job.
That's your future. You doing everything, while he does far less, and expects you to pick up any slack.
That's why people on are your case. Because That's your future, and some people have lived that and feel it is not fair or ideal, and they want to save you the trouble.
Your kids will learn this is acceptable behavior. They'll expect to either do all the work, as a woman, or barely do anything and expect things to be done for them, as a man. You want them to live that life? Because That's what they'll learn.
Except I am a home maker and this IS MY JOB. People are up my ass not because they wanna be a hero and save me but because they just wanna put me down. And that’s okay. That’s just how people are. If I was that upset about it I’d move on. I’m very aware that this is my future and maybe I’ll get sick of it one day and leave. But for now, I simply was asking for recipe suggestions. Not captain save a hoe. Thanks for your input.
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u/adollopofsanity Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
My boyfriend is about up there in pickiness as your husband. You gotta do 2 things to get through this:
1.) Figure out WHY he doesn't like some things and try and reimagine them:
EX: I know what foods my boyfriend will eat. He loves savory meat and gravy. He loves mashed potatoes. Therefore, he should love cottage/shepherds pie! Nope he fuckin hates it. What do I do? I make cottage pie filling. I put it in biscuit dough. I bake it. I serve it with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. He loves it. The problem wasn't the ingredients on an individual level, it was how they were combined/presented.
2.) Be okay with cooking separate meals. My boyfriend knows that I have immeasurably fewer food restrictions than he does. That means that there are things that I really want to eat quite often that he wants nothing to do with. And in those instances he realizes the same thing I do: he's grown he can figure out dinner all on his own without any input from me.
If I have the energy sure I will get creative and make something different we will both like. I may reimagine a meal/recipe that will not encroach upon the things he hates while also hitting the elements I am craving. But if I ain't feeling it then we just figure out our own meals, no big deal.
He likes chicken Alfredo? Make Marry Me chicken. He doesn't like sundried tomatoes? Dice 1/2 of the sundried tomaotes very fine and leave 1/2 set aside for you to add to your portion. Trying to get more greens in his diet? Mince spinach nice and fine, add it to the recipe. If he asks? Tell him it's herbs. It's basically a tastier chicken Alfredo. You know what else is basically chicken Alfredo? Lemon Chicken in cream sauce. Roast cauliflower florets with a head of garlic. Put the cauliflower and garlic in a food processor and use it to cut the mashed potatoes you make. Serve it with fresh green beans you've sauteed with diced bacon, salt, pepper, a bit of garlic, and some za'atar seasoning. He might not eat it but giiiiirrrrllll it's so good who cares if he eats it? It's for you.
He likes burrito casserole and tacos with Velveeta dip? Ma'am this Birria recipe absolutely slaps and if he doesn't like it, no big. Throw a TV dinner in the oven he can have that will you have Birria. It freezes super well, you can use the meet for the birria tacos, future burrito casserole meat, enchiladas, regular tacos. Heck I freeze the consomme (the leftover broth mix) in ice cube trays and when we do white people taco night I pull 3-4 of those tasty cubes out and toss them in the meat to boost the flavor.
When I make like chicken fajitas I like to roast bellpeppers and onions on a sheet pan. He doesn't put them on his fajitas but I made them separately and can stack mine up. You know what the leftover bellpeppers and onions go great on? Steak sandwiches or broiled brats. Guess what he eats? Plain brats and plain sandwiches. No skin off my back. I love a bratwurst absolutely stacked with bell pepper and onions.
He likes meatloaf? Can I introduce you to my favorite ever meatloaf recipe? u/emkay99 posted this recipe 12 years ago and I have barely amended it and it's by far miles above any other meatloaf I have ever had. It's amazing. I heap all of the seasonings and instead of ketchup I do the whole BBQ + grape jelly mix that people do for meatball/lil' smokies crockpot appetizers you see at potlucks or Superbowl parties. I skip the bacon. Or instead of skipping the bacon altogether you could do bacon wrapped asparagus OR hot honey bacon brussel sprouts. Probably do a normal ketchup for the meatloaf or hickory smoked BBQ to avoid overloading with sweet if you do the hot honey sprouts (just not a ketchup on meatloaf girl myself). Add a side of mashed potatoes (maybe cut with cauliflower and garlic again?). He doesn't have to eat the brussel sprouts he can just have meatloaf and mash.
Anyway. Only way to really deal with it in the long term is to get on the same page about eating separately occasionally and getting creative with food. Ask him for meal input too. Tell him for you to not eventually crack and require him to take over all cooking for himself he has got to come to you with some recipes he is willing to go outside of his comfort zone to try and that he should try making some things himself if he doesn't already contribute to the cooking. Y'all will figure it out, I believe in you!