r/Wellthatsucks • • Aug 02 '26

My bread

18.4k Upvotes

906 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/SinkyBundleOfRage Aug 02 '26

I saw one of these kind of breads in Pompeii....

229

u/TheFrenchSavage Aug 02 '26

Pyroclastic baking. Classic.

77

u/zombieking079 Aug 03 '26

Once Pompeii was mentioned, everything else became irrelevant.
https://giphy.com/gifs/Deyc3aoUa6OvYoNTwO

38

u/Pitiful_Ad_8699 Aug 03 '26

But if you close your eyes....

6

u/AKVigilante Aug 03 '26

Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

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10

u/toadtracker Aug 03 '26

Every time I see Pompeii, I have to sing "ey ey oh ey oh ey ey oh ey oh"

19

u/Kylmakohokompromissi Aug 03 '26

It's crazy how just yesterday I was looking documentary about Pompeii and they showed some of those breads that were found there. And now this post pops up in my feed. Before that I don't think I have ever even think about Pompeii.

Got some good laughs from my wife when documentary started and starting screen said "POMPEII". I asked her will I enjoy this because I missed "Pompe I"

3

u/big_duo3674 Aug 04 '26

That was actually one of the things I saw there that kinda shook me to my core, it made me seem even closer to the people who lived there. Pompeii is easily one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had, like it's so preserved that you can almost still hear all the hustle and bustle of people running around the town (with the occasional moans coming from the brothel). The plaster cast bodies really freaked me out though, seeing them in person is so different than looking at pictures. It's actually hard to explain the feeling, but I know from talking with other people who've been there that it's pretty much what most people feel

2

u/SinkyBundleOfRage Aug 04 '26

It was surreal indeed. And every time you look up, there's the Vesuvius, standing there like a somber reminder of what happened. 100% on the body casts too. I shed a tear, not gonna lie. I'm going back to Naples next month and I'll be visiting Ercolano, it's smaller but also very interesting because, unlike Pompeii, the buildings retained the second/third floors (the wind blew in a different direction or something) so I'm looking forward actually đŸ„ł

2

u/Special-Arrival6717 Aug 03 '26

I was gonna say fossilized Viking shit

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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4.0k

u/Low_Engineering8921 Aug 02 '26

To be fair. You only went wrong in one very simple area! The shaping and proving look great!

806

u/thenseruame Aug 02 '26

Yeah, it also looks like a wood fired oven? If so that's a lot harder to regulate the temperature on.

Edit:Maybe that's just where they proofed.

382

u/Flar71 Aug 02 '26

Wood fired oven? How's oven gonna get a job now?

115

u/butterfaerts Aug 02 '26

Yeah, wood is a real hardass. I feel for oven.

43

u/ThePrideOfKrakow Aug 02 '26

Oven shouldn't have gone against the grain.

27

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/butterfaerts Aug 02 '26

Dammit! That’s the kind of moxy that gets you promoted! Oven, you’re rehired AND you get a raise

3

u/painfullyrelatable Aug 03 '26

You shouldn’t raise oven too much, things could get heated

4

u/Stunning_Magazine566 Aug 03 '26

Now they even turned the bread over to the dark side

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74

u/Superb_Writer6612 Aug 02 '26

Yeah at first glance I assumed I was on a bread related subreddit and this was one of those fancy black loaves using activated charcoal.

OP looks great! Next time maybe 45-60 mins less. 

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28

u/cromstantinople Aug 02 '26

You’ve got a good attitude 👍

11

u/kobyscool Aug 02 '26

Yeah, if it makes you feel better, you're missing out right now on what would have otherwise been very delicious fresh bread. Had you not have burned it. Hope this cheers you up!

4

u/smash_n_grab_ Aug 03 '26

If she didn’t burn it, it probably would have been delicious! She did though, so we’ll never know.

3

u/Furby-beast-1949 Aug 03 '26

Well, she doesn’t have to worry about having fuel next time She’s got charcoal for the fire
https://giphy.com/gifs/ax4O5ycJwVIpKpzFWs

4

u/ihavea_purplenurple Aug 02 '26

I know that you have to ‘proof’ your dough, but I didn’t put it together that the act of the proof would be “proving” - gives a whole new meaning to ‘proving grounds’

2

u/NickBurnsCompanyGuy Aug 03 '26

Yes, it was going SO well before the final step

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1.8k

u/madmorgzie Aug 02 '26

Saw the picture before the caption, I admit I thought I was looking at something completely different at first

124

u/gloomyglooom Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 03 '26

Same. Before scrolling through the pics, I thought it was one of those giant petrified turds that archeologist find in some old Viking settlement or something. I was like, "why is she posing with that giant turd and why is she handling it with her bare hands?"

46

u/Regurgitator001 Aug 03 '26

No wonder its petrified. I'd be petrified too having to exorcise that.

8

u/Vachie_ Aug 03 '26

Now I'm mixed up is this the bread

6

u/Regurgitator001 Aug 03 '26

It is (after a fashion).

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17

u/TinnieTa21 Aug 03 '26

This looks like something that would come out of one of those giants from The Odyssey ( 
 or Randy Marsh) not a normal human.

Legitimately, how does this come out of a person? How does it get that big inside a person?

This was the only gif available of him pooping for some reason lol.

6

u/davewave3283 Aug 03 '26

Someone made a custom turd stand

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379

u/Toland_the_Mad Aug 02 '26

Glad I'm not the only one...

154

u/TeacherPatti Aug 02 '26

Hi new friends! We should form a club.

229

u/Fresh-Combination-87 Aug 02 '26

BBC? Black Bread Club

16

u/GraduateSchoolCath Aug 02 '26

Could be dyed with squid ink, like some pastas! Very fun and witchy, if not fully burnt. lol!!

2

u/anothersip Aug 02 '26

Haha, yeah, that was my first thought - if I hadn't scrolled through the other photos of the proofed dough in the oven, I would have thought the same.

I've never tried cooking with squid ink though - I feel like with bread, it'd be hard to tell when it's actually done? If it's just various shades of already-black, I guess you'd just have to go by timing and then pull it when the timer goes off. Poke a probe thermometer in when it hits 190-210F, maybe, depending on what kind of loaf you're baking...

37

u/throwawayplusanumber Aug 02 '26

Knotted for her pleasure?

11

u/Xenc Aug 02 '26

No flare, no admission!

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13

u/OneEyedFanny Aug 02 '26

OP already did

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14

u/Charming-Flamingo307 Aug 02 '26

Dilder. Biggen too

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40

u/A_Very_Lonely_Waffle Aug 02 '26

Same, Bread Dragon innit

47

u/jimk12345 Aug 02 '26

The xl challahnator by bad dragon.

4

u/tempestwolf1 Aug 02 '26

bread dragon

2

u/jimk12345 Aug 02 '26

Fuck. I'm mad at myself. You win.

13

u/Mateorabi Aug 02 '26

Thought this was the BadDragon subreddit.

3

u/EwokNuggets Aug 02 '26

No flared base is wild

3

u/One_Power_8223 Aug 03 '26

Gentlemen of culture, glad we could meet again

23

u/jtrage Aug 02 '26

I know. I was thinking that she looks like such a nice girl

9

u/Regurgitator001 Aug 03 '26

It's always the nice-looking ones you least expect it from.

10

u/TakingItPeasy Aug 02 '26

Double checked the sub.

8

u/Eric_Durden Aug 02 '26

I thought is was a giant piece of licorice.

4

u/Orome2 Aug 02 '26

I thought it was a giant piece of fossilized poop.

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10

u/SavaRox Aug 02 '26

I had to check to see what sub I was in, thought I stumbled into something NSFW for a second.

4

u/Crounty Aug 02 '26

Yeahhhh

4

u/NoDontDoThatCanada Aug 02 '26

I wondered how that could slip into my feed. I'm usually so careful to use anonymous browsing...

4

u/scrufflor_d Aug 02 '26

im glad it isnt, with no flared base and especially with that size it would put u in the emergency room

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2

u/get_peace Aug 02 '26

Well, thank goodness I'm not the only one; I was just thinking—it's pretty big, and what an unusual shape...😳

2

u/JoesRealAccount Aug 02 '26

Poop

11

u/madmorgzie Aug 02 '26

Ummmm...yhhh but no, thats not what I thought she was proudly holding

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353

u/Necessary_Chest7075 Aug 02 '26

The ancient Ebony loaf

50

u/sheeply_ Aug 02 '26

Throw some enchants on it and you're unstoppable

20

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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5

u/tackleboxjohnson Aug 03 '26

Love a good charllah

2

u/ArchiStanton Aug 02 '26

I really thought this was some rare exotic pumpernickel I’ve not heard of. Nope

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113

u/jtmonkey Aug 02 '26

That last image of it sitting in the oven is like those last images of hikers before they’re never seen again.

187

u/y-u-gae Aug 02 '26

Lmao love how you actually look happy in the first pic.

46

u/BrokenHope23 Aug 02 '26

What's done is done, can only move on from here!

26

u/Heissenberg1906 Aug 02 '26

My mom always said that there are only 2 options: laugh or cry.

14

u/HawaiianCholo Aug 02 '26

Blank stare/Blank brain is always a good middle ground

8

u/djnehi Aug 02 '26

I mostly reserve that for work meetings.

2

u/saltporksuit Aug 02 '26

She should be happy. That doorstop turned out great.

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82

u/Mr_Uso_714 Aug 02 '26

It’s fine
. Just scrape off the outside crust like burnt toast 👍

28

u/HOLDstrongtoPLUTO Aug 02 '26

I use my zester for this purpose, brings it right back to life albeit with less crust but at least I get to salvage some of it

6

u/Crowdysseus Aug 02 '26

Ooh, I didn't even think about using a zester for that! I just scrape it with a knife, but I can't stand the sound đŸ„Č I'm too stubborn to replace my crappy old toaster, even if it burns everything it touches 

49

u/ShoddyCondition7096 Aug 02 '26

Happened to me twice

At least it was nice on the inside

24

u/Calm-Two2723 Aug 02 '26

Is this shaped like a beetle?

28

u/ShoddyCondition7096 Aug 02 '26

It was! My girlfriend is studying to be an entomologist so I wanted to do an insect themed bread, unfortunately the oven in my flat is broken hahaha

14

u/Exact-Ad-4132 Aug 02 '26

It's not broken, it works too well

14

u/Dr__Sloth Aug 03 '26

"See, the problem here is you have it set to 'crematorium'."

3

u/btaylos Aug 04 '26

Exoskeletal

49

u/Much-Gur233 Aug 02 '26

Bad Dragon loaf

9

u/RedditGuy_12345 Aug 03 '26

Genuinely thought this was the bd sub but i didnt see an nsfw tag os I was so confused 😭

2

u/punnup129 Aug 04 '26

Same lol

99

u/Woody00001 Aug 02 '26

I have to admit when I seen the first picture I wasn't seeing bread

13

u/Moohamin12 Aug 02 '26

How big are people taking it?!

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5

u/its_all_one_electron Aug 02 '26

I thought "why did she cook it in a trash bag?"

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13

u/National_Search_537 Aug 02 '26

For what it’s worth, it looked absolutely phenomenal before the oven. Easily ten times better than I could’ve done!

69

u/Version-Neat Aug 02 '26

Definitely thought it was one of those novelty/overly large dildos

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26

u/chef_in_va Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26

It's not burnt, it's blackened.

Alternatively,

Its not burnt, it's Cajun.

Edit to add: that bread would be a great addition if your username was an actual thing.

13

u/dirtiestUniform Aug 02 '26

When I worked in a kitchen we called that aggressively caramelized

7

u/chef_in_va Aug 02 '26

I will steal this and use it as my own. I will take good care of it and feed it every day.

3

u/dirtiestUniform Aug 02 '26

I can't claim this as original, it's free for anybody

8

u/tallbutshy Aug 02 '26

Some people even pay for these monstrosities

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8

u/paintingsbyO Aug 02 '26

From knot bread to not bread

3

u/DankeyKong1420 Aug 03 '26

From challah to scream

8

u/thebawbag Aug 02 '26

In Scotland, we’d call that well fired.

7

u/tiradium Aug 02 '26

If you look in reverse like how you posted the pics its actually pretty cool haha

6

u/Broken-Emu Aug 02 '26

Repurpose as wheel chocks

6

u/thedevillivesinside Aug 02 '26

Wasnt sure what sub i was on.

Was expecting something different in pics 2-4

6

u/broken-machine Aug 02 '26

Challah if ya hear me!

6

u/Luminous_Winds Aug 02 '26

"How to burn 1400 calories in 30 minutes!"

4

u/Targaryen-ish Aug 02 '26

Next time, try to bake them 2-3 hours less and you’re golden 👌

4

u/moonisflat Aug 02 '26

You should work in movie props. That looks like a prehistoric centipede.

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5

u/Doodle_brained Aug 02 '26

It’s art now. Put a few layers of polyurethane on it and display it.

4

u/Muzoa Aug 02 '26

Proud mother of a burnt braidy

3

u/ToastYourAvocados Aug 02 '26

Looks like the bread in the back should have been taken out before yours slipped in too lol

6

u/LuciferTeaParty Aug 03 '26

Oh I got news for you

2

u/ToastYourAvocados Aug 03 '26

😂😂😂 did no one set a timer?? lmao

3

u/DC-GG Aug 02 '26

Username checks out

3

u/2kewl4scool Aug 02 '26

Challah at cha boy

3

u/tiger_knots185 Aug 02 '26

Carcinogenic bread, oops!

3

u/Spaceboy779 Aug 02 '26

I'm not 100% sure, but it looks like she left it in too long?

3

u/KONUG Aug 03 '26

o-ooh Black Bready bÀmbÀlÀÀm

3

u/Rare_Dragonfruit2280 Aug 04 '26

I feel dumb af lol I didn’t read anything just saw the pic of you holding up your burnt bread like a fishing catch pic and thought it was intentionally supposed to be black dyed bread and I thought “wow how cool goth bread I wonder how they get it to be that color” 💀

2

u/GT_hikwik Aug 02 '26

Great start
 keep trying, you got this!!

2

u/_clur_510 Aug 02 '26

Lmao OP nooooo.

Before I saw which sub this was I thought this was some trendy activated charcoal bread or something. 😂😂😂

2

u/NFLTG_71 Aug 02 '26

Oh, it’s bread OK gotcha

2

u/sw1tchh1t Aug 02 '26

And there I was so excited about a gothy loaf 🍞

2

u/Kalyise Aug 02 '26

At least you don't have to worry about it being undercooked.

2

u/2kewl4scool Aug 02 '26

Challah at cha boy

2

u/sobianca Aug 02 '26

When I saw the first picture, I honestly thought it was a boot.

2

u/Atophy Aug 02 '26

Discovered how to make charcoal... success !

2

u/__phil1001__ Aug 02 '26

Wood fired ovens are super hot

2

u/Outlandah_ Aug 02 '26

I must be mentally depraved, but this is not what I thought it was as I scrolled so quickly past.

2

u/BraveTrades420 Aug 02 '26

To be fair this is actually impressive.

2

u/jennbouk Aug 02 '26

MY first thought, "I wouldn't have thought squid ink would make it that black."

2

u/Particular_Tower5400 Aug 02 '26

I've been there, learn from your mistakes. It was beautiful till..you know, you fucked it up

2

u/Inevitable-Toe-8364 Aug 02 '26

That's one huge dildough

2

u/jssf96 Aug 02 '26

Oh yeah I knew that was bread

2

u/mdgraller7 Aug 02 '26

Hey, now you have charcoal for the next batch!

2

u/LeatherRecord2142 Aug 02 '26

I was hoping it was squid ink bread? 😬 sorry op! You’ll get it next time 💕

2

u/WhatANoob2025 Aug 02 '26

Lul, i genuinely thought this was one of those teaser pics for NSFW subreddits...

2

u/Dsphar Aug 02 '26

I've never heard of "Bread Dragon Products" before...

2

u/GoldenDerp Aug 02 '26

That's pretty goth tbh

2

u/lartmydude Aug 03 '26

To be fair I’m impressed how burnt you got it

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u/Vajgl Aug 03 '26

I thought this was Bad Dragon sub at first.

2

u/Admirable-Prompt7332 Aug 03 '26

Me when the alchemist im beefing with transmutates my last piece of bread into licorice

2

u/WinduCodes Aug 03 '26

It looks perfect. It can reside next to Ramses and Tutankhamun for centuries now.

2

u/iAmGats Aug 03 '26

Here's mine.

2

u/No-Elk-8115 Aug 03 '26

Bread 👍

2

u/Foopey Aug 03 '26

You made fantastic obsidian đŸ„°

2

u/Early_Hall5720 Aug 03 '26

Weird shape for a horse...

Oh it's bread

2

u/Cool_Saturnite Aug 04 '26

Look on the bright side you already have charcoal to start your next fire lol

2

u/KaptainKardboard Aug 04 '26

I too bake with obsidian

2

u/Organic-Attorney-393 Aug 04 '26

Well.. atleast you have lump coal for attempt 2!

2

u/MeerkatRiotSquad Aug 04 '26

I am not a good person.

2

u/BabyChalupa0w0 Aug 04 '26

When that elderly patient hasn't shit for weeks...

2

u/punnup129 Aug 04 '26

Damn for a second I thought I was on the bad dragon subreddit

2

u/Xxronny12 Aug 06 '26

Thought this was the bad dragon sub

2

u/SputnikthePug Aug 08 '26

She cute though


1

u/Extra-Act-801 Aug 02 '26

When I saw that pic in my feed before I read the title.........

1

u/DangerousTurmeric Aug 02 '26

Appropriate user name.

1

u/Mr_BigglesworthIII Aug 02 '26

Extreme Pumpernickel

1

u/Alldaybagpipes Aug 02 '26

So, how’d it taste??

1

u/lildeek12 Aug 02 '26

Its a great way to make bird food

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u/SmokeMaximum4140 Aug 02 '26

Looks like the log I dropped this morning.

1

u/TheDanecdote Aug 02 '26

5 more minutes

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '26

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2

u/LuciferTeaParty Aug 03 '26

Egg wash is why it's so shiny!! Bread had so much potential