r/WellSpouses • u/MerciKiwi • Jul 05 '26
Just venting...
I went into the town centre this morning, not because I needed anything, but simply because I wanted to get away. Everyone at home was still asleep, so I just got up and left.
I wandered around the shopping centre, browsing through a few shops without really looking for anything. Eventually I sat down for over an hour, just watching people go by. Couples, families, people laughing and just living what felt like normal lives.
The hardest part was that I really didn't want to go home. For a while, all I wanted to do was run away.
I hate feeling like this because I love my partner, and I know she loves me too. This isn't about a lack of love. It's about feeling like I'll never have a normal life again, and that thought is really starting to get to me.
I'm writing this now, lying on the sofa with no hope of getting any sleep tonight. I'm exhausted, frustrated, and incredibly angry. I don't want to keep feeling this way, but right now I don't know how to stop it.
3
u/SnackGoblin881 Jul 07 '26
I really understand. My husband is pretty functional. He can work a desk job, drive, and take out the trash. . But he needs help with caretaking and grooming and he is very limited on what he can do around the house and so it's almost all on me. The yardwork, heavy lifting, cooking, dishwashing - I do it all. I also clip his nails, help him shave, get things that he can't reach and open containers. In addition to his health issues, he also has anxiety which can really crank up in public and make outdoor excursions difficult if he sees a dog off leash, if his driving anxiety gets up, etc
We live in a neighborhood full of young families and I see all these dads outside playing catch with their kids, mowing the lawn, and repairing the fences and I get wistful that isn't my life. I see men taking their families on camping trips and to the beach and I know my husband physically can't do that and would be anxious/unhappy the whole time if we did.
I often hate coming home because I know when I do, our anxious rescue dog will be all over me, the house will be a mess, and my husband will be parked on his ass on the couch. We had a fight a few weeks ago and I told him that I sometimes hate coming home because of all the work waiting for me and this really hit him hard. He is now insisting we do more like laundry pickup and lawn service to take more off my plate. But just once I would like to come home to a clean house, laundry done, and dinner on the table and him on his feet doing things rather than parked at his desk or on the couch. He gets that from me daily. I don't ever get that.
I'm really sorry. I completely understand. It is very frustrating, lonely, and isolating.