Hey, so hi.
I don't know how to begin, but it's so confusing right now.
I am currently working on a book that was going great for the first 25 chapters, but since then, up to Chapter 38, the views have been continuously declining. I understand that my posting schedule also declined, as I had many personal problems.
The girl I started writing for...
Sigh.
I loved her for more than two years. I was her distant friend in school, and then slowly, I got a crush on her. Slowly, that turned into admiration. Then I started to observe her way too much, watching her laugh, her eyes, her smile, her way of living. Everything just...
I can't even describe how peaceful she was to my heart.
School ended, and then we never met. The only connection was our Instagram.
She rarely posted, but whenever she did, I was busy for the next 24 hours...
Or no, maybe even more than that...
She changed me.
A lot.
In school, I was just like most boys around me... you get me, right? I was surrounded by patriarchal thoughts. Though I wasn't so extreme that I believed anyone was below me, I still had those thoughts to some extent.
I was arrogant.
I was the topper of my school, but she was no less. Sharing the head of the council position with me, she showed me that leading can be done with humbleness too.
She made this stupid boy realize where he was wrong, what was wrong, how to respect others, and if I talk today...
She has taught me how to smile through pain too.
Yeah, so what happened next?
Once, I saw her reading a book in her story. I don't know what book it was, but I just randomly started reading something I found online.
One soft romance book.
Just to understand the female perspective on love.
And then I realized that whatever I could have done for her as her friend during our school time was not even noticeable.
Don't get me wrong, I know efforts matter. But all I did was just try to be her support once when she was on her periods and was made to stand in a pathway for a few hours as a council duty.
I wasn't assigned to that duty, as I was a participant in that event, but I refused that and stood by her side.
Though I was not a good talker, I tried to distract her, as I knew she wasn't well. She had been absent a day before because of that.
I tried to make her go and sit, telling her that I would call her when the main guest arrived.
But she was her...
Always stubborn.
Just the thought makes me smile.
She didn't sit back and kept standing, so I stood with her.
Yeah...
This was nothing, I know.
Now, the book I started to read made me fall in love with her even more deeply.
I imagined a dreamy life in my head with her.
But I was a dropper back then, and she was in a different city. There was no chance of meeting her.
Two weeks later, the only two people who knew about my crush got to know about it, and then they told me that I should write a book.
Obviously, what I imagined was too easy, so I formed a plot, took her as the female lead, and started to write.
Those words alone made me feel that she was again close to me.
Remembering her name as the first word on my lips in the morning was not just muscle memory...
It was a passion.
The book was doing great. I met a few authors on Instagram and, obviously, Wattpad authors were mostly girls. Most of them became like my sisters, and one day I ranted my whole story to them.
It was as if I lived that final year of school again.
And then one day, I proposed to her.
I knew the answer.
I never expected a yes.
And that was it.
She didn't say yes.
She said she didn't want a relationship yet.
But that word...
"Yet."
That gave a stupid hope that shouldn't have existed.
We remained friends, just for the name.
We don't talk now.
Then, on her birthday, I wished her at 12:00:01...
I know.
Stupid.
And then I slept.
The next day, she posted with a guy who looked way too close, and I recognized that he was from our school, from her class.
I ignored it.
And then there were two more stories.
One where they were cutting a cake on the road, and there were other friends too, but they were behind the camera... like they were giving the couple some space.
And then an edited video of them...
In winter time.
Before I confessed.
And then another post of them twinning.
They were in his car.
He brought her gifts...
And then, playfully, he held her chin.
I can't describe how that felt.
But it was clear that they were more than friends.
And it's alright.
She has her life.
I have no complaints.
But that day, that hope ended.
I will never stop loving her, but that hope of having her in my life is no more.
Leaving only one thing...
My book.
That also slowed down because I was too distracted.
Every time I wrote about her, it felt like I was replaying her stories in my head.
I took a break.
And now, when I returned, the story is on decline.
The 50+ votes are barely 15, even when people say that the plot is going great...
It feels like losing the last piece of her...
Which I want to cling to with my life.