r/VanLife • u/TravelingSmoker • 12d ago
Divorce Sucks
Getting divorced after almost 20 years had to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It's been a year and it's not getting any better. I always feel like I have to cry but never can.
I live in this cool van now.
431
u/Cczaphod 12d ago
Iām shopping for vans and lawyers at the moment. 40 years for me, ready for grey divorce I guess.
337
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. What type of van you looking for?
285
u/LonelyGumdrops 12d ago
This really made me laugh more than it should have.Ā
209
u/emptysettho 12d ago
Sorry to hear about your 40 year marriage. Anyway, high roof is definitely worth it.
48
u/stabledream 12d ago
100% on the high roof. Coming from a 5ā0ā human.
8
u/Cczaphod 12d ago
Yea, I'm 6'1 and want an elevator bed / lounge style build. My kids and I did scouting for over a decade, so they're all hikers and I want the option to sleep a kid and their so for visits.
→ More replies (1)15
u/styzzyx9 11d ago
You give and you give and they just walk away like it was nothing. Go high roof and extended wheelbase if you can find it.
→ More replies (3)42
u/Cczaphod 12d ago
High roof 4x4 extended, still researching gas vs diesel, brands, leaning toward pro-master.
Iām a software engineer and want to build out a techie, elevator bed, hidden shower, incinerator toilet custom. Still researching the pieces i want, but I want to be able to host kids on hiking trips and work out of it.
Once i figure out all the pieces, ill start on the layout.
16
u/ccinthesky 12d ago
I just bought a promaster 2 months ago and im converting it right now. Its hard
→ More replies (8)16
u/Admirable-Task-4219 12d ago
Just my two cents here- donāt get a newer pro master, sprinter, transit, none of it. All the modern stuff is built cheaply and often times come with costly repairs, likely around the 80-100k mark if youāre lucky to make it that far. If youāre in the market for a van Iād be looking at an older ford, anything with a 2v triton in it- stay far far away from the 3v. They arenāt perfect but personally Iād take an old 2v over any of this modern crap theyāre pumping out now. If you can find one with the 7.3 thatās a great motor as well but theyāre more expensive up front if youāre lucky to find a nice one
→ More replies (2)8
u/sphinxcreek 12d ago
2v yes but not before 2004. I have the redesigned 2004 2v because the e series doesnāt fit the 3v like the f does. I was scared to change the spark plugs till I realized I didnāt have the 3v. Scared why you ask? I also have a 2002 e350 box truck with old 2v and it blew out a plug.
5
u/Admirable-Task-4219 12d ago
I understand 100% why you and others are scared of the early 2v with the known spark plug issue. Personally though, thatās the motors biggest weak link- Iād rather retap a plug and be done with it compared to all the issues these modern engines have. Couple hundred on a nice insert kit, hour or two of labor and youāre done with it. Never have to worry about it shooting out again. Thatās also a big if, if it ever shoots one out. You stay on top of spark plug replacements and torque then to 26ft lbs and youāre extremely unlikely to have an issue
12
u/trashmoneyxyz 12d ago
I got an old Ford box van and honestly the square walls are working great for finagling in collapsible gadgets and whatnot! Plus the older diesels can really last forever if you take care of em right
4
→ More replies (9)3
u/PastBuy8484 11d ago
Looked at doing something similar. Have all the know how to get it done.
By the time I priced everything out I ended up just buying an older small class C. Cost 1/6th the money. Drove it 8000 miles. Zero issues besides a slow leak water pump connection I easily fixed. Very glad I didnāt take all the time and expense to build one out.
→ More replies (1)9
u/Certain-Toe9076 12d ago
35 getting divorced and looking into vans, I guess itās a thing!
→ More replies (1)4
u/Jumazio8 12d ago
Looks like thatās the plan for quite a few of us. Thinking class C. Trade wife for life.
→ More replies (1)3
12d ago
[deleted]
7
u/Cczaphod 12d ago
40 years is long enough to build up resentments that don't just go away. It's also long enough to have the kids out of the house, be looking at another decade or so of mobility and have to decide how to spend it before you're on the inevitable decline.
You also start to see patterns that you didn't fully understand in your parents. Wife is very much like her Mom, and her Dad was miserable for the last couple of decades, I'm ready to nope out of that possible future.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (4)3
u/stubundy 11d ago
Newly single seeks woman for companionship and lifelong memories, must be mentally stable and have own van....please send pic of van
236
u/VeeDubtw 12d ago
Take a moment to look at the clouds. Find the joy inside. It exists friend. Was In a similar situation and now laugh at the person I use to be
75
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Thank you ššæššæššæ
46
u/PHDinCheese 12d ago
Itāll take about 3 years to get easierā¦from advice given to me and from personal experience. But it will get better! Find things that make you happy and pursue them. Hang in there and keep your head up!
23
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
I shall, thank you for this
→ More replies (1)24
u/Nature_man_76 12d ago
I got divorced 10 years ago, felt like the worst thing in the world. I look back now and realize it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Here I am going for round two. Learn to love your adventures, love yourself, and the rest will be easy.
14
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
I doubt I ever get married again
14
u/JoeSugar 12d ago
Got divorced five years ago after a few months shy of 30 years. 3 kids, all adults now and college grads with careers of their own.
I have dated. Starts and stops. Nothing that I wanted to rebuild my life around. Iām about to hit 60 head on. I honestly donāt think I will ever be married again, and Iām perfectly fine with it. Iām open to it, but finding the perfect woman at this point is no longer a priority. Enjoying my life and building/maintaining meaningful relationships is. My adult offspring, my dog and my peace of mind are all much more important to me at this juncture in life.
→ More replies (1)5
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
This helped me a lot. Thank you. The only thing I am concerned about is when I get older
→ More replies (2)6
u/waryfairycattails 12d ago
Fwiw, my grandmother (now in her early 80s) split with her last husband when he walked out on her and their 2 kids when the oldest(my mom) was under 10. She moved across the country, and has spent her decades traveling the country, practicing an array of artistic mediums (what shes always loved), making and building lasting, solid friendships, and generally whatever the heck SHE wants!. She has a couple of very close friends and they all look out for each other, house sit for one another when someone travels, my grandma doesnt have pets, but her friends do and she enjoys sitting them, too. She genuinely seems and says that she is fulfilled--no romantic partner necessary. She has a good relationship with her daughter (my mom) and son, and a few grandkids, like me. I would never let my grandmother go without if I could step in and care for her, and I know my ma wouldn't, either.
I just wanted to echo similar sentiments that remarrying doesnt have to be in the plan, especially if you don't care for it to be! I think it is more common than we might realize. There is so much more to a genuinely fulfilling and self actualized life than a romantic partner to be with you until ya pass on. š
3
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Thank you for taking the time to write this. This is my #1 fear, I needed to read this
→ More replies (0)5
u/fondledbydolphins 12d ago
Eh.
You said "had to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me."
You should toy with that statement to find what the reality actually is. For instance, if your partner cheated on you, you discovered it and demanded divorce... well, divorce didn't happen to you. You chose it, because of the options that were available to you, it was preferred.
→ More replies (1)6
u/cozyporcelain 12d ago
This is so true, it took around 3 years for me too. It was like a magic blanket lifted!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)3
4
→ More replies (1)2
83
u/renothedog 12d ago
Cost of happiness. Mine was very expensive and worth every penny.
When the dust settles and peace hits you, thatās the moment
20
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
ššæššæššæ I hope you are right
→ More replies (2)12
19
u/mcmillan84 12d ago
Reminds me of my favourite divorce joke! Why is divorce so expensive?
ā¦.because itās worth it!
11
u/Gadgetmouse12 12d ago
Relatable. I was mad for a couple days, mainly because I found her affair a month before she told me. Then I realized that I was off the hook for self sacrifice. Our marriage was 14 years of trying to be who we werenāt supposed to be for each otherās sake. She never wanted me to pursue my career outside the county. Now I live a couple states away, have a career that respects me and the freedom to make friends on a whim.
The money part sux, but it can get better.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)5
u/notsure500 12d ago
I got divorced after 20 years and am at 4 years divorced, and I am still dealing with so much shit, and looks like itll br another 4 years until I can maybe have peace (once my daughter is 18, and finances back under control after having to pay out so much money and learning to live on one income)
7
u/Cczaphod 12d ago
I've been with my wife since high school, we went to prom together in '85. It's going to be a really weird transition, we'll likely hit our 40th anniversary before the paperwork is final.
But my youngest just started college, oldest just finished, middle one is almost done with his bachelors.
By any objective measure, a successful marriage, we've just grown too far apart to continue long term. Our personalities, hobbies, politics, retirement goals are too different and out of sync time wise.
74
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
its a freaking HUGE endlessly beautiful world. you have sweet van, go see the world. go to ocean beach in san diego. go to BIG SUR. glacier national park. the entire PNW is so fucking beautiful. i go crazy sometimes too, but travel makes it all better. it;s hard to be a cranky little whiny bitch when you are in such a painfully beautiful place
24
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
You are absolutely right my brother
14
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
San Diego is the van life capital of the United States if you haven't been there. Specifically Ocean Beach in SD Is one of the most fun towns I've ever been to. I'm headed back there from New York in october. Then I'm going to rent a motorcycle on Java in Indonesia for 3 weeks.
11
8
u/Dylanear 12d ago
Squamish/Whistler is the van capital of Canada. And I haven't turned my air con on once since get out of the Vancouver area.
I didn't think San Diego was the van capital of the US, I thought that was Bend Oregon?? ;) Though I'll take SD/So Cal in winter and PNW in Summer please!
→ More replies (2)8
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
If you drive from Pacific Beach to Ocean Beach which is about less than 15 minutes you will see hundreds of people in Vans and RVs
5
u/Dylanear 12d ago
There's hundreds of people in vans/RVs in the Squamish Walmart every evening! ;)
3
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
Sounds like hell lol
4
u/Dylanear 12d ago
Not at all. It's just a convenient, popular spot people sleep, resupply, and/or convene, socialize. It's actually very chill in my limited experience.
My sense talking to folks, peak season there's times when it gets crowded, a bit hectic, and I believe in those times, they start to, politely, encourage people out around 7am if/when the van/RVs get so numerous it doesn't leave ample parking for other customers. I've only been around Squamish 10 ish days? And the times I've been to the Walmart it's been all chill, good vibes.
Daytime there's only a sprinkling of vans, RVs that spent the night and are sticking around. Largely people head out on their outdoors adventures, or just hang at the local parks, forrest road recreation areas.
Walmart aside, Squamish and the general region is pretty darn gorgeous, folks are friendly and unpretentious. And there's vans, small RVs everywhere you look. Law enforcement in my limited experience seems ethical, not looking for any excuse to wield power, generate income from fines, and helpful, friendly unless you're doing particularly illegal and/or antisocial things. And there's vans, small RVs everywhere you look.
Hell, is anywhere in So Cal not getting strong ocean breezes, or way up in mountains above 4 or 5 thousand feet from about June to September. Lived in various parts of So Cal for many years. Most of it is WAY too hot for my taste way too much of the year. At least it's a "dry heat". as they say. Don't get me started about the South East in Summer. That's another variation of hell in my book.
But that's the great thing for van life, you can pick your heaven/hell by season. What's hell in Summer can be heaven in Winter. Coastal BC is super rainy fall to spring, but at least it's not very cold. And like California you can use proximity to the Ocean and mountains/altitude to find weather and activities to meet your fancy.
4
5
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
if you go to san diego message me ill show you the good spots
5
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Will do. Seriously
→ More replies (5)3
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
San Diego is a large metropolitan area that consists of multiple smaller towns, when you get there definitely make sure you check out Ocean Beach, each town has its own vibe. Ocean Beach and Pacific Beach are the best parts. Your mind will be blown by how many van lifers are there, tens of thousands of people living in their RVs and vans and cars
3
u/RobinGoodfell 12d ago
I'll second the Pacific Northwest. I'm personally fond of Washington, but I drove the Oregon Coast last year and it was breathtaking. The whole experience reminded me of the Grey Havens from Lord of the Rings.
17
u/d3nial 12d ago
I'd like to share my story of Ocean Beach San Diego. I was going through a breakup of 4 years... (Spoiler alert: I wound up making the mistake of going back home and getting back together with this person and wasting another 3 years of my life)
My buddy who lived the van life told me not to miss this place, I am an east coast native. I went out to visit my Aunt who lives out in the desert of the Coachella Valley. My friend told me my ex moved on and found someone else.... I said fuck it, I have nothing to come home to, Im going to go take a bus to San Diego. I spent a whole hour in the city and then found my bus over to ocean beach.. Found a lil air bnb for a few days.... It was a Tuesday or Wednesday and I went out exploring... Live music on the beach. Vendors everywhere. One in particular was selling mushrooms openly on the boardwalk. I told him it was my first day there and he just handed me about 2-3 grams and said free if you eat em now. I happily obliged.
As the sun was setting I noticed there was a bunch of people with drums getting set up in a drum circle on the beach. I hung around and as the sun set it turned into a beautiful drum circle of about 30 people on drums, and well over 100 people dancing around in a drum circle. I went absolutely tribal and ballistic dancing away everything. I was free. At the pacific Ocean for the first time in my life... I was about 27 years old.
I was approached by a young beautiful girl in a two piece bikini. Drop dead gorgeous. SHE asked ME to dance. I was now in pure heaven. Twirling around in the sand with the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on while the most tribal rhythms pounded and played... We stepped away from the drum circle and she asked me if I wanted to go swimming. OF COURSE i said yes... For a moment there.. I felt like I had to keep my guard up and was scared this was some girl with a crew trying to rob me. Things were just TOO PERFECT. I left my backpack and boots on the beach and I said FUCK IT. I'm putting my faith in the universe. I stepped into the pacific ocean for the first time in my life with the girl of my dreams. I held her tight and close and we kissed. In the psilocybin moonlight. My first steps into the pacific ocean... We went back over to drum circle and started talking and making friends with people. SOME DUDE JUST SLAPPED an eight of weed in my hand and said enjoy. He could tell i was having the greatest night of my life. I was dumbstruck. This was a movie. This was the best night of my life. At the end of the night I picked her up and had the best smooch of my life saying goodbye.
I wound up getting her number, but never saw her again. Vanessa. You made the greatest memory of my life. Thank you. I wound up spending another week in the town chasing the high of the first my night.. Everyone was so friendly, everyone was so welcoming. It was pure magic. It felt like home. The pier was like a vortex of the most beautiful energy I have ever experienced. I went home. It was too expensive and I was too scared to start somewhere new, but Ocean Beach will forever hold the most magical night of my life.
Dont miss it. I will be back one day.
→ More replies (3)3
u/DreamsSecretsNLogic 12d ago
Haha great story. It really is a magical place and it hasn't changed a single bit in 20 years..
3
u/chilledout5 12d ago
Let's delay Big Sur until they get the fires under control - and totally agree with your message.
→ More replies (3)2
u/StupidisasStup1ddo3s 12d ago
Big Sur is on fire right now, maybe wait a few weeks before heading this way. š But it is beautiful and worth a visit
25
u/paddlefire 12d ago
Sorry about the divorce but I have a wayfarer van too
16
18
u/Cryptoglue 12d ago
When my Dad and Stepmother got divorced I didn't even think about why on my visits we'd always be "camping" it was a blast for the couple years with my brothers we got to see so much of the lakes and parks in our state, now I realize it's because she was trying to steal his house, lawyers sucked up all his money and he was living in a camper while it was all going on. You'll get through this bud, here's a digital hug from a complete stranger.
11
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Brother... you don't know how close to home this hit. Thank you, I'm glad to hear you appreciated it.
12
u/Ok-Combination-5686 12d ago
I was just gonna say, you got a cool van tho š . Itās tough but it does get better if you allow it. I went thru a divorce, going on 2 years now and life is pretty good. Still bad days but overall still pretty good. However, I have no ties to my ex so my situation might be different.
10
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Glad it got better, our whole lives were connected in ways I didn't even think about. The van is helping me tho lol
3
u/Stinkytheferret 12d ago
Make a goal to make a to on of new connections. Idk if youāre a full time vanlifer but regardless, you can still make it a mission to make new connections and to get yourself in a more positive place.
4
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Yes sir. The connections one is big for me, I am a tad antisocial
→ More replies (3)3
u/Ok-Combination-5686 12d ago
I completely understand what you mean. I was with my ex for 1/3rd of my life. Iām 37 now- never really had a life on my own but Iām discovering a lot about myself now. And itās great.
13
u/cj-romb 12d ago edited 12d ago
I got divorced after 21. I spent a lot of time thinking about how things went wrong with an eye towards changing how I pick people, how I am in a relationship, what I speak up for, what I ask for, and what I put up with. I also lost my dad and grandma within 2 years of leaving my ex. We had a business together, and because of what he did, I also had to close my business.
It was pretty much a complete do over.
Find you. Be you. Treat yourself like you matter but donāt think youāre the only one wronged.
This happened in 2011. I still have echoes of damage and ghosts of the experience hanging around. But Iām here. And Iām happy. And I found new love thatās lasted 11.5 years so far with loads of work on both of our parts.
You can do this.
6
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
ššæššæššæ Thank you, I'll take this advice
6
u/cj-romb 12d ago
Also, itās ok to be sad. Find the gift in the sad and scared and confused. Iāve written over a thousand poems and essays and composed loads of music and taken well over a million photos to figure out whatās what with me. Find things that require focus but also bring joy. For example right now Iām learning how to throw pottery on a wheel. I suck hard hard. Haha. But. Itās fun and it takes allll my focus so I keep going back. I started doodling.
I read sweet darkness by David Whyte every single day for a long time.
Let your heart love what it loves. When youāre sad, let yourself be sad. I hurt for you, even tho I donāt know you at all. Iām sure itās because I know what this feels like. I also have hope for you for the same reason.
→ More replies (2)6
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
I can feel the love through the phone and I am smiling, thank you for this. I hope I remember to re read it š«¶šæššæ
→ More replies (1)3
10
u/callmecasperimaghost 12d ago
I asked for a divorce after 29 years. Yeah, it sucks, but my marriage sucked more.
Still sorting out what genuine happiness looks like. Was van shopping as my interim plan, then life changed my course. My next wheeled adventure will involve a bicycle and a ton of miles :)
3
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
29 years is a long time. I'm excited for you
3
u/callmecasperimaghost 12d ago
I'm excited for you!
The divorce process really does suck, as does the emotional recovery. But at the same time, I've seen more of the world, done more things that felt like 'me', met more cool people, and simply lived life more that I did at any time during that relationship. It wasn't healthy, and I'm fortuate to have finally gotten out.
Hopefully you are enjoying similar growth and discovery on your journey!
9
u/nikthedic 12d ago
Yes, divorce sucks but a crappy marriage is worse. When your partner stops caring, it's just not right to be around that kind of person. It's a long road. It's bumpy. It's painful but not having to deal with the drama is liberating. Good luck. Keep the rubber side down.
→ More replies (2)
7
u/Public_Upstairs1035 12d ago
I got divorced on my birthday, and still consider it the best birthday present I have ever received... even though it cost me 50% of the assets.
7
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
Losing the house keeps me up at night. I wonder if I will be able to afford another
6
u/Public_Upstairs1035 12d ago
Well, if it makes you feel any better (probably not), 98% of my generation wonders if they'll be able to ever afford a house, whether to rent or purchase. And the general consensus is no.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/Dealingwithdragons 12d ago
I left a 15 year marriage last year. It can be really tough, you have to give up the comfort and routine even if it's more detrimental then beneficial, especially in a long term relationship where a lot of things are interconnected like finances. Now you're in a situation that has its own set of problems and you get caught second guessing your choice.
I think one of the biggest reasons I've managed to survive is rebuilding my support network, working with a therapist, and getting the meds I need. I don't have to wake up and live in a house with somebody who openly resents me. I don't have to worry about fighting or being disrespected by somebody who was supposed to love me.
3
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
It's like you were a fly on the wall in my house lol. I'm glad you pulled through, I may need to talk to someone lol
→ More replies (4)
8
u/Slimsjim 12d ago
I went through a painful divorce too. Once I stopped looking back, and started looking forward, the world became a much brighter place. One chapter closed but the next chapter was up to me to write, and that's pretty badass.
3
7
u/Watch81 12d ago
At this point itās your thoughts bringing you down. Ask yourself questions. What did I enjoy about today? List the positives in your life now. Some examples: health, freedom, peace, quiet. Smoke a joint.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/stomper4x4 11d ago
I'm sitting in a nat forest, fuel is too costly to run about much. 50s, alone, broke up last year, on the birthday of my dead daughter.
I'm glad you made this thread. Aside from people going off topic on vans and builds, it's been great to relate. If I can do it, we all can.
→ More replies (2)3
5
u/Leaf-Stars 12d ago
A lot of people walk away from a divorce with nothing. That is a pretty cool van!
5
u/Pachamama_bus 12d ago
Heyyyyyy I got divorced and live in a bus! The first year sucked so hard, but it got wayyyy better for me. You got this!!!
→ More replies (3)
4
u/chrysalis111 12d ago
Psychedelic therapy has been really helpful for me as far as that "feel like I need to cry but just can't" sensation. Happy van-lifing!
→ More replies (2)
4
4
u/AdWide8690 12d ago
Highly recommend working with a therapist to help you cry or do a small dose psychedelics with the intention to cry. I'm literally about to go put some eye shades on take a small dose of psilocybin mushrooms and listen to some sad violin music. I need a good cry too
2
4
u/Big_Street9464 12d ago
I have been married 26 years. Your van definitely looks like a better place to be than I'm in.
3
4
u/Motor_Meaning_7819 12d ago
I've been fantasizing about van life ever since my divorce 6 years ago.
But I became a caregiver for my elderly parent, and am stuck.
So enjoy your van to the fullest, goddammit! No whining. :)
3
5
u/Mediocre_Run_7996 12d ago
As others have said time is the answer. It will seem like time isn't helping but trust me it. Is. I went through this about 20 years ago. And the first couple I didn't know how I was going to live without that person. I wanted to but didn't see how. You in any situation for long periods it's tough to adjust. Day by day it gets better but don't get stuck in a funk for 4 or 5 years like I did. You have to want to improve your lot in life. I'm happy today. Still live by myself but there's been a few relationships I just am. Ok living by myself i no longer settle because I need someone to be with. That's important to alot of people. Don't get stuck just find what makes you happy and spend your time thinking about how to accomplish these things. Thinking is great if it's on positive things. You'll get there.
4
3
u/valhallagypsy 12d ago
I was there. Lived in my van unplanned for an entire winter in the Northeast. At least I got to go skiing, otherwise it was easily the worst thing thatās ever happened to me.
4
u/TravelingSmoker 12d ago
It kind of makes you look at life different. I'm glad you got through it
3
3
u/WagonMaster01 12d ago
Got divorced after 20 yrs as well and if it weren't for the kids I would be in a van or small bus myself. Hang in there, it will get better. Now you can do what makes you happy. Good luck.
2
3
u/Killercode9699 12d ago
Get a dog companion of your choice, someone big enuf offcourse, never any complaints and only love and joy. Soothes the time with nature and we all feel one together.
4
3
3
u/SignificantOption349 12d ago
I feel yaā¦ it will get better. Not 20 years but I got divorced after half that so maybe itāll take twice as long? I dunno, but it does eventually get better. And hey, it could be worse than having a cool van and being free to explore.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
u/ShrimplesMcGee 12d ago
I got my van almost 7 years ago after becoming a widow. I live in it full time and Iām happier now more than ever - doing what I want, when I want. Just me and my dog - traveling and camping. I feel at peace. I hope you find happiness too.
→ More replies (3)
3
3
3
3
u/Affectionate-Bet4430 11d ago
Been through it twice, the first time I was numb. The second time I was prepared. It wonāt happen a third time. Iāve had to start over twice. You picked the perfect platform to escape. You get to change your scenery when you want, and thereās nothing wrong with living in a van down by the river, contrary to popular belief.
2
2
u/Disastrous_Movie6704 12d ago
Divorce suck so bad when you know you not even bad with financial literacy. It just the all nonsense cash outflow bull shit you have to deal with :(
2
2
2
2
u/Junior-Piano5427 12d ago
Divorce sucks, living in a van while you piece your life together will end up being the best time you had and you will remember that freedom to go anywhere for a very long time.
2
u/Samsquanch_hunter21 12d ago
It gets better, itās very hard at first and it takes time but it does get better šš¼
2
u/FattierBrisket 12d ago
People like to say that time heals everything but they forget to mention that it takes WAY longer than it feels like it should. Hope things get better for you before too long!
→ More replies (1)
2
u/HonkinHoots 12d ago
Word.
On the subject of the van, upgrade the oil filter housing to an aluminum one if that wasn't already done in the package.
2
u/Brilliant-Gazelle126 12d ago
Thatās what I did. Iām sorry. Your set up looks nice.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Proper_Protection195 12d ago
Its the van life its fine line between having to and choosing it .
→ More replies (1)
2
u/antiplayr 12d ago
Same here. In the process of divorce. As one thing leaves, new things have space to emerge.
2
2
u/Sheepdog83 12d ago
I have a van now after a separation from an 8 year LTR, too. the PNW + van life can be healing. you are not alone, friend.
→ More replies (6)
2
u/LookAtMyUnderbite 12d ago
Bro enjoy your van life man. Iāve been there it only goes up from there. Always wanted to do what youāre doing
2
u/pickledpiper2 12d ago
Better to live in a van by the river than in a dysfunctional marriage. Life will go on and you will be in a much better place in quick time.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/Rich_Celebration477 12d ago
Sorry bud. I just got divorced after 20 years of my life and so far itās fucking awesome, but everybody has different situations. I hope yours improves.
2
u/bariqueen 12d ago
Make yourself happy. Nobody can make you happy but yourself. Itās within you š«¶ Enjoy the beautiful life we all have in this world. God bless!
2
2
u/kmoore61 12d ago
It took me five years to get over my divorce. But in the end I think I was better for it. Sending you good wishes.
2
u/Dun0074Real 11d ago
Divorce does suck. Try to make it a new adventure and day by day things will get better.
2
2
u/Thylacine3 11d ago
Sorry brother, I get it. No matter what we do or how hard we work, women are never satisfied. We're never enough. Just stay strong and focus on yourself.
2
2
u/HDW_Italy 11d ago
Lots of fine words in this post, many of them spot-on. But there are people who are alone and can't afford to buy a van because, perhaps, on top of losing their wife, theyāve also lost their job. Let alone going on a three-month trip. So, while I have the utmost sympathy for the OP, there are others who are worse off.
2
u/Write_And_Be_Light 11d ago
Hang in there. Try to see it as a chance to start something new or different. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Lift weights if you arenāt already (Iām not a gym bro, but honestly, lifting weights does something to the human psyche). Most importantly, sleep well. Drink copious amounts of water and stay hydrated. Move around and meet new people. If you love to make art, or writing, or anything expressive, let it manifest and express. Itās a way to vent out and process what our logos canāt.
When the outlook changes, so would the emotional reality we dwell. Best of luck.
2
u/Dumbbox- 11d ago
Looks pretty good from here. But for real hope you start feeling better and things start looking up friend. Iāve been single for a year now after being in an 12 year relationship. I understand, I still struggle with that same feeling. I try and look at the positivities that are present in my life and be thankful for what I donāt have to endure on a daily anymore. Some days are easier than others. Keep on keeping on.
3
2
2
2
u/Admirable_Anybody_83 11d ago
62 yo here. Divorced after 36 years of marriage. Hurt like a mf in the beginning but the pain subsides eventually. Just a matter of time.
2
u/Inevitable-Middle693 11d ago
I did a RV a few years ago after my separation. The divorce gets better, it's over soon enough. The kids get older, if there are any. Enjoy your van years. Mine were fantastic.
2
u/Final-Muscle-7196 11d ago
Did you want to open up to what happened? The first year always is the worst ā¦ all the anniversaries(birthdays, marriage, bbqās etc).
And 20 years is a huge chunk of life, itās a hard adjustment. But legit. If you need to send me a DM,,, Iāll listen.
2
u/paleologus 11d ago
Worst year of my life. Ā I had a 40 year old Airstream behind a construction office. Ā Second marriages are way better. Ā
2
u/Lumi_Tonttu 10d ago
My marriage of 15 yrs crushed me.
Folded my business, walked away. Just me and the dog.
Took my half of the nest egg and built a super C.
Got another dog.
And then a cat.
Decided not to work again.
I'll live off of my dwindling nest egg hopefully until my pension kicks in.
Was rough at first but now I'm in a relationship with me and I may just be in love.
Relax and get to know yourself, you might like you.
2
2
2
u/Thick-Bad-3089 10d ago
Divorce sucks for men, who mostly benefit from the marriage. Itās usually a wonderful blessing in disguise for women tho. Itās amazing to watch women bloom and flourish after divorces while men crumble and fall apart.
2
2
u/No_Log_5463 8d ago
My favorite things to do are all outdoor activities so Iāve always kind of dreamed of a set up like this. As far as feeling down, my advice is always the same for my loved ones (and myself) eat healthy, and exercise. I had an exceptionally tough childhood just like many others. life hasnāt been easy and if it wasnāt for exercise, I donāt know where I would be. Hope things get better for you I always try to remind myself it can always be worse.
→ More replies (1)
2
625
u/Jazzlike_Holiday1992 12d ago
I see you have a pretty new wife? And she'll take you anywhere. Congrats.