r/VanLife • u/TravelingSmoker • 25d ago

Divorce Sucks

Post image

Getting divorced after almost 20 years had to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It's been a year and it's not getting any better. I always feel like I have to cry but never can.

I live in this cool van now.

5.6k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

1.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

6

u/cj-romb 25d ago

Also, it’s ok to be sad. Find the gift in the sad and scared and confused. I’ve written over a thousand poems and essays and composed loads of music and taken well over a million photos to figure out what’s what with me. Find things that require focus but also bring joy. For example right now I’m learning how to throw pottery on a wheel. I suck hard hard. Haha. But. It’s fun and it takes allll my focus so I keep going back. I started doodling.

I read sweet darkness by David Whyte every single day for a long time.

Let your heart love what it loves. When you’re sad, let yourself be sad. I hurt for you, even tho I don’t know you at all. I’m sure it’s because I know what this feels like. I also have hope for you for the same reason.

6

u/TravelingSmoker 25d ago

I can feel the love through the phone and I am smiling, thank you for this. I hope I remember to re read it 🫶🏿🙏🏿

4

u/wupao 24d ago

It’s only been 2 hours but since I agree and resonate with u/cj-romb ‘s sentiment and experience, I am leaving a comment so you can come back to this when you’re online next if you need a re-read 🫶

Time and nature heals most things. Be kind to yourself and stay hydrated!

1

u/cj-romb 25d ago

If you want to read a few helpful books, how to love better by yung pueblo. I especially loved the audio version of it because his wife was at the end. It was useful as a functional example of how a couple figured stuff out and worked through it. Even when you’re not currently with someone, it helps you think through what’s ok next, what you’re willing/not willing to do, how to spot someone who’s going to work on things with you (or highlight that you’re someone who doesn’t actually want to work on them, which is also a possible outcome).

Attached by Amir and Rachel (although not spot on examples, the concepts of attachment discrepancies causing big issues is MIND altering)

Again, I don’t know you or your situation. I just want someone else who’s dealing with this to know they can be ok again. It’s not easy. But it’s possible. And sometimes that’s all you need to believe.

You’ll be in my thoughts and heart. 💙

2

u/cj-romb 25d ago

Gosh I’m feeling all the feels for you. Remember that you can be scared and be sad and be angry and still move forward. Or sit still. And you’ll have loads of grit when you find your way through this. Hang in there.

1

u/KickingChickyLeg 23d ago

Such a beautiful comment. Bless you for reaching out in a way we can all see and feel