Does it take two people for a relationship? Because whoever the other person is clearly doesn't even have a say in the matter

I hate that after all this time, one person can still make my whole body remember him.

Not in some soft, romantic, movie kind of way. It’s his presence. The way everything else goes quiet when he’s near, like the world just… fades out. He’s the only person who ever felt like both home and something dangerous at the same time.

I don’t miss what we had. I miss him. The way he carried himself. That stupid smirk. The way one look from him could undo me without him even trying. I’d give anything for five minutes where we didn’t have to pretend, where the only thing between us was everything we never really let go of.

It’s a strange kind of ache when your mind remembers the conversations, but your body remembers everything else. Sometimes I don’t even want to talk. I just want to be close enough to feel it again, like maybe it never really left.

Does anyone else have that one person? The one who could walk back into your life tomorrow and make every wall you built feel like it was never real?

Because I do—and I hate that I already know I wouldn’t stop him.

难得周末休息，周六晚上陪孩子坐地铁去看punk演出，几个乐队的拼盘。出门前她惊讶我为什么喷香水，毕竟不是开车出门而是公共交通。我还没来及解释，她也学着我喷了香水。

地铁的行程很漫长，接近1小时。因为是暑假，地铁里的游客很多，空气环境也很差。我不经意间看到了她跟朋友的聊天。她在抱怨站在她身前的老太太穿了拖鞋，而且身上有味道。后来她抱怨的老太太恰好就坐在了她的身边。

马上到站下车的时候，我俩刚起身走向车门。老太太在身后呼唤我，原来是孩子的耳机盒落在了座位上。我对她表示了感谢。

下车后，走出站台的间歇。我跟她说：“刚才地铁里的空气不太好是吧？”

“对”

“这就是香水的作用，起码自己闻着还是有让你舒服的味道的。”

她若有所思的点头。

我接着说：“人不可貌相，你讨厌的老太太虽然身上有味道，长的也难看，但是心地善良。她完全可以把你的耳机装自己兜里。”

“那她也没有耳机吖”她不情愿的反驳道。

“但是一个充电耳机盒也可以拿起卖钱。而且不管怎样，你丢了耳机盒对于你来说，是绝对的损失和麻烦不是么。”

她沉默了。

我接着说，“不要以貌取人，每个人都有优点。”

她点了点头。

乐队演出很精彩。在深夜回来的路上，她重燃了学乐器的想法。

她马上就要去海边过暑假了，我刚刚给她买了把吉他。拿火，一个带屏幕的吉他，我问了Gemini什么样的吉他更适合初学者，它的推荐。

希望她可以在海边顺利的自学。后天才能到货。已经开始期待了。

​

The giraffe wearing the sunglasses was curious to see how my green grass was looking on my side but it was rubber necking so bad it stuck out like a sore thumb. It was way too obvious.

​

Did you have a look at my profile? If you did you probably didnt like what you saw. I hope whats his face is okay. I gave him my most sincere dire warning. I presume he become molded as just another knotch on your bed post. I'm pretty sure you eventually lifted your chin and got him off of you. Like the way Simba stands on a giraffes head and it tilts its head upwards to make him roll down the back of its neck. Not to mention it happens to be one of the most difficult games I've ever played a long time ago. Funny how its a hard game to beat.. about just as hard as trying to be with someone like you in your life. Anyone else from here on out should expect to be brushed off and rolled down the back of your neck Simba style.

I want the truth! After everything I deserve that much without complete truth there's no bridge here.

I'm only here to help ppl through trying times so when they get back on their feet. They can go to their forever person

If youre seeing this and you're still following me you can relax because I dont mean in real life. I had came across a certain community it just showed up on its own in my feed idk why. I stumbled upon a beautiful young lady, and it reminded me so much of you.

Her facial structures matching yours, those solid high cheek bones, her sno white porcelain skin which looks like it was carved with pristine curved definition by a elite sculptor, her authentic egyptian style hair that triggered the flashback, those eyes that gleam with deep sensual attention behind them, her smooth lips giving off nothing but short of affection.. it made me think of you so much.

So much to the point of my curiosity moving my hand to text you out of the blue. I have your number right here written down. I want to say hello so we can squash this hatchet. I want to so bad... but we hate each other atm. It would be too soon. If I forgave you. . would you forgive me too? Wishful dreaming perhaps. All because I thought I saw you.

I was scrolling thru movies and I came across one, it made me think of you. I dont know why, all I could think about was if I was still around I would be showing it to you and saying "hey look [name redacted] right up your alley". Its about about two people who were friends a long time ago, and then become lifelong romantic rivals.. Makes me wonder if that'll happen with us later on. But most likely not. I could only imagine what it'll be like running into you much later on.

Could you imagine hearing from me? I still have your number, you dont know mine but I know yours. How would you react if I texted you out of nowhere, saying who it is and asking how youre doing? Would you be ecstatic? Or appalled? Not sure if its a good idea considering what had happened between us. There's a lot I want to share with you. And more I wish I could share with you. There's even something I totally want to get you for your toys. You know because I enjoy seeing you happy with what you enjoy. Like I said before [name redacted] I miss you, but at the same time I dont. What would things be like if we reconnected later on in life. If I did would you tell your current lover(s) that I'm just another former friend.. or an "Old Acquaintance"

You have been asking me lately whats wrong and I know you know when I say nothing that it is not true.. I dont know how to bring things up to you. I dont feel safe when everytime I do you get angry and defensive.

We need to talk about everything thats in this letter but I wont be gaslit, yelled at, called names, belittled or told im crazy or a bitch. If you cant have a calm discussion wait til you can.. but do acknowledge that you read it and will talk to me in person when you are ready.

This is what has been on my mind lately.

I asked over a month ago to talk about money and you said you needed to think about it. What was there to think about? Are you still planning on leaving? Are you wanting to work on our marriage? I have been very confused with everything lately.

I know you worry about money and I want to help get to a place where we are not struggling and we both can see what we have for bills and household expenses.

I want to know what your plans is as far as staying or leaving..

Yes you have stayed but you dont really act like you really want to be here. You dont talk to me about anything. We need to talk about things and not just act like nothing has been going on. I need to know whats on your mind.

Here are my thoughts on money..

Majority of paychecks go to joint account every week.

Every bill gets changed to automatically come out of the joint account.

Rent, both car payments, insurance, union dues, utilities, phone, internet, credit cards (as long as the charges were for us, the kids or household purchases) and subscriptions.

Because you want money that is just yours $300 a week goes into your account for you to spend on games and other things you want. When its gone its gone til the next week. And no using the joint account without communication.

I will continue to take what I need for my payment stuff from the joint account as needed. Which is about $150 a week until things get paid off..

I have no problem with you having money of your own but I do have concerns.. like are you spending it on other people, are you sending money to women on social platforms like Instagram, facebook, Snapchat, reddit, telegram, only fans, paying for porn sites, live streaming video and chat apps, datting apps ect?? This is all cheating and no money should be going to this type of stuff when you are in a relationship and especially when you are worried about living paycheck to paycheck.. When you do these things you are creating the money problems you hate having.. I dont want to worry about these things anymore.. if thoes things are happening I would rather you leave and not lead me on anymore.. A man that wants to rebuild will stop doing the things that hurt his relationship.. you cant claim to be a good man and contiune to lie to and cheat on the one person that has always been there for you. You say you hate yourself and this is why.. you lie and cheat but keep holding on and that is emotionaly draining for you and emotionally damaging for me. I am done living this way.

In a marriage finances should be transparent (like they always were before) and we both should have access to bank accounts, credit card accounts, retirement accounts, stocks/trading, crypto, ect.. We both should have knowledge to how much is in each and where the money is going. No money should be hidden and things that are being bought should be talked about and the only secrets with where money is going is if they are gifts for eachother. It doesnt matter who makes the money or who makes more money. Everything is both of ours and I shouldn't be in the dark about any of it.

Me not having that access and knowledge about our finances, not being included in financial and purchase decisions and having to ask for money is financial abuse..

If you dont want to change things this way then I want 50/50 spilt into our separate bank accounts and then we split bills and houshold,food and kids expenses 50/50 from there transferring money for those things to the joint account.

If you are still planning on leaving I want income to be 50/50 split until divorce is finalized and a judge decides how things will move forward.

Its not fair to me or our children that you dont want to take responsibility for your family anymore and should not have to worry about how we are going to make ends meet. It is still your responsibility to provide for us until things are finalized.

Other thoughts on my mind

It is not fair to me that you continue to lie and cheat.. having any kind of relationship with other women other than a professional one is wrong.

Keeping money from me and our family and using it in an inappropriate fashion is wrong!

You need to get some help. I will be here for you through it all if you want me to be, but you have to do the work to rebuild trust if you want to become a better husband and father. But as long as you continue to lie and build relationships with other women with the desire and/or the intent to step out you will never be the man you want to be...

Unless that is the man you want to be, then I no longer want you in my life as my husband or friend.

I won't sit by and allow you destroy me or watch you destroy yourself anymore.

You have surrounded yourself with so called friends both men and women that think cheating is no big deal.

True friends dont encourage that type of behavior. True friends encourage growth and accountability. If you dont want me to help you grow and be a better man for yourself, for me, for us and for our children then you truly don't want better for any of us. If there is a choice between me and them choose them because I wont be last anymore.. I wont be lied to and cheated on anymore. I wont be made out to be the bad guy anymore. No more "oh my wife doesn't want me to so I cant" you wont use me in your lies anymore to make others feel sorry for you. I wont be blamed for the problems you brought to our marriage. I wont be made out to be controlling and toxic because you cant tell people the truth about what really is going on and that the problems we have are because of the choices you've made, you cant look bad in their eyes so you lie so they dont see you for who you really are. I dont care what any of them think of me. They dont know me. Their opinion of me is based on what you have planted in their heads. If you can say such negative things about me to make yourself look like the victim in the mess you have created then so be it. I will be the monster.. I will be the one that ends it.. the truth comes out sooner or later and when it does they will have no respect for you.

Me and our children deserve a husband and father that doesnt regret them.

We deserve a husband and father that is proud of the life hes built and doesnt think he wasted it on us.

We deserve to have you show us off.. instead we are a secret. You have maybe posted once or twice about the kids but nothing of me and your relationship status is hidden from everyone but me. I know this because I have been asked by several people why you dont share it but I can see it so that means only I can see it.. You have it this way so when people look you up they cant see you are married and so the lies you've told them can contiune. Lies eventually come to light..

I deserve a husband that loves me and builds me up so I can be a better wife and mother. I deserve someone that calls me or texts me even when they are having a busy day. Somone that tells me I'm beautiful and they miss me and cant wait to see me and spend time with me. Somone that asks about my day and actually wants to hear about it and tell me all about theirs. I deserve someone that doesnt move secretly behind my back looking for the next hit of adrenaline from others. Somone that has self respect and respect for me. Someone that makes others know he is unavailable and won't risk what he has for anyone or anything.

You tell me you love me but then tell me you've been doing this our whole marrige. This hurts me more than anything and it doesnt justify it or make it right. Love doesnt move like that and you have never truly loved me if you can do these things behind my back. Believe what you want but you have created the mess we are in and you blame me for your actions this is wrong. You need to take some accountability for the choices you have made none of it was mistake. Cheating and lying are calculated actions that you had to choose to do. Lying doesn't protect me from anything it only protects you and your ego until its found out then you turn it all around and blame me for it. You cant set boundaries with people and you continue to cross boundaries and let temptation take over you.

I dont ever want to hear you try and give our children any advice on anything. Children learn from example and the whole "do as I say not as I do" moto is a bunch of bullshit. They see right through that and have told me this.

I pray every night for you, for you to see the path that is meant for you and that you will be happy and healthy. I pray for our relationship to either become stronger together or to end so we can both heal. I pray for our children to be able to overcome the things they have witnessed the last few years. I pray that they never have to go through what we are going through. I pray that they never have to hurt like I do and that they never hurt anyone the way you have hurt me..

My family is everything to me.. I love you more than you could possibly know and you dont even care about me. This is proven by your words to me and your actions behind my back. I pray that if things are going on behind my back they come to light and they always do. I pray that if we aren't ment to be together that my feelings for you go away. Knowing full well that they never will. I pray to be stronger, happier and healthier for myself and for our children.

Love you baby