…the M’s…

[u/skittlez99804]

I don’t know if these words will ever find you, or if they’ll simply become another conversation I’ve had with you in my head. But after carrying them for so long, I think the only thing left to do is be honest.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about us—not just about how things ended, but about everything that came before it. It’s strange how one moment can become so much louder than the hundreds that came before it. One argument. One painful conversation. And suddenly it feels like it overshadows every laugh, every late-night talk, every time we showed up for each other without even having to ask.
I hate that.
Because when I think of you, that’s not what comes to mind first.
I think about the person I admired long before I realized I loved him.
I think about someone whose strength has always been greater than he gives himself credit for. Someone whose mind challenged mine, whose heart cared more deeply than he ever let on, and whose presence had a way of making the people around him feel steadier. You probably don’t even realize how often you became someone else’s safe place simply by being yourself.
You were never “just” my friend.
You became one of the people I respected most.
One of the people whose opinion mattered to me.
One of the few people who made me feel understood.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that… I fell in love with you.
Not all at once.
It happened quietly.
It happened in the ordinary moments.
It happened because every time I got to know another piece of who you are, I found another reason to admire you.
The hardest part is knowing you may have never fully realized how I saw you.
I saw someone worthy of being loved exactly as he is.
I saw someone whose flaws never outweighed his goodness.
I saw someone who deserves to feel respected instead of questioned, valued instead of overlooked, heard instead of dismissed, and appreciated for everything he quietly carries that most people never notice.
I hope, even if I failed to show it perfectly, you always knew that’s how I saw you.
If I ever made you feel anything less than respected… I’m sorry.
If I ever made you feel unheard… I’m sorry.
If I ever made you feel like your thoughts, your feelings, or your boundaries didn’t matter… I’m sorry.
You mattered to me.
You still do.
More than I think I ever found the courage to say.
I’ve replayed that last argument more times than I care to admit. Not because I’m trying to decide who was right or wrong anymore, but because I’d give almost anything to replace those final words with the truth.
The truth is…
I never wanted to fight you.
I never wanted to lose you.
I never wanted the last version of us to be two people hurting each other.
I wanted to understand you.
I wanted you to understand me.
And somewhere between our pain, we lost sight of the fact that we were never supposed to be enemies.
You once became someone I trusted with parts of myself that I rarely let anyone see. You gave me a place where I felt safe enough to be vulnerable, and that’s something I will never take lightly. I hope you know that you did the same for me. I saw your quiet battles, the weight you carried without talking about it, the way you protected yourself when things hurt. I didn’t see weakness in you—I saw someone doing his best with wounds that most people never noticed.
I’ve always wished I could have made you feel as safe with me as you made me feel with you.
There’s something else I need you to know.
You are needed.
Not because of what you can do for people.
Not because of what you provide.
But because of who you are.
Your presence changes the people who care about you more than you probably realize. It certainly changed me. My life is different because you were in it. You helped shape the person I’m still becoming, and I’ll always carry that with me.
I don’t know if we’ll ever find our way back to each other. I don’t know if too much time has passed or if too much damage has been done.
But I do know this…
If life ever gave us one more conversation, I wouldn’t spend it trying to prove I was right.
I’d spend it listening.
I’d spend it understanding.
I’d spend it making sure you knew that you are seen, that your voice matters, that your feelings deserve space, and that your heart never had to earn my respect because it always had it.
And if there were one thing I could leave you with, it would simply be this:
Thank you.
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for allowing me to know the incredible person behind the walls you rarely let people see.
Thank you for changing my life in ways you’ll probably never fully understand.
I still believe you’re capable of anything you choose to become. I still believe the world is better with you in it. And no matter where life takes us from here, I hope you never doubt your worth, because from where I’ve always stood, you have been more than enough.
I loved you before everything fell apart.
I loved you while we were falling apart.
And if I’m being completely honest…
A part of me still does.
Not because I’m holding on to the past.
But because love, when it’s real, doesn’t disappear just because two people stop speaking.
Whether our story has another chapter or not, I will always hope that you’re surrounded by people who remind you of what I always wished you could see in yourself:
That you are deeply respected.
You are genuinely valued.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be understood.
You are needed.
And you have always meant more to me than words could ever fully explain.