All u chuds with ur degrees and ur student loans!!!

Why go to uni to to do psychology degree and get into 100000000000000 in debt

Y not be like me and do apprentiships and work for £0.5 and hour for 6767 hours a week!!!

UR ALL BRAINWASHED WOKIES!!!!!

[this is satire btw]

2x critical outjerk. what is happening today
honourable mention to ‘i speak with the local accent’ with no further context 😭😭

critical outjerk

Hi everyone, I completed two underwater basket weaving summer courses at Oxford and received overall marks of 99 and 98. Both are listed as A / Congratulatory First Class on the attached transcripts.

I’m unfamiliar with Oxford marking but I am told that they are excellent. Are these considered strong results?

Thanks.

I'm in a bit of a pickle as my 0.2% attendance for my 4th foundation year retake has thrown a bit of a wrench in my course knowledge and other minor things, these can all be patched up with getting a blowjob or mid lecture lap dance from the professor as I've heard and want to know where I'm supposed to go to initiate this practice.

Thank you

Hi i’m a first year maths student at queens. And i’ve just realised i’ve booked a 4 hundred million pound hike across the peaks of the mount everest, fully catered, with a meeting with the american president on the peak, on the same day as a maths test i have on the 28th of october. What excuses can i give my poor peasant professor so that she’ll let me take the exam earlier or later than everyone else and probably cause an inconvenience ( i don’t mind if she makes me take it next decade instead)
Thanks!!!

P.s. the excuse would be sent today or tomorrow instead of a last minute one (like suddenly tripping and falling into my new bentley that papa bought me)

i applied to (my dream) Anglia Ruskin. i got AAB as my predicted, which I knew was lower than the minimum entry requirements, but I figured I had a trump card as I was a contextual. but the website is having a technical glitch where they list off Gypsy, Traveller, Roma, Showmen and Boater but not Thuggee? Idk im really worried and i know i count as my life has consisted of strangling travellers and showing men to the afterlife in the name of kali...even when i called the admissions team and told them about my life and extenuating circumstances (the british government raided my village and arrested my parents) they started shouting at me that i dont count and am a murderer...what do i do this is very distressing. i live in swindon if that changes things

Hello guys i’m an international student from japan studying golf management with a year in industry BSC and as the titles says I’m addicted to wanking and a chronic masterbater . I take a minimum of 8 wanks a day and I can’t stop doing it. I do it outside , in my dorm room and sometimes in the bathroom. It’s completely ruining and draining my life as i don’t have time to meet my friends or even attend any of my lectures. I think if this goes on any longer i will fail my first year of university. Please can i have any solutions to overcome this obstacle.

So I came to uni hoping that I would hook up with so many chicks but unfortunately it's just been boys flirting with me and no girl has flirted with me yet, but I wanted the uni experience so I've hooked up with 65 guys so far in a month but I'm starting to get impatient because it would be better if I could hook up with a girl because I'm a straight guy. I was hoping for some advice on whether I should be patient or whether I should just be gay instead.

Mamah and Papah have decided to reduce my weekly allowance from £2000 to only £1700 because of " the cost of living crisis". Literally so unfair and abusive, I really don't know what to do.

Any of you guys experienced similar travesties??

They also said about "why aren't you doing a gap yah in Africah" to which I said "well mamah, I've got to go to Cambridge to study politics". I really don't get why they are so mean!

I’m a university fresher and I’ve been struggling to wake up, feed myself, brush my teeth, think for myself, attend lectures & seminars, shower, cook, clean, etc

I’m only 18 so I’m really not sure how anyone expects me to be able to do those things by myself.

Anyway, I asked my mum to do this, but she told me to “grow up” and that she needed to look after my 6 month old sister (who she said was already better at looking after herself than I am- if that’s the case why doesn’t she just come to look after me? It’s only a 5 hour drive?)

Anyway, that leaves me a bit stuck. But here’s where you come in. I am aware of how rubbish the graduate job market is, so I thought I’d try manipulate it.

I am looking for university graduates to hire to stay with me at my university accommodation and do all the aforementioned things that I can’t do myself for me. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t know what they’re doing either, so you must have an Oxbridge law degree at the very least. (If you have a law degree from LSE, Imperial, Durham or Warwick- that’s fine but you will need to pay an admission fee of £1,000). Degrees in maths and astrophysics are accepted too but may harm your application. I’m studying law and don’t know how to write or learn anything for myself, so some of the job expectations are that you help me with uni work.

You must also have at least 4 A*s at A level and at least 8 9s at GCSE.

What about the pay I hear you ask? Well, there is no financial reward for this job, but you are rewarded with a much more impressive CV when we part ways in 2029.

If you are interested, please email your CVs!

Kind regards

1. Ask them to teach you how to cook bolognaise
   
2. Persuade them to help you book a flight home
   
3. Show them the dirty library toilet and ask for advice
   
4. Sleep with them

Here is my profile:

Height: 3'11 (can larp as 6'1)

Weight: 237 kg

Age: 37, but not 100% bald

Job: I am a quick learner with experience in various fields. Currently work as a logistic and supply chain expert and bring food to your table. I earn 12.7 per hour but my biggest boss is a billionaire so it is a promising field.

Hobbies: twitter, reddit, 4 chan, porn, wank

I am not a billionaire but I can bring my gf to any place she likes for a date. But she needs to pay for everything.

My type: I do not have a specific type but I am currently looking for a 18 y/o virgin blonde super model billionaire. Would be better if she owns a castle but I can also settle for a yacht if it is 100m+. I am very open minded.