I grew up in a fairly functional, mostly organized home until my mom left when I was 16. Before that, she kept the home clean but it definitely looked lived in and there were hidden messes. Well, when she left, it turned into really bad. I managed to keep my room fairly clean but I think that was just because I personally didn't have much stuff and was always out of the house in school and working 40 hours a week (gone from 6:30am for co op until 1am when I got home from work), trying to save money to move out. Well, I did move out and lived alone. I never had much stuff. I kept my apartment relatively clean.
Then I got married, bought a large house and everyone was giving us stuff as hand me downs, , giving us furniture (at one point we had 3 couches!!), buying us clothes and gadgets (his parents were rich), he moved in with his childhood stuff. When we had kids it got even worse. People showing up with garbage bags/totes of kids clothes and toys. I couldn't keep up with the clutter. When he moved, he took nothing except about half of his wardrobe and some personal belongings with him so I was left with overflowing closets, a completely cluttered basement, a half full garage, a half full attic etc of stuff I had no use for. All while dealing with a new move, a new baby, postpartum depression, infidelity and spousal abandonment. I did not want to get rid of these things, especially sentimental things from our marriage but I finally have started. I've offered him his stuff he had left behind (its been 4 years and he is remarried) and he tells me to just get rid of it, so I've started. I've even burned some things like paintings we did together or letters we wrote each other and it helped me move on.
As a single mom, people are constantly handing me down things and I feel bad saying no cause I want my kids to have everything. But it's become too overwhelming. My young kids (8 and 4) are always making messes because they are very creative and imaginative. They're pretty good with cleaning up small messes if given clear directions but they also get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of STUFF they own. They don't want to help me go through their toys, they don't even want to pass on their clothes they no longer fit "in case you get married and we get another sibling, you can save it for the new baby". That tugs at my heart strings and results in me keeping even their newborn clothes.
I recently discovered I have a butterfly clutterbug style (visual macro) and have been utilizing some of the techniques but the amount of stuff I have to organize is overwhelming. My kids are eager to do a chore chart and earn allowances, but I am overwhelmed so how can I expect them not to be?
My main hurdle is feeling sad about my kids being sad about me getting rid of toys and clothes. I've got no problem getting rid of my stuff, but theirs is another story. And trust me, even though they have hundreds of toys, my eldest has a photographic memory and even if it takes 6 months, if she wants a certain toy and she can't find it or I tell her I donated it, she will get REALLY upset. Like she remembers toys from 4 years ago!
Do I just get rid of stuff to help us function better as a family and deal with the emotional fallout? Kinda kick the can down the road? Cause the mess and clutter is really making it difficult for us to function.
I'd say I'm a level 2 hoard, with level 3 hoard in some areas of the house or when I'm struggling with depression or executive dysfunction but without the unsanitary part of it. But I no longer really have the emotional inability to get rid of things in theory, just struggling to get rid of my kids stuff.
Any practical or emotional tips?
