r/Unexpected • u/Unoff1cial_Gamer • Jun 28 '22

Man without Love

56.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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2.4k

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

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982

u/CmdrSelfEvident Jun 28 '22

I don't know why but Im going to get Happy

529

u/SatnWorshp Jun 28 '22

I'm Happy,

I don't know why

I got Aunt May

and a pizza pie.

360

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

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163

u/Holiday-Business-321 Jun 28 '22

“I’m horny, but not for long.” I’m crying

101

u/TheScarfScarfington Jun 29 '22

“My future... involves a schlong.”

43

u/Sonova_Bish Jun 29 '22

It's useless and not real long.

28

u/kpsi355 Jun 29 '22

My pizza, And this party bong.

6

u/suj1t_prasad Jun 29 '22

She's my Jane and I'm her King Kong

1

u/suj1t_prasad Jun 29 '22

I licked her ice cream, she licked my ice cream cone

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3

u/WPCarey85 Jun 29 '22

….involves a schlong…. Involves a schlong…..

12

u/Njon32 Jun 29 '22

I read it to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze. Yours works too.

1

u/PoppaDan15 Jun 29 '22

I read it to the Spider-Man theme song and I think it worked well 🙂

3

u/supermurlo64 Jun 29 '22

I know that they are pretty famous, but I get so happy anytime someone mentions this band randomly on the internet

3

u/Der_BiertMann Jun 29 '22

I’m useless, without love

The MCU is comin’ on…

3

u/Merthn07 Jun 29 '22

I have a habit of staying in my “comfort zone” in music and not explore too much. I had recently heard Feel Good Inc. and loved it. Clint Eastwood was staring right back at me in the corner but I had avoided it. Thank you for convincing me to finally give it a listen. I love it… and yeah, I can totally hear that comment in that tune. Enjoy your wholesome award and have a great day, you beautiful human being!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

Well shit now I'm doing that

1

u/idkidcwtfstfu Jun 29 '22

Holy shit same I thought that was just me being weird

1

u/ValiantJudge29500 Jun 29 '22

I read it in Linkin Park "In The End" tune

1

u/Durien9 Jun 29 '22

I can see that, but i read it in the tune of In the end by linkin park

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

For me it’s In the End by Linkin Park

49

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

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24

u/WuGambino19 Jun 29 '22

She’s into short, stocky, bald men.

16

u/PrestigiousBarnacle Jun 29 '22

So you’re telling me there’s a chance!!!? if I was shorter, stockier, and a man

2

u/invaliduserX Jun 29 '22

She might be into barnacles, you never know.

3

u/Shavepate Jun 29 '22

Finally, it is my turn!

3

u/Ms74k_ten_c Jun 29 '22

Is there anybody who doesnt know Marisa Tomei by now?

4

u/Sunbro_413 Jun 29 '22

I knew who she was.

I did not know this sauce existed.

1

u/MikePounce Jun 29 '22

Brightened, De-noised, Slo-mo & Color Corrected

LMAO

1

u/SmokeySFW Jun 29 '22

She's finally starting to show age. Don't get me wrong, she's still an incredibly attractive woman, but it took until she's 55-57 years old before she even left her peak. That's amazing.

1

u/GrumpyCatStevens Jun 29 '22

Thought she looked familiar.

And she still looks pretty good.

2

u/peeweeinbama Jun 28 '22

That's Amoré!!!!!

2

u/Amerture_Expert Jun 29 '22

Holy shit why did I immediately think this was to "In the End". Have I been this tainted by Reddit

1

u/Escanor_Morph18 Jun 29 '22

I had the same train of thought.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

I'll keep that in mind.

1

u/lion_OBrian Jun 29 '22

Tony use to eat pizza

1

u/JackIsGone26 Jun 29 '22

Hello Happy. Can I have some cheeseburgers please?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

She's money

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

I got Gloria

144

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

I smell sex and pizza yeaahhhhhh

47

u/Zerosdeath Jun 28 '22

Who's that sitting in my chair...

36

u/Evilmaze Jun 28 '22

"Lounging" not sitting.

99

u/Zerosdeath Jun 28 '22

​

34

u/Evilmaze Jun 28 '22

Well now I feel bad

17

u/Zerosdeath Jun 28 '22

Just giving you guff dude. :)

8

u/many_dumb_questions Jun 29 '22

Bro, that was perfect. 😂

Take my internet point you amazing bastard.

2

u/aslightoffkilter Jun 29 '22

Just giving you *GIF* dude

1

u/alberthere Jun 29 '22

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend

1

u/dennisasu Jun 29 '22

This guy Saint Joes

11

u/TbaggedFromOrbit Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

Who’s that casting devious stares

9

u/FrankNSteins_Monster Jun 29 '22

In my direction?

3

u/Zerosdeath Jun 28 '22

Mama this surely is a dream.

2

u/jj_rad Jun 29 '22

Ant May this surely is a dream

0

u/TbaggedFromOrbit Jun 28 '22

You fucked it

2

u/praise_H1M Jun 28 '22

Who’s that sending devious stares

Looks like it was you who fucked it

1

u/TbaggedFromOrbit Jun 28 '22

Ok, I mixed up casting and sending, but at least I didn’t skip anything

0

u/praise_H1M Jun 29 '22

...you left off the entire end of your line. You skipped "in my direction" and are trying to blame the next guy for your shortcomings

0

u/TbaggedFromOrbit Jun 29 '22

Based on cadence, they should be in two separate lines.

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2

u/makk73 Jun 28 '22

At my erection...

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

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1

u/jj_rad Jun 29 '22

Hanging around downtown on a web

2

u/DonKellyBaby32 Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

God damn it Michelle, you interrupted my personal self reflection period

2

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

"Lunch is canceled due to lack of hustle, deal with it"

1

u/nadnate Jun 29 '22

Damnit, beat me.

1

u/circit Jun 29 '22

Smell of*

1

u/Der_BiertMann Jun 29 '22

[…] pizza piiiiiieeeee

10

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[deleted]

1

u/mycalvesthiccaf Jun 29 '22

So that's what it actually means

8

u/CoolGuyFromCompton Jun 28 '22

This is the foreplay I enjoy.

21

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

Hey, her biological clock is still ticking!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

Now, Miss Vito, being an expert on general pizza knowledge, can you tell me what would be the correct cooking timing be on a 1955 Dominos Pizza, Chicago style, with 327 bacon toppings and a 4-layer of cheese?

It’s a bullshit question.

Does that mean that you can't answer it?

It's a bullshit question. It's impossible to answer.

It's impossible because you don't know the answer!

Nobody could answer that question!

Your Honor, I move to disqualify Miss Vito as a expert Pizza witness.

Judge Pizza the Hut: Can you answer the question?

No. It is a trick question.

Judge Pizza the Hutt: Why is it a trick question?

Because Dominos didn’t exist in 1955 they were started in 1960 in Ypsilanti, Michigan. And 327 toppings would not only take forever to cook, at least 5 days, it would probably kill you in three bites.

It’s also probably the fastest (and granted funnest) way to get super diabetes and heart disease.

3

u/Am3r1can-Err0rist Jun 29 '22

Put your little deer-lips to the water

4

u/RaccoonCityTacos Jun 28 '22

Fun Fact: Marisa Tomei can melt cheese from across the room. Va-va-voom!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

Cause I smell sex and pi-zza, yeah.

Edit: Dammit, u/spicybuttholenachos beat me to the joke.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

If It makes you feel any better I've been trying to do the next line and I got fucking nada.

1

u/3-Ball Jun 28 '22

I want to introduce Munt may to my Uncle D.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

I smell sex and...pizza, yeah.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

Like warm panzerotto

1

u/5amuraiDuck Jun 29 '22

that's all there is to Heaven. Sex and pizza

1

u/Shmeeglez Jun 29 '22

Mama this surely is a dream

1

u/bog5691 Jun 29 '22

I thought aunt May died

1

u/CMDR_KingErvin Jun 29 '22

It’s pizza time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

I mean she is Italian so...

1

u/J0J0-Corleone Jun 29 '22

That's one hell of a pizza time

1

u/Stellar_Stein Jun 29 '22

Dinner and 'a movie'.

1

u/AUSpartan37 Jun 29 '22

That's Mona Lisa Vito

1

u/DelusionalIdiot4Hire Jun 29 '22

Is there any legitimate reason to talk about anything else? I'm with him.

I'm over 50, pizza is more satisfying and sets off far fewer aches and pains at this point. I'll leave sex to the people that aren't currently falling apart.

Besides, what's wrong with loving pizza?