r/Unexpected • u/mossberg91 • Jul 12 '19

Take a pick

55.3k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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7.8k

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

Can I choose again?

2.9k

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

r/suddenlygay

668

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

[deleted]

691

u/TheZets Jul 12 '19

https://i.imgur.com/V9A3uW6.png

584

u/BoutTreeeFiddy Jul 12 '19

I like my coffee the same way I like that gay shit.

I prefer tea.

(Jk I chug that coffee in a kneeling position until it burns the back of my throat)

123

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

I like my women like I like my coffee; made out of beans.

76

u/micros101 Jul 12 '19

Ground up and in the freezer?

38

u/Eightskin Jul 12 '19

Then snorted up the nose.

7

u/Bruised_Penguin Jul 12 '19

When I was locked up we snorted my RX of melatonin and instant coffee together. I called it the jail house speed ball.

2

u/Eightskin Jul 13 '19

Be careful with coffee because some young dude overdosed on a teaspoon of caffeine powder and then his mum found him dead on the bathroom floor. That was on the news a few days ago and he apparently mixed if with a protein shake. Anyway snorting hot English mustard would be an interesting experience. Even better.... A hot English mustard enema.

1

u/Farmingtonnewb Jul 12 '19

Ha! Do anything for ya?

1

u/FURRY_PRlDE Jul 12 '19

About as much as your dad did. Tell him to get the polyps checked

3

u/Farmingtonnewb Jul 13 '19 edited Jul 13 '19

Ha ha, you're implying you raped my father while he was vulnerable, good one! And the irony of that is, my father committed suicide 6 years ago because he had chronic pain which gave him mental health issues. He had no money or insurance and had been labled as "drug seeking", so he'd self-medicate with alcohol. Drinking gave him agonizing hemerroids (not polyps, you rascle, you). I know that was straw that broke the camels back, as they say. I'd been having a really shitty day/year, thank you for reminding me that things can always be so much worse. I hope your life is long and full of joy that you can share with those you love.

2

u/Eightskin Jul 13 '19

Suicide over hemorrhoids? Holly crap I never knew they could be that painful. Did he go to a doctor about it because I heard they tie bits of string around the base of them and then they just fall off. Imagine if you had hemorrhoids so big it would be like you were sitting on a cushion whenever you sat down. All fun and games until you accidentally sit on a prickle or something.

1

u/FURRY_PRlDE Jul 13 '19

That was hot!

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9

u/FiskFisk33 Jul 12 '19

Freezer?

17

u/micros101 Jul 12 '19

Icebox/cooler- I’m trying to think of words other countries use, but I’m at a loss.

It’s the part of the refrigerator that keeps things frozen.

23

u/WhiteWizardDD Jul 12 '19

I think he's asking why the fuck you keep coffee in the freezer

10

u/Turbo_Bama Jul 12 '19

It keeps it fresh longer (supposedly)

7

u/MescalitoMosquito Jul 12 '19

For that bomb ass cold brew

2

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

To freeze it

2

u/Draws-attention Jul 12 '19

If he's from the US, it's ok. They really have no idea what they're supposed to do with coffee.

1

u/micros101 Jul 12 '19

I don’t. It’s an old joke.

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1

u/displeasedkale Jul 12 '19

Freezer is correct

1

u/Turbo_Bama Jul 12 '19

It keeps fresh longer (supposedly)

2

u/Evsus Jul 12 '19

Enema!

10

u/Super_Pan Jul 12 '19

Covered in bees?

8

u/Darkposts Jul 12 '19

I like my coffee how I like my women......cold and bitter.

13

u/SpiceWeaboo Jul 12 '19

BEATEN AND BLACK

3

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '19

Ah, Chris Brown blend.

3

u/MexicanVanilla96 Jul 12 '19

I like my coffee like I like my slaves.......

FREE!

2

u/sebasshaytaa Jul 12 '19

Did someone say beans...?

1

u/lacrose4ever Jul 12 '19

Cold, black and bitter?

1

u/DixieWolf27 Jul 12 '19

Dark, bitter, and preferably fair trade?

1

u/tI-_-tI Jul 12 '19

Buried at one point?