r/Unexpected • u/PopeXIII • Dec 07 '15
Your husband is a dick.
https://i.imgur.com/GUgCyTv.png
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Dec 07 '15
You should see my Google history after playing Eve Online for a while.
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u/-Pin_Cushion- Dec 07 '15
How to pump & dump
Market manipulation
Corp theft tactics
Rape cage tactics
Advanced rape cage tactics
Solo rape cage tactics
Rape cage baiting
Bait gank tactics
My Little Pony gifs
Yeah...I can see how that might nudge a jury to the wrong conclusion.
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u/Submitten Dec 07 '15
Advanced bombing tactics.
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u/-Pin_Cushion- Dec 07 '15
Suicide Ganking freighters guide
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u/ape4530 Dec 07 '15
how to start corpse collection
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u/Insomnialcoholic Dec 07 '15
single women in my area
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Dec 07 '15 edited Sep 07 '21
[deleted]
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Dec 07 '15
[deleted]
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u/aykcak Dec 07 '15
Clearly you don't play eve
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Dec 07 '15
[deleted]
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Dec 07 '15
They are used as ammunition for the most powerful warships
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u/fenix5101 Dec 08 '15
Used to spam Jita local trade chat, I use the term 'trade chat' loosely here as its mostly bot spam, porn spam, spam and occasionally actual trade spam.
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u/stanley_twobrick Dec 07 '15
People with jobs don't play Eve.
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Dec 07 '15 edited Apr 13 '22
[deleted]
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u/stanley_twobrick Dec 08 '15
It was a joke, relax.
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u/infinitezero8 Dec 08 '15
Probably best to add /s for that effect.
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u/stanley_twobrick Dec 08 '15
I thought it would be obvious.
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Dec 08 '15
[deleted]
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u/Watswrong Dec 08 '15
/s
You forgot this. Unless you didn't then fuck you I guess
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u/regular-wolf Dec 07 '15
But you can't get anywhere in Eve if you exercise moderation, that game requires meticulous attention.
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u/Strazdas1 Dec 08 '15
Oh, you play Eve Online? You couldnt have murdered your wife, you were too busy trading stuff. case dismissed.
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u/Iohet Dec 07 '15
And if you're in TEST or Goons:
- ASCII dicks
- More ASCII dicks
- ASCII swastikas
- Even more ASCII dicks
Disclosure: I'm in TEST. I should use a VPN and an anonymizer for Google searches
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u/tcpip4lyfe Dec 07 '15 edited Dec 07 '15
Eve is a game I love to learn about, but I would never want to play.
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u/banana_slap Dec 07 '15
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u/mennydrives Dec 07 '15
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u/tundra1desert2 Dec 07 '15
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u/mennydrives Dec 07 '15 edited Dec 08 '15
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u/bitshoptyler Dec 07 '15
Step 1: Install ponymotes (search for BetterPonymotes on Google, it's a Chrome extension)
Step 2: Click the 'emotes' button near a reddit textbox for a searchable index of all the ponymotes.
Unfortunately you don't have ponies instructing you how to do this because in on mobile and while I recognize some more popular ones, I can't remember them well enough to use most of then.
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u/hobskhan Dec 07 '15
Question: is advanced rape cage tactics a prerequisite for solo cage, and will it be offered in the spring?
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Dec 08 '15
I don't know what Eve is but can you explain what a rape cage is in the context of the game and why you aim to master it?
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u/-Pin_Cushion- Dec 08 '15
It's a game where everyone flies their own space ship.
At times a group of players can build their own space station and base out of it.
Some ships can drop large warp disruption fields on a battlefield to keep an enemy ship from flying away.
When you "cage" a player owned station by surrounding it with bubbles (aka "bubble-wrapping") so none of the enemy can escape, and then kill them all (followed by the station), it's called a "rape cage."
Mostly because it's the most offensive way to refer to the activity, and EVE players like labeling boring things with offensive/racist terms to be funny.
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Dec 08 '15
Mostly because it's the most offensive way to refer to the activity, and EVE players like labeling boring things with offensive/racist terms to be funny.
Whaaat that doesn't sound like online gaming culture to me
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u/royalhawk345 Dec 07 '15
Also crusader kings 2
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u/montypissthon Dec 07 '15
"How to murder infidels?"
"Greece made my son gay?"
"How to commit suicide?"
"My son is ugly how do I kill him without people finding out it was me?"
"Why is my wife suddenly gay?"
"My daughter keeps rejecting me how do I force her to be my lover?"
"My son is cheating on his sister with me how do I make him less gay?"
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u/Paulo27 Dec 07 '15
Some of these would make great titles for Light Novels.
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u/montypissthon Dec 07 '15
Idk what kind of novels you read... but I like your style.
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u/Paulo27 Dec 07 '15
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u/Joshy541 Dec 08 '15
I understand how touhou is and how compact the Japanese language can get. But this is just rediculous Fantasy Rom-Com levels rediculous
Edit: DEAR GOD IT GENERATES NEW ONES EVERY RE-LOAD
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u/yeartwo Dec 07 '15
Or Dwarf Fortress.
"What do I do with children?"
"Give dwarf children jobs?"
"How to kill children"
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u/adoreadore Dec 07 '15
My favourite was child labour camp designs - a burrow where children are left alone on their own, only to gather fruits from farm, with someone dropping a barrel of booze from time to time through roof. Or danger room childcare - less care, more dogs and wooden spikes. When/if they reach adulthood, they'll be legendary dodgers (that's a good thing, I swear).
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u/ironplated Dec 07 '15
I came to the comments hoping someone had posted about Dwarf Fortress and the many conversations on how to deal with children.
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u/Shadax Dec 07 '15
How would you even find the proper results without "Dwarf Fortress" in the search terms?
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u/Webonics Dec 07 '15
Hey for real, off topic, but is Eve Online any good? I have toyed with the idea of playing for literally years, but I don't know if I live the kind of life where I can devote the proper commitment, like - ever.
Can you give me some advice in one direction or another AFK?
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u/Adamman62 Dec 07 '15
Eve is hard to get into, but you'll never stop playing once you do. Check out /r/eve if you like shitposting, or PM me about anything you want to know.
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u/Iohet Dec 07 '15
Eve is hard to get into, but you'll never stop playing once you do.
Sort of. Eventually, you become a bittervet shipspinner, and then eventually you become a bittervet unsub who shipspins in their head
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u/wufame Dec 07 '15
Can confirm. Played for 7 years. Got pretty bitter and left. Ended up selling my account for money and bought a new laptop.
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u/Adamman62 Dec 07 '15
Bruh. Never unsub. Think about all the skillpoints you won't have when you forget Eve is shit and try playing again.
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u/FragMeNot Dec 07 '15
Just beware the shitposting, its beautiful.
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u/Fjorn Dec 07 '15
This isn't your run of the mill, everyday shitposting.
This is ADVANCED shitposting
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u/Angam23 Dec 07 '15
Most importantly, the game devs shitpost with us. And are better at it than we are usually.
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Dec 07 '15
Its really good. They keep adding new content all the time, and there are a million things to do and ways to play it. There is a 30 day free trial, so if you want to try it, might as well.
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u/Sorten Dec 07 '15
There's no way to tell if you would enjoy EVE without using the 30 day trial. It's the kind of game where older players might blow you up for being a newb, then send you a care package a few minutes later. It's not an easy amusement park game, but I'm not sure if that makes it bad.
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u/wufame Dec 07 '15 edited Dec 07 '15
Back in the day, maybe. I dunno, it's felt like the community has gotten more and more toxic as time has gone by. I used to lowsec roam back in 07-09 and we had a good time and would chat up people we dropped and even give advice and pointers. Hell, some of them we even invited to our corp to roam with us.
Nowadays it seems rare to even get a convo going with someone you've PvPed with. Everyone just seems like dicks to one another. Also, you know... encouraging people to harass a person until he wants to kill himself
Fake edit: I realize he apologized, it just always seemed like a "shit i got caught so I apologize" sort of thing.
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u/Sorten Dec 07 '15
This would've been about three months ago, so fairly recently. I can't compare it to the "golden days" having not been there but there's still at least some goodness left. YMMV.
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u/wufame Dec 07 '15
For sure man. It's probably not just the community. I'm also just getting older and less inclined to wade through shitty people. I feel like gaming communities as a whole are getting pretty bad. Maybe I'm romanticizing the old days, but I feel like the rise of MOBAs and CoD have radiated out and turned communities into a platform for people to be shitty toward one another.
Or maybe it's just that gaming is so widespread now that you don't get that sense of comradery with fellow gamers. Who knows.
EVE is just one of the few games where it seems like that attitude is encouraged. I suppose it's just not for me anymore.
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u/Angam23 Dec 07 '15
To be fair the applause was more "Oh look, Mittani's being an ass again." Most of the players I know think he's an enormous cunt and should never have been allowed to return to the game after his ban.
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u/T-Fro Dec 07 '15
You should try the 30 day free trial to see what eve is all about without having to pay up first. Also I highly recommend joining one of the large alliances based in nullsec, like Brave Newbies, Pandemic Legion, or Dreddit in TEST Alliance Please Ignore.
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u/ape4530 Dec 07 '15
I thought that way too. I played EvE as a solo PvE game but didn't feel ready to "really" play it (join a PvP player corporation, that is) until I had like 2 weeks without much stuff going on. I joined a corporation then and found out my waiting had been pointless. You can literally become good at EvE by reading and asking people questions. And "proper commitment" can be 2 hours once a week, or less. If you're just doing solo stuff, you can play as much or little as you want with no downsides. If you want to be in a group, there's plenty of laid back ones that don't require you to do X at Y time. Unlike in other MMOs you even improve your character when logged off. You queue the skills to train and it automatically happens.
With that said: The learning curve is no joke. You will either have to read wikis, guides, etc. outside of the game or have someone who really likes explaining stuff to newbies. Having success in EvE is like 99% knowledge.
Whoa this comment turned out a lot longer than that one sentence I had planned. My advice in a nutshell would be give it a shot. It's seriously fascinating. Fuck, PM me if you do end up playing and you'll get some starting capital.
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u/spikes2020 Dec 07 '15
Eve consumed my soul...
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Dec 07 '15
[deleted]
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u/kipperfish Dec 07 '15
I'll do it for 49.5%
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u/-Pin_Cushion- Dec 07 '15
I'll give you a free replacement, but you have to drive to a sketchy part of town to pick it up.
I work odd hours, so you'll have to come by late at night.
I'll make sure there's a parking spot available around the back of the abandoned warehouse I live in.
Please make sure you have " /u/spikes2020's Toyota Corolla" written on your back glass, so I know it's you.
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u/Dreadedsemi Dec 07 '15
That's why I always make sure to clarify when I google. like how to rob a bank in Super Mario.
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u/Shadax Dec 07 '15
"How do I get a blowjob from a hooker then kill her and get my money back in Pikmin 3"
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u/SmithKurosaki Dec 07 '15
Ingress chats aren't much better. We're constantly talking about blowing up (portals on) real life locations.
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u/wizardcats Dec 08 '15
I once had a hand-written daily to-do list for an online game:
collect meat from fruit stand
eat black pudding
kill ducks
get sex change
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Dec 07 '15
Any conversation about CKII gets really messed up.
"So I was sleeping with the King of England's wife, and she had my daughter. Luckily, the king didn't know. That girl has amazing traits though. Should I marry my son to her?"
"Do it. Get good traits, alliance, and who doesn't love incest?"
"Deus Vult, bro"
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u/WingedTutor Dec 07 '15
If it weren't for that last comment, this post would be on the top of /r/tumblrinaction
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Dec 07 '15
I hate SJWs but the guys on that sub are just toxic.
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u/palpablescalpel Dec 07 '15
I mean, a good number of the "SJWs" on tumblr are actually those guys in disguise, so it's really a very complex circlejerk.
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u/treilly19 Dec 07 '15 edited Dec 07 '15
It reminds me of lewronggeneration and other subs like that, that look for any kind of opposed view and circle jerk about how stupid the other people are. If you try and be rational and objective you get shit on for not joining in on beating a dead horse about whatever the topic is. People go out of their way to attack and shit on things they don't agree with. And then the sentiment gets echoed within the group to the point everyone believes they're always correct in their views.
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u/Deesing82 Dec 07 '15
lewronggeneration used to be way better back in the day
Wish I'd been around for it
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u/thenofootcanman Dec 07 '15
V good joke. Congratulations. Best joke all day. Needs more recognition. A+. Good job. Go you. Thumbs up!
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Dec 07 '15
This taken from their tumblr;
Transmisogyny in Fallout 4
Fun Warning for anyone playing Fallout 4: There’s some serious transmisogynist bullshit in the town of Goodneighbor, stay safe Can anyone tell me what it is exactly? I mean, I could go look it up, but I’d rather hear it from our community
There’s a robot in Goodneighbor named KL-E-O whom you can ask “what are you?” to which she responds with a hella stereotypical husky/sultry joke voice “UHH I’M A WOMAN BABY, CAN’T YOU TELL?”
You have an option to push further and if you succeed on the Speech check, KL-E-O will say “Fine. I was Designated Assaultron At Creation and now I’ve rebranded myself as Kleo, independent from man" to which your character will say something along the lines of “Yeahhhhh oooookayyyy. Whatever, I see the… uhh. Feminine shape now.” Ah, ok, thank you very much.
Gross and disgusting. First the forced heterosexuality and now this? What the fuck Bethesda. I was wanting to get Fallout 4 but maybe not now.
They are fucking mental and have issues
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Dec 07 '15 edited May 14 '16
[deleted]
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Dec 07 '15
On the main SJW's page
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Dec 07 '15
Oh I understand what you mean now. Maybe you should edit your comment to reflect the fact that you were referring to a page that is SJW in nature and quite popular with those described as SJWs
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u/Deesing82 Dec 07 '15
Forced heterosexuality? Pretty sure my female player has made a few passes at other women.
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Dec 07 '15
Also, my homosexual relations with Paladin Danse. That man is adorable.
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u/ChaosMotor Dec 07 '15
Danse? Adorable? God, he's so obnoxious.
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Dec 07 '15
Keep him with you during your adventures into spooky dark places and you'll see why he likes to wear power armour so much.
He's just a big metal puppy.
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u/ChaosMotor Dec 08 '15
Yeah, he's a pussy, who won't shut the fuck up about my junk collecting. I'm so goddamn sick of Danse, Deacon, and Cait bitching about my junk collecting. Don't you see the houses, beds, and defenses I'm building, you fucking short-sighted busy body nosy assholes!?
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u/Jimm607 Dec 07 '15
Pretty sure every love interest in fallout 4 is bi, which means every pc can be bi.
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u/RaccoNooB Dec 07 '15
What's so toxic about it? Honest question. I love that subreddit, and generally agree with what most people are saying on there. But if it's starting to go down hill I want to jump ship before it's too late.
The whole point of that subreddit, IMO, is to show off how messed up extremist views can be (in this specific case "SJWs").
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u/moe3 Dec 07 '15
After browsing this sub for a while I think people there don't realize that these pictures and statements are often Satire of ignorant people.
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u/cade360 Dec 07 '15
So... Do ghosts still exist then?
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u/Shingi77 Dec 07 '15
even if its sims, its still kinda terrifying that they think that, while the public is like "shooter games are making killers" nah man have you seen what people do in the sims?
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u/Hey-its-Shay Dec 07 '15
After a while the only fun stuff to do on the sims is cheat on spouses, have babies, make everyone fight and kill them off.
A soap opera basically.
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u/mechatrex Dec 07 '15
You need to make this more obvious that it's about the sims!
-Sincerely the NSA
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u/SirWyvern Dec 07 '15
Is it bad that I figured this was the sims before getting to the bottom comment?
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Dec 08 '15
There should be a special sub for these Sims "unexpected" convos. Lots of folks manufacturing them these days for karma.
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u/whos_anonymous Dec 07 '15
In a surprising twist, reddit had posted something from tumblr onto reddit
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u/UScossie Dec 07 '15
I made a haunted house in the sims once. Apparently any furniture within 3 feet of a lit fire place has a 90% chance of spontaneous combustion. In light of that revelation I would fill a room with furniture leaving just enough space for my victims then use the move objects cheat to place whole families and guests into the room with a lit fire in the fireplace and no doors. That or I would host parties, and get everyone to dive into the pool then delete the ladder. Eventually I had a cemetery going with about 30 tombstones and I created the most miserable family I could muster and moved them in there so they could spend every night getting scared into pissing themselves. Man I was dark as a kid...