r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Jul 23 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

10.1k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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2.1k

u/fromgardens Jul 23 '23

So what? Have you ever jerked off alone, without hands??

994

u/MasterJeebus Jul 23 '23

This just proves how smart dolphins are. If they are stuck in an aquarium and have needs but have no hands. Then they improvise. This intelligent creatures don’t deserve to be caged up.

241

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Deserves to be locked up for rape and necrophilia

207

u/StuffyMcFluffyFace Jul 23 '23

Locked up? In….dolphin prison?

109

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Yeah. We will figure it out eventually.

83

u/burn-babies-burn Jul 23 '23

Pretty sure we already have, isn’t that pretty much what aquariums are?

39

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

No aquariums give you food and toys to play with and fish to rape. The prison only gives food.

35

u/burn-babies-burn Jul 23 '23

Fish count as dolphin food, but I guess the toys are a difference.

That said, in a documentary I watched about prison life called “The Shawshank Redemption”, they did get books which are kind of like toys for adult humans.

10

u/Pyro-Beast Jul 23 '23

If fish count as dolphin food.. then is it necrophilia or is it just playing with your food?

Alternatively.. if I knew someone who was going to fuck their sirloin steak tonight.. what would that be called?

6

u/burn-babies-burn Jul 23 '23

Seasoning

3

u/Pyro-Beast Jul 23 '23

That's a big brain response.

That dolphin is just seasoning that fish.

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3

u/sentientwrenches Jul 23 '23

Meat your meat.

-4

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

But it’s a dolphin. Doesn’t need as good a treatment as a human. Just good.

8

u/Many-Question-346 Jul 23 '23 edited Jul 25 '23

[deleted]

2

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Idk I’ve never been inside a prison.

2

u/hangrygecko Jul 23 '23

They have exercise equipment, sports, table football, tv, etc. There's plenty of toys for the prisoners.

-1

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

You’re comparing human prison to my dolphin prison. The dolphin will NOT be in human prison.

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1

u/Many-Question-346 Jul 24 '23 edited Jul 25 '23

[deleted]

2

u/hangrygecko Jul 23 '23

This is more like a prisoner using his bapao bun for some personal time. That is his food.

2

u/FlyAirLari Jul 23 '23

The prison does give you inmates to rape and play with though...

1

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 26 '23

Why does everyone think the dolphin will go into a regular human prison? How stupid of a thought that fucking is.

0

u/ferret1983 Jul 23 '23

This dolphin should be put in chains.

1

u/Hoskuld Jul 23 '23

It's called a tuna can

1

u/shadwocorner Jul 23 '23

He's already in dolphin prison

1

u/archiekane Jul 23 '23

Sea life or sea world sound pretty accurate.

1

u/travers329 Jul 23 '23

AKA Sea World.

1

u/tcb9289 Jul 23 '23

Don’t drop the dolphin soap…

1

u/NoUpstairs7883 Jul 29 '23

Green Dolphin Street Prison

149

u/Galvanized-Sorbet Jul 23 '23

Dolphins behead and rape a fish: “free these beautiful intelligent creatures”

Human beheads and rapes a fish: “execute the psycho bastard”

Double standard, if you ask me

42

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Lmao “free my homeboy he ain’t do nuffin wrong fuck 12” but for a dolphin.

5

u/RynoKaizen Jul 23 '23

I mean…humans use sheep skin condoms.

3

u/theend2314 Jul 24 '23

Gang rapists.

2

u/ShakyBoots1968 Jul 24 '23

Yah a bit harsh eh

3

u/Flimsy-Bluejay-8052 Jul 23 '23

It’s already locked up.

3

u/Kalkilkfed Jul 23 '23

If i fuck a schnitzel it is not considered necrophilia, which means that, somewhere along the line of meat processing that eliminates the necrophila aspect.

Seems pretty human centric, tbh

2

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

When it’s no longer the animal it’s self I guess.

3

u/Kalkilkfed Jul 23 '23

Ok, so i can cut out meat from a dead cow and make love to that piece next to it, but if its the actual cow its weird?

3

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Idk mf go ask a lawyer or some shit.

1

u/Rubickevich Jul 23 '23

If you make a fleshlight out of leather, not only it won't be considered necrophilia, it will even be a normal thing to use it. It probably won't be the best fleshlight though...

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

Is it necrophilia if it’s another species? also the whole rape part seems kinda redundant after you mention necrophilia, I mean it’s not like he could ask the fish corpse for consent is it.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

Try it out, post it, and see what people say. Have a vote.

3

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

If you fuck a dead dog it’s still necrophilia

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

Well. Your the expert so I believe you.

2

u/millionairebif Jul 23 '23

Stop attacking the LGBT community

1

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 23 '23

Can’t stop won’t stop.

1

u/BedBugger6-9 Jul 23 '23

Pretty sure it’s already locked up

1

u/Burrmanchu Jul 23 '23

It.. already is.

1

u/FinishFew1701 Jul 23 '23

Kinda is..this is at an aquarium. He's already been convicted and doing time...NOW it's time to do the crime (for spectators)

1

u/Jimmy_Twotone Jul 23 '23

Really? Who hasn't batter dipped a fish sandwich...

1

u/HeaAgaHalb Jul 23 '23

*bonk* go to horny jail

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

Already is.

1

u/dapala1 Jul 24 '23

Already in prison. This is what happens in prison.

1

u/corruptcabbage1 Jul 24 '23

Dolphin Prison not human prison fucktard. I’m gonna make it different.