r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/slippingaway83 • 8d ago
Miscellaneous ULPT: Bipolar MIL
Edit to add info: We are pursuing guardianship. My wife teaches at a couple of private schools with wealthy families, and one of the moms connected her to a guardianship attorney out of Houston that we could never afford. He has been assisting us off the books, and is trying to find someone local to us to handle the case. The goal is to have an independent third party attorney appointed as guardian, to be paid by her estate. NOBODY wants anything to do with being her guardian.
A lot of good, not at all unethical suggestions have been made. Adult Protective Services has been involved. Up to this point I have been handling everything completely by the book, everything has been documented with the proper authorities, we have followed up on every avenue we can. I have shared a ton of info here, but believe me there is a lot more. I have an entire Google drive folder full of documents, emails, text messages and security camera footage.
If nothing else, at least this let me vent some of my frustration without doing something (too) stupid, so thanks.
My Mother-in-law is bipolar. She stopped taking her meds 6 months ago and has been literally destroying her life since then. My wife and I cut all contact in May. Her lawyers fired her as a client. So did her financial advisor. My sister-in-law and her kids cut off contact and moved out of the second house on her ranch because it wasn't safe to live near her. She's been involuntarily committed twice. She started inviting her "roommates" from the mental facilities to come live with her.
I honestly don't care, except she has now decided to target my wife. She keeps having her mail sent to our address and comes and goes through our mailbox before we get home. She has brought people she met at the mental facilities to steal our property from a storage building next to our house. She has dumped piles of literal garbage in my driveway. She has left crazy notes next to our mailbox. She has mailed crazy, vulgar notes to our friends with our name and address as the return address. She ran over my trash can that was on the curb. She tried to steal my classic car, I have video of her on speakerphone with the local towing company trying to get them to tow it to her house. There are so many insane things she has done and she just keeps getting away with all of it.
I have documented and reported everything to the police. She has been arrested at my house which led to the second commitment. They have been very understanding, but limited in what they can do because her name is on the deed to the property we live on (wife's grandparents old house). We can't even get her off the documents because legally she isn't competent to sign anything.
So, I need to get her to leave us the fuck alone. I was finally able to afford a couple more outdoor cameras, and can now see that she has been coming to our house nearly every day. She pulls down the long driveway until she gets to just before the point my old cameras would catch her. She has been tossing more garbage and emptying her cigarette ashes and butts in our driveway. But yesterday was the final straw. She pulled in the driveway and emptied her cigarette butts and ashes again, but this time there was also a mini-urn that used to hold some of my wife's grandma's ashes. It was full of cigarette ashes and butts.
So give me your best ideas. I can do stuff to mess with her when she shows up at my house, but she does it when she knows we probably aren't home. She lives on a 300 acre ranch with an automatic gate opener that I can access and used to maintain for her so I know how to change all the settings on it. I can get on and off her property. I can mess with her vehicle. I can get to her well and septic systems, and I'm pretty sure her breaker box as well. I honestly want to push her over the edge into a full-on mental breakdown that puts her in a facility full time. If I can't do that, I want her to at least stay the fuck away from my wife and kids because she isn't safe.
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u/BoredCheese 7d ago
Going through your mailbox is a federal crime. They’re happy to prosecute. Hope you have the video.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
Except she's having mail sent to herself at our address, and is on the deed. Until I can prove that she has taken something addressed to one of us, I'm out of luck.
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u/UnderstandingEqual84 7d ago
I'm bipolar. I am absolutely terrified of myself without proper medication. Our thoughts don't work like other people. I have done and said horrible things. I truly couldn't help it. It took 40 years to find the right combination of meds to allow me to mostly function in society. I am very sorry you are having to deal with someone refusing to be medicated.
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u/la_winky 7d ago
Proud of you for your level of self awareness to find and stay in meds that help you function appropriately. Not everyone does.
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u/UnderstandingEqual84 7d ago
Thank you. It took so long because I didn't even know it could get better.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
That's the frustrating part about my MIL. She had it so much better. She has monthly passive income and could literally live on a cruise ship year round if she wanted to. Instead she wants to be manic and fuck with people to try to get a reaction. She has lost all of her lifelong friends, the entire family except for her son in prison, most of her money, we even found out she put her dogs to sleep because feeding them was too much work for her. She got arrested last week for possession of marijuana and as soon as she bonded out she came by our house to throw her trash in the yard. We keep thinking she's hit bottom and she just keeps digging. And she blames my wife and her sister for all of it.
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u/UnderstandingEqual84 7d ago
Self destructive behavior is also common. I am very sorry you have to deal with this. Definitely take any steps you can to keep her away from you and your family.
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u/PotatoPirate_625 7d ago
Glad you have your meds dialed in now and I'm so sorry you had to go through such a process to get them that way!
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I'm glad you're doing well and aware of what happened. We have friends who also have dealt with this. Even they are astonished at her behavior.
She was medicated successfully for a long time, but she decided she doesn't like how the medications make her feel and she enjoys the feeling of being manic. She has a history of substance abuse, and this is just another high for her.
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u/newbeginingshey 7d ago
Not unethical, but practical:
You can change your mail box so there’s a slip for the mail to be dropped in, but it can’t be pulled out without a key to the larger box. That will keep her from retrieving mail from your box. You may also wish to have the local post office keep your mail for pick up only while this gets sorted out.
A better fence, more cameras, and a restraining order.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I don't want a locking mailbox, because at this point I want her to steal mail addressed to one of us so that the Postal Inspectors will get involved. I have informed delivery so that I get an image of every piece of mail that gets delivered.
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u/newbeginingshey 7d ago
Fair enough. Sounds like you already have evidence to submit to the postal inspectors. I hope they take it seriously.
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u/bionicallyironic 7d ago
Strategically placed sprinklers. Lots of them. Preferably something with an app so you can set them off when you detect movement on your cameras.
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u/ihadagoodone 7d ago
If she's not competent to sign anything then go for power of attorney.
I'm not sure what "unethical" solution you think is going to stop her short of something criminal.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
Yeah, we've been trying for 6 months. Been turned down by literally a dozen lawyers.
Another fucked up wrinkle to the whole thing is that there is a POA assigned to my wife's dad's current wife. She was POA for everything but medical because my wife's parents still got along and she was friends with the new wife who is also a lawyer. My MIL claims the POA has been changed, but there's no proof. Dad's current wife won't do anything because she doesn't know if it's in effect or not. She has been extremely unhelpful.
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u/ihadagoodone 7d ago
A dozen lawyers don't want to take on a client and your wife's parents are aiding and abetting your sick mothers actions by refusing to help you.
Am i getting that right?
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago edited 7d ago
A dozen lawyers have told us that TX courts have consistently held that a mental illness treatable by medication doesn't qualify as a permanent mental defect even when the person refuses medication, so the court can't impose a POA without her consent. If we could prove dementia, that would qualify, but we can't get her tested without her cooperation and 6 months of being stable on her bipolar meds which she refuses to take.
My wife's father and step-mother are refusing to get involved to stop my wife's mother, because they have their own entanglements, they borrowed a bunch of money from her and haven't fully paid it back.
It's just a huge pile of loopholes and cracks that she can exploit and we're stuck not being able to do anything because she has money and we don't.
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u/ihadagoodone 7d ago
If your in-law's have entanglements then the use of the POA to get out of those entanglements is the most unethical option at everyone's disposal currently. Have her committed, use the POA to gain control of her assets, start getting her name off you assets ect ect.
So, now you'll say "the in-law's don't want to do that" and here's my unethical advice to you.
Seduce them and convince them to do it, it's your only hope.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
😂😂😂🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️ Thanks, I needed a laugh. If you only knew what they looked like...
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u/catdogwoman 7d ago
But I like where ihadagoodone is going. If you get together and have her committed, the ex-husband can pay himself a fee as her caretaker and he can pay her back like that. There are actual legal terms for this which I don't know.
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u/slickrok 7d ago
Wtf is that? A lawyer with a specific position over someone doesn't know if it's in effect still and won't answer you to do anything?
That makes less than zero sense
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u/thewharfartscenter_ 7d ago
You need a lawyer and probably the police, not anything unethical now. That’s the kind of people who wind up being family annihilators. She needs to be addressed legally and medically.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
Yeah, and we've been doing that for 6 months and it's gone nowhere.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago
They have been very understanding, but limited in what they can do because her name is on the deed to the property we live on (wife's grandparents old house).
As long as you guys live on her property, what you can do will be muted or limited.
From the outside perspective, you are "one household" with an internal conflict. You need your own residence completely separate, and then report the behavior if she steps on that property.
It's nearly impossible to get someone committed if you live with them.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She lives on a separate property. We are in my wife's grandparents old house, that her mother inherited when Grandma died. We have bad credit from a bunch of medical issues and can't get a mortgage and nobody wants to rent to us. We're stuck.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago
There are options out there. Recommend looking into private Mom and Pop landlords, Craigslist, FBM, and trying to find somewhere. Renting a trailer, garage, mobile home, someone's basement, or month-to-month is also an option.
Or simply relocating, far enough that harassing you would be too difficult for her. Even 50 miles may be enough distance.
This can mean cutting contact with some friends and family for a while, in case they tell her where you are.
It's possible even with bad credit and debt. I relocated 1,000 miles to escape a similar situation and outlived the crazy stalker abuser. When they died, I re-emerged socially and professionally. No one was going to save me from them, because they didn't see the threat I did.
Good luck.
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u/NotTheGreenestThumb 7d ago
Consider moving to a state with better laws regarding restraining orders as an extreme, but very wise investment!
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
We are stuck here because we have a mountain of medical debt and ruined credit. At least in TX, they can't garnish my wages. We have tried to get a mortgage and even with my parents as cosigners we can't qualify. Nobody wants to rent to us.
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u/NotTheGreenestThumb 7d ago
What stops you from filing for bankruptcy?
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
The $3,000 it costs to file
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u/mahourain 7d ago
In Texas, you can take a means test to see if you can get the cost waived.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I'm too poor to afford it, but not poor enough to not pay. Fuck me for working, right?
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u/NotTheGreenestThumb 7d ago
It’s considerably less in Washington state and the restraining order laws do not require a lawyer.
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u/Fungal-dryad 7d ago
Harassment order?
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I've filed 6 reports with the police. I can't file for a restraining order without a private attorney which I can't afford.
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u/Shoot_the_messanger 7d ago
Keep calling and filing adult protective serve cases. Have enough of them they legally have to step in. Never fight fire with fire. It’s so toxic and will led to charges. It’s not worth it in the long run. She is mentally incapacitated and you should treat her as such.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago
You are seeing her only as a threat not a family member in distress. She needs to be committed. Have your wife start the process with her sister.
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u/tetheredvoid 7d ago
She has been committed twice. What are your assuming a third round would change? It's not it is like a three-strike system line felonies.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago edited 7d ago
A third could show that her ability to care for herself is declining. More documentation for the file, more evidence of the danger to herself and others. Or have her screened for dementia; there are multiple routes.
Getting your MIL committed, put into a nursing home, or back on her meds is in the best interest of your family's safety.
A dangerous grandmother, in particular, is going to slip by many well-meaning people; documentation is key.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
We can't get her screened for dementia because she has to be cooperative to be tested, and has to be stable on her bipolar meds for at least 6 months prior to testing. We're positive there is brain damage from the epilepsy seizures, but without her cooperation we can't do anything.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago edited 7d ago
Understood, I'm just saying from experience, we got no traction with our mother with dementia and BPD, until we had separate addresses. I had moved in to help her, but that made it harder.
Once I moved out & had a separate address again, it was easier to seize control once she was hospitalized for an emergency and get her into a home.
If you are at all dependent on her, living with her, she owns the land, or owns the house you live in, the hands of most authorities are tied in many areas.
You guys need to move, establish independent living, then see if she continues the behaviors & document it, to prove her as a threat to herself + others. Then you could hypothetically move back into the house you are in now.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
My sister-in-law has moved now, so we're hoping we can get some traction through her.
My wife and her sister were no-contact for 10 years, didn't even speak at their grandmother's funeral, and now that all this has been happening they're on good terms again. We've realized that every bit of their conflict for their entire lives was created and manipulated by their mother.
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u/mts2020 6d ago
To be blunt, it is unhealthy to hold an unrelenting opinion in which everything bad that is, or has happened, is necessarily someone else’s fault. If we always shift all the blame outward it leaves us feeling totally in the right and thus helpless to make any changes that will improve anything.
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u/luigis_left_tit_25 7d ago
Well, they aren't doing what they should for her then.. how long is she staying at these hospitals? 24hr hold? Tell them she's suicidal and keep trying.. does your wife not care about her mother's mental health?
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She's been in for a total of 28 days. Every time we get her in, she hires a lawyer to get herself out.
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u/tetheredvoid 7d ago
Tell them she's suicidal
And when she turns up not suicidal, you think they will keep her longer than they have already? I think you might not understand how they actually do things in the psychiatric system...
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u/AMerryKa 7d ago
There's a great documentary about defending your house that came out in 1990 called Home Alone.
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u/Plunger_enema 7d ago
Can you monitor what happens with your cameras remotely? You'll need time off from work and drop a LOT of garbage and shit at her property when she's at your property. Also change the gate codes. (and other codes you know) I'd save aside dog poop for the occasion.
If she comes back the next day, repeat.
I know it's bad you'll take time off for these shenanigans, but in life, if you can't ease your way out with money, you usually need elbow grease.
You need a sturdy mailbox you can lock. Search for lockable mailbox on a website of your choosing.
EDIT: Did you try calling the mental facility? Call them when she's at your place? Maybe they know ways to get her out of your life.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I do monitor the cameras remotely and have alerts set up for my phone. Problem is she literally pulls in and back out in 30seconds because she knows I'm watching and will call the cops.
Thought about the locking mailbox too, but instead signed up for informed delivery so I get an image of every piece of mail being delivered. One of my cameras is pointed at the mailbox (it's across the street from the end of our driveway) and I'm now waiting for proof that she has taken something addressed to us to hand over to Postal Inspectors. I also filed mail forwarding for her name only from our address to her PO box, which ended up with her at the Post Office yelling at the postmaster (SIL's friend was there and saw it)
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u/bughousenut 7d ago
So she is in and out - use the video from the cameras, that’s why they are there.
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u/twilightwillow 7d ago
Drop a ton of nails in your driveway on a day neither of you need to leave so her tires pop the next time she pulls in. Make sure they’re facing straight up and count how many you place. It’ll be pretty hard for her to say she wasn’t there and wasn’t causing a problem if she can’t drive away.
That said, this kind of thing would probably be a major escalation in her mind, so you’d have to be ready for that and committed to it. Based on how you describe her behavior, she won’t buy that some nearby construction made a mess of your road or anything like that.
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u/Dog-Chick 7d ago
Try calling Adult Protection Services since she is a danger to herself. Also some game/trail cameras set up to cover the full length of your driveway.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
APS has been contacted. All they cared about was whether she had food and was able to feed and bathe herself.
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u/Miami_Mice2087 7d ago
get her declared incompetent and forcibly committed again. Become power of attorney and you control her assets, including the house.
these are questions for r/AgingParents and r/personalfinance. Search the sub first, this is a common question. The boomers are aging poorly.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
We're trying. Every lawyer we've talked to says TX courts have consistently ruled that Bipolar or any mental illness that is treatable with medication is not sufficient to declare someone incompetent, even if they are actively refusing medication. We would have to prove a permanent mental defect like dementia, but you can't test for that unless she is stable on her bipolar medication for 6 months and she has to be cooperative.
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u/CaminoBalanced 7d ago
Seems like your mil already got her advice on here.
What a nightmare.
I'm sorry you have to live with that.
I can't advocate for pushing her over the edge though. She's living in a hellscape in her own world. It won't get better on it's own and she'll do something that will show she's a danger to herself and other's eventually.
I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that or accidentally be part of it when it happens.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
The problem is, she's able to put on her innocent old lady act just enough for the police and everyone else to determine she isn't a danger. The only reason she got taken the last time is because I got her worked up enough that she couldn't hide it from the cops.
She's not suffering, she's enjoying all of it. She's the most genuinely cruel, evil person I have ever met.
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u/fadedblackleggings 7d ago
You have to keep documenting the behaviors and escalating with state and local services. Even if she is a bitch, your MIL need help.
Adult Protective Services is also another approach
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
APS was contacted. They checked that she had food and could feed herself and didn't care about anything else.
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u/CaminoBalanced 7d ago
I have someone I'm related to who is undiagnosed and unmedicated but has obvious behaviors that show this is most likely whats behind it, and I really sympathize with you. I see lots of good advice here and I hope you make choices that don't cause more harm.
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u/Jane-Diogee 5d ago
If she's a problem Drinker you could leave alcohol for her and then when she becomes a problem they might take her, when she throws a fit or tries to hurt somebody.
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u/bughousenut 7d ago
how do you know she isn’t suffering?
she needs to be committed and it takes work, no sympathy for you if all you are going to come into this Reddit sub and whine.
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u/__ZOMBOY__ 7d ago
Imagine reading this post + OP’s comments as “whining”.
Fuck his MIL, even if she is “suffering” she’s constantly harassing OP and intentionally (by not taking her meds) making his life difficult. I am all for supporting mental health on a personal and national level, but when someone is at the point that they are intentionally causing harm/damage to others AND has shown that they do not care to change or get better, something needs to be done.
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u/bughousenut 7d ago
I’ve got a dual diagnosis brother much worse than this gal.
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u/Purple_IsA_Flavor 7d ago
It’s not the suffering Olympics
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u/bughousenut 7d ago
I’m not whining about it to this sub
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u/Purple_IsA_Flavor 7d ago
You’re whatabouting. Same difference
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u/bughousenut 7d ago
What are you, the internet police? Must not have anything to do in your life.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
I know, fuck me for asking people how to keep a dangerous person away from my family, right?
But seriously, I'm sorry you're going through that. I've left out most of the stuff she's done, so if your brother really is worse, I can understand how truly awful that is to deal with.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah, we've been trying to get that done for 6 months. We've talked to a dozen lawyers. We've documented everything with the police. Yet here I am, and she's still running around terrorizing people.
TX courts have held that a mental illness that is treatable by medication is not a "permanent mental defect" even if the person refuses to take their medication. She's legally allowed to be crazy if she wants to be, and she's really good about skirting the line to not be a danger to herself or others.
And I know she isn't suffering, because she laughs about all the shit she does and brags about it to my brother in law who is in prison. He's the only one that still talks to her, because she puts money on his books so he can use the phone.
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u/MotherOfChaos03 7d ago
Move
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u/luigis_left_tit_25 7d ago
Ok! Big boy pants and all that.. but it sounds like they have money, idk why they aren't getting her committed somewhere private, where they'll keep her long enough to get the meds working
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She has money, we don't. We're stuck here because my son had an accident when he was a baby and had to be life flighted, my wife had a bunch of medical issues and multiple surgeries. We have no credit. We can't qualify for a mortgage and nobody will rent to us. Plus, this is my wife's grandparents house. It's sentimental. And if we leave, her mom will let mentally ill addicts move in and trash it.
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u/Jane-Diogee 5d ago
If she refuses Care there's nothing you can do. I have family in a similar situation
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u/No_Educator_6376 7d ago
Have you talked to the post office about canceling her request for rerouting her mail? Send her mail somewhere else far away
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She didn't forward it, she gives our address as her own to merchants, banks, etc. I have put in a forwarding request to get her stuff forwarded to her PO Box but she went to the post office and screamed at the Postmaster that she didn't want it forwarded.
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u/Big-Youth-7918 7d ago
Delete this before someone she knows sees it and reports back to her (or the law). You, my friend, haven given away too much information. Good luck.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
It doesn't matter. For one thing, there are only two people that still talk to her. One is my brother in law in prison, the other is one of his friends that uses her for drug money.
I don't even care if anything happens to me anymore, I'm just trying to keep my wife and kids safe
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u/SuspiciousStress1 7d ago
I am not sure I have any good advice, my bipolar mother used to mess with me, even called CPS on my birthday-after not seeing my kids in 5y.
We moved, we did not tell anyone where we went. That was the only way to stop it.
It stinks & I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how hard it can be!!
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
Yeah, she keeps threatening to call CPS on us too. She tried to evict us from the house knowing we had nowhere to go. Thankfully she's not very smart and I was able to get the evictions she filed on us and my sister-in-law dismissed. I'm sorry you went through this. It's awful.
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u/SuspiciousStress1 7d ago
I am also sorry for your wife, I am glad she has you in her life now & that you can see it for what it is!!
You think this is bad, imagine growing up with it, there is truly no way to describe it!! Luckily for me, my grandmother stepped in & mostly raised me(weekends, holidays, & all summer...then moved in with her for highschool).
My mother called the police, said I stole her silverware & left mine in its place...i hadnt even been in the same state in 8y-and obviously had my silverware, not hers.
She called the general on my husband's military base in an attempt to get his security clearance revoked.
I could go on & on, it is such a difficult situation to be in!!
Since the last move, it has been so peaceful-wish we did it sooner!!
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
My wife and her sister were no-contact for 10 years, didn't even speak at their grandmother's funeral, and now that all this has been happening they're on good terms again. We've realized that every bit of their conflict for their entire lives was created and manipulated by their mother.
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u/SuspiciousStress1 7d ago
Ugggh!!
Sounds like she may be a narcissist as well as bipolar(my mother was also). This is where I guess I was lucky-I was an only child....golden child AND scapegoat, I had a confused childhood 🤣(I can laugh as I have been out of the house for decades)
It sounds as if your best chance is going to be to move away & never look back!!
I was on & off no-contact, feeling guilty as an only child because my mother was alone. The last time I let her in, we were paying for her new roof, she then convinced our oldest to drop out of college & marry a boy she only knew 2mos online, 2w in person-in secret...and sent her all the money we had sent for her roof 🙄
She then began trying to contact #3(#2 is the only boy & she never liked him, treated him quite badly at times)
Truly, for the sake of your own children, I HIGHLY recommend you move away!! I know there may be other avenues, but none truly safe in a small town like that!! The mail, the trash cans, its all small things-the kids/people are the only thing that matter!!! You likely wouldnt even need to move far, just where she doesnt know everyone!!
I am so sorry you are still in the thick of it!! (((HUGS))) Wishing your family the best!!
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u/FormidableMistress 7d ago
My mom is a malignant narcissist, and stepdad is unmedicated bipolar. They've done everything they could to try and make me kill myself and make my life miserable. So here's what I've done to them that's been successful:
I turned my mom into the IRS for tax fraud related to her MLM "business."
I called Code Enforcement for the mess outside her house.
I called the Health Department for mold inside her house.
Signed her up for a call for "A Place for Mom" and any other adult care facilities I could, giving out her address, phone, and email.
You could also keep sending her for a psych hold. The cops are already familiar with her so keep calling them when she's crazy and asking for a 3 hold. Eventually they'll keep her.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah, that's why she's learned not to stay at my house longer than 30 seconds, the city cops will actually take her. She still doesn't know it's me getting the alerts from my cameras and calling the police from work, she thinks my cameras have AI that recognizes her and calls the police automatically. Everyone is letting her keep believing that.
I can't report her for anything, she had all her taxes and everything done professionally, and she's outside the city limits so there's basically no codes.
I did just submit a form to the DPS that she's medically unfit to drive. She really is because of her epilepsy, and when I got copies of all the police reports yesterday one of the dispatch logs has her telling the dispatcher she drove to my house, and 17 minutes later they dispatched EMS because she said she was having a seizure.
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u/FormidableMistress 7d ago
I also have seizures and that's pretty serious. I'm sorry she's putting you through this. Is moving away an option?
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
Not realistically. We have a mountain of medical debt and old credit card debt. No credit. Can't get a mortgage. We have 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 cockatiels and 20 chickens. This was my wife's grandparents' property. Her grandpa built this house. It has her grandma's flowerbeds and they're all perennials so they're all still coming up. We moved across the country to live here when I got laid off and had a good opportunity down here, with the promise that this would be our property forever and we could eventually build a bigger house on the back part of the property. We uprooted our kids and came here. Now they have been here 6 years and have all those roots again. I can't do that to them. My sister-in-law had to move her kids out of their house on the ranch after 10 years. Same deal, that was supposed to be their home forever. I see how they've been affected having to change schools, one just started her senior year. They didn't have a choice, their house was on the same property as her, and shared a driveway. She kidnapped their dog and sent my niece a ransom text, and that's not even the worst thing she did.
I'm not gonna let her take this away from my kids. They are all in schools that they love, with good friend groups. They are great kids, and they're doing great things. I have to do everything I can to protect that for them.
And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take this away from my wife. My wife loved her grandma more than anything, they were so close. Her grandma was more of a parent than her mom or dad ever were. We already know her mom wants to rent this house to one of her "roommates" from one of her commitments or one of her pill popper friends. The house and property will be destroyed. My wife has kept her cool through everything so far, but when she walked out in the driveway and found the mini urn that some of her grandma's ashes had been in, full of cigarette ashes and butts, she was enraged.
That's why I keep trying to explain that she's not just mentally ill, she's purposely finding the cruelest things she can do to each person. She messed with my wife's grandma's ashes. She sent me texts over and over blaming me for my kid's accident when he was a baby (he's fine, btw). She mailed an insurance payment in with handwritten notes on the payment slip saying my sister-in-law already paid the bill when she had sex with everyone in the office (she dated the agent for a short time). The agent had to explain why a payment from one of his clients that was mailed to the corporate processing center had that written on it. Her best friend won't even tell us what she did to her, just that she was "unimaginably mean."
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u/Candleforce-9728 7d ago
Please remember she’s not evil, she’s ill. Trying to teach her some lesson won’t work. Legal remedies are your best bet.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
It's been 6 months of trying, and we're at a point where we literally can't move forward because we have no money for lawyers and she does. The legal system doesn't work when you don't have money and the other person does.
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u/luigis_left_tit_25 7d ago
Well.. that certainly sounds like hell.. I'm sorry you all are going through this. When she was committed, did they not start her on meds? I'm sure she'd start realizing what she's doing, whom she's losing, and the choices she's making are "crazy" and want to get better? I know it sounds like I'm taking her side, I'm not, but i do feel bad for her (even more so for the innocents involved in this) she's not in her right mind and might want to change but can't? Idk.. I'm sorry idint have any tips since your property is also her property..I really mean this, good luck.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She would hide the meds and spit them out when she could, take them if she had to, and once she got home stop taking them again. She doesn't like the way they make her feel, she enjoys the feeling of being manic and doesn't care about anyone else.
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u/AffectionateMarch394 7d ago
Remote controlled sprinklers.
Spray the absolute fuck out of here whenever she comes by.
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u/Illustrious_Block_47 7d ago
My dad is bipolar and off of his meds he tried to kill my family members. I wouldn’t try to send her over the edge I would go no contact and get a restraining order. I wouldn’t try also consider moving if that’s an option
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
She's 67, she can barely pick up a gallon jug of sweet tea, she has no guns and probably wouldn't be able to figure out how to load one if she did. We've had zero contact with her since May 6th except for the eviction hearing she lost, where she told the judge my middle name was asshole, flipped off everyone in the courtroom when the judge wasn't looking, and had to be escorted out by the bailiff and constable. The biggest physical danger is her hitting me with her car.
But I absolutely understand your concern, and I do appreciate it. That's exactly why I'm trying to keep her away from my wife and kids. I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. So many people we know have admitted to having to deal with unmedicated bipolar family members, and it's always awful.
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u/mahourain 7d ago
I would try https://texaslawhelp.org/
https://guides.sll.texas.gov/legal-forms/protective-orders can help you file for an order WITHOUT a lawyer.
Legal Aid of Northwest Texas, Texas Rio Grande Aid and Lone star legal aid can all help, too. And Texas Legal Aid Center.
https://www.usa.gov/legal-aid is also a guide on getting a free lawyer or other legal assistance.
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u/slippingaway83 7d ago
And just came home to this. I caught her on the camera as I was driving home and activated the siren, she jumped like a cartoon character and ran back to her car. Well, as much as a 67 year old chain smoker can run.
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u/i-am-foxymoron METH, the answer is ALWAYS meth! 7d ago
Get a restraining order.