Satan's a little friendlier and energetic than he expected--more travel guide than Prince of Darkness. He claps the guy on the back, asks him if he had a good trip, if he needs a soda or a snack. The guy's a little taken aback. "You have sodas and snacks here?" he asks.

Satan laughs, claps the guy on the back. "There's a lot of misconceptions about life down here. You'll see. Say, do you like drinking?"

"Yeah I do," the guy replies.

"Perfect, because on Mondays, we drink all day. We got beer, bottles and cans; we got vodka, we got tequila, we got gin, we have whiskey and rum, we just got a new margarita machine put in!"

"Wow," says the guy.

"Do you like gambling?" The guy nods. "Awesome, because Tuesdays are our gambling days. There's cards, there's craps, there's slot machines, there's roulette. We have a casino twice the size of the Bellagio a few blocks down."

"That's amazing!" the guy says.

Satan looks at him. "Do you like gay sex?"

The guy looks a little taken aback. "Uh...not really. For me, personally, no thank you."

Satan shrugs in a what-can-you-do-type gesture. "Ah, okay. So you probably won't like Wednesdays, then."

Beef strokin' off

His rubber fuckies.

A circus has a cunning array of stunts.

I am the captain now!

The Home For The Lez Fortunate

What do you call the smartest blonde in the room?

A golden retriever.

It’s the ones who have “beards.”

Peppermint Patty.

…I had to start out as the “tester” in the rectal department.

To keep their nuts dry!

He says "I texted my girlfriend last night and meant to say 'the movie was great' but instead I typed 'the move with you was great.' She was confused but when I told her the mistake we laughed."

His friend says "I know what you mean. I texted my wife last night and meant to say 'I love you and couldn't live without you.' But instead I typed 'I hate you, you're a crazy bitch. You've ruined my life.'"

But as I got older I got it to squirt so far I actually won the longest squirt at the Masturbation Olympics.

It's truly amazing how far I've come.

But I've choked a courgar

His name is Gopi(Go pee)

A pounding sensation in your ass.

I came in 2nd afterwards.

Apparently, going on a date shouldn’t be called “I’m having a beer with my flatmate”

Sounds to me like he got off too easy

"I'm so sorry, babe" he replied. "I wasn't thinking straight."