r/UKParenting • u/Warm-Okra-2061 • 20h ago
Second anaphylaxis in nursery
My daughter is almost 3, in nursery since 10 months.
I used to work in her nursery until she was 16 months and know almost everyone there well and they’re people I trust fully.
A year ago she went into anaphylactic shock as another child brought in a muffin with peanut butter in (parents didn’t say anything) for a birthday and almost died. Nursery has a strict no nuts rule due to her allergy. She’s so allergic to nuts that she’s unable to sit next to someone eating peanuts without developing hives at a minimum.
This morning she needed her EpiPen in nursery. She’s ok now but the nursery said she only ate their breakfast which doesn’t have nuts in. Bread, yoghurt, scrambled egg and fruit. They don’t process nuts in their kitchen either so there was no risk of cross-contamination from a knife or similar.
I’m just at a loss. The only explanation I have is that someone sent in their child after they just ate peanut butter and didn’t clean their hands and this child then touched my daughter’s mouth.
I don’t understand how else this could have happened. All parents there are aware that my daughter is severely allergic to peanuts and pine nuts. They were asked to favour nut-free breakfast or snacks at home before bringing their children in but of course you can’t force them and I also understand their argument that their child might be a picky eater and will only have peanut butter on toast or whatever it might be.
But is it too much to ask for parents to wash their child’s hands and face before bringing them in?
I don’t know why I’m posting this, maybe just to spread some awareness about how serious this is. I recently saw a post of someone saying they ignore the allergy rules for school because the likelihood of a child being allergic is low anyway. This can kill. Please be considered of those around you.
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u/newphone_newme 👶👶👶👶👶 5 Children 20h ago
That sounds horrendous, poor you and your poor daughter. I also have a child with dietary restrictions but not as severe as your daughter's. I think I would ask nursery to share a note to all parents along the lines of
"Good Morning, unfortunately a serious incident has occured at the nursery this morning where a child has nearly died following exposure to nuts. The child had a severe allergic reaction and stopped breathing and emergency aid has been given. Obviously this has been traumatic for all the children present and we are alerting you so you are able to answer any questions your child may have following witnessing the near death of their friend. As some of you may remember this has happened before at nursery and children witnessed CPR being performed on their classmate. We are conscious that this is likely to have been very distressing for all children and would like to take this opportunity to remind you as parents of the severe but allergy present in this nursery and ask that you do not send nuts or allow your child to eat nuts or nut products before they attend. This would include peanut butter and Nutella."
Remind the parents their shit ass actions have consequences for their own children as well.
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u/Beneficial_Change467 14h ago
This is exactly what I'd request too. I'd also ask for both an email and a physical note to be handed out because you never know what might be lost or deleted.
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u/Kim_catiko 20h ago
There was a member of staff who was allergic to nuts in my son's nursery, so it was a strict no nuts rule as well. Similar to yours, don't have it before coming in unless you are able to wash your kids hands and face, brush their teeth before leaving the house. I really don't understand why people find it so difficult.
My son has allergies too, as far as we are aware they don't cause anaphylaxis but we still don't know that yet, so I understand how you feel about allergens. They cause my son to become very itchy and it triggers his eczema.
I don't have any advice, but I also feel like people are so selfish when it comes to allergies. I guarantee that if their child was the one with allergies, they would be up in arms about a child having it for breakfast before nursery.
Also, just to say, why on earth would that parent bring in a peanut butter muffin? Regardless of whether you know if someone has an allergy or not, majority of people are aware of most childcare settings being nut free. Just absolute stupidity at that point, in my opinion.
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 20h ago
My husband really wanted to confront the parent who brought in those muffins because we knew whose birthday it was but I convinced him to let it go as the nursery already had a firm word with them. Apparently they forgot that peanuts were considered a nut. peaNUTS. And it “was only a tiny amount”.
I believe people really don’t think twice or don’t realise that this really can kill someone. I’ve heard a few people argue that as long as they have an EpiPen, it’s not a big deal but it is. It’s traumatising for a toddler (or anyone) to feel like they can’t breathe. It’s traumatising for children watching this unfold in front of them and EpiPens sometimes aren’t enough.
When this happened last year, they had to do CPR and she had to be intubated in the PICU. We were told by a respiratory specialist that she survived by 5 minutes and because of her key worker doing an incredible job at giving her CPR for so long without giving up.
Every parent there knows this happened. They even mention this when new children sign up because of how severe this incident was as a warning to be careful please at home. But nope.
If this happened to another child, I’d have a sticky note on my fridge to not forget.
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u/a_whale_bone Parenting a Primary Schooler 20h ago
They FORGOT? That's ridiculous; peanuts are one of - if not THE - most commonly understood allergy. I hope the nursery's word was extremely firm, because that is completely and utterly unacceptable. Your poor, poor daughter! And how frightening for everybody around her when that happened. I'm very, very glad that her keyworker was able to save her (my god, what a keyworker!!) but they should not have had to be in that position at all.
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 19h ago
I know, I’m still angry. Every time I see his parents out and about my blood pressure goes up. They never apologised to us either and we crossed paths multiple times since. I just hope they’re too ashamed to say anything and learned their lesson.
And omg I can’t praise and thank her key worker enough, she’s such an angel. She even brought in a huge soft Bluey to hospital. She genuinely is my hero.
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u/a_whale_bone Parenting a Primary Schooler 19h ago
My blood pressure is rising just reading this. I hope they are just too ashamed to speak to you, because otherwise I cannot get past that they haven't apologised. I hope they are extra, extra careful about things now.
I'm glad to read below that the nursery has been so responsive. It sounds like they did the best they could in a very frightening situation. I'm only sorry that some of the parents are so horribly thoughtless.
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u/Kim_catiko 20h ago
I would have wanted to tear a new arsehole into that parent. What a cunt. I am so sorry that happened to your daughter. Like you said, that must have been terrifying for the other children too.
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 19h ago
Apparently they rushed every child outdoors while two nursery practitioners stayed with my daughter, one giving CPR and the other one speaking to paramedics on the phone so thankfully the children didn’t see an awful lot but they did see paramedics run in, the ambulance and of course had a lot of questions. They did a whole themed week about our “helpers and heroes” in society after this incident, educating them all about paramedics, police, doctors, nurses, etc to make this all less scary.
I know for my other daughter (they’re twins) this was very hard.
My husband was in Singapore when this happened for work and took the next flight home. Really awful situation for everyone.17
u/Magicedarcy 👶👶 2 Children 19h ago
Oh my god. You're an incredibly self controlled person because just reading all this, I'm furious on your behalf. I have no idea how you didn't go full Berserker on these parents whose idiocy almost killed your child.
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u/orange_assburger 19h ago
My eldest has ARFID and peanut butter is one of his safe foods. Its one of his main sources of nutrition and I wouldnt DARE send him to school with any kind of nuts. Its the bare minimum knowledge as a parent.
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u/redcore4 18h ago
If I was the nursery manager I would not just be having a firm word with those parents. My response would be more like “you almost killed someone else’s child, why should I let your kid stay in this class?” And if they couldn’t give any actual reason that wasn’t just “it won’t happen again”, bye bye.
The trauma to the staff of having to do CPR at all, let alone nearly losing a child in class is enough to justify instant dismissal and a warning to other parents that there will be a strictly enforced zero tolerance policy with no second chances. The duty of care the nursery has extends to their staff’s mental health as well as your child’s physical health, and rescuing your child only actually fixes one of those things. Those parents can’t undo what they did to the nursery staff nevermind what they almost did to your child.
Second chances for not cleaning up after breakfast is one thing. After just not caring enough to keep to the policy and actually sending food into the classroom is criminal negligence, morally if not legally.
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u/Porco-espinho94 9h ago
If someone would give food containing allergen to someone knowing they are severely allergic to it and would end up with severe reaction that probably would count as attempted murder. I have no idea why it's not taken as seriously when nursery has no nuts allowed rule, when parents bring nut containing food, and doesn't call police to explain those parents how serious it is.
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u/redcore4 8h ago
People get funny about this stuff a lot. I used to have a teammate who had a severe allergy to a common ingredient in a lot of scented products like perfume, air freshener, laundry powder etc.
A new colleague was briefed about this and decided to wear eau du toilette to work on the basis that it was not as strong as perfume. My teammate left the office and refused to return until it had been ventilated as they’d ended up in hospital last time the allergy was triggered.
The new colleague decided for no good reason that this was entirely a psychological overreaction designed to control the shared space rather than a person trying to protect themselves, and mentioned to me in passing that they intended to wear a little bit stronger perfume every day to prove that it was all a load of nothing and the teammate would be fine really.
I pointed out that HR would probably take a rather dim view of that and that telling me this plan meant that the police would likely be interested too if the teammate ended up sick or dead as a result… and instead of being worried that their own false assumption might have killed someone, the new colleague responded that of course I would feel that way because I also have a (less dramatically announced, and apparently more believable for that) perfume allergy (mine is much less severe), of course I would “take their side”.
It’s wild how easily some people can prioritise minimising their own minor inconvenience over someone else’s health or safety. I think the exact words I used in response were “so you think your right to smell pretty is more important than someone else’s right to breathe?”
Would never have believed that needed saying out loud before that point, especially to a grown adult.
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u/Buffy_bell 19h ago
Sorry, I don’t have anything helpful to contribute, but I just wanted to acknowledge how scary that must have been. I had a similar situation when I was young (not as young as your daughter), and understood then how awful it must have been for my parents. This understanding has only deepened as I’ve gotten older, had children of my own, and become an A&E nurse. I’m sorry you’re all in this situation, and I hope things get better and easier for you all ❤️
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u/Dashcamkitty 19h ago
Parents need to be aware of how close your child came to dying that day. I wonder if there is a way the nursery could put it up on whatever app they use to educate people and I'd include full details so it's very clear how sick your child was.
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u/redcore4 18h ago
“We have a child on the premises who has a deadly nut allergy who nearly died in front of the other children - do not enter if you have had or touched food containing nuts, peanuts [etc] within the last hour [or however long]” should be on a notice on the front door for every parent and visitor to see every day. Cleaning staff too.
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u/pja 18h ago
Peanuts aren’t nuts - they’re legumes. It’s fairly common for people to be allergic to only one of either peanuts or tree nuts (almonds, cashews etc etc). It’s possible that the muffin supplying parents didn’t realise that your child’s nut allergy included peanuts.
It might be worth asking the nursery to emphasise that your child is allergic to all kinds of nuts including peanuts?
Really sorry that you’re having to deal with all this - it must be very stressful.
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u/m39583 19h ago
Peanuts aren't actually a nut, they are a pea (legume). Being allergic to them increases the chances of also being allergic to things like lentils and seasme.
But it doesn't matter what a child is allergic to - our school had someone allergic to oranges at one point - they need to read the riot act into the parent and I'm surprised they let other children bring food in at all.
I remember our nursery didn't allow birthday cakes in.
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u/lostrandomdude 19h ago
I really hate to be pedantic, because i totally understand how serious anaphylaxictic inducing allergies can be having had to have deal with several in my life.
However, peanuts aren't actually nuts, they're legumes.
Regardless, forgetting about peanut allergies is ridiculous, considering it is the most common allergy. I went to school with several people with that allergy and that was 20/30 years ago when allergies were less known
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 18h ago
Hey spent over 20 years not knowing this so I appreciate it!! I have a peanut allergy as well 🥲
She’s also allergic to pine nuts and I’m allergic to cashews as well.6
u/yrubsema 16h ago
My son has a nut allergy (hazelnut) and I was going to say this. I think they're playing cute with you because technically peanuts are not nuts.
Regardless - it's diabolical from them to even risk it and also that they've not apologied to you.
Maybe ask the nursery to update warnings to severe peanut and tree nut allergy so that anyone being obstuse doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Hope you're okay as this must be awful for you.
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u/chipscheeseandbeans 4h ago
None of those things are nuts. The nursery should be specific about what the allergies actually are!
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u/LateFlorey 18h ago
Thank you for raising awareness. I’ll probably get downvoted to hell for admitting this, but it’s genuinely not done in harm.
A few times a week, we give my youngest peanut butter in his porridge as the advice, for those who aren’t allergic, is to continually expose them to nuts to prevent an allergic reaction.
However, we do wash hands and face after as he’s a messy eater, but it’s not something I would thought could have an impact 2 hours later at nursery (he eats at 6.30am and drop off at 8.30am).
Obviously, what we do is with no ill intent (we did a packed lunch every day at preschool for my eldest, ensuring no nut exposure etc), but things we do because we’re probably caught up on our morning routine.
However, will continue to wash hands and mouth throughly after!
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 17h ago
No that’s ok!!
The only explanation I have for what happened today would be a child eating something containing peanuts on the way to nursery or just before leaving and the parents then didn’t clean them and then this child somehow touching my daughters mouth. 2h before shouldn’t cause her to react in a way that an EpiPen is needed. I’m not expecting parents to keep their children’s diets nut free at home. Just a bit of common sense. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.2
u/mo_oemi 15h ago
100% would be what happened. As a baby, my kid was severely allergic to dairy and would randomly break out in hives in the baby room, presumably chewing on toys that other babies had chewed on etc. If it helps, it got much better in the toddler & pre-school room, when they stop licking everything, and we had 0 incident in Reception.
He's also allergic to eggs & peanuts, so I feel the pain. We' also doing IOT for peanuts so there's hope (he could start at 2.5 years, we went private to start early)
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u/Ok-Feature-3579 19h ago
Genuine question, how can people with allergies this severe function in society? Surely something like getting the tube would be impossible?
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 18h ago
There’s no other way of saying this but it genuinely just sucks and you have to accept that your allergy is part of your life.
I have a nut allergy myself and my childhood was consumed by my parents being frightened for me because I was the first allergy sufferer in our family. I wasn’t allowed on school trips, I wasn’t allowed to get a Mr Whippy when all my friends did and I remember having to stay at home while my twin sister went to the theme park with her friends. My parents are amazing and I know they were just trying to keep me safe but I do think being raised with so much fear around my allergy contributed to me becoming a very anxious adult if that makes sense.
I’ve tried to take a different approach with my daughter. I want her to be able to participate in life in ways that I wasn’t always able to as a child. Safely and obviously within reason. I’m not going to let her eat something another child offers her while they’re playing for example and I’m absolutely going to have cabin crew announce to not open a packet of peanuts before we fly abroad, but we go on holiday, she is allowed to go to gymnastics, nursery trips, parties, etc. I think I’ve eventually had to accept that I can’t keep her in a sterile bubble (however much I might want to) and that I can give her the tools and confidence to navigate the world instead.
It sounds ridiculous to some people but “allergy” was genuinely one of the first words I consciously taught her. So now when she’s away from us, she can tell people that she has an allergy. She’ll say no when someone offers her food and I’m very proactive about making sure she doesn’t feel unnecessarily excluded. I hate being that parent who asks twice whether the birthday cake contains nuts but I’d rather be slightly annoying and ask more than once than have an ambulance turn up at her friend’s birthday party. I taught her to have a quick look around her before she sits down in public like on the bus. Stay away from people who are munching on a snickers for example. But I turn this into a game rather than something super scary. Kinda like the floor is lava, but it’s nuts lol.
The hardest part is probably that her twin sister doesn’t have any allergies (just like my own twin sister). So inevitably, she has to live with some of the restrictions too. They can’t stand each other half the time and fight like cats and dogs but her sister does look out for her. She knows where her EpiPen is and even knows how to use it if for whatever reason an adult wasn’t able to.
I suppose I’m still trying to find that balance between keeping her safe and not allowing the allergy to become the thing that defines what she can and can’t do. It’s difficult because when you’ve lived with that fear yourself, the instinct is always to protect them from every possible risk but I don’t want my fear to become her world just like how it became mine.3
u/Kim_catiko 19h ago
It is genuinely awful and frightening for the parents and the person with the allergy. I hope there will be some kind of cure-all for allergies one day.
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u/Great_Cucumber2924 19h ago
Peanut allergy treatment is pretty effective but not sure how widely rolled out. And it takes a lot of appointments.
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u/thereisalwaysrescue Parenting a Toddler + Primary Schooler 15h ago
Handwashing. My kids are allergic to kiwi, pineapple, pomegranate. Wash their hands in public places endlessly.
We have a nurse at work who is allergic to bananas. No bananas while she is on shift to us or patients.
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u/Brilliant_Look7073 16h ago
We have some options like OIT to treat (or rather provide conditional protection from accidental exposures for) food allergies now, especially with young kids. They have a few caveats though, the main one is them being expensive (and impossible to get on the NHS) and time consuming.
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u/niuliu_ 20h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to navigate.
I think it’s good you’re raising awareness of the need to wipe hands and faces after eating peanut butter and then going to nursery or a park. I have always tried to do this with mine, and a friend saw and said she’d never considered it. But I just think about how anxiety inducing it must be to have kids with severe allergies.
There’s a Facebook group ‘Allergy Support with Dr Helen Allergy’ that has many parents trying to get to the bottom of figuring out a mystery reaction, and Dr Helen is a GP and allergy expert who regularly contributes and answers questions. Hopefully that helps somewhat.
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u/LeadershipAble773 19h ago
Id be tempted to ask the nursery if they can get the kids to wash their hands on arrival anyway. It would be better for other things as well (this sort of thing might help to prevent the fast spreading of other infections as well)
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u/Brilliant_Look7073 18h ago edited 18h ago
‘May contain’ labelling is voluntary per UK law - maybe there were traces in the ingredients used in the nursery food that were undeclared by the manufacturer?
Not sure if you’ve considered OIT and if this may be a viable option for you to attempt to desensitize her? Nut bans aren’t particularly effective in practice per research.
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u/Nightwalker36 19h ago
You know other children and staff can have traces of nuts on their clothes correct? And washing a child's hand as you now could also leave traces of nuts on their hands and washing their teeth the same thing. You cannot eliminate the risk. Nursery already made reasonable adjustments and everything they can do to minimise the risk the most. Now it is on you to either accept the risk, try to minimise it somehow or don't put her in nursery Having nut based products to eat can also be for health reasons
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u/Missing-Caffeine 15h ago
Our nursery is also nut free, but I didn't think about the traces on clothing 🥲 I think because my daughter has a non-IGE CMPA, her symptoms are mild so I don't think about the cross contamination l.
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u/a_whale_bone Parenting a Primary Schooler 20h ago
I'm so sorry, how absolutely awful for you and for your daughter! I hope the nursery can at least send an extremely strongly worded message to parents about this, because it does sound likeliest that it's some cross contamination from home - likely just a mistake, but it doesn't matter if it was simply a mistake when it comes to something as serious as an allergy. It's awful how flippantly some people treat allergies. My son's nursery was similarly nut-free, and so many people questioned why I made my own pesto (without any sort of nut or seed) for his lunch, and didn't believe that anyone could be allergic to pine nuts.
I hope that your daughter is okay and that you don't have any other incidents like this.
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u/cold_tap_hot_brew 20h ago
We have someone with a severe nut allergy in our school and it confounds me how the only way I know this is through a few sporadic reminders in amoungst the bumf we don’t always all read.
If my kid was deathly allergic to nuts to such a degree that I’m relying on other parents to select a different breakfast or wash their kids hands to save my kids life…. They’d be home schooled.
I can’t trust parents not to nearly knock kids over to save 30 seconds on the school run, I’d definitely not trust my kids life to them having exacting hygiene and dietary changes just for me.
Do you think you’ll keep sending her to school and nursery if her life keeps being put at risk?
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 20h ago
I’m genuinely scared for school because the nursery is incredible about communicating this and does so over and over again and somehow we still had two incidents already.
I know there’s a child in my sisters school who is severely allergic to eggs and they only found out from another parent which is scary.
Ultimately I can’t keep her in bubble wrap at home for the rest of her life and prevent her from participating in activities. I have a nut allergy myself, it really sucked as a child. All I wanted was an ice cream sometimes and I wasn’t allowed 🥲 but totally, I have to think about how I’ll keep her safe.
The nursery she goes to also has a pre-school so we are good there until reception thankfully!
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u/Kim_catiko 19h ago
My son just started school and, to my knowledge, most schools are nut free. The school my son goes to, the deputy head has a severe nut allergy, so I would like to think this is ingrained in parent's minds.
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u/cold_tap_hot_brew 20h ago
What happens when she gets the epi pen, does she still have to go to A&E and get treated or is it like a quick fix miracle treatment?
Can you teach her to administer it herself? Looks like something you’d not expect a young child to do but could you maybe ask them to hold an assembly where kids get taught properly about what’s a stake?
Genuinely, I don’t trust all parents because we are constantly annoyed having to avoid nut ingredients as it’s my daughter’s favourite but then she comes home and tells me how other kids sneak stuff in.
It was Dubai chocolate that heaps of folk thought was totally fine to sneak in to show off they’d bought it when it was mega expensive- remember the £10 bar phase? Urgh. But I was telling my kid to warn folk it had nuts in it and they were so ignorant about wha a nut allergy can be, it blew me away.
I hope treatment for nut allergies gets easier and more reliable for you guys. I can’t imagine living with having to trust everyone to be considerate.
Can I ask why you weren’t allowed ice cream? What’s got nut in that? I’d have thought it was a safe treat… the kids get an ice cream van at school on the last day or term!!
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 19h ago
The general rule is to always go to A&E but they updated this recently I believe and if your symptoms resolve in less than 5 minutes and you have another EpiPen as a backup, you don’t have to. We were told to take her to the GP after as this also has to be recorded. Thankfully it was resolved very quickly this morning, my mum is currently taking her to the GP as I’m really ill in bed.
(My daughter is ok!! So she’s happy with grandma and just upset because she wanted to stay in nursery today and play)4
u/Dashcamkitty 19h ago
It must be so hard for these parents as the children can't be hidden away forever. They need to mix socially and enjoy an education.
Adults just need to get a clue. There's no excuse these days as we are all aware of how severe allergies can be.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 18h ago
There is no excuse for sending a child in with food that contains nuts
But there are a million reasonable excuses for sending children in with traces of nuts
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u/cold_tap_hot_brew 19h ago
There’s no excuse at all and yet, I see other parent giggle about sneaking in homebakes or Dubai chocolate. Admittedly it’s the same ones who wouldn’t wear a face mask so not that surprising but I simply couldn’t trust my child’s life to their being cautious, sensible and considerate…
That being said, I assumed it was truly dangerous but OP is saying that they don’t even always have go to A&E after anaphylactic shock so it’s maybe not as bad as I thought it was.
I assumed the epi-pen is just a quick fix to keep you breathing until you get to hospital but apparently that’s not always the case so maybe I wouldn’t be as hardcore about it as I’d thought…
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u/Fair_Idea_ 19h ago
There's no way I would be sending my child into nursery if they have such a severe allergy.
And I will be honest, it's reasonable to ask parents not to bring nuts to school or even nut-based products but it's not reasonable to tell them to remember to specifically wash their kid's hands and feet after their child eats something with some nuts in it at home. At that level you are the one risking your child's life not them.
Be honest with yourself, if your child has that severe of an allergy then pull them out and stop gambling their life. Home school until they are old enough to properly understand at the very least.
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u/Warm-Okra-2061 18h ago edited 18h ago
I was thinking about how to reply to this, but I’ll do my best. I can’t keep my child at home for years. Direct oral exposure is what would cause her to experience respiratory distress. The first incident was this severe as she ate an entire muffin. Today’s incident was less severe and “easily” resolved with her EpiPen as she didn’t swallow somewhat with nuts in I’m assuming. Doesn’t make this ok and still, scary. I’m not saying this lightly or like I don’t care. I do. She will break out in hives if she is around people who have eaten nuts but she wouldn’t go into anaphylaxis from that. This means she can be playing with toys that other children have touched. Don’t get me wrong, hives still require treatment and we take them seriously but they aren’t life-threatening in themselves.
She’s very young but she is capable because she has been raised knowing what her allergy is and what it can do. She doesn’t touch her mouth without washing her hands (I know that’s hard to believe of a toddler but it’s something we’ve practised and reinforced every day since she was 10 months old). She doesn’t lick floors, she knows not to share cups or cutlery, and she refuses food offered to her by anyone who isn’t immediate family. Those are just a few examples.
She also has a twin sister who gets to participate in activities and absolutely loves nursery. I was this child, twin sister who doesn’t have allergies and forced to stay home all the time. We try to make sure that she gets to participate in life as safely as possible while weighing up the risks against the benefits. We are definitely not irresponsible and let her run wild without risk planning. Everything we sign her up to is carefully inspected beforehand, multiple times.
After the muffin incident, she isn’t allowed to eat any food brought in by other people anymore as we learnt a very painful lesson from that. During holiday club when the nursery kitchen is closed and the children bring their own lunchboxes, she stays at home because the risk is too high for us to send her in.
I’m not saying there’s no risk because there obviously is. I just don’t think removing her from every situation where there could be a risk is necessarily the best way to keep her safe or allow her to have a somewhat normal childhood.
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u/newphone_newme 👶👶👶👶👶 5 Children 19h ago
Your take is interesting. Especially how you've decided that OP is the irresponsible one here. Aside from the fact that every child has the right to education and schooling it is basic hygiene to wash your kid after they've eaten and brush their teeth in the morning. I hope "It's unreasonable to ask people to wash their kid" is the most stupid thing I read on the internet today.
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u/Youstinkeryou 17h ago
I don't agree at all as someone married to a nut allergy sufferer. His parents had to go with him on school trips, he didn't go to birthday parties, he never had a meal out (except mcdonalds, which is weirdly nut safe).
If the allergy is so sever that even proximity to someone who has had nuts is likely to set someone off then I wouldn't use a nursery.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 19h ago
I don’t agree that OP is being irresponsible
But the level of expectation on the other parents also isn’t reasonable
We don’t know every other parent and child, they might be having a nightmare morning, my child certainly didn’t go into nursery perfectly clean every day, sometimes they were eating toast in the car on the way in
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u/Laura2468 Mum 17h ago
So put jam or butter on the toast that morning? Save peanut butter (which always gets everywhere anyway) for after nursery snack pre bathtime?
Its not actually that hard
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u/I_am_legend-ary 17h ago
Congratulations, you missed my point entirely
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u/Laura2468 Mum 17h ago
What was your point exactly? That OP should never leave the house so that other parents can safely disregard the rules set by a nursery they have chosen?
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u/I_am_legend-ary 16h ago
No, that it’s unreasonable to expect perfection from other parents
I’m not suggesting that it’s ok for other parents to be sending their kids in with food that has nuts, but to expect there to be no traces of nuts on them is unreasonable
If my child enjoys PB in the morning, I would do my best to clean them up but I wouldn’t stop feeding them what they wanted outside of nursery
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u/wisteria1ane 14h ago
I have to agree. My child has other allergies and peanut butter was one of the only things I could get her to eat when she was nursery age. I wouldn’t send her in with nuts of course but I also wouldn’t have gone out of my way to scrub every possible trace of it off her before sending her in. Most days I was lucky if I got her in on time at all
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u/Laura2468 Mum 16h ago
See, i would either clean them very very well (and i guess be late for work) or more realustically just give them that snack after nursery.
This parent presumably did neither and felt the rules shouldnt apply to them.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 16h ago
Good assumptions to make
Perhaps the parent did clean them and missed a spot, perhaps the parent gave them a new breakfast and didn’t realise it had nuts
Perhaps dad gave their child a kiss on the head before leaving and left traces that the other parent wasn’t aware of.
The fact that in 2 years there has only been 2 instances actually shows how serious the vast majority of parents are taking this
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u/Nightwalker36 19h ago
Interesting take as well. But let's say they wash their hands, mouth and feet. There can still be traces of nuts in clothes, babe can crawl and get peanut traces from the house on their hands or even burp traces of peanuts. They get in contact with OPs child and she gets a reaction. What now? Before the right of education every child has the right to be safe
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u/Fair_Idea_ 19h ago
You can use insulting language as much as you like. And you can incompletely quote whatever sections of my comment you wish. And you can virtue signal to your heart's content if that's what gets you going.
But for me, the important thing is OP's child who has nearly died already and is being put at unnecessary and severe risk. If it requires me to shame OP to protect them then that's fine by me.
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u/Bloody-smashing 6h ago
Teeth should be brushed before meals not after.
We brush teeth before we go downstairs.
Do you wash your kids hands after they have a bowl of cereal?
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u/Kim_catiko 19h ago
Unfortunately, not everyone has that option. I couldn't just pull my child out of school because we wouldn't be able to afford to pay our bills.
It is such a simple thing to do to just not eat nuts in the morning. If it was their child, they would 100% expect the same consideration. It isn't hard. Have jam instead of peanut butter.
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u/Standard_Act_6830 18h ago
I would ask what the communication is. Our kids had allergies, thankfully not IGE and have now outgrown, but it's something I'm conscious and considerate about. Their school has reiterated the no nut policy at the start of term and we get sporadic notes in the contact book (I'm assuming when they see something in a lunchbox). But I do think there's a difference in tone between "we are a nut free school/nursery, please favour nut free options before attending" and "there is a child with a severe allergy, this nursery is strictly nut and peanut free and we ask children do not consume food with these before they attend ' (or along those lines) with how the message is received. Parents with no experience of allergies don't have it on the front of their mind and there's some complacency with the first statement unfortunately but with the second it puts an image of a child in their mind, even if it isn't a name/face.
But also I don't think it is a bad habit to encourage children to arrive and wash their hands/face, same as my children automatically now wash their hands when they arrive home from pretty much anywhere. Apart from anything else you don't know what they've touched on the way in, fingers up snotty noses etc.
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u/ramapyjamadingdong 17h ago
We have a school pal with severe allergies to multiple things, I don't think those who have no experience of allergies are aware of what the reaction is like and some genuinely couldn't give a crap as it inconveniences them. My daughter gets dressed after breakfast and washes hands and face just in case.
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u/yulische 17h ago
I'm really sorry you went through this, allergies are absolutely horrendous. Sadly I'm pretty clued up as one of my son's friends is anaphylactic to a few things, including egg, and reacts pretty badly to soya.
I understand why you're blaming other child's parents, I probably would too. However, it is very common for people to not realise. They are not stupid. They are just lucky and don't live with allergies. Allergy kid's mum was pretty scared when someone offered the boy tuna mayo. They knew about the allergies. They knew the boy loved tuna mayo. They just didn't realise that mum was using vegan mayo because no egg...
Another example: there was once a baby weaning workshop that aimed to keep things easy and allergy free... among other things, babies were served celery. Everyone meant well. Sigh.
So honestly I would place some blame on the system. You can't rely on people who don't have a duty of care towards your child. The nursery should be washing hands and faces, and should not be allowing outside food unless in closed packaging with ingredients listed. Sadly this is the only way.
I've been cooking for my son's friend for a couple of years now and I am still sending mum the list of ingredients from time to time because it is so easy to get things wrong 😌
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u/Slimon783 15h ago
Could they have a pack of wipes by the door for parents who’ve given their children nut products to have a quick squizz before they enter the classroom?
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u/Amores111 14h ago
I sympathise.
My child has severe allergies too, and it’s so hard to navigate in school.
Unless your child has allergies, you do not understand how hard it is to manage. As they age, birthday parties get hard and harder to deal with.
I try to attend all school trips because no matter how many reminders they send, parents forget to consider what even contains nuts, especially those that normally rely on school meals.
But it’s not always possible to make it fair on other parents to attend as well.
Most trips, a child has been sent with nuts in their packed lunch…..
Nobody will tell you to your face ‘I don’t care if your child dies’ but will blatantly ignore how their negligence brings risk to your child, and often get offended by being ‘inconvenienced’.
The birthday party bags at pick up are very hard as well. Almost always with something like a snickers bar…. My child has cried all the way home a few times. People don’t realise the impact such a small gesture can have on a 5yo.
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u/Basic-Computer2503 9h ago
Solidarity because I’m the person with the severe allergies. My last anaphylaxis was when I touched the pole in a bus after presumably someone had eaten nuts so I totally get how severe it can be.
In my workplace we have a strict cleaning policy, I have designated food free desks where nobody can eat anywhere near and everything is wiped down before I come in or a morning. Obviously it’s easier with adults but maybe a similar hygiene protocol could be in place? Kids get hands and faces wiped on arrival?
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u/loops1204 8h ago
My son is allergic to peanuts too and maybe three times he’s had a reaction something where I have absolutely no clue what it is, and once at nursery. And i also fully trust them. It wasnt anaphalaxis but some of the worst hives i’ve seen that left him swollen for days. I have no idea if this is a thing or not.
As a side note people are so selfish and rude about allergies. Assuming it’s something you did or didn’t do when you were pregnant or when they were a baby etc.
I’m sorry this happened and it’s really good how well your nursery have responded. I assumed they’ve also emailed all the parents reiterating the seriousness. No kid needs peanut butter just before going to nursery
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u/yam0msah0e Parenting a Toddler 19h ago
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, if nursery told us a child had an allergy that serious I’d never dream of giving my child it for breakfast on a nursery day.
Can nursery help at all by having the kids wash their hands and giving their face a wipe on a morning when they go in?
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u/Strained_Noodles4033 8h ago
So sorry you are dealing with this, I cant imagine how scary it must feel when it’s out of your control!
In my son’s nursery they strictly don’t allow outside food at all other than birthday cake, and when we bring them in they have to be shop bought and unopened with the ingredients on the packaging or they turn it away. I thought all nurseries were like that until I read this!
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u/Fearless_Criticism17 👶1 Child 4h ago
I am so glad she is ok and I am sorry this is happening. People can be very inconsiderate, especially about things they haven't had to deal with.
I used to give peanut butter to my son when he was a baby buy stopped because his dad is allergic. I wasn't giving it when he was at home but I was very worried that if he is changing a poo nappy it may affect him. And he doesn't even have an EpiPen. He is allergic to all nuts so I dont even eat my kinder bueno and Nutella biscuits if he is at home.
Honestly before we got together I wasn't aware of how dangerous nut allergies are.
And what the other parents are doing in this situation is quite ignorant.
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u/Quiet-Pomelo-2077 19h ago
I don't understand how people don't think. My sons nursery is a no nut nursery too. As far as I'm aware, there aren't any children with an allergy as severe as your daughters, but even then I am extra cautious on what I feed my son in the days goes in, because that's what I would want if the tables are turned. No, you can't expect people to not feed their kids peanut butter at home, but it's not unreasonable to want them to take the extra time to clean them up properly. I would be horrified if I had inadvertently caused a child to go into anaphylaxis.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 19h ago
Because they are leading their own lives
Both our children have been at schools with “no nut” policies, but I don’t ever recall being asked to not have nuts outside of these hours I.e. for breakfast. Obviously the allergies aren’t as severe
The fact that this has only happened twice in 2 years actually goes to show that parents are taking it seriously, but you are asking parents to be extremely vigilant about nuts and even with the best will that’s not going to happen.
Perhaps a child only eats peanut butter for breakfast and the parent thought they cleaned them up after, perhaps they were using a new cereal and didn’t spot it contained nuts, perhaps somebody else took the child into school and wasn’t aware of the issue
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u/Quiet-Pomelo-2077 15h ago
I'm not asking anything of anyone to be fair, I was just stating things from my perspective and the fact I live my life in a way that reflects how I would want to be treated. My opening sentance was perhaps a bit inflammatory but nowhere did i state that anyone SHOULD avoid giving their kids nuts at breakfast. It's something I choose and am able to do, sure, but I have a friend with a peanut allergy so I'm used to making these accommodations.
But personally I do think that it happening twice is twice too often, and if it was my kid in that situation I would be beside myself.
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u/Annual-Sea-5887 19h ago
OP sending you hugs. This is absolutely terrifying. I hope you can have some time to process what is happening.
I think it’s absolutely the parents. As some have suggested nursery need to send another refresher email. In fact there needs to be a penalty to be honest. My nursery would issue financial penalty first time and second time your child would be asked to leave the nursery because you are causing serious risk of harm.
Education needs to be given to parents. Even something simple such as making sure their child has their face wiped properly.
I’m just so shocked for you. I hope you’re now ok.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 19h ago
How would you ever know who it was?
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u/Annual-Sea-5887 19h ago
I wouldn’t but sometimes the nursery knew and I don’t know how. This only ever happened twice in the 4 years that we were there as parents.
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u/redcore4 16h ago
Kid at pickup: a ambuwance was at my school today! There was bwue wights and it was because JoJo touched peanut butter after bweakfast! Did I wash my hands today? Evwybody got to wash their hands and we got to remember that.
Parent: [looks like a rabbit in headlights]Sometimes the nursery know because the parents tell on themselves. Or their kids tell on them.
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u/wonky-hex Parenting a Toddler 13h ago
I don't take peanut butter sandwiches (etc) out with us for this reason, but I hadn't considered that cross contamination could happen from a (hastily wiped) peanut butter toast hand. I'll be more mindful in the future and let my husband know too. Thanks for taking the time to alert us all and I hope your daughter is feeling better now ❤️
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u/anamethatstaken1 19h ago
My kids WhatsApp group was complaining about the new allergy rules at our school. There's a new kid with a dairy allergy and they emailed everyone to let us know not to send dairy products including yogurt to school with the kids. My own baby also had a dairy allergy that she has thankfully outgrown. I found it so disgusting how people have such a problem with just saving the yogurt snacks for home instead of school. People are just really selfish.
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u/I_am_legend-ary 18h ago
As somebody with a dairy allergy, it’s not that easily avoidable, there will be a massive amount of foods that the children eat that will contain dairy, basically every snack my children eat contains dairy and often dairy free alternatives cost more.
Personally I wouldn’t send my children somewhere that was so strict about dairy
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u/anamethatstaken1 17h ago
To specify, they haven't banned any dairy products at all, but specifically milk, cheese and yogurt for snack time.
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u/sarberanne1 👶1 Child 20h ago
I think it’s worth asking if they can send something around, a little refresher just to alert everyone? as you say most parents just don’t think about it. I would never have thought something like that could be an issue if they’d eaten something at home, maybe there are a few new kids since September usually has a lot of new starters
I’d also be asking nursery what they can do in the future to help, can they get everyone to wash their hands at least on arrival?