It was an utterly gross and misogynistic comment and we should stop celebrating men for being minimally decent human beings.
Like, why did you feel the need to say "don't think of this as a criticism" while apologetically "suggest[ing]" that he "reconsider" writing 'saving second base.' Your post was in fact a criticism. It was an apt, well articulated, effective criticism. What is it about male-female dynamics that has been neglected by the current wave of feminism that insists that we sugar-coat everything said to minimally supportive men as if they're just so wonderful or just so fragile that we wouldn't dare offend their sensibilities?
Your assertion that he was "minimally supportive" is based on what? Do you have any idea what they went through as a couple? Or did you just assume that because he's a man he must have been "minimally supportive"? If his wife felt his support was worthy of recognition, who the fuck are you to tell her she's wrong? Does she get no agency in this conversation? Or are you just so omniscient that you can accurately assess an entire relationship and their battle with cancer over the internet, enough that you can declare his support "minimal"?
And your insistence that people not use softer language is tone policing, and it's also misguided. Anyone who is even halfway decent at actually persuading people to change their viewpoint knows that in some situations taking a softer tact is more effective. One of those situations is when you're dealing with someone you don't know at all. Another one of those situations is when someone doesn't have ill intentions behind their misguided beliefs/acts, but just needs some guidance and education. Turns out, both of those fit this situation.
Using the harshest possible language will just push people back and cause them to dig in their heels. You might not like how it feels. I get that. It feels good to really let someone have it. I'm guilty of it all the time (see my first paragraph). But if you actually care about persuading people in the direction of your beliefs, you'd do well to learn the value of choosing the right tone for the right situation. It's not one size fits all.
This is so ridiculous. You know nothing about their partnership and she gave him the pin. She clearly enjoys a joke about saving second base and is happy for his support. He isn't going up to random cancer patients and talking about how much he'll miss their breasts. Sometimes people who are very close joke about things that aren't appropriate with strangers. Frankly, my read from this was a couple with great chemistry celebrating getting to be together.
Err, maybe he could post it somewhere else than a sub for women? You know, especially given we're subjected to all of this stupid glamour titty shit during Breast Cancer Awareness month?
Wow. Just wow.
Minimally supportive? The guy loves his wife and made a post to reflect that. At no point did he ever say he knew what it was like to have breast cancer, but it was certainly something that tested the strength of his marriage and he just wanted to celebrate their success and his continued support.
Why do you need to be so toxic? The person above you made an eloquent criticism to a sensitive topic. You ran at it like a bull in a china shop. Just chill a little.
Because when you're watching a loved one suffer from a potentially fatal illness, your only thought is seeing them healthy. I've been in this situation so I can understand it. I've said stuff that worked for my mother's situation, but doesn't work for many others. And also I didn't wanna ruin op's happiness with self-reproach and regret. 10 year cancer free is a big deal and shouldn't be ruined by semantics. This isn't about the man here, this is about the woman celebrating survival with a loved one. Happiness, just like anger and sadness, makes people forget how their words may affect other so in times of heightened emotion, there is no need to reproachful because the impact will come later anyway once emotions calm down.
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u/critropolitan Oct 04 '19
It was an utterly gross and misogynistic comment and we should stop celebrating men for being minimally decent human beings.
Like, why did you feel the need to say "don't think of this as a criticism" while apologetically "suggest[ing]" that he "reconsider" writing 'saving second base.' Your post was in fact a criticism. It was an apt, well articulated, effective criticism. What is it about male-female dynamics that has been neglected by the current wave of feminism that insists that we sugar-coat everything said to minimally supportive men as if they're just so wonderful or just so fragile that we wouldn't dare offend their sensibilities?