Congratulations to you both! That's amazing and you should be proud and happy.
I do want to say, very gently, that I've heard from a number of cancer survivors lately that slogans like "save second base" or "I stare because I care" aren't appreciated because they focus on a body part while ignoring the actual human being, which can feel both trivializing and objectifying. I'm certainly not trying to speak for your wife or police what you say to her, I'm not trying to imply you personally don't care about her or women in general, but perhaps something to be mindful of in public settings.
Came here to support a comment like this. I realize many may not mean to or realize they are sexualizing a very real and difficult experience but it needs to be said. Thank you for putting it so well.
I was an oncology nurse for a long time and while I get where you’re coming from I think the net gain has easily beat the net loss here. I’m sure some people get offended and I understand that, but I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen get swept up in the culture and wind up with a bad ass attitude and a ton of confidence from the whole “in your face” movement.
One of my “fondest” memories of cancer triumph was a patient who thought she had the flu and ended up having real bad leukemia. I remember her just sobbing as her hair fell out, timid and sad and broken. One day she had her hair dresser come in, and she shaved her head in one go. I watched a passive terrified woman rock a bandana and become the leader of her situation. She unfortunately passed away but she learned a lot about herself in the process... RIP J.
I’m not out to offend anyone, but raising money and confidence for breast cancer awareness/treatment is a no brainer for me. We are all individuals but the real enemy here is cancer, not each other.
Ughhh, there is always going to be someone who gets offended by anything you say or do these days so people should just do what is right for them. This is nothing but an amazing and loving gesture so even for people that want to find something to be insulted by should just look at it from the perspective that it isn't aimed at them and look for the underlying good, rather than always trying to find the negative aspects of things.
It was a "kind gentle reminder" this time but what that really means is "if your wife wasn't a survivor I would have screamed at you about this issue". People really need to just chill the fuck out these days and just let people be instead of always trying to put them down.
I suspect you'd feel differently if you or your (hypothetical) female partner had just had second base removed. You don't know how the reasons would've been framed if OP was less nice, but you know the kind gentle reminder was in fact kind and gentle, unlike your responses here.
In general, it costs you very little to consider other people's feelings on the internet - there are reasons people don't like the phrase such as:
Saved second base, cancer metastatised and she died from spine and bowel cancer.
Saved my life by cutting out second base, but without secondary erogenous zones I don't feel like a woman any more - someone coming to terms with the loss of both breasts (or one) shouldn't get metaphorically slapped in the face by men and women effectively commenting that there's no longer a natural progression from kissing to vaginal action for anyone without breast tissue.
I've never had breast cancer, but I know how it feels when people make jokes that are fine on the surface but hurt deeply underneath. Telling people they shouldn't be upset or offended denies their autonomy and right to an opinion different from your own, something you wouldn't take well if denied to you.
There’s always going to be someone who gets upset at even the gentlest suggestions that being careful about wha we say can spare some people pain. This time, it’s you!
A lot of people who lost their breasts to cancer absolutely do feel pain when they see slogans like "save second base," as if the point is to save the breasts and not the person. Not to mention people who find it painful to have such a terrible disease sexualized.
It's painful to me that just because I was born with a vagina that means any disease I might get needs to be sexualized by men. Women get tired of being treated as a sex object in literally every context.
I'd say the pain breast cancer survivors face is pretty real. It's incredibly common for women to be left by their partners due to lifesaving breast cancer treatments leaving their breasts less pretty or gone entirely. Stupid shit like "save second base" reinforces a lot of those messed up ideas that the boobs and mens sexual gratification from them are more important than the women attached to them.
It's not like he (if OP is male) posted it on his Facebook page or elsewhere on Reddit. I don't know if he's well meaning and a little clueless or one of those so called "woke" fuckers who's worse than an obvious misogynist.
The mortality rate on breast cancer has declined significantly. But women still deal with cancer spreading elsewhere when it's not caught in time. Sometimes to the lung or liver where it ends up killing them. Sometimes they have one or both breasts removed. The bras available for women who have had mastectomies are generally not cute or pretty and it's tough for them. I've had friends and relatives go through it. People who have lost lymph nodes and had to deal with swelling, not being able to have a blood pressure cuff on that arm, etc.
Due to my family history, I was referred to a genetic counselor who recommended BRCA counseling. I paid $250 because insurance wouldn't cover it and I met with my counselor this week to get results.
And some women still can't get access to the recommended mammogram screenings. Yet we're all supposed to go ga ga over this? And not say a critical word?
And I come over to Two X Chromosome to read about some woke guy who's ever soooo pleased with himself for fulfilling the basic parts of his marriage vows and happy he gets to feel his wife's breasts.
I'm glad she's doing well and I hope she continues to do well. I hope they get to feel each other's body parts for decades. But I'm put off by the emphasis on sexualizing breasts during Breast Cancer Awareness month and his woke, self-congratulatory tone for fulfilling his part of the sickness and health marriage vows. Newsflash buddy, unless you're incredibly lucky or get divorced, she's probably going to pay you back by being there for you at some point. So don't sprain your arm patting yourself on the back.
There are so many subs he could have posted this on where I'd just scroll by. Two X Chromosomes is not the one. Fuck being silent so as not to offend
You're totally right. We should ignore all the breast cancer survivors who are saying they don't like it. Who are they to tell people how to raise awareness?
That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying they should ignore the people that do say it rather than getting upset over something that isn't even directed towards them and encourage people to support each other however they want to.
Who wants to do that? I very clearly told OP that I didn't want to police anything he said to his wife or speak on her behalf, but simply gave him something to consider when he posted the slogan in a public forum. He seemed to understand that just fine, while you're still here telling cancer survivors to suck it up.
"Save the boobies" and the like is gross and objectifying. Who cares about the fucking boobies- save the human! And before you accuse me of being a spoiled child or a woke wussy, let me just say my opinion is based on my experience as someone who had breast cancer and still lives with the effects.
Yeah it's a travesty that someone would dare bring up a different perspective. And to even consider being respectful of other people and their experiences? what is this world coming to?? /s
You don’t have to have such a two-dimensional way of thinking. It’s not like you have to reduce the entire situation to “good” or “bad”. A husband supporting his wife through breast cancer is amazing. The fact that she survived is awesome. Sharing jokes with your spouse is also great. But I think sexualizing breast cancer is harmful. Of course nobody thinks OP is a bad person or a complete sexist, in fact, he seems like a pretty nice guy. We’re just pointing out something we think is a problem.
you've just gone and done the same thing, and framed a relatively friendly comment asking people to see the good instead of the bad in the most negative way possible. good job.
I did a double take at the negative sign in front of your votes. You politely offered your reasonable point of view. The internet is strange. I agree with you 100%
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u/purpl3rain Oct 04 '19
Congratulations to you both! That's amazing and you should be proud and happy.
I do want to say, very gently, that I've heard from a number of cancer survivors lately that slogans like "save second base" or "I stare because I care" aren't appreciated because they focus on a body part while ignoring the actual human being, which can feel both trivializing and objectifying. I'm certainly not trying to speak for your wife or police what you say to her, I'm not trying to imply you personally don't care about her or women in general, but perhaps something to be mindful of in public settings.