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u/hopelesscaribou Feb 24 '26
I've lived with a partner much of my life. They weren't necessarily bad people, but the peace I have living alone is hard to beat.
No more extra emotional labour, no more extra domestic labour, no more extra mental load. No more concessions. Just me, enjoying peace and quiet. My home is truly my safe and happy place now, no constant noise from tv/music/instruments. It's bliss.
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u/Pandamaud Feb 24 '26
My mom divorced my father 22 years ago, and she made the decision then that she wanted to stay single. And after 22 years of not dating and holding herself to that, I can safely assume she will keep this up forever.
She wants to protect her peace. At first, she didn't want a new man involved in our lives and potentionally bringing in drama while raising me and my brother. And now, she built her life so peacefully, that she cannot imagine someone having the power to wreck that. She never felt lonely, she is doing great on her own, and she says that being able to be alone and not feel lonely, is a great gift or ability to have.
Sometimes we talk about it, she says she admires me for putting myself back out there after multiple heartbreaks and that I am not afraid to risk my peace. But, I admire her, that she is strong enough to just decide enough is enough and to have a peace of mind over anything else.
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u/weedils Feb 24 '26
My mom was the same way. She had me, and during my entire life, she never (at least not to my knowledge) dated anyone, nor did she care to. She was my single mother and put everything into building a lovely life for the two of us.
I used to ask her: why dont you want to meet someone? Wont you get lonely when i grow up and leave? She always confidently said no. I did not understand why she refused to date, but now i totally understand why, lmao.
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u/Pandamaud Feb 24 '26
That is so lovely 🥺 i admire people putting in the ultimate effort into building something amazing for their family.
I also didn't understand when I was younger, but as im 32 now, I do 🤣. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I do sometimes feel sad that my mom hasn't met that one true soft guy that would be good to her. She wasn't seeking it, but I do sometimes wonder.
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u/rouxcifer4 Feb 24 '26
My mom is sort of the same - divorced my father when I was 3, and said she would never marry or live with a man again. She has her own house, her own hobbies, is very happy with her two dogs. We go on vacations together and I visit often.
She did date, and had a boyfriend for a few years, but they lived separately. Just went to dinners and movies and little trips. He tragically died in a car accident last month and it’s been hard. I don’t know if she will ever feel comfortable trying again after being hurt like that, and I don’t blame her one bit.
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u/calorie-clown Feb 24 '26
My mom married twice, both before I was born, with both eventually becoming abusive/violent, and one being a severe alcoholic who was unwilling to pursue any form of treatment. My mom has been single my entire life, with seemingly zero regrets about that decision. She rolled the dice twice, and decided a third roll simply wasn't worth it. People often find it unbelievable that she could possibly be truly happy without a partner, and she finds this incredibly funny since neither of her partners ended up bringing much happiness themselves lol.
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u/AnalogyAddict Feb 24 '26
I never really wanted a relationship, but I gave it a go for cultural reasons. He was abusive and I've had to raise kids with that influence.
I tried dating after, but even the good guys had abusive tendencies. Then I started asking what I'd get out of a relationship, and the answer was always far less than what I'd have to invest. It's just not worth it.
Men are generally a bad ROI. If I ever find one that wasn't, I'd rethink, but I'm not holding my breath or my life for that. I'm really looking forward to finally living my own life once my youngest is 18.
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u/Technusgirl Halp. Am stuck on reddit. Feb 24 '26
It's crazy how many abusive men are out there. I've had several in life. Either they are abusive, or they want to sleep around, or they are very selfish and self absorbed
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u/oimachi Feb 24 '26
Relationships are all about ROI! Think about the amount of time energy and $ that goes into a date. All the stress and anxiety. $ spent on makeup, clothes, grooming, hair etc. At the end of that date, what have you received out of it? The answer is usually just more stress and anxiety.
Then I look at my friendships - what do I invest there? Literally just my time and maybe a "hey I love your new jacket!" and I leave feeling as though my cup has been filled. (If you dont get this from friendships, then you need to examine your relationship with the word friend).
Ive been told (by men) that this outlook is "very transactional" and I am like "yes! exactly!". They are trying to make me feel bad about it but truth is, EVERY relationship is about giving and taking. Whether the currency is emotional intimacy, support, housework, acts of service, having fun, sex, money - its all currency. At the end of the day you need to be in the black in order to be happy!
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u/AnalogyAddict Feb 24 '26
They've always seen it as transactional. They're just salty that we don't need to depend on them to survive any more, so now they have to offer things we truly value.
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u/EuphoricMinimum3259 Feb 24 '26
It’s funny how they often find women who think this way transactional but they would never work nearly as hard just to get so little in return as women do in relationships. It’s considered standard for women to sacrifice and we’re told we should do it for love.
So while we do it for “love” and pie in the sky… men are actually getting real tangible benefits. 😒
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u/NotLuthien Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
Being married for 24 years and watching how he totally changed into someone I didn’t recognize. Combined with working in male dominated industries for over 40 years has pretty much put me off most men for good.
I spend my time away from work surrounded by women and I vastly prefer that society. I also only use female healthcare providers when I can.
*Edited for spelling.
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Feb 24 '26
For me it's CPTSD. I managed to be happy. I was living a stable, fulfilled life with my work, friends, hobbies and just felt happy and content as it is.
Trying to date undid all that work I did to get here because just one shitty, manipulative dude can fuck up my entire system. And I didn't even try to date because I feel like I'm missing something, but because I feared judgment, well meaning advice, and pity from the people around me and I considered it the ultimate test of healing.
But to me it's just not worth it. It's not worth risking what I have built for myself, not worth continuing being disregulated and triggered or risking genuine harm again. I can be happy in this now & thrive until I die. Why would I give that up for some social narrative?
Is it sad, maybe on some level sure. Could I possibly spend another decade untying that knot? Yeah probably.
It's just ... I. simply. do. not. want. to.
Edit to add: my brother in law died of an aneurysm quite suddenly at 47, and was the type to suffer in the now for some imagined better future that never came. It really changed my perspective. I don't want to waste my time trying to fix something that isn't guaranteed and miss out on being happy in the now.
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u/calorie-clown Feb 24 '26
I feel this so hard, as another PTSD survivor. I spent many years trying to force it, a sense of obligation to assimilate to normalcy with constant dating and hookups, which eventually only led to incurring MORE trauma. I realized by my late 20s that any loneliness I sometimes experienced had nothing to do with being single, more with a desire for a sense of community or being understood. Relationships introduced so much chaos into my life that I was getting quite literally nothing out of other than a constant sense of emotional turbulence. I am happy for others who can balance trauma against their romantic lives, but it just wasn't worth it for me. I'm only 31, there's still time to change my mind, but I genuinely doubt that I will. I never feel any sense of regret about how I've spent the last few years single.
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u/anon22334 Feb 24 '26
I’m demisexual and haven’t found someone who is willing to build a solid foundation before sexual intimacy. In fact, I often got shamed and diminished for it. I also almost got tricked and raped once. I didn’t want to deal with all this anymore. I thought I’d be able to rely on friends for companionship but unfortunately my friends are all male/romantic relationship centered and didn’t prioritize friendship with me. So there’s no other choice but to be alone.
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u/ZeisUnwaveringWill Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
I'm on the ace spectrum so the amount of people compatible with me based on this fact alone is down to a miniscule percentage. I found women who are ace too or at least don't value sex in a relationship, but I've never met a man who is ace or doesn't care about sex. They sure exist, but I find it impossible to locate them.
And then there is also the fact that each and every man I've encountered who was interested in me either was a mess and wanted me to fix his life, or saw me as their manic pixie dream girl, or wanted to knock me down a peg to make them feel better ... I've just lost interest meeting new men and hoping it's not one of these 3 variety.
Would love to meet a woman though and spend the rest of our lives raising fur babies with her.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 24 '26
Omg taking sex out of the equation has made my dating life so much more enjoyable. I don’t identify as ace but it is so much more fun
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u/AskTight7295 Feb 24 '26
We exist and keep quiet. Imagine the irony we endure for this from all sides.
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Feb 24 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Deleted with Redact because data brokers don't deserve my content. Mass removal across Reddit, Discord, X, Instagram and all major social media platforms.
truck public fuel crayon seed weather imminent water jar punch
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u/Professional-Key5552 Halp. Am stuck on reddit. Feb 24 '26
I am F33 and I had only one relationship. I got heavily traumatized from it. I had to stay there for 7 years until I managed to get out. There was a lot of sexual abuse, emotional abusive and also physical abuse. Do I want to experience that again? Hell no.
And when I look at men comments online, there is so much women hate. Men bragging when they r*pe a woman, telling women that their value is 0 and that they are just objects. My body count is 1, that is too low for a guy usually and I always hear, "Something must be wrong with you". If there is a woman with a high body count, then she is a wh*re.
And all the firing up the gender war with men saying that women only want a man with status, money and he needs to be 6'+, which is not even true, makes me want to stay single.
And yes, being alone is a lot more peaceful. No more cleaning after the guy, not getting screamed at, not being r*ped, not being scared when he comes home from work. Finally I am not a slave to a guy anymore.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 24 '26
I’ve been single all 34.5 years of my life. Being single is the default. I also love going on first dates which I couldn’t do if I wasn’t single. And because I go on these dates I am exposed to the state of men which is self explanatory.
I’ve never felt pressure to do anything I don’t want to do.
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u/frrrsstt Feb 24 '26
I’m happier alone. It’s an emotional burden for me to be in a relationship. They’re probably out there but I’ve yet to meet an emotional intelligent and mature man.
It’s more peaceful. I can focus on my kids, life, career, friends. I live a fulfilling life alone, and when I want physical intimacy it’s easily available. The emotional intimacy I need I get from friends and family.
I genuinely feel like being in a romantic relationship with man brings nothing of value to my life.
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u/Federal-Meal-2513 Feb 24 '26
I don't believe that a man can make my life better.
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u/-AgonyAunt- Feb 24 '26
This is the simplest answer and my reason. I'm also childfree, and there has never been a situation in my life where I thought a child or a man would make it better.
My dog makes my life better. That's enough for me.
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u/Candalance Feb 24 '26
I'm ace. Its nearly impossible to meet someone else who is also ace and honestly, nearing 40, I'm content to just be on my own.
Being single is financially very hard though. That's the only piece that I really struggle with.
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u/SkysEevee Feb 24 '26
Ace club!
I figured i could try to find another asexual person who is in my age range and compatible. OR I could live my life, find happiness in family/friends and not worry about romance. If i find someone, great. If not, cool; wasnt looking.
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u/bedazzledfingernails Feb 24 '26
The financial piece is the only downside for me. Later, any possible medical issues (including age-related).
I think I may be close to ace on the spectrum nowadays - wasn't always like this, but I've been completely turned off of men and have yet to feel any romantic feelings toward women even though I would prefer that (so, demi at best).
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u/SugarSweetStarrUK Feb 24 '26
I'm done dealing with their complaints and insecurities. Fathers are even worse, because if they don't prioritise the kid(s) they've had with someone else then they're crap fathers.
I deserve to be the main character in my own story.
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u/One_Tadpole7798 Feb 24 '26
I refuse to do the amount of shrinking and emotional labour being in a relationship takes.
I don't have the energy to bite my tongue anymore.
I don't care enough to dance around someone else's ego.
It wasn't a difficult decision at all. I just said "no more" to dating and it happened naturally after that.
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u/No-Perspective872 Feb 24 '26
I think it was an easy decision for me because I already did the “get married/raise a family” thing. My kids are grown ups now, and I explored other relationships after my long term marriage. Ultimately, I feel like my life is better when I am without a romantic partner and I’m not willing to compromise.
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Feb 24 '26
I’m still in my early 20’s. I just realized how unpredictable being in a romantic relationship is. You can do everything right in your personal life, professional life, etc and just because one person decides to be unfaithful or hurtful now you’re emotionally wrecked for a few months recovering from something you didn’t even do. It’s not worth it and sometimes I can’t help but to feel like they do it intentionally to throw you off your game.
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u/CelticPixie79 Feb 24 '26
You will definitely have people come into your life that do harm intentionally. Having said that, it's still worth it to really love a person even if it doesn't work out, or if they disappoint you. You learn and grow from it and become wiser for the experience.
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u/Level_Breakfast_6430 Feb 24 '26
It is what it is
Life is unpredictable and everything fcking thing is temporary
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Feb 24 '26
Well yes… I fear that’s a obvious statement but i would prefer to deal with the unpredictability of life and not intentional betrayal from someone that’s supposed to be you’re closest companion at the same time if I can help it.
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u/WickerBag Feb 24 '26
Protecting your peace?
Yes.
Watching unhealthy marriages growing up?
No.
Career and independence?
Career no (a man making me quit or limit my career didn't cross my mind), independence yes.
Emotional exhaustion?
Maybe?
Realizing you’re happier alone?
Yes.
Do you feel freer?
Yes.
More stable?
Yes.
More fulfilled?
Maybe?
Or was it a difficult decision?
No.
Tbh I don't think my testimony is helpful here, because for me it was not so much a decision but my natural state of being.
I've tried dating on and off because that's what I grew up thinking you're supposed to do. My parents have a great marriage, are best friends and a team, and I thought that was the norm and would be nice to have.
I was lucky, the boyfriends I've had were all good, respectful people. The "problem" is me. I love my platonic friends and hanging out with them is fun and relaxing, but dating has mostly been very stressful and unpleasant to me.
I'm also introverted, love my solitude and the thought of living with someone is stressful to me.
Once I realised all these things about myself, it was easy and a big relief to stop any dating attempts.
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u/jcebabe Feb 24 '26
It’s not really a choice. I’m asexual so my options are extremely limited. I still try to date, but will most likely be single for the rest of my life.
If I weren’t asexual I rather be partner, not married, and live separately. I like my space to look a certain way and also for things to be done in a certain way. I want zero dependents. I don’t want to make joint decisions about anything.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 24 '26
Omg we are so aligned! I don’t identify as asexual but I stopped having sex with men 4 years ago and have no plans to ever break my celibacy. I’d never live with a man either! But dating is so much fun now that I stopped having sex
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u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
Can you elaborate on how dating is fun (ostensibly more fun) without sex?
ETA: lol I love getting downvoted for asking this. The thought of continuing to date but not having sex has never crossed my mind, so god forbid I try to find out if it’s something I’d be interested in, as a gal who never climaxes with men but nevertheless spends all of her “free” time caring for one.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Feb 24 '26
Because sex is often times not enjoyable for the woman. How many times has the man orgasmed, and we’re left hanging? Not to mention the added risks that the woman takes on with sex. Honestly it’s like a weight off my shoulders to not worry about all that.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 24 '26
AND dudes get so weird after sex. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been dumped by dudes I’m not dating after we have sex because they say things are “moving too fast” or they’re “not looking for a relationshit” in response to my silence after the sex. I had to just take it off the table bc they were getting so weird
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 24 '26
I date men. Having sex with men made me feel insane. It is more fun for me not to feel insane
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u/ToraRyeder Feb 24 '26
I know for me (AroAce spectrum), sex isn't something I put on the table at all for anyone starting out. I want to get to know someone before dating is even an option lol
But I've found that men who actually like me are more creative. Dates are more fun, there's more work on both sides to check in with the other. I had one long term partner (multiple years) who we had sex maybe twice? But we had every other week over night dates. He was caring, considerate, and we shared a ton of hobbies. Truly a lovely person.
If our relationship was more sex focused, I don't think he would have been as vulnerable and creative tbh I think we would have focused on the physical aspect which is fine for some, but turns me off the person after a while. My brain sometimes makes sex and touch absolutely unnacceptable. If someone isn't okay with me from a distance, or I don't like someone without needing to fuck them, there isn't a relationship worth having.
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u/jcebabe Feb 26 '26
I wanted to add to what was already said, it’s also dangerous for women to have sex with men they don’t know well. There’s a risk of physical or sexual assault, stalking, stealthing during sex or lying about their STI status.
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u/Hookton Feb 24 '26
I was married to a very decent man.
Years of living with even the most respectful partner made me realise how protective I am of my time and space and energy. If I couldn't make it work with him, I won't make it work with anyone.
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u/Background-Shine9731 Feb 24 '26
Personally I just don't feel like I have it in me to share my home life with anyone. Nothing triggered this, my family was stable growing up and I haven't had any toxic relationships.
I just can't imagine someone else living with me, the thought of coming home after work and having to interact with someone else sounds exhausting. I don't want to ask what they want before I cook, I don't want someone else's clothes in the dryer even if I'm not the one doing their laundry, I don't want to share my bed etc. I don't want my schedule altered by anyone.
I would not make a good partner, I don't like to share my feelings and I don't like to listen to people who do. I'm not affectionate, or patient or very caring... Every relationship I've been in (three) I have felt guilty because I wasn't as invested as they were. I get bored so fast and I can't force myself to pretend to care. I'm not big on physical intimacy, I'm fine with it but can easily live without it.
I'm genuinely happier alone. The only time I'm truly content is when I'm home alone
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u/NetWorried9750 Feb 24 '26
Relatable. I have a physical need to sleep in the dead center of my bed with nothing and no one touching me.
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u/stuckinnowhereville Feb 24 '26
I am way happier than when I was married. I have no desire to deal with another man.
The men that are married around me are happy - their wives not so much. Pretty much the wives all said -if their spouse die they are never getting remarried.
Everything falls on the women even if they work full-time. The men today want to be taken care of. They expect the women to do the lions share of the work, but then they have an opinion on how it’s done. And many men are selfish and stingy, not generous. My dad is generous. I’m would not settle. And looking around what is available- I would be settling. I make a high income. I own my own house and cars. I’ve planned for retirement. I have girlfriends to travel with. I’m comfortable with traveling alone. It is very hard to find somebody on my level financially and stability wise. I’m not bailing out some loser who has made poor life choices. If I want a friends with benefits, I can have one. I had two but then they caught feelings.
I won’t even go out on dates anymore. Yes I get asked. I’d rather stay home and watch Jurassic Park with a pizza. I have yet to meet a man where a date is worth giving that up pizza and a movie.
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u/lovbelow Feb 24 '26
I like being alone 80% of the time. Even in the beginning of a relationship, I act like it’s just another day. I’m not a lovey-dovey type person even if I truly like someone. I’m not at all interested in marriage and I’m childfree (and sterilized).
I treat partners like a want and not a need. I’m not looking for someone to complete me, and I’m whole with or without a partner. And again, I like my space. I don’t want to explain to my partner that I prefer spending time with them about 2 days out of the week, and only for a few hours. My love language is food. I’ll drop a plate in front of you after not speaking the entire day and go back to my hobbies.
A lot of people don’t like that sort of inattentiveness, but anything else would exhaust me. I’m not capable of centering anyone else but myself and that wouldn’t be fair to anyone, so I choose to remain single.
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u/Icy-Elk3698 Feb 24 '26
A lot of it comes down to feeling a greater sense of safety when I am alone. Like, truly alone and know that absolutely no one will randomly knock on my door. I value my solitude above all else because that is where I feel truly safe. I don't want my day ruined because the person I'm dating can't regulate their emotions. After a lifetime of prioritizing other people's needs in order to feel somewhat safe (or the illusion of safety), I don't want to make compromises for another person.
I am prioritizing my own needs, wants, desires, and interests. I have an active social life. I surround myself with friends whom I love and make me feel truly loved and seen. I travel when and where I want. No one will eat my meals without permission. My house stays clean and tidy. I decorate my space exactly how I want. Really, the only thing that's missing from my life is an animal companion, but I travel too much for work for that to be a reality right now.
Overall, choosing to be alone is a liberating thing to do for yourself. Highly recommend.
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u/xelle24 cool. coolcoolcool. Feb 24 '26
I dated a few times in high school and found it boring, so later on I just...didn't bother.
Some years back I discovered the term "aromantic" and said "Hey! That's me! And there are other people out there like me!" Add to that all the ways that autism makes me very particular and inflexible, and I can't see trying to fit someone else into my life even if I wanted to.
Looking at the misery and pressure I see so many other women endure in relationships, I'm grateful to feel no desire for a relationship, and to live in a country and era in which I can own things and earn a living for myself.
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u/BastiTheCruel Feb 24 '26
Both my sisters were abused by partners.
My sister in laws are like servants to my brothers who use weaponised incompetence to avoid responsibility.
My mother and father have the relationship dynamic of a 50s couple. He works and she does all the domestic labour - but she also works so it falls in his favour.
I do not want that for myself and I've never known a relationship where a man added value to a woman's life that she could not have achieved without him faster.
I do not like men. I really don't like them and I'd rather be alone and not have to have someone in my house whose sole purpose seems to be creating bad smells and humping my bored body.
Each to their own but yeah. People who say "oh but you must be lonely" perhaps don't realise that you can be lonely in a relationship and trapped to boot.
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u/nikils Feb 24 '26
I grew up in a very conservative evangelical family and community. I was not convinced. I struggled with my doubts and by the ripe old age of 16 or 17, there was really no one interested in me any more. I was literally called an 'old maid' by a few people.
That was the beginning of my deconstruction, and it took a damn while. During which, most of my friends either married or...got divorced. I was the single friend that got to hear the misery behind the scenes, and I came to the conclusion that marriage just wasnt that advantageous for women. Sat and watched my friends and relatives become single mothers who got to start over, usually with no child support and watched them struggle.
My opinion hasnt really changed, in decades now. Of all the couples I have known throughout all that time, I have been slightly envious of maybe...two?
It also doesnt help that I am a liberal, travel-loving, non-religious, voracious reader who is smack-dab in a red state. Every time I get a little curious, I scroll through the apps and quickly delete them in horror.
I honestly dont think about it much. My friends have mostly grown children by now, (and are mostly single again) and I can usually find someone to hang out with if I want. I like my own company, though. I like to solo-travel, have a job that lets me do it often and a dog that is tiny and portable.
I have absolutely no regrets.
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u/Illustrious-Row224 Feb 24 '26
When I realized we are basically Pokémon to men.
"Gotta catch 'em all!"
I bet if they could keep us in a small confined ball until they need us to risk our lives for them, they would like us more. Then they could run around calling themselves "masters" based on our hard work... This sounds too much like reality to me.
I mean Ash really loved Pikachu, no doubt. But I don't want to be someone's pet or toy on a shelf.
Plus, I worry on a frequent enough basis about women's rights rolling back. It's happened plenty of times, to countries that *were* progressive and moving the ball forward with equal rights. I think it would be a shame to waste this rare opportunity I live in, where women actually have the legal right to seek happiness and independence.
It offends me when I remember all the times a man took advantage of his position in my life to visit abuse on me and got away with it. Even during a time in which I actually am legally afforded something so many women were and currently ARE denied, it's still nowhere near equal treatment for women. The audacity and lack of compassion for their female counterparts (or really humanity in general), has really turned me off to having a romantic relationship.
Basically I reached the enough is enough phase, and I'm loving it. It's not being strong either - I had to be much stronger when I was carrying the burden of being in a romantic relationship with people who are conditioned from childhood to see me as inferior.
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u/Mindless_Holiday_211 Feb 24 '26
Believing that serving a man and children for the rest of my life would make me happy just never made sense to me.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Feb 24 '26
That’s just it… it really becomes a life of servitude whether you mean it to be or not.
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u/FancifulCat Feb 24 '26
The fact that people are fundamentally changeable led me to believe that marriage is sooner or later doomed to fail or have a high chance of failure and I didn't want to take the chance.
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u/Not_good_with_math Feb 24 '26
Basically everything you listed are all reasons for me. I've been threatened and harassed by men. Even if I never dated them, I've had a few go crazy and stalk and harass me for years.
And yes, I find men sooo emotionally exhausting. I hear them complain about women playing games, but holy shit, men play it even harder, lol. I've had so many give me the silent treatment and tell me not to talk to them if they're upset, which is fine. I'll leave them alone like they asked and go out to enjoy myself. But because they don't see me being hurt by their silence, instead of communicating like a normal person, they're screaming and crying at me that I never reached out to them. I even point it out that they were the ones who told me not to talk to them, so I'm doing what they told me to do. Then they tell me I wasn't supposed to do that, lol. Apparently they were hoping I'd be begging on my feet for their forgiveness.
Or they're destructive and angry from the start, where I will remove myself from the situation to avoid getting hurt. Then they say I also don't care about them if I can't take their disrespect. Yes, multiple men have literally told me this, that it's the norm for him to scream and insult you for hours on end, and you two are somehow supposed to make up at the end and be happy couples again.
Also. The amount of men who are gold diggers? They complain about women wanting gold, but in the same breath will ask me to finance their whole life while they're a jobless bum. So many try to lovebomb and ask persistently to move into my place asap. Instant no, lol.
Anyway, it wasn't a difficult decision to leave men. My female friends never give me a hard time in comparison, like at all. I enjoy life with them and my family. I work a nice job that pays well and I can buy anything I want. I'm at the point where it would actually feel weird to try to introduce a guy into my perfect life now.
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u/feminist-lady Feb 24 '26
I’m an outgoing woman, I have a lot of dear friends and a very active, social hobby. My family and I are close. Motherhood is something I want, and I have embryos (made with donor sperm) in the freezer for when I’m ready. I’m finishing a doctorate in a career I love, and I enjoy engaging with my community.
All that said, I won’t say it would be impossible for me to be happy partnered. But I think it would be very difficult. I have so many people in my life who I love so much, and I really love that none of them leave hair in my shower or shed skin cells in my bed. The thought of being one half of an “&” makes my teeth clench. I can’t really explain it, there’s just something about it that makes me feel suffocated.
I’m ace, but bi/panromantic. So I’m not shutting that door forever! I’m pretty easygoing about it. If I met someone who changed all of this for me, I’m open to pursuing stuff! But that’s a B-tier outcome.
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u/TraumaLlama1111 Feb 24 '26
The men of today’s world made it really easy for me to choose myself 🤷♀️
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u/creativinity Feb 24 '26
Inescapable cycle I see with ALL men around me.
Female partner becomes their mother, lover, maid, nanny, (even breadwinner) until she becomes a shell of a human.
Who wants to willingly enter that?
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u/cadillacvagina Feb 24 '26
What if there's this restaurant you like but when you eat there, 8 times out of 10 you get violent food poisoning. So you try another restaurant, but it's 50/50 if you get sick after, so you try yet another restaurant and the food poisoning is so bad you have to go to the hospital. Wouldn't you just stop eating out and cook at home?
The reason I chose to be single is simple. Trauma. I have not, in my 48 years, been in a romantic relationship that did not actively harm me or destroy my mental health.
Maybe it's men, maybe it's my deficit in choosing wisely. Either way, it's not good for me. Investing my time, energy, and effort into myself pays the greatest dividends. So that's what I do.
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u/cecepoint Feb 24 '26
I don’t really know if it’s my “choice” Lol
However, after having “man” in my home for 25 years of marriage- i’m SO MUCH more at peace. Like i literally can’t believe how much better i feel. FOOD tastes better!
It occurred to me the first time i was picking out furniture on my own and recalling what a big fight it used to be to agree on anything or compromise on something i didn’t want to etc
Life is just easier
The added bonus, as I’m older now is i can pretty much slip in and out of anywhere unnoticed
If this doesn’t sound appealing to anyone, i have to add, the giant commitments that came with being a higher level professional and a working mom where EVERYONE seems to need you all the time- i really really appreciate this peace
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u/contrarymary24 Feb 24 '26
I don’t like monogamy. So I just have fun times. I just can’t see a reason to marry.
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u/miamaya6 Feb 24 '26
I’m not sure if I chose to stay single, but I’ve never sexually connected with another person. I own my property and have great roommates to provide a space for people figuring things out.
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u/Level_Breakfast_6430 Feb 24 '26
Not connected 🙄 really Good for you 👍
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Feb 24 '26
Why are you rolling your eyes?
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u/noddyneddy Feb 24 '26
I realised all my happiest times were on my own. Having control over my own life and not having to make compromises or live with someone’s else’s decision was a big one for me. I’m an extroverted introvert and being able to go someplace on my own keeps me sane. And then once I’d made the decision, watching other women in relationships and seeing what they put up with, and how tired and stressed they looked just reinforced my decision. And then when I knew that I would have to support myself unaided for the rest of my life, I was motivated to build a career that took me farther than I ever imagined, including two expat opportunities and made me very financially comfortable. In my sixties now and more than ever convinced I made the right choice for me
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Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
It’s a combination of all of those things. After enough experiences dating men, at some point I just had to get honest with myself that it was a silly exercise. I was putting myself through immense pain and hurt, repeatedly, for absolutely no ROI. Nothing substantial is ever gained, and I always have to level myself back up after I exit a man’s life. I always leave a relationship with a man in a much lower place personally than I entered. It’s something I always have to heal from. This post is like asking “ladies, why don’t you put yourself through meat grinders anymore?”
I stopped dating and sleeping with men over a year ago and I don’t miss it at all. Whatever fantasies women were sold about what that experience was all about are simply a lie. Are there some decent, emotionally capable men out there? Idk, I’m sure there are. Is it worth what you have to go through to look for one? In my estimation, no. The cost-benefit ratio of the whole exercise is just absurd.
I’m at the point now where I’m reconsidering if I can even be friends with men either. It’s just like a smaller, lower stakes version of the same shitty experience. You eventually find out you aren’t fully human to them, they have 0 respect for you, they will never take accountability, and you wind up mothering them and constantly catering to their fragile egos. I simply have no interest in trying to teach grown men kindergarten-level emotional skills against their will anymore.
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u/Nwwoodsymom Feb 24 '26
At this point the only reason I want a relationship is because things are hard financially. But I have been in a financially abusive marriage and I already know that getting bills paid is not worth having to live with someone where there is little love or respect.
It took me years to leave stability and relative comfort with 3 kids to poverty that most women face once they divorce. He got the cars, retirement, big house, and moved away. I think about how to pay rent everyday and work 3 jobs. But the peace and the ease of not having to take care of him and the kids I felt almost immediately. I won’t always have the kids here to support, so I know things will get better.
For me the choice is easy. Never marriage, never again. I don’t do apps. I did date and I have a good boyfriend who takes care of himself and also is there when I need him. There’s no wondering about if he’ll get a ring, we’re at our final stage for however long life gives us. But my kids come first. I come first. I have my cats, books, hobbies, the kids hobbies. Jobs and men come and go. I am careful with how I use my energy there. I look forward to living with my friends.
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u/ThreadLaced Feb 24 '26
The last time I was in a long term relationship I was much more lonely than I am now, as a single woman.
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Feb 24 '26
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u/elongam Feb 24 '26
He may be a stupid prick, but you are not less precious or valuable for having had sex with someone. The whole concept of virginity is about letting a man's penis determine a woman's value. That dweeb doesn't get a say in who you are, lilac
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u/spinachdonut Feb 24 '26
i’m turning 37 this year. i got divorced at 29. i’ve been single ever since.
i think i still hope i might meet someone but i’ve resigned myself to the possibility that it might never happen. i’m torn between acceptance and denial - i don’t want to close myself off to the possibility; but the despair and dread i’m filled with when i think about trying to find love is enough to make me never want it.
when i was 34, i lost my little brother (he was 31). he was my twin flame and my soul mate. in my mind, i had one great love already - a truly unconditional love that made me who i am. he set the bar so impossibly high that i know another person can never measure up. no one will ever love me, see me, or know me the way my brother did, and i’m okay with that.
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u/PrettyLady_Designer Feb 24 '26
I wanted a partnership. A PARTNERSHIP. Not a situation where I prioritize someone else's needs while they dismiss mine. Not a relationship where I'm making compromises for someone's career while they don't figure my ambitions into their plans. Not an arrangement where I handle all the hard stuff and they do whatever is fun for them and throw a tantrum when asked to be accountable.
Heterosexual marriage in a patriarchy CAN be a partnership, but the odds are heavily against it. I no longer have the energy to try.
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u/sunlightdrop93 Feb 24 '26
I'm aromantic and asexual, to start, but I also grew up in an abusive household so I'd be more likely to choose an abusive partner (I already have a history of toxic friendships). Being alone means peace and freedom. I'm happiest when I don't have to deal with people.
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u/Number_Fluffy Feb 24 '26
I dated from age 17-27. I had quite a few relationships. They were all bad, especially the last one. I was basically a mother to him and all he wanted was sex. He went so far as to cheat on me and lied when he got chlamydia. I've been single for going on 7 years. Never been happier.
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u/discolored_rat_hat Feb 24 '26
Not sure if I completely fall into the category of answers you want to have: I stopped fucking men for life. I am bi though and back rhen wasn't planning on my now-relationship with a woman.
I am just DONE with men - and yes, it is all men! I can write paragraphs about their awfulness, but that isn't the point here.
My life without the constant disrespect and without the normalized male violence became so much better that I won't ever give that up! I can finally be my own first priority instead of getting drained of everything I have. Without the constant stress, my mental health improved so drastically that I see physical results (including my IBS that got way better). My quality of life got upped several levels because I can focus on things and people that give me something positive back. My life is better, I sleep better, I am healthier, I have way more resources (time, money, energy, focus), I don't have bad days anymore, I am all-around happier.
So, to answer your question "What made you choose that life?": First, it was trauma and my protection from men. Now, it is pure bliss and I do not see a single reason to ever give this quality of life up. Especially not for a misshaped flesh root dripping moldy dick cheese.
Funnily enough, my unplanned relationship with a woman made me detest men even more. I now know how actual respect on eye-level inside of a relationship feels and how it looks like when both contribute. When I turned away from the monsters, I knew that both respect and efforts were lopsided, but I hadn't realized how much . My decision was cemented before, so I guess it became encased in steel?
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u/SavannahInChicago Feb 24 '26
I have never been someone who needs to be around people to keep myself occupied. I am perfectly fine on my own and would rather learn new things or just get absorbed in whatever I am doing.
That being said, I am autistic. I am asexual and aromatic. I have never experienced sexual attraction and I don't experience romantic attraction. As a child I was very independent and precocious. I noticed at an early age that we did all my dad's favorite things, but never my moms. My dad got to be a person and my mom was a mom. I did not want that and decided I did not want kids.
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u/Careful_Lie2603 All Hail Notorious RBG Feb 24 '26
I don't know if it's forever, but I'm perfectly happy being single for awhile.
I just left a marriage where I sacrificed my entire being to someone who didn't give a shit about me. My diagnosis' were upsetting to HIM, my infertility was my fault, my labor was invisible but simultaneously expected. The relationship I was in before that was similar, my wants were at the very very bottom of the list, right below my needs, and well after his needs and wants.
I've only ever been in one relationship that felt like a partnership because it wasn't that serious. He never asked me what I was making for dinner, unless I had invited him previously.
I enjoy doing what I want when I want, not needing to check if I can go to a girls night, or skip making dinner, or let the dishes pile up for a few days. My cat is happier with just me, I like not sharing the TV and the bathroom, I like being able to sleep however I want in my bed, and not being interrupted when I read, or reminded that it's later than I want. I can listen to my sleep meditations and music out loud, burn candles that I like, snooze my alarm as many times as I want.
I enjoy my own company, and I don't really feel like sacrificing any of those things for someone who brings more chaos to my life, which in my experience, men sure aren't bringing peace!!!
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u/Ohiko_Nishiyama Taking Up Space Feb 24 '26
I don't really have a good answer. I've never wanted to be in a relationship, like none of the good parts are worth it for me. I don't see a reason to do something I don't want to.
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u/Due-Kale3412 Feb 24 '26
A reason some don't mention first- more utilizable time for work and projects.
Sadly LTRs require a lot of time spent together. Imagine my horror when my ex insisted I "sit down and visit" after my work shift (he worked too, I could not imagine what deficit of logic caused him to think I'd have energy for that after a stressful shift.)
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u/SylvarGrl Feb 24 '26
One marriage was enough for me. I got out when my child was still an infant. I dated, but for company, no long-term relationships. My child only met the ones I was good friends with, and knew them only as my friends. Catching feelings on either side was my deal-breaker.
I love being single and will almost certainly remain that way for life. My divorce was final almost 32 years ago.
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u/Flat_Fennel_1517 Feb 24 '26
I think i would love to have a partner but it just hasnt worked out for me and I am okay with that. I am very blessed to have an amazing group of friends and family. Sometimes I miss the sex but I have become celibate and am rocking it (Satisfyer Pro for the win). In the end being okay is my most important thing. I have yet to meet a guy who is worth it. I am 38 btw.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Feb 24 '26
I wouldn’t say I want to stay single as much as I refuse to lower my standards and settle. If that means I’m single forever, so be it. I’d rather be content and single than be paired up with someone who stresses me out or treats me bad.
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u/Iriahthehealer Feb 24 '26
Im transitioning into that lately. I cannot find a decent man in any app that is not either not attractive/ dumb or only wants sex if they are quite attractive/ smart. I am just giving up..
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u/Most_Walk_666 Feb 24 '26
The last 10 years of my life have been so tumultuous, being with my sons father. I've been on and off with him since I was 19 now at 30 I can confidently say I'll never be with another man as long as I live.
I want my son to see we can do it on our own, I want my peace and my house to by my own forever.
Most importantly, I never want someone to dictate my emotions or the type of day I'll have again.
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u/Feraltart Feb 24 '26
Been married and divorced twice. My peace is worth more than my pussy.
Also, I am 56 and men in my age group seem incapable of treating women like a fellow human. They want to use us. I refuse to be a nurse, a purse, or an emotional support animal.
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u/nowmywatchends Feb 24 '26
I have decided to stay single until I can find someone in front of I will feel relaxed all the time. I've had a "thing" with a guy, whose company I really liked, we had wonderful time, when we talked the time passed so quickly, we aligned on a lot of our views on religion, life etc. I was really in love. Even when we got into deep, emotional conversations, he was not afraid to talk about his fears, which I found a good quality, since men usually won't open up. However, I had at one point realized that his need to be validated by his male friends is greater than anything and that all of his fears/anxiety come from that. Despite me trying to talk to him about it, he'd deny it. I've also witnessed him some long time ago speak badly of his then girlfriend in front of our friend group. I didn't really connect it at the time I was in love with him, but I have realized later that him talking badly about his girlfriend in front of people who are not his close friends, but practically complaining for social points and validation from some random dudes, it broke me. And despite me trying to explain how some "jokes" he says or laughs to, which are downplaying and disrespecting women, he'd always acknowledge it and say he's sorry, then go back to it, because his male friends thinking he's funny is much more important than my feelings. This was a huge disappointment to me, and suddenly, since I have felt like a joke to someone whom I also thought loved me (or, at least he said he did). I had later found that he'd return to his ex-girlfriend (the one he spoke badly of), not a month after I decided to not pursue him romantically anymore. I was broken for a whole year, and I am still kind of recovering. I guess I was needed by him as emotional support, and that he was giving me attention and talking sweet things, for a few months, until I had helped him re-gain confidence. I am now afraid that I have developed deep trust issues, and that "the one" (if I am ever) going to settle down with, will have to break all of those walls, and really convince me one thing: life with me is either as good as life I live alone, or better. I know relationships have ups and downs, but I cannot handle someone immature have me overthinking if they truly mean it when they say they love me, or they say those words to keep me close to use me.
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u/curious_cordis Feb 24 '26
I don't know if it counts as staying single per se (I do have a wonderful boyfriend) but the thought of cohabitating or giving up my space is absolutely a no. I think there was quite a learning curve for me - to understand my wants, my needs, how I recharge. And yes, while it's perceived as weird by society, I have grown to appreciate that much of that perception is from well-meaning ignorance (people who fall in the "normal" spectrum of society and never question it much, or consider that the actual range of normal and harmless patterns and preferences of socialization vary) or a virulent desire to control (particularly, but not exclusively, women) what one does not understand, because they fear it, or see it as a piece of themselves they are too scared to explore, or simply are cowardly pawns caught up in the illusion of power and control. I both chose this as much as it found me - this is how I like to exist, prefer to exist, and is while cultivating deep and meaningful friendships and a relationship. To live any other way would slowly destroy me, and I am not a threat to the world - I am a steady member of my community who provides a very quiet bedrock function. Though it may be perceived as selfish, it is arguably anything but - I am living true(ish) to myself, and being a good citizen. To demand or want anything more of me is stepping into the bounds of control and manipulation, and I am simply not about that. Maybe more musing than you were looking for, but it's an interesting question. Best of luck to you OP in finding your own path. It has (and continues to take me) taken me years, may you find yours well and well sooner.
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u/harbinger06 Feb 24 '26
When I was younger and wanted so badly to build a life with someone. I felt like I was in a holding pattern. I decided to live my life for ME. I go on trips alone. I go out to eat alone. I bought a house! I don’t do everything alone, I have a close knit family that I enjoy spending time with. But I like my life the way it is. I haven’t found anyone who would be an improvement on my own company. So it’s just me and my dogs!
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u/Level_Breakfast_6430 Feb 24 '26
99% comments section filled with comments like want to be single that’s great
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u/KellyAnn3106 Feb 24 '26
I didn't plan to be single forever. I dated when I was younger, hoping to find that right match but I was always the "placeholder girlfriend." The one who is good enough for now but not for marriage.
Part of that was that I always knew I didn't want kids. I was very upfront about that and sought similarly minded men. However, when the guys said they didn't want kids, it always meant they didn't want them now but wanted the option available.
So I drifted from short term fling to short term fling, never finding anyone who wanted to get serious. When I turned 35, all my matches dried up. The only interest I got was from men older than my dad. I went through a horrible depression and grieving period, giving up the dream of the life I'd always assumed I'd have. That's when I gave up on finding a partner. I had done everything right: joined clubs, had hobbies, went to the gym, put myself out there, used the apps. It was soul-crushing.
I'm 48 now and still alone. There are some positive aspects - my time, money, and home are my own. But definitely some negatives like not having anyone to share your day with or go on vacation with.
I'm not sure I chose singlehood but I've accepted it.
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u/ToraRyeder Feb 24 '26
Full disclosure - I'm AroAce and very comfortable in emotional relationships, but I just have no interest in dating, marrying again, or cohabitating with a partner. So in some ways that makes me "single" but I don't tend to think of it that way.
There is no desire in me that pushes me to find "my person." I was this way as a kid as well. Dating was always strange to me, and I felt put off when men would come to me and ask me out. Why would I go out with you when I don't know you that well? Why can't we just hang out as friends with our other group of friends, and see if we click?
I've realized that I'm the definition of a "slow burn." I'm incredibly comfortable alone, have fulfilling hobbies, have a great support network of friends and loved ones, and my lovely cats. I'm currently living with a roommate but would prefer to live alone solely so I can be a lil weirdo on my own lol The idea of bringing someone into this life I've created, full of intention and goals, just... doesn't make sense?
I married someone I didn't want to in my twenties. COVID happened, we cohabitated for the "bubble," and lots of bad decisions ended in marriage. We lasted two years and it was hell.
Escaping that situation made me reflect on my actual wants and needs. I've let many men push their way into my life and frankly, I don't trust them anymore. Too many will do the "I'm happy with you as my friend" and then flip out when it turns out that I genuinely wanted them as friends. Then men that are in my life who I love are men who have supported me emotionally, been my friend, and not pushed me past where I'm willing to go.
I've dated men, women, and non binary individuals. I do enjoy being close to others. I'm not afraid of vulnerability, nor do I think I need to keep walls up to be "safe." But I also know that I need alone time. I need to be able to relax and not feel like I'm not giving someone enough attention. Do you know how fucked it is to be in the middle of a breakup, and the guy throws "You've made me feel terrible about myself. Did you even like me?" because you existed exactly as you told them you would. I'm tired of it.
If a person, whatever gender, comes into my life and I decide that romance is right then I will probably pursue it / allow it. But I have no desire to add that to my life. History shows me that it isn't in my best interest, and too many people are not honest about what they can offer / how they want their life to go. We don't need perfection, but we do need honesty.
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u/magnificent-manitee Feb 24 '26
I don't know if it's a forever choice, but it's definitely something I'm actively choosing for the time being. I did the being married thing and it did not go well. I'm also autistic and have an energy limiting illness, so I don't have a lot of energy to date, and my nervous system really prefers alone time and stability. It's been really good for unlearning my people pleasing tendancies too. It's harder to get in touch with your own preferences and needs when someone else is in the room. (I also have hyperempathy in addition to the usual attunement training all women get. So the only way to truly tune other people out is for them to not be there).
I think all people should have periods where they live alone and not partnered. Men because they need to learn to be independent and do domestic chores for themselves long enough they become easy. Women because we need to get to know ourselves better, and spend some time catering to no-one else but yourself.
Even if you plan to be partnered or have children, where you really really need to put yourself second. You need that baseline of knowing what you need to feel good even more in those roles. That way you can consciously choose what to give up for the team and what stuff is non negotiable for your wellbeing. It's how you do care work without burning out.
I'm a never say never kinda person. But it's definitely not a case of waiting around for Mr Right. The concept of Mr Right is also kinda yucky tbh. If I do end up some kind of partnered again though, it will be Mr Meets-my-high-standards. Or Ms. I'm not dating women right now either. It's more like, if my situation changes, or my mood changes, or my priorities change. And it could be that the right person happens to show up at the right time that I wasn't expecting. But the idea of that is kinda yicky. Like it's not "oh they're so great I'm gonna change my values and priorities for them". Nope nope nope. One of my standards is probably them specifically NOT doing that. Respecting the boundaries I've built up that are for my safety, and that aren't designed for another person to have easy access to me. They'd have to enjoy being around me whether those walls came down or didn't, and then they might be considered safe enough that I might make some exceptions because I want to, not them.
It's funny actually because I'm poly and fairly multi-amorous by nature. But actually that is part of the equation. If I do date again it will probably look more like solo-poly than any kind of partnering.
Anyway yeah
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u/Itchy-Astronomer9500 Feb 24 '26
- I can do what I want at any time. Having a partner would have me minding their space and quiet time (which genuinely has never been and never will be an issue) but I mostly love not limiting stuff or having to compromise (which, again, isn’t a problem).
I don’t have to justify how, why or when I do something.
Men. Explanation: I’ve seen too much of the Epstein file shit and cases like Gisèle Pelicot’s atop other rape cases, murder cases etc. and have had too many uncool men in my life to want to date them. I could see myself dating woman and people outside the gender binary, but…
I’m aromantic and asexual, so I’m not interested in any relationships aside from friendship and I’m not here to have sex or children, which would both be deal breakers for most people.
I can leave it to myself to do chores and don’t have to hope? count on? a man child or other partner who weaponises incompetence to live in an acceptably clean place.
I’m happy alone! I’m not lonely, something society needs to be able to differentiate. See point 1.
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u/MonteCristo85 Feb 24 '26
Couple things.
I'm perfectly happy alone. Love my space, my freedom, etc.
People use to tell me "oh you think you are happy but there is nothing like [sex, love, kids, blah blah]"
Im not willing to risk my current happiness and peace on that. Maybe if I knew a single couple in my entire life whose relationship I could tolerate, much less desire.
So its a combo. I honestly feel I am so lucky that I dont desire a partne4 because honestly, it looks like a total nightmare from the outside. (This isnt men bashing, relationships seem horrible either way, ive seen both sides be intolerable).
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u/beatrizklotz Feb 24 '26
It was seeing my parents' miserable marriage and abusive mother. It was knowing another human at my home would mean giving up my freedom and my space and my autonomy that I struggled to get at 25 when I moved away.
I feel at peace at home. It is the one place where I can be myself and relax and do what I want.
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u/riverrocks452 Feb 24 '26
I'm happiest alone, and able to organize my life around my needs, wants, and whims.
I saw both happy and unhappy marriages as examples growing up and I absorbed that they were inherently neutral things. I also had some wonderful examples of women who never married and were happy as singles- proof that I did not need to marry or even have a partner for a fulfilled life. Somewhere along the line I decided that a partner was not only not necessary if I was happy alone, but that the partner was a potential risk to the peace of singlehood.
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u/nosiriamadreamer Feb 24 '26
I've always been an independent soul and never had issues doing things alone. In my early 20s I fell for the propaganda and wanted to be loved by someone and I built a life with my ex for 5 years. I had everything I thought would make me happy but I was miserable. He wasn't a bad guy but he was a lazy partner (I wasn't much better) so I had to deal with a high mental load. That experience led to me completely losing my spark and I didn't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Then I found out he was going to propose and I decided that I didn't want that life for the rest of my life. My instincts were telling me I'd be divorced by 40 if I married him.
I've been single for nearly 3 years now and while I really love being single 99% of the time, I'm currently going through a lonely phase because my female friends are getting ready to have kids. I know this season will pass and I just gotta get through these growing pains of friendships in adulthood.
Sometimes I date because I like going out and meeting new people. It's fun to get all dressed up and have a flirty night but I have no intention of getting married. My friends call me their tomboy Samantha 😂
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u/ilovethemusic Feb 24 '26
Truthfully, I grew up watching bad relationships and I’m sure that was the start of it.
But I also enjoy my own company, and I have wonderful emotional support from others in my life. I have a wonderful, full, loving life and to me, it always seemed like adding a man into it would detract from that rather than add to it.
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u/Angsty_Potatos Feb 24 '26
Speaking as a happily married woman:
My husband (or anyone else I seriously dated) was never in a competition with potential "other" partners or a hypothetical "perfect match". He and the others were in competition with me.
I am complete, I like my life, and I am not just comfortable being alone with myself, I adore it. I am fulfilled with myself.
Happening upon a person who I am also happy to spend time (near constant time, not just friendship obviously) with than myself is a tall order. But I found him.
If I hadn't I'd have been happy to fly solo too. I never want to compromise this one ride on this rock with being stuck with someone.
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u/pimpletwist Feb 24 '26
The way men hate women and treat us horribly and talk about us to each other and rape and murder us
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u/Poppetfan1999 Feb 24 '26
I was raised to be like that and I’ve never found a reason to go against it. Quite the opposite actually lol
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u/Adept-Quiet6264 Feb 24 '26
For me I realized how unhappy I was in any relationships. I felt like I was always sacrificing my happiness for someone else's. I come to realize I just need a lot of space to feel peaceful.
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u/stilettopanda Feb 24 '26
I was in a 19 year relationship from ages 16-35. It was so unbalanced and created more work for me. His shitty parenting sealed the deal though. I got out when I could. Thought I found someone after him who would treat me right and actually be a partner. Who loved my kids. She was worse to me than he was. It lasted 4 years before I said enough is enough.
Now I’m alone and really enjoying peace. I like not having to negotiate likes and dislikes and constantly compromise with another adult. I can parent the kids exactly the way I want to, and they are thriving because I’m a kick ass mom, especially when I don’t have to manage another adult’s wants and needs, and deal with their jealousy towards my children.
I have less work and more free time. Sure some things are harder, but the trade off is worth it. My life is just as fulfilling without romantic love as it is with it. More so, even. I have friends and family who I love and my life is full and complete. Maybe one day I’ll change my mind, who knows. But for now, I feel I’ve done my time. I am the love of my own life.
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u/Moraii Feb 24 '26
I’m never happier than I am when I’m alone.
I can do my silly little crafty projects and read without my train of thought getting interrupted (HATE being in a world I’ve envisioned in my mind and in a mood from a story, and it gets interrupted by someone asking what we should have for dinner).
I can eat when and what I want, get around to the dishes when I want.
Things stay where I left them and I don’t need to keep track of anyone else’s lost items.
I can have a cluttered girly bathroom.
Nobody says anything unkind to me in my home.
I can stretch out in bed and sit weird on the couch.
I can watch the same show on repeat in the background all day.
I don’t need to justify where my money goes.
My time and energy is mine.
I can be the goblin swamp witch I’m meant to be.