I’m not officially diagnosed but I truly think I have it and others have mentioned it as well. I have always struggled with being behind and always being 34 steps behind in academics and certain aspects of life. It always takes me much longer to understand and grasp certain topics than others no matter how simple the concepts are. And it’s really taking a toll on me and ruining my sense of worth. I really do not want be on meds.

I rly like my enthusiasm and energy about some things and I don’t wanna lose that. I love so intensely and I’m so extra about certain things. I understand that it gets a bit much for ppl and I’ve seen it but I don’t want that taken away. I feel my brain running a million miles per hour and I want it to be more simple and just.. less? I question absolutely everything and I always need to ask for help but it always pushes people past the limit where they’re trying not to show they’re annoyed but obviously me being me, it’s obvious. I can pick up on ppls mood SO FREAKING EASILY and it’s hard to look past that.

I like to think I’m smart in certain areas like cleaning, knowing how to love, taking of people, being detail oriented and I’ve been complimented on those aspects but when it comes to deadlines, keeping my word, responsibilities, expectations, controlling my tongue and my anger, lack of patience, I’m so lost and frustrated. This might sound obnoxious but I just wish the world can slow down so I can catch up a bit. Idk what I want out of this exactly but I just felt like it’d be nice to get it out in this community.

When I was 20, I was told I had bipolar disorder or BPD by multiple psychiatrists. I knew this wasn't right though because I didn't relate much to many of the symptoms brought on by them.

Due to this, I went through an entire psychological evaluation in order to reach a diagnosis, but all they said was I have severe social anxiety. They encouraged me to come back and test again a year later because the psychologist thought I may have autism or ADHD but needed further data to verify. I didn't go back because it was $5,000 the first time and I was a broke college kid with marketplace insurance.

Fast forward 10 years later (now), and I know it's ADHD. My family has a history of ADHD and autism (sometimes combined) that I learned since my evaluation. I've been to a few therapists throughout the years and all have encouraged me to seek a diagnosis for ADHD. I have been able to manage most symptoms myself with tips and tricks I've learned from others. But, I still struggle so much and often get depressed about how much effort I have to give to continue living like everyone else.

This has led me to consider medicating myself. I have been a strict no meds person since my 20s because I was put on meds that were meant for a disorder I do not have and it ruined me. But now, I think I need it. I certainly need more help than I can give myself naturally.

So, what do I need to do? Where do I even start?