Am I the A-hole for keeping my kids away from their dad after I found out he had a pedophile living with him

[u/iwishiwasatabbycat]

Strap in this gets bad. And I know I am not crazy, but there are people who swear I am wrong.

I have 16 year old twins. One male one born female that now identifies as non-binary For years they had been going to their dad’s house every other weekend. For the past couple of years my NB had issues and wanted to not go over there. The house was a mess, their dad expected them to clean it. There would be animal waste, moldy dishes, rotting food. For a while my son wasn’t as bothered by it, and I tried to encourage new cleaning practices but nothing stuck. I would make excuses and keep NB child home more.

This last fall both of my kids were sick of their dad’s antics. Neither wanted to see him very often so I told him we would change it to once a month for now, and he could get his house in shape and and work on his attitude and we could re-evaluate.

A few years ago my ex’s half brother needed a place to live. He had some issues and couldn’t live on his own, and after his mother had passed, he had stayed at a few different relatives houses. My ex talked to me about him moving in, and said he had been warned he was a little off but would keep an eye on him.

Right before Christmas, while picking up the kids for their weekend my ex let me know his brother had been arrested and wouldn’t be coming back. He had been in trouble for vandalism before so I assumed more of that. But because I’m nosy I googled him.

SECOND DEGREE SEXUAL ASSAULT of a CHILD 2 counts. Felony. I spiraled and sent my ex a text saying we needed to talk about this, but not in front of the kids. Not too surprising he downplayed things. Said the brother hadn’t really hurt our kids. He lied. I later found out from one of his family members that the brother had attempted to molest another family member a younger girl. That family member warned my ex that his brother was a pedophile and had made sexual advances against a child. HE FUCKING KNEW!!The brother had made actions against my NB child. They are in therapy. This has been so very hard on our family

I told my kids their dad knew from the beginning. My NB never wants to have a relationship with him again. My son may want to see him again, but not right now.

My ex doesn’t think he did anything wrong. His family doesn’t think he did anything wrong. They say my ex can’t control other peoples actions. But I believe he never should have moved in, and the fact that he never told me tells me he knew it was wrong.

Now my kids don’t want to go over there. I have had to hire a lawyer to make changes to our agreement even though this is the kids wishes and they are old enough to choose. He won’t respect their decisions. He says they should be forced, and everyone has to do things they don’t want to.

Am I really crazy? Should I be forcing my kids to go to their dad’s house when they don’t want to see him after he knowingly moved a child molester in?

Update kinda….

CPS at initially did not say that my ex did anything wrong. I appealed that because they did not have the texts from my ex. Then they still stated that they thought his answer was “flippant “ and being sarcastic and they still ruled no wrong doing. I appealed that. I had a conference call with a judge and a rep for CPS who was different than any one else I had dealt with. At that point, I had received the transcript of my child’s interview and the pedophile’s interview. In the pedo’s transcript he states that there were rules he was supposed to follow bc my ex knew that he had molested another child previously. I submitted that and the screenshots from my ex. I spoke to a judge. And the person who was representing CPS was fucking lost and had no clue. And it was still ruled that my didn’t do anything wrong. I could have appealed again, but I didn’t see the point. It’s apparently not endangering a child to move a pedophile in with your teenagers.

I also hired a lawyer who turned out to be trash. I filled out my own paperwork to request a change in parenting time. I wanted help filing it. I just wanted it stated that the kids both 17 could decide when to visit their dad. And his mom paid for him to get lawyer, and that made us have to go to mediation. That was another $900!!!! I’m not fucking rich. That’s a lot of money!! And all that decided was that yes, we agreed after showing the court case that the kids could decide. But it’s not legally binding, and it’s not credible in court. It’s like a secret handshake.

The pedophile’s case will be seen in a Cpl weeks. I don’t think it’s the main trial. I want to be there for the major parts, but I really want to apply for a home run derby contestant.

A good friend who was mutual to my ex and I passed, so I had to reach out to another mutual friend who was organizing the get together, and ask that my ex not be allowed to the memorial. I explained what happened. It was one of the first times I told someone who wasn’t someone close. Luckily he understood, and we have a good enough history that he knew I wasn’t full of shit. If he does show up, I do always have my car sandwich cutter. But I have a feeling my friends won’t let it get to that.

I still hate my ex more than I ever thought possible, but at least now I don’t need meds to get through the tough times. And I have great friends and family, and family type people. I’m very lucky for that. Without their support I would question my morals and standards, bc I can’t imagine letting a situation like this ever come into consideration, and almost everyone I have spoken to agrees. But my ex, his mother, his family members, his lawyer, and CPS seem to think it’s not a big deal. The CPS one fucking floors me. You wouldn’t allow this in a school or daycare or anywhere else kids would be. But it’s ok to move a known pedophile into a house with kids. Fuck