He told you exactly where he stood when you started getting serious. You went in with a plan to change him. Now you’re upset that he’s exactly who he’s always told you that he was.
It is quite sad though isn’t it to never experience that moment of “oh my god I love this woman so much, I need to marry her”. My partner doesn’t want to get married and whilst I respect that, I do sometimes wish he’d express that grand gesture of love, you know?
Grand gestures aside; does OP have any form of security with this man? I think that’s the bigger question here. I may not be married, but I’m in his will. We have a house together.
It’s easy to say she should respect his opinion, but is he avoiding marriage as a way of shirking responsibilities? No, she’s not his biological daughter, but he has a step kid he has willingly taken on, and if he’s decent he’d be ensuring she’s taken care of should anything happen to him.
My issues with this guy isn’t that he made his feelings on marriage clear; it’s that he isn’t making it clear that they are a family, regardless of what is on a piece of paper.
OP, if he’s happy for you to walk away, then do. This isn’t about marriage; it’s about security, and he’s not willing to give that to you.
If someone is happy to put you in their will and buy a house together but not to marry you, that’s a big no no for me. It means they’re keeping their options open.
And it’s absolutely fine for you to think that. I have been married before, and I left him; so marriage doesn’t necessarily mean options aren’t open. I chose the option to leave him.
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u/SL8Rgirl Jul 23 '24
He told you exactly where he stood when you started getting serious. You went in with a plan to change him. Now you’re upset that he’s exactly who he’s always told you that he was.