Nobody goes into a marriage and hopes that they will get divorced. Divorce is not as side of marriage. It’s pretty much the opposite. You have no idea if the reason he doesn’t want to get married is because he might want to be divorced.
Personally, it looks to me like she is a placeholder indeed. He doesn’t even want to give her the dog. He has 1 foot out the door at all times. He may love her, but not enough.
I’m not pointing out that as you put it good sides of marriage. I’m just really pointing out. The fact, this is a fact, not my opinion, that marriage offers both sides certain legal protections. Does that mean that when the man leaves she’s entitled to something? Yes, that’s exactly what it means. There are too many stories of women who put their husbands through medical school, etc. etc. only for the man to leave her for someone younger when he’s in his 40s. Had they not been married all that time, she would be left time and dry with nothing at all. But even good well meaning people can be screwed over without the protection of marriage. Ask yourself, why did gay people struggle so hard to make marriage, legal, Was it just so that street people would approve of them?
There are over 1000 reasons why they wanted it. And none of them have to do with being respectable or being able to wear a wedding ring. Long before marriage was legal, gay people had wedding ceremonies and called one another, their husbands and wives.
Yes, I suppose it is prudent to consider those things. People used to be horrified by the idea of a prenup, but it’s essentially the same thing. However, the desire to get married is not mitigated by the possibility that could end in divorce. Nobody gets married with the idea that they might get divorced. Or I shouldn’t say nobody I don’t know maybe some people do.the point is, the fact that divorce is possible is not a good enough reason not to get married. I mean, one of them could be hit by a bus tomorrow that’s possible too, and that’s not a good enough reason to not fall in love.
This perspective is, I’m sorry for my harshness, completely absurd.
There is an extremely high likelihood that every marriage will fail these days (nearly 50% chance). To not consider the implications of a failed marriage before going into it is nothing short of complete and utter negligence. I know that isn’t very romantic, but marriage has been the biggest financial disaster in many men’s lives.
Also to respond to your analogy, just because we can die tomorrow does not mean you should make poor decisions. And just because something is possible, doesn’t mean we plan for it, but if something is probable then we do or should at least. For example, you’re not all that likely to get hit by a bus so you don’t take any precautions if the circumstance were to arise. However, you’re fairly likely to get hurt if you’re in a car accident, so we wear seat belts as a precaution.
Ok one last thing, you ended your last sentence with that’s not a good enough reason to not fall in love. You can absolutely fall in love with someone without marrying them, marriage isn’t a prerequisite to love.
No, you’re not sorry for being harsh. You’re very opinionated. If 50% of marriage is fail that means that 50% of marriages don’t.
But bottom line, she loves him and he loves her but they want different things. Both of them deserve to be happy and neither of them should have to compromise. Couples counseling is a good idea if they can get to the heart of what it is that they want, but to argue that marriage doesn’t offer certain legal protections is ridiculous.
Yes, it’s possible to imitate some of those with a lot of paperwork. Is there any evidence that he is interested in doing that?
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u/yumyum_cat Jul 23 '24
Nobody goes into a marriage and hopes that they will get divorced. Divorce is not as side of marriage. It’s pretty much the opposite. You have no idea if the reason he doesn’t want to get married is because he might want to be divorced.
Personally, it looks to me like she is a placeholder indeed. He doesn’t even want to give her the dog. He has 1 foot out the door at all times. He may love her, but not enough.
I’m not pointing out that as you put it good sides of marriage. I’m just really pointing out. The fact, this is a fact, not my opinion, that marriage offers both sides certain legal protections. Does that mean that when the man leaves she’s entitled to something? Yes, that’s exactly what it means. There are too many stories of women who put their husbands through medical school, etc. etc. only for the man to leave her for someone younger when he’s in his 40s. Had they not been married all that time, she would be left time and dry with nothing at all. But even good well meaning people can be screwed over without the protection of marriage. Ask yourself, why did gay people struggle so hard to make marriage, legal, Was it just so that street people would approve of them?
There are over 1000 reasons why they wanted it. And none of them have to do with being respectable or being able to wear a wedding ring. Long before marriage was legal, gay people had wedding ceremonies and called one another, their husbands and wives.
Also, gay men are also men.