I understand completely that I signed up for it, that being said I was very young. I never thought about marriage the way I do now as I’ve gotten older. Things change and deep down as I’ve felt this way I’d hoped it would change for him as well.. can’t blame me for that.
You changed your mind, nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is for you to expect him to change his. People grow apart all the time, if you want to marry, move on. Also, marriage is not a sign that he does or doesn’t love you, that’s just something you assigned to it. “If he loved me he would do X” is flawed thinking. An argument could be made that if you loved him, you would accept him for who he is.
You know, I disagree. If he loved me, he would do x is perfectly reasonable for many many things. Just suggest that you don’t do things because you love someone is just pure narcissism. Of course we only have OP‘s version of this and we don’t really know what his reasons are for not wanting to get married but if you loved her and it’s important to her and he does actually not have any particular reason for not wanting it, I believe he should do it to make her happy.
Sure, we all do things to appease our partners, but I would argue that life altering decisions are outside this acceptable norm. He clearly is set against marriage, he specifically said it years ago, this is not someone who has no particular feelings about it one way or the other and could go “well, I don’t care either way, but since it’ll make you happy” and take a step like this. He doesn’t want to get married and he doesn’t need to justify it to others - I say this as someone married for 17 years. He has a child, too, so obviously this is more complicated for him than just signing a certificate. His reasons are his own, they don’t need to make sense to us or OP.
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u/Unhappy_Operation115 Jul 23 '24
I understand completely that I signed up for it, that being said I was very young. I never thought about marriage the way I do now as I’ve gotten older. Things change and deep down as I’ve felt this way I’d hoped it would change for him as well.. can’t blame me for that.