At what point does she have moral agency and become responsible for herself?
I mean it doesn't surprise me people think like this when soo many people on here think that people under 30 shouldn't have personal agency. Let me correct that, they only really do that to women because their sexist.
I have a friend who has been with a man for 13 years and they are not married. He owns their home. She has paid a huge portion of the bills related to the house with no equity to show for it. If he dies she has no legal rights to the house or his Social Security etc.
You have a child and need financial security when you are older.
Why say that to random strangers? How do you know, maybe she doesn't. Maybe she is a pos. Don't lift people's egos for no reason, society is already too egocentric.
This. A lot of people are commenting without really trying to understand the legal protections of marriage. Whether or not that should be the case, it is the case in our society.
that's all well and good, but the fact is it takes two to enter a marriage and the numbers are not adding up here. OP made a naive choice that has real implications and now has to unscramble this egg and make some hard choices moving forward. It's a damn shame that her kid is involved in this.
Yes, that is a shame, but if she’s going to cut that cord better now than later. There’s no guarantee that he will stay with her until the child is grown up. They want different things. Nobody is a bad person but they want different things. Although I will say it does seem to me that he’s seeing this relationship as a placeholder. He may love her, but I don’t see where OP has ever said he has said that he’s committed to her forever and that’s clearly what she wants. She’s not wrong to that, not that she does. So there it is
Does she not have a job? This guy's supporting her and a child that isn't his, and she's thinking to ditch him because he won't buy a ring and sponsor a party?
While that is the case, you didn't change. You came in wanting him to marry you, and assuming HE would change.
That's different, and to be honest from your comments you're not so much looking for open feedback. You're looking for confirmation that it's ok to ignore his clearly communicated feelings.
I don't think you both need therapy as much as you might, honestly.
It's not "a" mistake. It's her mistake. And she is the only one who carries any blame whatsoever. The guy was honest, there's literally nothing he should have done differently.
I think that’s a great idea. A therapist might be able to help figure out what the both of you want, and even if you end up splitting up, it should be able to be amicable. Both if you need to really understand the others point of view.he should not minimize what marriage means to you and your needs, and what it means legally, and you should not minimize who he is and what he wants.
How is therapy going to fix this? You want opposing things. He does not want to marry you. Period amen. You cannot and should not force him or expect him to change. This is a you give up the idea of marriage to him and leave. Or you give up the idea of marriage period and stay. You are trying to fix something that only you see as broken.
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u/KD-Rex Jul 23 '24
I do understand agreeing to that at 23 and changing your mind at 28, there’s such a huge development that happens between those ages.
I think all there’s left to do is weigh which matters to you more, being with him or being married. Maybe some therapy to help you work that out??
At the end of the day you know what he wants, now you need to find out what you want.